Im being a hater; 'Im so glad my indie comic that has one chapter has a supportive fanbase, imagine if i was a big name' Brother you have 4 pages of art for your comic posted publicly. There is barely any bones here man like.
Mental planning a conic abt being obsessive over people and shit, and was like yea ykbow i have been doing better and hacent spiraled in 2 months and while its such a short time im sure its a good change
And then spent this morning going through someones archive. I got 200 pages deep before i fuckin. Snapped out of that shit. Doomscrollin type shit on things i dont care about. I need better ways to handle it.
Good thing is though I recognised that i was doing it again. Peace and love on planet earth.
Sex pollen dork squad with k4iba bc i have been thinking abt it all day
Gettin trapped in a room with no way out & bein fine but annoyed about the time they gotta spend together, but its cool we're all friends. There's meals and shit. A secondary room with a toilet stall or smthn. Not much privacy but whatever.
And then the fuckin pollen hits. Sent with the food. New flower. Sniff it? Smells bad. Anzu puts her nose in it. Passes it to yugi. Yea it smells bad. Puts it down.
Scents fillin the room but its not overpowerin. Just kinda there.
Anzu's jackin it while everyone sleeps. Needed an outlet. She can be quiet. She's good at takin care of herself.
Joey openly says hes gonna go bust a nut. No shame. Doesnt care.
Yugi is a mess. Pretty obvious but wont say whats up. Avoiding everyone, flushed, curling on himself.
Joey's the one who forces him to open up and he loses it. Its so humiliating. Bein man handled shouldnt make him cry like that. An the leather pants dont help.
Tristan is putting up a flimsy facade about it. He can keep his cool a bit better. But its not much. Refuses to do anything or mention it.
Not like theres any privacy. Could go near the toilet if he was that desperate but its kinda gross to do that. How desperate was he anyway. Not that much. Not yet.
Sleepin again. No ones sleepin. Its a quiet shared jerk off session. No one wants to admit it though. Kaibas mad that everyones keepin him up.
Of course kaiba keeps composure. What would it take to get him to snap?
Day 3. Its still bad. Everyones down bad. Not fair that kaiba keeps his cool. Maybe he should also be forced into this.
Maybe a game.
A card game. Shadow game.
Yami's put a fuckin shadow vibrator up his and kaibas ass. First one to 0 life points loses. The more life points you lose, the faster it runs.
The fuck kind of game is this?
One i intend to win.
He does. Destroys kaiba with multiple setups in pretty quick succession. Both of them collapse. Yugi's gone from being edged the whole game. Kaibas flushed and upset his clothes has been soiled. The gang? Shocked. The fuck happened in the purple realm.
And god damnit they get privacy for the duration of it and not any other time? Ridiculous!
At some point anzu ponies up and holds yugi. Put his head in her chest. Pet his hair.
She wants something. And yami would be the best, but she'll take yugi too. Whatever helps curb it all.
Yami's a mess. He's surprisingly insecure and easy to dominate. Doesnt want to hurt her, he says. Doesnt know what he likes. Yugi knows what he wants though. And the back and forth of pitiful whining and groping just makes it. Kinda cute.
Maybe if it was different.
The physical side of things definitely helps. Heads are clearer. Shame is kicking in stronger. Eyes on them.
Joey is definitely not interested in men. Find it out pretty quickly. Tristan is somewhat into it. Blames it on just needing a second hand than anything.
Breaking kaiba was the highlight for yami. Having that spindly asshole bent over in front of him, unable to form words. Not fighting back. Being watched by everyone as his rival runs him into the ground.
When the door finally opens, no one wants to talk about it. What happened doesnt leave the room.
I will not stalk the blog. Stalking the blog is the promise-killer ( remembers that meme format sparked this whole thing ) i mean i've been doing so well in not breaking my streak and i deserve a treat for it ( remembers i have to spend money and find something to celebrate ) i'm gonna kill myself ( remembers duo sees all my blogs ) Cold weather today aint it?
I dont believe that the world i inhabit is real. I have a hard time differentiating what is fake and what is real. I as the conscious do not feel real.
- Hallucinations
I keep seeing shit move around me, with nothing there. This is largely black shapes. I worry that it will escalate. / I hear shit that isn’t there. I hear people speaking, but not what they are saying. Sometimes my name is called.
- Memory loss
I have trouble with remembering things that happen. I have to try incredibly hard to recall things, as most seems to ‘fall out of my head’.
- Eating disorder
I dont eat. I dont want to eat. I eat regardless because i know i must do so. I do not like eating.
Things that may be triggering these:
Monoxide poisoning - I have a kerosene heater and it gives off monoxide. Because my room is not ventilated, i may be experiencing side effects.
Changed name. Makes sense. Blocked me - understood.
'I dont feel safe' - Thats understandable. the damage has been done and there's nothing i can do but keep marching and not make the same mistake.
- I will never let this go - Okay. If that what makes you feel better. I appreciate you keeping it to this.
- I have been working hard on myself. I have been keepin my promise. I saw the url and i was so confused on who the fuck it was. Tumblr gave an error. Went looking. Whatever. Its farmer over the fence i guess. See the shadow know whos it is, turn back inside the house.
I dont know. Theres no way to like. Reduce the harm. Its been done. I understand that. I dont think youre invalid for the reaction. Theres a lot i disagree with in how shit has happened but yknow. Live and move on.
Its crazy they let you fuck someones life up so irreparably and let you still be a person.
Now that i know for sure my main is being checked somewhat regularly, i feel like being vocal. Maybe i can scare off the person by complaining about blood or something.
It was a big thing for me, being stalked.
And as someone who does the stalking too. I dont know. Its good to be aware of. I just havemt shut up on main now.
I want to be social i want to keep friends i feel like everyone fucking ignoring me politely or shittalking me behind my back its fucking isolating Theres a discord everyones in apparently but im not there They watched stuff together but im not there Is it a clash is it something i did Am i just fucking spiraling.
I feel excluded.
I feel like im being fucking annoying just talking.
No one has reached out to me. I always gotta be the fuckin first.
I try to share the same shit and get barely anything. It breaks my fuckin heart.
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