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We will be monsters, alone in the world, but we will have each other.
Mary Shelley, Frankenstein. (via vitanteacta)
@jinseinoai
“I’m sorry …” Perhaps the words she should have said the first time she landed back in Seoul a couple months ago, the first time they’ve seen each other in a long time or more like the first time she had thought about him during her travels alone in some distant country where he could not reach her. Minkyung had forgotten the reason why she had ‘ran away’ the last time when she fled to Japan to be where she was most familiar with. Back then he had come for her, back then where they first exchange their words of fondness, back then when they realised they couldn’t be without one another. Now, time apart; did distance make their heart grew fonder or did it put a distance between these two beating hearts? “… for making you wait for so long.”
At the realisation that she had blurted out her words without any sort of greeting after being escorted to the table by the hostess, Minkyung’s cheeks flushed to a colour that had not graced her face in a while, bowing her head in a short yet respectful bow. She still held so much respect and admiration for the man in front of her, she just wondered if he still felt the same about her.
Swallowing the lump in her throat with much effort, she pulled the chair opposite of him and seated herself down. Her eyes struggled to meet him because she felt so ashamed of what she had done to him but soon enough her round doe eyes did settle on his face. Minkyung could definitely see him better in this lighting instead of the dim street lights that poorly lit the park. She just hoped he wouldn’t comment or show any concern about how awful she looked now. She did not deserve it.
“So … what is it you would like to discuss about?”
Picking up the tackles of heels and shoes against the strong floor, Yohan’s eyes instantly depart from the bright image of the street to the approaching people from the door. His heart skipped a beat, an intense shiver running down his spine, his lips tightens and dried almost instantly. It is as if the winter has frozen the time.
He could see her, vividly compare to before. Much realistic than those past weeks he’d drop by in front of her building, in hopes to have even the smallest glimpse. It is closer, much much closer than those nights he forced his self to sleep, so he could meet her in his dreams. How would he know if this is a reality? Even the piercing of his nails against his cold skin - the pain it serves - is not enough.
Definitely, Yohan has been staring at her for a long time. Although his ear glaze the sound of her soft voice, he still couldn’t snap off his daze. Only when she spill the last collection of her words that he sense he tug of his chest, breaking his gawk as he crash his eyes away.
He couldn’t speak. Even if he want to for the weight of his words might be too much for her. Afraid to what he’d done next - like the night very long before. When he arrived in this restaurant moments ago, he was certain of what he’d want to say, or do, or let her know. Now that they are face to face with each other, he began to question his sanity again. Is this the best thing to do?
Yohan cleared his throat, pulling the edge of his lips to form a small smile as he offers the seat to her. He briefly thanks the hostess with a single nod, before turning his focus to her. Oh how she’d changed so much. Physically wise, not too much, albeit he could sense more than what meets the eye.
“It’s been a while.” Finally, he spoke - successful to hide the quiver behind his throat. Yohan held the menu with both hands, after he offered one to her direction too. “You’re not in a hurry, aren’t you? We can dine first, and then we can... talk.”
@jinseinoai
Thankful for the fact that the taxi driver was not in the talking mood, Minkyung simply stared out of the taxi window, almost enchanted with Seoul’s city lights. Now that she realised it, she hadn’t been her usual chatty self, always trying to make small talk with her customers and even her employees which haven’t gone unnoticed to those she had worked closely with. Her manager has been trying to get ahold of her but to no avail, the older was only met with a message from the singer stating she needed more time to herself. But for how long does she want to be in this loneliness?
Paying the driver more than she should, perhaps a small sign of appreciation for the solitude he has given her as well as fulfilling her request to park a couple of stores away just so she could get some fresh air before meeting him. Minkyung needed the walk anyway to calm her nervous heart. It wasn’t the same sort of nervousness that she was accustomed to whenever she was to meet him, it’s not mixed with excitement nor she could feel the butterflies that were in the pit of her stomach; it’s more of the nervousness one would feel out of guilt. She deserved the guilt nevertheless.
Walking towards the restaurant seemed like forever yet throughout the months of her disappearance, she had visited numerous places; finally taking that solo trip she had wanted. And it was only when Minkyung noticed her reflection in the shop window was when her steps halted; she’s paler than usual and her healthy cheeks almost seemed deflated and sunken. She hadn’t realised how bad she had gotten. Regardless, she can’t run away now, she needed to see him. It was finally time, the closer she was to the restaurant till the warmth along with the hostess greeted her … she can’t bear delaying this any longer and with every step. He deserved better.
The loud ticking of the clock makes his chest crave in desperation for air. It raise and deflates in mere second with his lips slightly cracks open for air. His cold hands in tremble from nervousness grasped on the glass of water in such firm, lifting in minimal strength as he gulped in. The water didn’t do much; only to fill his lonely cage for a mere second before he could sense the emptiness again. The never ending void.
Yohan stared at the couple sitting a few feet away from his table. They chatter, they laugh. Their link hands, and beautiful grins reminds him of the being with Minkyung. Of what has drifted over the months. The music professor exhaled another cloud of despair, turning his head to the side, wiping the sad image of him with the busking city lights. It is growing dark, very very dark.
Waiting seems to be an endless taste of hell. He’d done it before. He’d done it again. Of what can halt this unforgiving habit, for now he is uncertain. But he shall wait, and wait and... probably wait more. As long as at the end of the infinite ticking sound is her.
@jinseinoai
Minkyung has come to the terms that their relationship had failed because of her. Maybe she had been so used to dealing with her problems by herself that she didn’t think of turning to him for support. But that was simply her selfless nature; she didn’t mind if others depended on her, in fact, she liked it when that happens but when it came to her and her problems, it was better to not be a burden to others. Now she realised how hard it was to simply open up.
Guessing where she needed to meet him, she slipped on her coat and got her bag over her shoulder. Once more, she was more than happy to close her lifeless apartment door behind her and venture into the cold city. At least the cold numbed her hence a sign that she was able to feel. The cold reminded her of the warmth she so dearly craved because right now, every time morning came and the sun took its place in the sky, it didn’t make her smile like she used to. How sad.
Looking back the past months, Yohan plucked the idea that it is not his fault that the relationship groomed for a long time didn’t work out. He thought that after all those days of waiting and believing, he is not in responsible to how their connection broke up. Minkyung left, without a word, leaving him in a limbo. It cracked his heart, and made him question everything. Yohan, more than the madness and angst, was lost. All along, he thought he’ll find his way with her. But giving all of his heart and soul to someone is a big mistake.
But regardless of that, Yohan realized that it is wrong to react in the language of violence. And perhaps the click of his palm on her cheeks that awful night is the last resort for their relationship. Too many regrets wrapped around his neck. Every second he thinks of it, the tighter the grip becomes, the more he cannot breath. Is this really what love taste like?
He sat alone by the corner of a restaurant, waiting for the maiden of the night to arrive. His shivering hands hidden under the cloth of the table, whilst his eyes focus only at the door, waiting for the bell to chime. When you gamble all of you in a game of love, you have to be prepared for the worst of it. Be brave and just roll the dice.
@jinseinoai
Minkyung would have guessed that they’ll bound to meet once more. There are just some scars that would never fade and for her case, it was the sting on her cheek along with an ache in her heart that she would suddenly feel whenever she thought about him, about that night. It was the price of their war and they’ve paid it with time. She couldn’t even recall if she cried that night. Perhaps she did, once she had gotten home. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. She’s not a coward … is she?
[ text ] i have the time. where?
It’s time for them to move along and there’s no point in beating around the bush. It’s time to fight her fears, they’re meant to go away eventually. Besides, the light might be gone between them, the light they once knew that existed within one another but the sun still rises the next day. They need to move along, it’s late. They’re awfully late.
Every second that passes without a breath, Yohan would question his own existence to whether this is the right thing to do. If asking for the doors to be open again, even for just a tiny creak, would offer then solitude and happiness, or will be the final wisp for an ending. He is drowning in fear, albeit true to his heart, he has to do it. To save his self. To save her, perhaps.
Yohan make use of the tremble of his fingers, tapping onto the mobile phone screen, and mixing the details to where they should meet. The same time, he could sense the turmoil in his chest, and the deep begging of his breath. Albeit he persist, cradle in the limited braveness has left in him, until he finally sent the respond.
[ text ] see you.
And now he waits. For another godforsaken second that felt like years. Whilst all the memories they had shared together. All the laughter and tears and pain, began to breath in front of his eyes.
Wrinkled fingers in clench with the cold mobile device; his eyes staring at the text message for all he know will never be receive. For the next seconds, he lost his heart deep in the abyss of fear and anxiety, albeit for the nth second, pulled it all up with great courage, and hope that it’ll be alright. Yohan geared his fingertips into tapping a respond, hurriedly pinning the send bottom, way before he change his mind again.
[ sms ] tonight, only if you have time. I will not encourage this, if you are busy.
A mouthful of exhale leaped from his dry mouth whilst the back of his head sinking on the cotton surface of his pillow. His trembling hands, ghost with past misfortune and regrets laid to cover his eyes whilst also rubbing the ache on his forehead. It’ll going to be a long night - but better long than idle, right?
( @jinseinoai )
Perhaps,
it can come to the point where the smallest pricks can make a heart bleed to death. A tiny wisp of exhale can suffocate pairs of lungs. Lingering thoughts of what ifs, and maybes can inhibit, and root deep in the mind. Sadness that once biggest nemesis, turned into a lover. Fear became a comrade, and hope melted into less. It does happen, quite possibly. For time is a mastermind, the leader of change.
As he stood in front of the mirror, recollecting that cold evening his unforgiving palm damped strong against that milky cheeks. The moment his fearful eyes muster the courage to look into those sad eyes. The very second he turned his back, and painfully walked away. It became apparent. It became clear. It became real. That everything will never be the same again.
No more little miss warm hands, grasping to make him feel less alone. No more blissful smile, and comforting melody, embracing them bodies as one. No more compassion, no more trust. In just a snap of a finger. A slap of a hand. Deep, carving, dagger down. No more, and just that.
Seconds became minutes, and minutes became hours. Hours withered into days, and days passed by into months.
Is it too late? Is it really too late - all he has to do is say good bye ?
Of what it seems to be an dark abyss of road is a figure of a man, abandoned and shivered within the light breeze of a cold. His dark eyes lingered into nothingness, as if a shimmer of warm light is cradling to be discovered. His hands enveloped in a wisp of tremble, ghosting of painful warmth from a silk flesh, whipped and mistreated. Regret stamped on his features until they turned dull, soon eaten by the silhouette of the night.
There is no denial, no horrid excuse to hurt another person, especially of what his heart called love. But the damage has been done. Rib cages had been ripped, and torn apart. Broken those hearts are, diving into the endless darkness of the night.
What have they become?
Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.
Barbara Kingsolver (via lapetitefleurcris)
when you dont know how to begin or end.
Baby, there's a shark in the water There's something underneath my bed Oh, please believe I said
Confess a dark, twisted, or otherwise sinful thought your muse has had about mine.
kiss , heat , to shimmer , soft , scarlet , bloom , pleasure , sunflower
bisou (kiss): what’s your favorite place to be kissed?
Lips and neck. Enough said.
chaleur (heat): what are your favorite kinks?
Awkwardly answered that.
chatoyer (to shimmer): what is sure to make you cry?
Animals, mostly dogs - dying in films.
doux (soft): where do you feel most safe?
In my house
écarlate (scarlet): is it easy to make you blush?
Say the most cheesy, or cringe worthy things, leaving me speechless.
floraison (bloom): do you believe in love?
I don’t, until now.
tournesol (sunflower): favorite flower?
Daisy
chaleur (heat)
chaleur (heat): what are your favorite kinks?
I am not a very sexual person, so I am blank on how to respond to this in full sense. I don’t think I ever had any intense or unusual preferences when it comes to these things. ( I’m a vanilla person, maybe?)
"It's not that easy, you know."
To be frank, Yohan completely knew that it won’t be piece of cake. He may not be able to accurately reciprocate the emotions and struggles that the young idol is facing at the moment, but somehow, he can relate to that. He did had a fair share of disappointments in life. As well as rejections, and crashed expectations. “But the deal here is that it is part of growing up.” He said, in a kinder way to comfort the young idol. “Take it this way instead. Would you rather give your dreams up, or push yourself harder. Be a brave man, aiming for your dreams?” It is easier said than done, but one must claim, and then jump to the first step.
❝ This just keeps gettin, better and better. ❞
“I’m very happy for you.” The older of the two musically inclined men uttered, pure with his honestly and delight for the younger. The road to success, especially in the field of entertainment is a huge deal, and considering the difficulties Taejoon had to go through in the past, it is mostly proud and joy that he feel for him. “There’s still a long way to go, but I believe in you.” He said, kindly and warm as he patted the younger man’s shoulder. “Goodluck, my friend.”
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