I want to talk about traveling...
Before I begin, I just want to say that I’m neither mean, nor offended by anyone, who have the ability and money to travel around. I’m genuinely happy that people can buy themselves trips (or getting their trips paid, doesn’t matter) and enjoy all the positive perks of it.
See, I’m always a little bit envious about people traveling around, seeing other cities and countries, because I... can’t.
I’m a single mother of one child and working half-time for low income. Every cent I spend is well thought through and necessary. I’m not buying any luxury (because of my low wage) and we do live simple. I wish I could give more to my child, but I can’t. That’s just reality.
Then I have (few) friends and I see them on my timeline or they message me, telling me that they gonna travel soon. But then there are two emotions inside of me. One, that feels joy and happiness. And one, that feels jealousy and sadness. They can afford it and me on the other side can’t. That hurts so much. I won’t ever have enough money to travel somewhere or even get a driving license, because every cent I make is to eat, stay healthy and clothes, if needed.
I can’t even get a better job, because my education isn’t high-ranking enough and right now, no open jobs in my field aren’t available. And even if it’s the case, then I would still get not enough money at all.
I can even do a second job, because then I won’t have time for my child. I don’t want to just live for jobs and don’t have quality time with my child.
I’m always seeing people not struggling financially and it kills me inside. I know it’s just my problem and no one needs to be involved in this, but I feel so hollow and sad. I’m trying to hide my emotions and most of the time, I’m really good at doing that.
I can only hope that my child will have a better life one day, when she doesn’t need to struggle anymore.
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