A place for my things

I'm no one special. But I have a lot of things in my head, that I have to put somewhere. I want to have a place for my things. I want this to be my place.

[levniyilmaz]

https://www.patreon.com/LevniYilmaz

[apatheticsmile-deactivated20160]

[riceisholy]

feelings for the past 5 years

[schnuet]

same here

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Things that help #08

Fresh air that already smells a bit like spring

Sunshine

Drinking tea from your favorite mug

Getting mail from a person you like

[rubyetc]

marks

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This is a wonderful piece of art made by the awesome rubyetc. I just love it, it's amazing! Check her out, she really does great stuff.

[schnuet]

Things I did #08

I have a new finished object to present: a pair of fingerless mitts I made as a birthday present for a very dear friend of mine. The pattern I used is the "Golden Eyelet Cable Mitts" (even though mine aren't golden), which you can find in the book "Sock Yarn One Skein Wonders".

I had great fun knitting this project. The pattern is clearly written and easy to memorize. And the result is just beautiful! Seriously, I was very sad that I couldn't just keep these mitts. I will definitely do another pair just for myself as soon as I find the time. So far this was one of my most favorite projects of all time.

Something I especially liked about this pattern is the construction of the thumb gusset. It flows very naturally out of the cables and looks just great. I hope I can show you what I mean in this picture:

And here are some more pictures of how the mitts look when worn:

[levniyilmaz]

New Video “EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT”

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This is the story of my life and a very accurate demonstration of how my mind works.

[schnuet]

Things I did #07

I thought I would share some of my latest manicures. I've been kind of lazy with that, partially because I thought they weren't any good and nobody would be interested in this. But then again, it's at least something kind of positive that I did for myself, so maybe I should put it up here...

At first, some sparkle (I actually liked that one):

A half moon mani that looked waayyy better in my head:

Some dots and a heart (there's a reason I'm only showing my left hand :P):

And some blue sparkle stuff, that didn't really work out the way I wanted, but I'm too lazy to redo it:

[schnuet]

Things that hurt #22

I want to wake up. I want to get out of this sick, grey mist my depression put me in. I want to run away. I want to be someone else. I want to go through a day without suicide on my mind. I want to be different. I want it to stop.

I feel empty. And I feel too full. I feel lost and I feel scared. I feel like my brain has stopped working for the past 2 years. I feel nothing. I feel everything at once. I feel like I don't know what I feel. I feel like I should kill myself.

I can't see a future. I can't stop thinking. I can't tell what's true und what's not. I can't remember when was the last time I was happy. I can't feel who I used to be.

I don't know why. Or how. Or what. I don't know.

I don't know how to go on.

[schnuet]

Things that help #05

Crying until you are empty

Hiding in a big pile of pillows and blankets

Really warm socks

[depressioncomix]

depression comix - 220 - View Site - View Patreon

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So accurate that it hurts.

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Things I did #06

For last year's Christmas I was gifted the pattern book Sock Yarn One-Skein Wonders by Judith Durant. I really like it and I had a hard time deciding which project to do first.

My choice finally fell on the Woven Fingerless Gloves, which were designed by Laura Eckel. I thoroughly enjoyed knitting this pattern. It was interesting enough to be really fun, but at the same time it wasn't so complicated that I had to concentrate all the time. A lot of my projects that involve tons of tiny cables and stuff are currently hibernating because my concentrations is so bad right now. But the gloves were awesome to do and I am so pleased with the result! I'm pretty sure this is a pattern I will do again in the future. Here are some photos:

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Things I did #05

I wanted do show off my recent manicure. I don't know why I decided to go all girlie on this one, but this is what happened. So there you go.

[rubyetc]

them blinds

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What my life looked like for the past year. Or maybe even longer. I don't know. I think I'm starting to feel oozy again.

[schnuet]

Things that help #04

Trying to remember the following as if my life's depending on it:

[rubyetc]

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Another piece of rubyetc that perfectly describes how I feel right now. She sure knows how to capture these things.

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"I've been believing in something so distant As if I was human And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness In me, in me

All the promises I made Just to let you down You believed in me, but I broke it

I have nothing left And all I feel is this cruel wanting We've been falling for all this time And now I'm lost in paradise"

Evanescene - Lost In Paradise