off the wall

Sean Grady. Twenty-Two. Pro skater. Sponsored by Vans & Red Bull. Always bruised, never broken. I like to do things that end in hospitals.

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do want an excuse,” he said, sighing shakily as he ran a hand over his knuckles. “I fucked up and relapsed. A few times,” he said, keeping the sleeves of his hoodie as far over his hands as possible. “Maybe it’ll be better if people just… expect me to be this way.”

[seanotw]

Sean let out a heavy breath, chewing at his lower lip. His eyes darted over Max, at the way he kept his sleeves tugged down.”Generally addiction comes with relapses,” he shrugged, not wanting to make Max feel any worse than he already did. “I don’t expect you to be this way.”

[olliescooper-blog]

“I’m glad he was on your side then. I’m sure he was tired of people bitching and moaning all week long about it. I do suggest that you invite me for movie time though from now on. I’m really awesome to sit next to and I supply loads of sweets.”

[seanotw]

“I’m tired of people being fuckin’ idiots, but what are ya gonna do about it? Do you really now? I’ll have to make a note of that.”

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

“Yeah, I know. You’re right,” he said, nodding in understanding. “I guess I’m just a bit scared that I’ll never feel better. I’ll just be the melancholic broody guy people have labelled me as for the rest of my life. But this isn’t even me, you know? It’s not fair that I’ve been made out to be this way,” he whispered. “Thank you for caring.”

[seanotw]

“I’m always right,” he muttered, biting back a smirk. “Would you listen to what you just said? You’re not that guy. Just because people just to assumptions and label you something, what you’re going to listen to them? That’s the biggest load of horse shit. You’re going to let what people have said about you dictate your behavior? Sounds like you just want an excuse to be the broody guy they think you are already.” Sean sighed heavily, resting his chin on the back of the chair, swiveling it gently. “You’re welcome.”

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

Max nodded his head, biting his bottom lip and kneading it between his teeth. “I know. I just… I don’t know if I’m able to live with it. My skin still crawls,” he admitted. Max sighed, pulling the pillow to his chest, nodding his head. “I know,” he mumbled. He didn’t know what to say. He knew he couldn’t force himself to tell him he’d be fine. He wasn’t even sure of that. It was starting to feel less and less likely with each passing day. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to worry anyone.”

[seanotw]

“I can’t -- I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels Max, but I know that it’s not something that’s going to leave you forever. And especially, you’ve been repressing so long. So it’s like it’s happening all over again now.” Sean wet his lips, finally raising his gaze to look at Max. “Nobody ever means to worry anyone. If they did, that’s kind of a dick move.”

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

Max sighed, laying back on his bed, his eyes slipping shut. “I just want to go back to like… freshman year. I want to not have gone to that cabin that weekend. Things would be so much different,” he mumbled. “Thank you. I know you will.”

[seanotw]

Sean pulled over the computer chair, sitting backward on it and leaning against the back. He watched Max sadly, his lips twitching down. “You can’t change the past, man,” he said softly. “You can only control your future. Or some shit like that.” Sean stared pointedly at a spot on the ground, picking at the back of the chair. “I hate seeing you like this. And you know I hate having serious conversations like this, so that’s how worried I am. I’m really worried about you.”

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

“Same,” he nodded, sighing heavily. “I know. That’s the worst part, though. I know. It’s everyone else. They make me feel stupid for feeling something,” he mumbled, picking absently at his bottom lip. “I might just fast track through the summer. Get out of here sooner.”

[seanotw]

“I know you know,” Sean sighed, wetting his lips. “Congratulations, you’re human,” he chuckled, coughing softly as he exhaled the smoke. “Whatever you think you have to do, man,” he said softly, shaking his head. “You know I’ll support you. And you know I’ll kick ass for you, too. If anybody says anything near me, I can’t promise that I won’t start throwing punches.”

[rhett-newhouse-blog]

“Well man, you have to this summer. In Dallas we have this summer thing where skaters from all over compete. Some of the best go and recruit more and more, sponsors too.”

[seanotw]

“I’ve been to Texas a few times, I wouldn’t mind going back. Y’all are very hospitable.”

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

“Okay,” he nodded, running his fingers over his chapped lips. Max sighed, shrugging a shoulder as he lit up the joint between his lips, taking a long drag. “People suck. I’ve processed this. Apparently people are supposed to get over trauma after like a week. That’s what people get for watching so much Degrassi.” He watched Sean disappear in the bathroom, careless about the aroma of weed floating toward the ceiling fan, eyeing his bloodied knuckles as he brought the joint away from his lips again. “I’m just ready to fucking graduate.”

[seanotw]

“Fuck Degrassi,” Sean snorted, rolling his eyes. “And fuck anyone who thinks that. That’s not how trauma works.” Sean was glad that Max had come to him with this, had told him about it and wanted him to get rid of it. As much as Sean was one for partying and having a good time, he’d never really been into the harder drugs. Sean tossed the bag in the trash and made his way back out to the room, chuckling softly as he walked toward Max, reaching out to take the joint from Max. “Yeah, you and me both,” he muttered, raising it to his lips and taking a deep drag, holding the smoke as he handed it back to him.

[rhett-newhouse-blog]

“Fucking awesome, good for you man. You’re damn good. One of the best I’ve seen that’s new in the big league you know? I’ve went and watched in London, Berlin, and Sweden. I feel like you could show them how to do it.”

[seanotw]

“I was actually twelve when I got sponsored, so I’ve been doing it for...fuck, for ten years now. But in the grand scheme of things, that’s not that long. Shit man, thanks. I really appreciate it. I haven’t done a competition in almost a year, with school and everything. It kinds sucks.”

[elysicnmuses-blog]

“Like— being on my feet right now, yet not being able to play is slowly killing me. But oh well, it’s better in my mind than being in a wheelchair.”

[seanotw]

“What do you play? Anything is better than being in a wheelchair. Although, you can do some pretty cool tricks in a wheelchair too.”

[rhett-newhouse-blog]

“So, I think I’ve seen you at a skating event in Cali when I went to go see about the football team at UCLA. Sponsored by Vans or Red Bull?”

[seanotw]

“Really?” he asked, his brows raising and his interest piqued; not many people he ran into really recognized him, unless they were into the sport. “Both, actually. Bones too, now, which is pretty cool.”

[elysicnmuses-blog]

“I’m a person who likes to be on their feet, being confined to a sitting position would be hell for me. Around four weeks.”

[seanotw]

“I’m a person who likes to be on a board, so I feel you. Ouch, that sucks. The upside is you can use it to get people to do shit for you. Just bat those lashes, pout, and point to the boot.”

[delevingned-deactivated20151023]

[layladtf-blog]

@maxdecotes, @seanotw.

[ardenrussoh-deactivated20160617]

uh, husbanding? non-comforming-gender…ing? or are you just celibate?

[seanotw]

Oh, no, don’t worry you’re good. I’m just shit at monogamy. I like too many people, doesn’t work for me.

[rhett-newhouse-blog]

“But you have that voice that makes it sound like you’re right.” Rhett took a swig of his beer. “Nice meeting you man.”

[seanotw]

“Do I really?” he asked with a laugh, shrugging. “I’ve never heard that before, but thanks. Nice to meet you too.”

[maxdecotes-deactivated20201019]

Max rolled his eyes, shrugging a shoulder. “I don’t know. Anything,” he shrugged. “I’d suggest we fuck, but I don’t know how far we’ll get into it before I back out like last time,” he mumbled. “Just… I don’t know. Let’s do whatever. I just need to get out of my head. I’m trying to keep a low profile, considering the last time I was open about my struggles, I was ridiculed and made out to be some emo on MySpace. Fucking privileged people. ”

[seanotw]

Sean frowned at Max’s words, opening the drawer of his dresser and digging around until he found the baggie. “You know I don’t care right? I don’t give a shit about whether we fuck or not, it’s just an added bonus to our friendship,” he assured him. Sean rolled his eyes, curling his fingers around the bag and turning to Max. “They’re all fucking pricks. And they don’t get it, at all. They can go fuck themselves honestly, anybody who says shit like that to someone who’s clearly struggling. Fucking pricks,” he muttered, pushing passed Max and into the bathroom, flipping the toilet lid up, leaning closer and dumping the powder into the bowl before flushing it.

[santi-ram]

“Those types are fucking annoying.”

[seanotw]

“She even had the haircut and everything, I really should have recorded it and put it on YouTube.”