How you feel is how you feel, and no one can dictate that to you no matter how hard he or she tries. Your heart is your own. Your spirit is your own. Your growth is your own.
“So victims can lose their families, their children, and are even threatened with their souls if they can’t find a way to forgive. Under such pressure, victims will give in and comply. They say they have forgiven when in their hearts they have not. They went along with what they thought would be an easier path only to find that they had made things more stressful. With time, they see that not only haven’t they forgiven, but now, they are trapped by their words. After all, they have said they forgave and were moving on. They are accused of dredging up the past should they speak out, so back to isolation they go. In these cases, victims have told me that they felt dirty after saying something that wasn’t true in order to smooth things over. They felt that they betrayed their true emotions, and saying the words made them fall into deeper depression.
Forgiveness comes from within. It is not something that can be forced. Either you can do it or you can’t. If you cannot, then don’t think that you are a bad person or that you failed in some way. In some cases, forgiveness is just not possible. You may learn not to despise the perpetrator, but saying you forgive can be hollow if that is not what you truly feel. Don’t give in to peer pressure. Don’t say you forgive someone when you don’t. It won’t make you feel better, and it won’t make your life easier. On the contrary, it is not about making your life easier when someone asks you to forgive. The purpose behind the question of forgiving is to make the person asking the question feel better.
For some, they want you to forgive because it will make family functions seem normal. Others will push it on you if your trauma is interfering in their lives. If you would just forgive, then life could get back to what it once was. Then there is always the unconscious desire to be forgiven. At some point in life, everyone makes mistakes, and we all want forgiveness. If we hear someone say that he can’t forgive, does that mean that we will not be forgiven if we make a mistake?
For some people, forgiving is a way of freeing themselves, and it acts as a catalyst for healing. They are able to honestly say and mean the words, and for them, this made their lives better. However, others can’t bring themselves to forgive as they don’t feel that it brings them any relief. Such people are being honest about their true feelings, and honesty in feeling is the best policy.”
@23ao
