heavy heart

jax , eighteen, student, hitman, drug dealer, scorpio. i didn't realize it, but the days came along one after another, and then two years were gone, and everything was gone, and i was gone. disclaimer

[scrxyoongi]

3/11/14

Writing;

- Kyungsoo -  Scraped

- Taemin - Caught

- Hoya - Where To Start

- Ren - Drunken Blade

Waiting;

- Hongbin - Rocky Edges 

- Baekhyun - Similarities

- Gackt - No Time For Friends

- Daehyun - Let Me Learn

- Amber - Starter

Plotting

Yixing (+)

Sehun (-)

Sungjong (-)

Jiyeon (+)

Hyeri (-)

Kyuhyun (-)

Junya (+)

If I'm missing someone, you haven't received a reply from me via inbox (i'll be replying to inbox messages later, (+) means i have received a reply from you, (-) means the opposite uwu), or you just want to plot, like this post or shoot me a message and we'll figure something out, peeps! 

(Today was kind of a bad day for me, but I'm working on replies- I swear!)

[scrxyoongi]

Let Me Learn; Daehyun x Yoongi

"There's someone I want you to meet," 

The conversation had been short, Yoongi expressed his need to be taught, and in return, he was met with the abridged sentence, slight humor lacing the older man's tone. He had hardly paid any mind to it anyway, thoughts already venturing off to who the person could be. Curiosity sat on his shoulders, itching its way down his arms only to pulsate in his fingertips. It harbored there for quite some while, and the digits fidgeted lightly against his loose tee-shirt, nails sometimes catching the fabric.

He couldn't recall the man actually leaving the office in the first place, room dimly lit as the sun slid down behind taller buildings. He didn't recognize the face that accompanied the elder either, and he couldn't say he wasn't a little intimidated by the two standing in front of him. He wasn’t able to read the stranger's eyes, but before he could try and decipher why, a voice caught his attention. The man's hand gestured toward the newcomer, and Yoongi forced a smile, bowing his head slightly in the male's direction. "I'm Jax," he breathed as he straightened himself, fixing his gaze on the other. "You are?"

[scrxyoongi]

We Should All Burn Together [Happy Birthday]; Self Para

Happy Birthday.

His face was blotched with red, tear stains trailing down his cheeks. He had spent the last hour with his head in his pillows, hoping that if he pressed hard enough, he'd stop breathing. He didn't intend on moving until he heard his father's voice from downstairs, calling him into the kitchen. He spent a good time trying to get the rose color to fade before he even left his room, and he cringed when he caught more people whispering among themselves, shushing each other as he entered the room. On the table set a single cake, large enough for the six people that lived in the house. Candles lined the rim of the desert, tiny flames dancing to a tune that remained nameless to Yoongi, and he glared at them, eyes burning from the weak light.

He shifted his gaze to his father who in return smiled at him.

"Surprise," he said, low and forced.

 Don't-

"Happy birthday."

The words made him wince, hands balling into fists at his sides, and his father's face broke out into a grin as his wife handed him the knife. He brought it down in even strokes as he cut the cake into tiny pieces. 

Don't- 

He placed a slice on a plate in front of Yoongi. His son's eyes narrowed at him, but he pretended he didn't notice as he gestured to the empty seat across from him. "Please, sit."

Yoongi scoffed, lifting the dish up with shaking fingers before he let go. He remained emotionless as the china shattered against the floor, scaring the three children sitting around the table. His father moved toward him, yet as he reached out to grab Yoongi's arm, his son moved back toward the living room. "Fuck you," he huffed, eyes connecting with his father's before he turned to the woman of the house. "And fuck you too."

He let his father grab him the second time, looking up at the male tiredly. He watched as he let his gaze settle on the wall behind his head, and he wanted to laugh, to do anything to show that he could see right through him. He didn't though, and his father stayed quite a moment longer before his head dropped, all hope gone from his being as he shook his son lightly. "Don't make me have to send you back," he warned, voice shy of a whisper. 

"It'd give you an excuse to hit me again," Yoongi mumbled and his father stilled, eyes wide as he glanced back up at the shorter boy. 

"I told you I was sorry."

Sorry doesn't cut it, he wanted to say, but instead he pulled himself out of the tight grip and stumbled away from the man. He quickly glanced back at the mess on the floor before turning on his heel and leaving the room. He let the front door slam shut behind him, and he continued to wander down the sidewalk until his house wasn't in view anymore. He could feel a knot forming in his throat, and he choked on the scream he'd been holding in, crouching low to the ground as his body trembled with anger. His frustrations came out in the form of hot tears sliding down his face, arms wrapped tightly around his being in an attempt to calm himself. 

Yoongi didn't remember his last birthday. It was a blur, voices and people hidden by a thick layer of fog, crackled beeps coming from a heart monitor as entities in white rushed around him. The psych ward wasn't kind to him- he'd give anything to see them all in his position, strapped to a bed in fear that he'd harm himself again. He spent a month longer than he needed to in the facility, giving up his right to talk so they couldn't use his words against him again. Yet, before he could understand what was going on, he was back in the house he'd have to call home, like a ghost that just wouldn't stay dead. He ignored the pangs of regret that filled his gut when he was alone, and he pushed down the urges to die along with the sorrow that flooded his mind when thoughts of his mother found their way back to him. He'd be better off if he'd forget.

The thing is, his past was there to stay, and he couldn't do anything about it.

Happy Birthday.

With March came death and desolation; a reminder of what Yoongi loathed the most. 

[scrxyoongi]

No Time For Friends; Sho x Yoongi

The brisk walk to headquarters took him well over an hour, and if his dad hadn't held him up, he wouldn’t have been late. He couldn't bring himself to say that it was his father’s fault though, not after using it the last time and getting laughed at. His pride was at stake, and he was willing to take the risk in protecting it, even if it made him look like a punk.

Inside the building, he made his way to the main office, ignoring the others around him until he neared the large door. Someone told him the room was occupied, and Yoongi just shrugged, leaning against the wall to wait. He didn't want to look like he was interested in what was going on inside the room, so instead of watching for the door to open, he looked away, feigning interest in the tiled flooring beneath his feet.

He became lost in his own world, humming a tune foreign to him as the door swung open. He didn't exactly pay attention to the man that walked out, but he made sure to cut him off as he waltz his way into the office. 

He found out that being late guaranteed a date with a shady guy that went by the name wolf and a pound of cocaine. The only thing that he could deem appealing to the assignment was that he'd get paid a little extra cash for the night- as long as he got it done on time. Yoongi knew it didn't take a genius to hand over another's candy, but he felt a little more at ease knowing that the location wasn't too far from headquarters. 

He was soon sent on his way with two packs of cocaine strapped against his gut, well hidden by his loose shirt, and a kid's ambition to actually get the job done right. He had a plan to initiate the exchange before midnight and be out of there by the time they started doing lines in the kitchen. He'd make a clean exit out the back with the money having taken place of the drugs across his abdomen and no trace that the deal had even happened. 

Of course his idea didn't exactly go as he pictured. A few people stopped him at the front desk, including a security guard, but they hardly suspected him after he told them he was meeting his brother at his friend's apartment. His tale was able to allow him access to the fourth floor of the building where a stack of cash and three bald men were waiting on him. They did the classic inspection, finding nothing on him except what they were expecting, and they sent him away with hardly a hair out of place. 

He arrived back at headquarters sometime after one, surprising the man behind the desk with his immaculate success. They traded their sums before Yoongi exited the room with a hidden smile and a clear agenda for the rest of the night. 

His eyes locked onto a male ambling toward the office, shoulder brushing past the kid before he disappeared into the other room. Yoongi's eyebrows furrowed as his vision trailed after the man. He could feel curiosity creeping along his neck again, greeting him like an old friend, and if he knew better, the words 'follow him' would not have popped up in his mind. 

It didn't take long for the stranger to depart from headquarters, but Yoongi stayed hidden as he trailed him out of the building. He hadn't the slightest idea of where the man was going, yet he knew he wanted to see who exactly the guy was. He was sure that there wasn't a better way than seeing the male in action- because, to Yoongi, actions did speak louder than words.

[scrxyoongi]

3/2/14

Writing;

- Daehyun - Starter

- Gackt - Starter

- Kyungsoo -  Scraped

- Taemin - Caught

- Hoya - Where To Start

Waiting;

- Hongbin - Rocky Edges 

- Baekhyun - Similarities

- Ren - Drunken Blade 

-

Plotting

Jinyoung 

Jiyong

Ahri

Myungsoo

Yixing

Sehun

Serine

Sungjong

Amber

Jiyeon 

If I'm missing someone, you haven't received a reply from me via inbox (all messages have been replied to uwu), or you just want to plot, like this post or shoot me a message and we'll figure something out, peeps! 

(I hope everyone is having a good day so far!

Daehyun's and Gackt's starters will come before my other three replies! I'm also really sorry about being slow! (╥﹏╥) Please forgive me. Oh! I added a timeline at the begging of Yoongi's history and it includes what his alias Jax means!)

[scrxyoongi]

Similarities; Baekhyun x Yoongi

The smell of books began to nauseate him the second day he stayed in the library, sending waves of sickness through his body before he’d finally up and leave. However, he would stop at the door, body turning back to look around the room once again. He was fully aware of whom he was captivated by, but he struggled to come up with a why. He departed from the area quickly, and he knew he would come up with excuses to come back the following day.

He often caught himself observing the man who ghosted around the room with books in hand, eyes not accustomed to following an almost invisible being. It was as if he was watching a phantom of his past, creating analogies to a prior life, to former friends, but a reason to ask a simple question didn’t come to him until he was sitting at home, tired, yet afraid to go to sleep. He promised himself that he’d ask, though he’d forget his silly vow by morning and headed on to school with a clouded mind.

It took him four days to remember his inquiry, and even before he could get out of his seat, he choked up, practically frightened to know who the person was. He was aware that the chances were slim, that he could never be his old companion, but he couldn’t shake off the similarities that both men held. It was strange seeing a person who appeared and behaved like someone he once looked up to, and it struck him hard in the chest, leaving the boy nearly breathless.

He put aside his fears in order to settle his young mind, catching sight of the page near one of the taller bookcases. He quietly sauntered over to the slightly shorter male, clearing his throat a little to gain his attention. “Um. Hi…” he started, avoiding the other’s eyes as he shifted his toward the ground. “This might sound weird, but… What’s your name? I’m- I’m Jax.”

[scrxyoongi]

Drunken Blade; Ren x Yoongi

It started with a bottle of Bacardi 151, legs swinging inches above the floor as he sat on the hard stool. The lounge was nearly empty, a few older customers near the back, but Yoongi was alone at the bar, eyes ghosting over the assortment of alcohol in front of him. The server had stepped out to have a smoke, and after fifteen minutes the boy decided to lean over the counter and pluck the golden colored rum from the rack. It was cold against his hands as he turned it over, reading the warning label on the back.

He mouthed the word "flammable", thumb rubbing against the black lettering in an attempt to make it disappear. His eyebrows drew in together, and he shuddered, scratching the text out with his nail.

He was then startled by a rough hand placed on his shoulder, fingers pressing into the fabric of his shirt. He turned his attention away from the bottle, gazing up at the lean stranger standing beside of him. 

"You're supposed to pay for that," came the gruff voice, and Yoongi froze, suddenly very aware of their close proximity. The familiarity of the tone had him on edge, and he cringed, eyes shifting down to the man's throat. 

"I'll pay, I swear... I-I was just looking..." 

"Are you legal?"

"Uh."

The man suddenly smiled, and his free hand took a hold of the bottle, dragging it out of the boy's grip before setting it down on the bar. He then took an empty shot glass and filled it up, gesturing for him to take a drink. 

Yoongi's fingers shook as he brought the glass up to his lips, eyes closing tightly when he downed the shot. He winced at the burn, breaking his otherwise impassive expression. It caused the man to chuckle lowly and pour more of the cold liquid into the small cup. He pushed Yoongi's hand back up to his mouth, and the boy, bewildered and tentative, swallowed the hard liquor with a hiss. 

"You like that, huh, kid," the male muttered, eyebrows arching in feigned surprise. He ran his fingers down Yoongi's jaw, nails catching the skin before he turned the face toward himself. "You're going to finish this bottle and then we're going to play, okay?"

The boy gulped loudly, but nodded his head nevertheless, cringing as the man tightened his grip before letting his hand drop. He slid the drink to Yoongi and walked away with a strange gleam in his eyes, leaving him alone to take care of the cruel command. 

He managed to get through one-fourth of the bottle without throwing it up, and he lightly swayed to the right, breath coming out in spurts of giggles. The drink still burnt as he took another shot, and he howled with laughter when the glass slipped from between his fingers and fell to the floor. It shattered into tiny shards that crunched under approaching feet.

"I think you've had enough..."

"Where weehehe goin', cheeeif?"  Yoongi slurred, a grin etching itself onto his face as he was ushered out of his seat.

“I told you we’re going to play, kid.”

“OH! Are we gonna have fuuun?”

“Heh, it’s to die for.”

By the time he was escorted out of the building, Yoongi had a sneaking suspicion that his definition of fun wasn't exactly the same as the strangers.

Cold hands pressed him against the wet ground, and a foot came to rest against his ribs, sending sharp pain through his side. He cursed loudly as his hands fumbled around his belt, fingers searching for his gun. The man gave a sharp kick to his jaw, and Yoongi stilled, eyes closing tightly as an ache settled along the bone. 

Rough digits grasped the front of his shirt, pulling him up into a sitting position. Yoongi felt something cold tap against his nose, and as he opened his eyes, the man chuckled lowly, pressing the object against his throat. The blade slid smoothly against his skin, but he didn't hold it hard enough to kill him, just enough to let the kid know he wasn't joking around. He tilted Yoongi's head up with the knife, making sure the boy was looking at him before he spoke. "Do you remember me now, kid?" 

Yoongi remained silent, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. He didn't need to voice his answer; the man could tell, and it made his blood boil. "You killed my friend, remember? A month ago, downtown, gold teeth?" He growled out, pulling the kid closer to him.

His eyes lit up at the description, recognition finally filtering through his face. The man snickered at the expression, trailing his blade down the expanse of his neck. "So now you know why you're gonna die, huh?" His voice was flat and void of any emotion, causing the boy to shiver at his tone. He tried to stay quiet, but the man rolled his eyes, lightly digging the knife into the boy's shoulder. It drew out a pained hiss from his cracked lips, and it brought out a grin on the older man's face. He let go of his shirt, watching as the boy fell back against the ground. Yoongi groaned, lifting the hand that wasn't trapped under the man's weight to the back of his head.

The man scoffed, and Yoongi could only watch as he pressed the blade deeper into his shoulder, a small whine escaping past his closed mouth. He could tell that the man wasn't satisfied with his response by the way his grip became tighter around the handle, and he felt the slow slide of it as he began to pull it out. With the knife still halfway inside of him, a loud crash came from the darken alley, and the man froze, fingers living the weapon completely. His face turned pale, and before Yoongi could even register what was happening, he took off running down the opposite way. 

He didn't care about why the guy had split, but as he pulled the blade out, he wished he would have just killed him. He let his arm drop back against the ground, fingers weakly holding onto the knife, and he let his eyes close as pain shot through his body. Although he could hear footsteps around him, he paid no attention to them. His head started to spin and it took all he had not to throw up, feeling the bile raise in his throat before he swallowed it down.

[scrxyoongi]

♣

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text] very love

[text] such eyes

[text] much my bed

[text] pls say hi 

[text] t2oo tha kids 4me honey

[scrxyoongi]

✉ ✘ ☠ ♣

send ✉ for an 2 AM text

[text] you know that green shit you see on trees

[text] that stuff that looks like moss

[text] well it's not

[text] it's fucking lichens 

[text] and they can tell you if your air quality is bad

[text] that makes me want to inhale some and see if it dies

[text] but i don't think that can work

[text] i would suffocate probably

[text] this has officially ruined my night

[text] or um day

send ✘ for an unsent text

[drafts] she's pregnant again

[drafts] i really don't think i can do this anymore

send ☠ for a threatening message

[text] if you hang up on me one more time

[text] istg i'm going to gut you asshole

(...)

[text] answer your fucking phone jfc

[text] i could be watching you right now

[text] and you wouldn't even know it

(...)

[text] (✿◉‿◉)

[text] plotting to kill you! xoxo 

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text] soooo i want to kno if u can pkic me up

[text] leik uh im at that place 

[text] teh o1ne im not suposed to go to

[text] heeh sow i neeeed ur halp

[text] pls

[text] n cn i stay at ur place 

[text] i no wanna go home

[scrxyoongi]

☠

send ☠ for a threatening message

[text] put that thing back where it came from or so help me 

[text] i'm not quoting monster's inc for nothing

[text] i am really pissed

[scrxyoongi]

♣

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text] i thought bout callin u earlyer

[text] but i didnt cause

[text] that wouldve beeen no approprit e

[text] nd rude

[text] i luv u dude

[text] sooooooo bunches

[text] i tink it was u who i was jking off to

[text] pls dont be mAd AT ME

[scrxyoongi]

✉ ☠ ❤ ♣

send ✉ for an 2 AM text

[text] i hope youre happy

[text] i looked up raccoon penises

[text] i didn't think they actually had one

[text] they do

[text] they fucking do

[text] well kind of

[text] it's like a bone

[text] ha bone

[text] boner

[text] i'm blaming this on you

send ☠ for a threatening message

[text] i am going to suck your dick so hard

[text] your ancestors will feel it

...

[text] i mean

[text] get your ass over here 

[text] so i can tap that

...

[text] fuKC

send ❤ for a lusty/loving/affectionate message

[text] i would like to touch you

[text] very appropriately 

[text] kind of

[text] not really

[text] sort of inappropriately actually

[text] i'm not drunk

[text] i swear

[text] we can do it in the living room

[text] just because

[text] uwu

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text] soooooo

[text] i jst wnna say that

[text] i lov u

[text] muches

[text] and i want 

[text] ur nudes

[text] pls

[text] lik just send them to me

[text] yes

[scrxyoongi]

✉ || ✘ || ♣

send ✉ for an 2 AM text

[text to; moon] you know i was thinking

[text to; moon] which is probably dangerous

[text to; moon] and it's kind of early so i shouldn't be thinking at all

[text to; moon] but i was

[text to; moon] and i can't help it

[text to; moon] shit

[text to; moon] shIT

[text to; moon] i forgot what i was thinking about

[text to; moon] i think it had to do with a shark and peanut butter haLP

send ✘ for an unsent text

[draft to; moon] i don't wanna go home

[draft to; moon] i wanna stay with you

[draft to; moon] he'll know i've been snorting

[draft to; moon] he's going to yell at me again

[draft to; moon] i don't wanna go home

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text to; moon] wawawikiwawa

[text to; moon] that means sex

[text to; moon] did ja know that

[text to; moon] pls dont tell my father

[text to; moon] heel keel me

[text to; moon] i love u more than any 1 in this house

[text to; moon] lets kiss ohkay

[scrxyoongi]

arcxsora replied to your post:♣

omg. laughs so much hades you ruDE LIL BEING

If he wasn't drunk, he probably would have got it right. Probably.

arcxsoj replied to your post:♣

cRIES BALLSAC YOOOOO

I am so sorry-

[scrxyoongi]

✘ ♣

send ♣ for a drunk message, ✘ for an unsent text

[text] we should do it

[text] like nao

[text] as soon aspossible

[text] pls

[text] i dont wanna be this virgin bby dodoo sucker anylonger

[text] oh i want a sucker rn actuallly 

[text] can u bring me on1e

[text] haaaaaa

[text] ill scuk it yes

[draft] suck u xoxo

[scrxyoongi]

♣

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text] saccharum is such a stupid word

[text] it has sac in it

[text] baLLLSAC YO

[scrxyoongi]

♣

send ♣ for a drunk message

[text] u no that you look like that goodess rigHT

[text] hades was her name 

[text] i tink

[text] preeeeettttttyyyyyyy