August feels so cold and I find myself feeling more lonely than ever
To the point that I can only find the feeling of being in love from the songs I hear
It doesn't happen up until now and I can't seem to fathom why
Until I found myself imagining what I would've done differently if I'm allowed to
Time after time, I find myself thinking of what could've been
That if I chose to do things differently, express things differently
Would you happen to notice something, find it odd?
Would you react defensively, or would you allow me to do so freely?
You'd probably hate me if you find out about my regrets
Spending all that time for a God that moves mountains for anyone but me
I know you'd hate me since I was kind of the person who helped you in that regard
Yet, could you blame me for wanting something I only buried because I was perceived wrongly?
There are so many things I would've done in my own way
Too much even, and my mind can't imagine it all at once every night
Daydreaming as I go with my day, as if my dreams haven't had enough
It gets tiring, but it's like a broken record that's fixed to one verse only
I would've done everything differently, because I'd love to love you in some way
But even by just imagining it, I can't help but feel terrified
Because I know you wouldn't like me in the way I want you to
It's pathetically heartbreaking, but it's an unfair world after all
And just like that, it washed off everything that's been keeping me oddly sane
And maybe I'd rather be insane, delusional about how things were never real
How I was only being dramatic and that every fiber of my being is fake
Because it's easier that way, easier to think that I was only being foolish
Though, the fact that you have no way of knowing it all somehow brings comfort
You deserve an explanation, but this I could still live up with
I'd rather drown alone than let you know you're the water that's been choking me
It's better to not tell you, and let you think that it's merely nothing
All I wanted was to feel something real, or to find that I'm at least capable
But just like how it felt easy to dream of, it was easy to be broken down
With the realization that things would probably only change horribly
And that I'd only break what we had, worse than how I already did
