Opposites Attract; Part 9
"I had to, bro! She was hurting! Do you seriously have no idea how much pain you've caused her over the past God knows how many years?!" Shannon shouted from his seat on the sofa while I sat there, quickly switching my gaze from the furious face of Jared to the desperate expression that smothered Shannon's features.
"Oh, and you didn't think that maybe I should be the one to tell her, huh? You just jump straight in there and blurt it out the second you get the chance!" Jared replied. He was shouting too. But then again, I guess he had a reason to be angry.
"Oh, come on! We both know you were never going to tell her! You're too much of a fucking pussy to do something as brave as show some fucking emotion!" I was in too much of a daze to fully take in what the brothers were shouting about, although I knew they were both angry, both fighting. Over me. I sat there, my mind ticking in over drive. What was happening?
"What was I meant to do, Shannon! I thought she was over me! I didn't want to fuck things up again by telling her that I..." Jared trailed off almost nervously. Almost like he was scared to admit what Shannon had already put out there. It was no secret anymore, but still the words wouldn't fall from Jared's lips. And until they did, I refused to believe it.
"That you what, Jared?! Even now, when she knows you're too much of a pussy to say it out loud!" Shannon echoed my sub-conscious thoughts. I caught myself wanting to smile, but this was no time to be smiling.
"That I fucking love her, alright! I fucking love her so much it hurts!" Jared screamed. Although most of what was being said was jumbling itself up in my mind, I took that part in loud and clear.
"Shannon?" I whispered, feeling the need to interrupt before punches were thrown. The brothers stopped their argument to both look at me. I could feel their expressions softening as they glanced in my direction. "Can you give me and Jay a few minutes alone please?"
Shannon nodded and stood, glaring at Jared as he kissed my forehead. He quietly left my apartment and closed the door behind him. The room was filled with an awkward silence as Jared and I looked anywhere but at each other. I couldn't help but think of how childish it was.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked eventually. He sighed and sat down next to me, looking down at the floor, his hands clasped together in his lap.
"I thought you were over me," he said slowly. His voiced oozed with uncertainty, his eyes darting about. He was lying.
"You knew I wasn't," I replied.
"I didn't want to hurt you," he tried again.
"No, it's the truth." he lifted his head and looked me in the eye. I knew that, for once, he was telling me the total truth. The expression in his eyes, the sincerity of his face, the innocence in his voice. My heart melted. "I never stopped loving you, Maddie. When we were young, I was head over heels for you. I broke up with you, not because I didn't love you, because I was an idiot. Because of the band. We were about to start travelling the country, we were going to start playing shows. We were going to make a record. We were about to get signed. You know how long I was away. How long we were locked in that studio. I thought that I'd never get to see you any more, and I was right about that. We were lucky if we saw each other once a month. You were in your last year of college and you were doing so well. I didn't want to leave you behind, wondering what I was doing, doubting, second guessing. You know how I was back then. I didn't know if I would have been able to keep it in my pants. I didn't want to chance it. I was scared I'd do something so stupid I'd damage you for good. I didn't want to hurt you. So I ended it. I swear to God, I'd never felt so fucking low. I set out to protect you and I ended up hurting you anyway. And you know what? I didn't sleep with a single girl. I felt so stupid for letting you go, but I couldn't ask you to take me back. I knew how much I hurt you by letting you go the first time. You tried to hide it, but I could see the pain in your eyes..."
"So you asked me to be your fuck buddy instead," I croaked. I hadn't realised I'd been crying. Jared nodded sadly and wiped my eyes.
"I'll be the first to admit it was the stupidest decision I'd ever made. I couldn't tell you how I really felt because when we spoke on the phone as friends, I honestly thought you were over me. But when we spoke face-to-face, that was when it became clear that you weren't. I wanted to ask you to take me back, to beg you to. But we were still so far apart and I was way too proud. Instead of doing the decent thing I asked you to sleep with me, no strings attached. I was so desperate to feel you again, Maddie, to please you, to bring you blissful ecstasy. It seemed like a good idea for a few minutes, but after I sent that message I regretted it. How could either of us move on if we were still having sex?"
"We couldn't. I couldn't," I whispered. I wasn't sure if he heard.
At this point his eyes were filling with unshed tears. I sobbed quietly as I watched him blink away the evidence of sorrow from his eyes and pulled myself towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him as tightly as possible. We stayed in that embrace for what seemed like hours before we pulled apart and carried on with our discussion. I asked him all the questions he didn't want to be asked and he answered them honestly.. He asked me questions I was dreading and I answered truthfully. We sat together, just talking, cuddling for hours until it started to get dark. We'd shifted positions numerous times during our long and emotionally draining heart-to-heart, but as the sun set and the moon climbed high into the navy night sky, my head was resting comfortably in his lap and his talented fingers were brushing back my tangled hair.
"So what happens now?" Jared asked as I tilted my head back to look at him properly. My heart spluttered. I'd never really got use to having those baby blue, come-to-bed eyes staring so intently into mine. I doubt I ever would.
"What do you want to happen?" I answered uneasily. He could take this conversation, this friendship, this relationship wherever he wanted. And no matter what he suggested I'd more than likely go along with it.
He thought about my question for a long time before he helped me sit up and pulled me onto his lap, one of his hands on my back, the other gently stroking my hip. The hand that was supporting my back slowly snaked its way higher, underneath the long flowing curls of my hair until it stopped on my neck. Gently, as not to startle me, he pulled my head down to his, our foreheads resting together, out breath mingling, our noses bumping, our lips teasingly close.
"I want you to be mine," he whispered as our lips brushed together.
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