Just some grave news....
Today I had a blood hcg test, and got the worst news...I’m not pregnant. Now most of you will think, ‘Oh my God, you’re young and single, that should be some great news!’ But not for me, you see I want to have a child. And it’s not for the selfish reasons, (and this is very sad for me to say) I want to be able to show someone so much love that this hurts me so much. And you’re probably thinking ‘Oh, you will eventually get pregnant.” But that’s where this gets worse, I also found out that I basically can’t have any children of my own. I’m nearly 30 years old, and this hurts like you wouldn’t believe. I’m trying to get the grips of this. But it’s so hard when all of your friends and family are having little ones of their own and then have people look at you like ‘When are you going to have a few of your own?” All you can do then is just give them this blank stare, and try not to burst into tears. GOD, HOW I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!! Like I couldn’t hold myself together today at work. But hey I guess I will just focus on work, and I will be starting college soon so that will occupy A LOT of my time, which is what I need. I have been contemplating a few things, like donating my eggs, becoming celibate, not getting in a relationship, things so that if my menstrual cycle is off then I know that its just being irregular. So I can’t get that little glimmer of hope, of the possibility of me being pregnant, also getting a mental evaluation...because I so desperately need it. Anyway, I hope that i can get over this and maybe this would show someone that they are not alone. If you are going through this, feel free to comment or even shoot me a message. We all need the love and support.