Willing and Able-Jack Abbot (1)
summary ! Cassandra has been through the worst years of her life working as a charge nurse at PTMC, she’s in the most toxic relationship she has ever been in. The only one willing and able to save her, is Jack.
warnings ! 18+MDNI! Fluff, angst, sexual tension, kissing, vile language, pining, emotional distress. Mentions of patient illness, dying, GSW, blood. Mentions of domestic violence, mentions of bruising, and hitting.
part-2. alanas-masterlist
I was standing in the bathroom mirror applying foundation to my neck. The slight shape of fingers disappeared under the foundation that matched my skin perfectly. I was in my scrubs, my other hand gripping the bathroom counter so hard my knuckles turned white. When I finished blotting the foundation on my neck I put my brown curls into a low bun, not bothering to make it look perfect. I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes red and puffy as I thought back to the time he first hit me.
The sunlight crept in from the white linen curtains as I sat on the couch, wine glass in my hand. I was still in my scrubs coming down from an exhausting night. That’s when I heard the bedroom door open. I shifted turning my head to see Matt in sweatpants-no shirt, hair messy from sleep. What version of my boyfriend was I gonna get this morning?
“You weren’t gonna wake me up?” He says harshly. So that’s what version-i thought to myself as the anger crept up my neck.
“I figured I’d just let you sleep.” I said my voice small, as he shook his head walking over to the kitchen.
“Yeah whatever.” He breathed out as I stood up heading towards the kitchen. “God forbid you give your boyfriend attention”
“What do you mean “Whatever” Matt, I figured I would let you sleep in and not bother you-“ i said my tone slightly raised as I set my wine glass in the sink, turning around facing him with my arms crossed over my chest.
“Yeah-right sorry, since you’re a fucking doctor I guess the excuses slide.” He spit out.
“Im not doing this with you, I’m exhausted, I don’t have time for this.” I said as I tried to walk past him but he grabbed my arm-hard.
“Don’t walk away from me.” He said, he was towering over me and all I could do was scoff.
“You’re just mad because while I’m actually saving fucking lives, you’re sitting in an office being someone’s bitch!” I yelled. Before i could even blink, his hand collided with my cheek, hard and loud.
I got pulled out of my thoughts when I heard a voice from behind the bathroom door.
“You going to work or not?” He says as I roll my eyes to myself, I smoothed my scrub top as I opened the door. He took in the sight of me-frail, beaten, and weak as he looked almost satisfied.
“Yeah, Im heading out now.” I said my voice soft and careful. He shook his head walking away.
I got out of the bathroom and grabbed my work bag as I slipped on my shoes. I picked up my keys from the ceramic bowl sitting on a small table. He was seated on the couch with a drink in his hands as I looked at him from the front door.
“I’ll be home in the morning, I love you.” I said with a weak smile. He didn’t say anything, just shook his head. With that-i opened the front door as I stepped out, closing it behind me.
When I finally made it to work, I wiped my eyes as I went in through the ambulance bay. It was quieter than normal. I stood at the doors hesitating, I was scared. Scared that someone might get to close and see my neck, scared that Abbot would notice something’s wrong. When I finally made it inside, the harsh lights quickly beaming through my eyes as Dana looked at me from the nurses station. I walked up to her, she didn’t say anything, it’s like she could tell I wasn’t okay.
“Here to release you of your duties.” I said with a weak smile as she had her bag over her shoulder.
“Thank god you’re here, honestly I thought I just might kill Robby.” She huffs out.
“Is this about his sabbatical?” I asked putting my bag under the desk.
“I mean he practically got some kinda death wish” She said as she grabbed her coat off the back of the chair clutching it to her side.
“I’ll see if Jack can talk some sense into him, no promises-you know how they are.” I said with a small laugh as I gave her a small hug.
“You okay hon?” She asked pulling awake taking a look at me.
“Im fine, I’ll be fine..Now go, get some rest, I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.” With that she waved turning around to leave.
I was sorting through papers and organizing the station to keep my sanity. I picked up a chart, a girl in her late teens, overdose, laceration on her left, no psych evaluation. I groaned rubbing my tremble when I heard Dr. Ellis chirp up from behind me.
“Hey you need to talk to Abbot, he said something about Robby and then I kind of just stopped listening.” She said leaning over the counter.
“Okay I’ll find him in a sec-where the hell is Shen?” I asked whiling my head around, there was no sign of him.
“He called out, fever or something, but-“ before she cold finish I cut her off.
“Room Seven needs a psych eval and her the laceration to her left side is bothering her, check that for me will ya?” I said patting her shoulder as I handed her the paper, walking off before she could argue.
There was one place I knew I would find him after checking all the rooms-the roof. I treaded up the stairs, the farther I got, the more my skin grew cold. When I finally reached the access door, I opened it stepping out. He was standing on the other side of the railing, his stethoscope hanging next to him on the silver rail. His hands were in his pockets, he didn’t turn to look at me. I walked out, the door closing harsh behind me.
“If you jump on my shift that’s just tactless Abbot.” I said, I was standing next to the railing, the cold air sending shivers up my spine. I could see the side of his face, where the small lines met his eyes and his lips pursed together like talking would hurt him.
“Robby’s gonna die out there.” He chokes out. That alone made my heart falter.
“He’s not, he needs time Jack. Time to figure out how to be alone, you can’t do that for him. Only he can.” I responded as he let out a shaken breath.
“I know-but what the hell else am I supposed to do Cass? Watch him run himself into the ground?” He stated as my hand instinctively went to his back. My touch was gentle, warm, I could feel the way his muscles relaxed at my touch. That made my stomach flip, it shouldn’t have. But it did.
“No, you can be there for him. Actually show up for him and prove that he’s worth caring for, instead of being a martyr trying to play hero and protect him from himself.” I said softly, my hand rubbing circles on his back.
“You’re right.” He huffed out shaking his head. “I know. Always am..” I chirped out, the sides of my mouth lifting ever so lightly.
“Now can you come on the safe side of the railing-you’re scaring me to death here.” I asked taking a small step back as he turned around. He looked tired, more tired than normal. He ducked under the railing grabbing his stethoscope, placing it around his neck. Before I could say anything, he put his arms around me. His head resting in the crook of my neck as I wrapped my arms around his back.
“Give it time..” I whispered.
It had been hours since Jack and I got the time to talk, let alone breathe. I received a call about a male, 32, GSW to his abdomen. Ellis, Crus, and Mateo were all tied up with patients so that left Jack, two med students an I to take care of this. I immediately started prepping Trauma One, grabbing gloves as i slipped them on. I grabbed the crash cart when EMS wheeled the man into the room. Everything was happening so fast and I wasn’t present enough to do this.
“Get out of your head Cass.” Jack said as he hooked an IV into the man’s arm carefully.
“Trying to.” I muttered as I started to unpack gauze as I pressed against the wound.
“Airway isn’t clear I can’t intubate-“ The MS3 said as her hands shook against the tube. Before I could tell her anything Jack instructed her to put the tube down.
“Cass, get me a scalpel and a cuff I’m doing a tracheotomy.” He muttered. My hands moved to fast-I grabbed the scalpel but it slipped out of my hand hitting the floor. The room stilled as I didn’t even bother to pick it up, trying to grab a new one he stopped me.
“If you can’t be present enough to not fuck up, either fix it, or go get someone else who is ill equipped.” He spit out not even bothering to look at me. For a second I was too stunned to speak, I quickly nodded discarding my gloves as I walked out on the verge of tears. I went to find Ellis quickly as everything blurred around me, my ears ringing.
When they saved the man’s life, I watched from the nurses station while I fixed patient documents. I had pushed the feeling down, telling myself it’s just been a hard day for everyone. When he came out of the trauma room he didn’t even look at me as my eyes followed him across central watching him disappear into a patients room. I felt sick to my stomach, that’s never happened before, I mean I’ve dropped a shit ton of sterile supplies in my time, but Jack Abbot has never yelled at me like that or degraded my skills. It was exactly seven o’clock when day shift started trickling in.
I was tired, and worn down. I had lost a pediatric patient. It took a toll on the whole night. Not only that but my mind was replaying what he said to me, over and over again until Robby pulled me out of my thoughts to do rounds with him and Dana. After we finished i asked to talk to Robby in empty room. I was standing opposite to him as I clothed a clipboard to my chest.
“I heard of this sabbatical, Jacks worried, which makes me think I should be worried. Dana’s scared out of her mind, she said you-“ He cut me off.
“If this is some kind of intervention I’m fine Cassandra.” He said sharply as I shook my head.
“No, people are worried about you-including me. You need to talk to Jack, he thinks you aren’t coming back. It’s tearing him up Micheal.” My voice was hushed as if speaking it into existence would only make him feel worse.
“I’ll talk to him but I’m still going.” He said turning on his feet exiting the room before I could say anything else.
The moment he left I broke down in tears, not loud or dramatic. Just quiet and calm, it felt like no matter what I did or said everything came crashing down on me. My mind started to race about Matt and how cruel he’d be the second I got home, about how I fucked up and Jack yelled at me, about how I lost an eight year old because their parents were to goddamn shallow to vaccinate him. I was pulled out of my thoughts when the door opened. It was Jack, he immediately frowned as I quickly wiped my tears.
“Out-get out” I said pointing to the door not bothering to talk.
“I was just coming to say sor-“ I cut him off immediately, my hand shaking in the air to stop him.
“It’s fine, you were right, he would’ve died if I didn’t get Ellis, I wasn’t present when I needed to be I get it. I don’t need the apology or pity.” I said standing up placing my clipboard in his hand. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m tired and need to go the hell home.” I muttered moving past him and out of the room.
I had the next day off, it was eight o’clock and Matt was at work, I had nothing to do until Trinity texted me.
trin: hey, some of day shift and night are at the bar on 3rd st if you wanna join! I miss ur face :(
me: yeah sure, I’ll be there in 10.
I got up from the couch making my way to my room, I searched my closet for a modest outfit. I grabbed jeans that fit me perfectly and a small red halter top. I put the outfit on looking at myself in the mirror, I looked fine to the sore eye. I quickly put on small black kitten heels and grabbed my purse as I unlocked my phone texting Matt.
me: hey, i’m going to the bar for a little, trinity is there and I’m sure some of the other girls.
boyf 💗: that’s fine, be home before one. don’t drink.
I rolled my eyes shoving my phone in my purse as I headed out of the apartment building. The bar wasn’t far from my place, it was the usual spot most of us would go to unwind after a hectic day or night. The sun had already gone down, it was cold, not cold enough for me to bring a coat. When I finally walked in, I immediately spotted Trinity, Javadi, Ellis, and Samaria all sitting next to each other. On the other side was Frank, Mateo, Shen and Jack..
My heart faltered when I saw him, I was still pissed at him and yesterday in general. He glanced at me not saying anything. That’s when I felt an hand on my arm.
“Let’s get you a drink you look frazzled.” Trinity said pulling me to the bar.
“Is it that obvious?” I asked. She didn’t reply to that, just told the bartender to get us four shots and two martinis.
“Take these with me and then I’ll leave you alone” She said handing me the shot glasses.
“I doubt that but fine..” I downed it quickly the liquid burning my throat as my face turned into a sour expression. We downed the second one quickly as I nearly died from the burning. She looked the same as she handed me the martini glass.
“Fuck I hate vodka” She whispered as we walked back over to the table. She slid into the booth and motioned me to sit so I did. But I could feel his eyes on me. I didn’t look at him, my eyes remained on my drink as Frank pulled me out of my thoughts.
“So you gonna fill in for Dana when she takes leave on day shift?” He asked.
“I don’t know if I can handle day shift right now-that takes another level of responsibility, I don’t know how the hell Dana does it. I told her I’d do it just for her sake.” I laughed taking a sip of my drink. I was starting to feel warmer.
“Dude Cass, if you leave us imma be pissed-“ Ellis said from the far side of the booth.
“That’s dramatic Parker.” I scoffed.
“She’s right.” Jack muttered. I looked over at him, he was staring down at the drink in his hand. That’s when my mind thought of what he said. If you can’t be present enough to not fuck up, either fix it, or go get someone else who is ill equipped. I felt the heat rush to my neck.
“Well I’m sure you could find someone more ill equipped to cover for me” I spit out. The whole table went silent except for Samira saying-“damnn” under her breath.
I finished my martini quickly as I stood up smoothing my hands on my jeans.
“I’ll be back I need air..” I mutter as I grabbed my purse exiting the bar.
I leaned against the brick wall grabbing my pack of cigarettes and a lighter from my purse as I lit it, slowly inhaling. The door to the bar opened and I figured it was Trinity.
“Trin I just need air, not more alcohol” I huffed out not bothering to look over.
“What the hell was that Cassandra.” He said harshly standing in front of me. My heart dropped to my stomach as I met his gaze. Not only was his tone harsh, he used my full name.
“You’re the one who’s mad?” I said rolling my eyes. “You called me out in front of med students and nurses who feed the drama mill-not only that but you yelled at me and then proceeded to degrade my responsibility as a nurse.” I was looking him dead in the eyes. My cigarette was forgotten about, now on the floor as I stepped on it.
“I tried to apologize but you pushed me away!” His voice was raised, he wasn’t yelling but it was close. His hands remained at his sides in fists. I noticed instantly.
“Because I don’t need your pity! You can’t agree with Parker about me leaving when you forced me out of a room because you thought I wasn’t competent!” I yelled taking a step closer to him backing off the wall. His eyes were on mine but slowly went to my neck-the same area where I had put foundation on. But from his expression it looked like I didn’t cover it enough. I immediately moved my hand over my neck, my gaze dropping to my heels.
“Move your hand.” He whispered taking a step closer.
“Move your hand. Now.” He said his hand in the air between us. I slowly moved my hand still not looking at him.
“It’s not what you think Jack…Matt was being rough when we were-“ I cut myself off, he didn’t need to know the rest of that sentence or the fact that I was lying through my teeth.
“He’s not hurting you is he?” He asked his thumb slowly touching the faint bruise.
“No, because if he was you’d kill him.” I whispered the corner of my mouth lifting slightly.
“Good..” His hand was still touching my neck when I finally looked at him.
“Listen-I’m sorry for being harsh, just with Robby leaving, Matt breathing down my neck, Gloria micromanaging me and you being on the brink of breaking just.. I’m so stressed out, and I’m worried about you more than anything.” I huffed out. It’s true, I’ve never got time i breathe. Not even if I’m home or in the bathroom. Im always thinking of others.
“You don’t have to worry about me Cass.” He said removing his hand from my neck.
“If I don’t who will..” My voice was shaking, I hated fighting with him. I hated more than anything seeing him hurt.
“It’s not your responsibility-Im not your responsibility Cass.” His eyes remained on mine-now glossy, my heart aching.
“It feels like it-you picking up SWAT as a hobby is a very obvious sign you need help but I don’t know how to do that and not come off as overbearing or annoying-“ He cut me off shaking his head. He wrapped his arms around me my head instinctively resting on his chest as I let out my tears my hands gripping his shirt. I wasn’t crying loud or dramatic, only loud enough for him to hear.
“Im not your problem to fix Cassandra..” The second he said that I detached myself from him wiping my eyes quickly, my hands going to his chest creating distance between us.
“Is that what you think this is Abbot?” I scoffed dropping my hands to my sides.
“I-i don’t know.” He said removing his hands from my waist as his knuckles tightened at his sides.
“If that’s what you think this is-then fine. I’ll stop caring.” I said as I shrugged, turning on my heels to go back inside the bar. He grabbed my arm spinning me back to face him, my back against the brick wall. His hand rested on my cheek as his other hand ran through my brown curls.
“I’m sorry…Fuck-I just..I don’t know how to accept the fact that you care about me.” He said softly as my hand rested on his wrist.
“You’d do the same for me.” I said with a weak smile.
“That’s different..I care about you in ways you couldn’t imagine.” He breathed out at the confession. My heart stilled.
“How’s it different Jack-“ I asked looking at his fragile expression. He didn’t say anything. I could feel his pulse in his wrist, fast, tachycardic. My eyes moved from his to his lips. He looked so hot under the soft lights of the bar outside. His hair was perfect, his hand running through my hair felt good. I wondered what it would feel like creeping into my pants. No-i thought to myself. I need him to say something, anything.
Before I could form another thought he leaned in his soft lips connecting with mine. My hands moved to his chest as I kissed him back. My body was moving against him wanting more. The heat crept up my spine as one of his hands gripped my waist-the other moving up my side. He backed me into the wall fully as his tongue explored my mouth. His hand slowly messaged my breast through the halter top as my mouth hung open slightly against his.
That’s when I realized what were actually doing..he’s my coworker, he’s my friend, he knows about my boyfriend. I pulled away with a small gasp as my hand shot up to cover my mouth.
“Are you okay? Shit-I’m sorry…I know that was fucked up.” He said looking at me confused and worried.
“I should go-“ I said not looking at him as I straightened myself up subconsciously.
“Cass…” He whispered placing his hand on my cheek forcing me to look at him.
“No-“ I said swatting his hand off of me. “I need to go, my boyfriend’s waiting for me at home.” I looked at him one last time. His lips were pink and swollen from mine, his chest was rising and falling too fast, and he looked on the brink of a breakdown. I didn’t say anything. I walked away, not saying bye to any of my friends inside or paying for my drinks. I left, walking alone in the cold and dark.
What the fuck did I just get myself into.
ugh I love Cass and I’m trying hard to do her justice, also the next part I’m hoping to get a little bit of Jacks pov in here 😋
all dividers made by- @cursed-carmine 💗
