Yesterday, I decided to give myself a present for my birthday (October 18) by posting a personal appeal video to every single person who posted Happy Birthday wishes on my Facebook wall - as well as my 2000 email friends and subscribers - letting them know that what I want most for my birthday is the opportunity to help someone in “need” for free. It was touching for me to realize that if I could have any gift in the world, more than money, I would want to make a difference for another. I don’t share this to brag about how great I am. I already know that. I am just so profoundly grateful for the human spirit - for the love in all of us.
Below is one of the email responses to that video. I’m certain when you read her story you will understand why I have chosen her to be the recipient of my Pro-Bono services. She is having her first four hour session with me this Monday.
“As far as I can remember, I have been neglected.
My father an angry alcoholic, passed away when I was young. He was only 38 and had a double stroke. When he died, so did my childhood. I was left to care for my sick and prescription pill addicted mother who was always on and off battling some kind of sickness, which became my problem.
When my mother was in the hospital, I was left in the care of her friends 19 year old son. He introduced me to two things. Sex and cocaine. I was 11. By 13 we had moved away to the backwoods of northern Ontario.
At 13 and a half, I was pregnant and of course drunk all the time, or high from whatever I could find. The child’s father had been my molesters younger brother. We bonded over the fact that their father had abused them. He listened and respected me. My mother had him put in jail. He was 20. I had lost the only person who had loved me since my father. My mother then told me that I had two choices. Abortion or boot camp. I opted for the abortion. That year was a blur.
I ended up @ Oakwood house serving 6 months mandatory. Nobody visited me, I no longer existed, maybe I never had.
My release day, I was released into my mother’s care. The following month I got arrested again, for theft of a ham. My mother had a habit of locking the fridge, so when I broke the lock, she called he police. That case was dismissed after 3 more months @ Oakwood house. By that time I was 15 turning 16. Went home, was left there for 6 weeks, had to kill some of the animals on our farm in order to get by. My probation officer came to the house and found me there in that condition. CAS was called and I was moved. My mother had me back in three weeks.
Then I tried to kill myself, ended up throwing up and sleeping, waking up soaked in my own feces, urine and vomit. My mother was nowhere in sight again, so I made a run for it. I got to Scarborough. Then I was ordered back to my mothers care because that’s what the conditions of my release were.
I started harvesting a local marijuana crop we had found. That got me enough money to take off for a longer period of time. That time nobody wanted me back and I was happily getting settled in Scarborough (Toronto).
With the city came an endless amounts of drugs and alcohol, sex, men. Opportunities as I saw it. 16 was a hard year because I took bad drugs landing me in St.Mikes Hospital. After that I swore no more hard drugs, just weed. That did stick for awhile. I guess until I realized I could drink away all my problems and get it for free from men. I did it all and all of it did me.
At 17 I got pregnant again and had my son. Unfortunately, I didn’t know I was pregnant until 14 weeks so I drank on the weekends. My son was born in August of that year and then I had a new purpose. My son has severe ADHD.
I went back to school and they helped me get into counseling. By 18 I had met the time allowances for attending this particular school, so it was time to move on. I had also stopped drinking and smoking weed.
I threatened to commit suicide that year while in a counselling session and that got me onto Lithium. 6 months went by in a blur. I stopped lithium on my own and started eating. And stealing food. And hoarding food. It is compulsive. I was Depressed, angry, bitter,had no direction.
After about 3 years of my crazy behaviour with eating, my son had to leave me. I started over. I thought I was doing well and I was able to take care of my son. I had a full time job and my own place. Old habits die hard though. I was almost 21 and 280 LBS.
Always looking for love in the wrong places and of course finding them! After about a year of this I got into a relationship with a man who accepts all my crazy behaviour. That’s a hard thing though. Now I’m 400 lbs. I hate me, resent my son, have no real relationships, steal food, hoard food until it spoils and my boyfriend throws it out. I’ve lost myself and wonder if I ever really had a self to lose.
I want greatness. I have a lot of potential but am in a perpetual sense of check mate with my addiction. Please help me or please let me know where I can go for help. I can’t live much longer like this.
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