Illusion
Chapter 1, Acclimatize
Bucky x oc!Lori
Warnings: Angst, betrayal, swearing,
A/N: Wow, boy... ehhh. Well here's part 1... I'm gonna try my best to get part two and three out in time for christmas or soon thereafter. I was going to say that I was excited but two hours ago I was thinking of deleting it all, and I have almost 50k words. I really do hope you guys like it! GIF-CRED TO THE OWNER!!
Summary: Reader is a supersoldier, one of a number, one of nine. Hydra´s backup for the asset. The group was started in 1974 and has been working under the radar, training for the day when the asset no longer exists. Y/N is the only one left. Left in a cryo, she wasn’t discovered until 2023 when a certain captain and his buddy found her.
Words: 10168
Warnings: mentions fo abuse, kidnapping, violence, blood, mentions of abandonment, mentions of trafficking
1972
“Let me go!!! Mom, please HELP!!!” her cries were in vain. No one would save her, her mother clearly didn’t care as she turned her back to her only child. Lori cried out again and tried to fight of the man behind her, but what could the 23-year-old do? She wasn´t very strong at all and at a disadvantage.
It was midday, July 10th. In the middle of a street of Stockholm, and yet no one did a thing. No one stepped in to save a young girl in trouble. A black van drove up besides the men holding her, and she was forced into the back of it.
A bag was placed over her head, or at least Lori thought it to be a bag. It might have been a shirt, a sack or even a bucket. She hadn´t paid much attention to it as her fear increased with her heartbeat. Lori was a tough girl. She had been through much and come through on top, but now, she was completely helpless.
There were at least four guys that had taken her, there was no way she could fight her way out of those odds. Not without help and clearly that wasn’t a luxury she´d been blessed with. All kinds of thoughts crossed her mind, all kinds of horrifying things the men could and would do to her. Treat her like an object, break her, use her and abuse her.
She felt restraints being put around her ankles and wrists. It felt like duct tape, but she couldn’t get a visual confirmation, because of whatever they had put over her head. The noise, from the car, was too loud for her to be able to hear the tear of tape, thus hindering her from getting an audible confirmation. She tried to struggle, but someone held her arms down while the other bound her.
The van came to a stop after what could have been 5 minutes or 50. It´s incredible how quickly you lose track of time when you´re tied up and unable to see. Lori was feeling motionsick, but she knew she had to keep it in. Throwing up would mean she risked getting suffocated by her own vomit.
She shrieked, in surprise and fear, as two of the men lifted her out of the van. They were rough with her and Lori cried out in pain as they dislocated her shoulder. She was manhandled into a chair. It was cold around her, but she could feel a stream of air coming from above.
She could hear a buzzing around her and quickly realized it was the sound of an aircraft. She tried to figure out wether it was an airplane or a helicopter, but she didn’t have to wonder for long as the material kept over her head was removed. Lori blinked a few times and looked around. She was in an airplane, a commersial one at that, but she couldn’t see anyone besides her or in front of her.
There could have been others behind her but she couldn’t hear over the buzz of the airplane. Her arms were taped in front of her and her legs were taped around her ankles and to her surprise around her knees as well. She wouldn’t be able to get up, and considering her short stature she wouldn’t be able to look above the seats to see behind her, and anyways. Why would she bother?
The two men she presumed had carried her sat besides her as if she was some type of precious cargo. She was of course precious cargo, but she didn’t know. In her mind this was for sure some sort of trafficking, and she would be sold to the highest bidder and become someone elses pleasure.
2024
The world post-pandemic and Thanos was strange, but not weird. Steve had left to return the stones and then he had chosen to stay with his love, Peggy. Bucky would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed, but he could also understand the man he had once followed. Peggy was a fierce and wonderful woman, and Steve would be happy.
On the downside, Bucky was left with a pain in the ass, Samuel Thomas Wilson. The man could get on Buckys nerves like no one else, and yet he was Buckys best friend. The two were part of the new Avengers initiative. Sam was the new Captain America. And as Captain he was in charge of the new Avengers. There wasn’t many of them left, and mostly Sam and Bucky was on their own. They made a good team though.
Bucky was sitting on the couch in his and Sams shared floor in the compound, which had been rebuilt following Thanos attack on it. 5 days out of their week was devoted to missions and other work, the other 2 days the two guys just wanted to be free. They usually met up in a house out of town. It belonged to the Carter family, if Bucky wasn’t mistaken. Sharon had made an attempt to hook up with Bucky after Steve went back in time, but Bucky wasn’t feeling it and they professionally ended what wasn’t a relationship, with no hard feelings.
Sam was a good Captain America. Bucky was happy Steve left that to Sam, he was in no shape or form a captain and certainly not Captain America, considering his history. The Smithsonian had been kind enough to change their exhibit, but Bucky hadn´t been to see it. While he was vindicated for what he had done, it was still something that haunted him.
Shuri had done a great job with his brain and his therapists had him too exhausted to think of his past. He had memories, or bits and pieces of memories, more were starting to come back, but he couldn’t seem to get them all consistently. It was more like he got puzzle pieces from a million different puzzles. His mind was a bit of a mess really, a good, and somewhat safe mess, but still a mess.
As Bucky sat on the cpuch he thought about the day before. They had all been introduced to a young girl named Lori who was joining them. She seemed young and innocent enough. Bucky had quickly learned she wasn’t to be taken lightly. She had the soldier serum, like him, and had also been in cryo, like him. After a takedown of an old Hydra-base in northern Finland, they had found Lori in the cryo-tank.
Considering Wakanda seemed to have the best tech in the world, they had brought Lori there. She was thawed, like a piece of frozen meat and then re-introduced to the world. She went through several evaluations but was cleared quickly. She didn’t have the same issues as Bucky had when he first came back.
All in all, Lori was a perfect super soldier who was hurt and manipulated by Hydra, without her being corrupted. Bucky was a little jealous to say the least. Especially as others still treated him as if he could snap into the Winter Soldier at any moment, without any sort of provocation. He couldn’t, but how do you go about explaining that to people who took measures to avoid you in the halls.
She had arrived in Wakanda two months earlier and had only been cleared two days prior to her arrival to the compound which was the day before. In that time Lori had been surprisingly open to modern technology, even if she claimed she was frozen back in the 90´s. Shuri was more excited than anyone to have someone so interested around and she had taught Lori how to handle a phone and had even set up some social medias for her. Lori was more tech-savy than Bucky, hell, she was more tech-savy than Sam.
Her first day in the compound had been peculiar. She had already caught up with the conflicts of the world and the past 30+ years when she arrived, but she had felt off in the facility. Others had been looking at her as if she was a wolf, ready to pounce and devour them. She wasn’t a monster, her tests showed that. She did understand them though. She had heard of the Winter Soldier being one of them now, and being a former Hydra asset she knew who he was. He scared her a bit. Not because she didn’t think she could handle whatever and whoever he was, but because he had been idolized by Hydra. Used and corrupted, yes, but he was put on a piedistal, he was the ultimate goal for anyone such as Lori who underwent the transformation to super-soldier.
Lori had met him for real her first lunch. She had gone to the canteen around noon and had gotten her tray of food. As she looked around she felt like she was back in school. All tables were full except the one by Sam and Bucky. Now it wasn’t strange that she would sit with the two, she would be part of the new avengers and not a regular agent. Lori had learned that as Sam had explained that enhanced people were needed for more difficult missions.
Bucky and Lori hadn´t gotten to talking at that point. Bucky had mostly been sitting quiet as he ate his food but Lori and Sam had been talking quite a lot. Well, Sam talked and asked questions. Lori answered when she was supposed too. It sounded a little staged to Bucky, but what else could you expect. She had been around more people in the last 2 months than she had in the last 30-something years. It could become a lot quickly.
The tour had been done by lunch so Loris afternoon was completely up to her. She had decided to venture into the training room. She had yet to receive access to the shooting range, but Sam wanted to be sure she knew her way around a gun, and that she wouldn’t end herself up in a stressful situation involving a gun. He was also holding off until he had read through her files completely.
Lori didn’t care too much, she could make do with the training room for now and a few of the sandbags. She had forgone wrapping her hands in favor for the familiar pain it would cause her. That was one of Hydras manipulation tactics. Negative reinforcement, you´re hurt until you do what they want and then the pain disappears. For a while. Lori didn’t even notice as Bucky entered the room. She had headphones on which played podcasts about the past 30 years. Mostly big events she had missed.
She stopped punching the bag after about ten minutes and looked up and around noticing Bucky on the other end of the room. He was lifting some weights, surprisingly without anything to listen to. The gym was quiet, apart from his sporadic grunts, and he didn’t have any headphones. She couldn’t see anyone else in the gym and she felt a little uneasy being alone with the Winter Soldier. But she knew she couldn’t stay away from him forever. They were set up to be a team, with their enhanced abilities and what not.
“Seargent Barnes, would… would you spar with me?” She asked quietly. Bucky looked up at her, and at a loss of words. It had been a very long time since anyone called him Seargent. Actually, Hydra had been the only ones recently to have used that title. “Bucky is fine, or if you don’t like that you can call me James or just Barnes. I´m not a Seargent anymore,” He explained with a soft sigh. Lori tilted her head and looked at him with doe-eyes. It was as if it didn’t quite go through to her but she nodded nontheless. “As for the sparing, sure. But I believe Sam would want to be around and make sure it´s done in a safe manner,” Bucky continued and gave Lori a small smile.
As if on cue Sam entered the gym with a bag in his left hand and a towel in his right. “Hey you two, what´s up? Are you finding the compound okay so far Lori?” He asked and gave Lori a bright smile. “Yes, it is all okay. I was just asking if James wanted to spar with me,” Lori replied and glanced over to Bucky. Sam nodded in encouragment and Bucky put his weights down before he made his way over to the squared ring.
Lori looked down as Bucy walked past her but she walked over to her bag first of all and got some bandages she could wrap her hands with. She didn’t want to bleed on someone else, and especially not on Bucky. Her wrapping was quick and efficient, which wasn’t a surprise, she had done it about a million times. She looked over to the ring and saw Bucky crouching in one of the corners.
He was watching her but there was none of the coldness in his eyes Lori had become accostumed too in her time with Hydra. She had seen videos of him. She was definitely confused, but she hadn´t been allowed to see his files. The therapists claimed it could spark memories or feelings she wouldn’t be able to control. Had they really been able to fix him up? She would have to investigate that, or maybe even ask him herself.
She snapped out of her thoughts as Bucky swiped her legs out from underneath her. Lori landed on her back with a thud and had to blink twice to get rid of some stars. That was unexpected, she thought before she kicked herself up and glared at Bucky and then Sam. “Hey don´t look at me, I´d do what he did, only slower,” Sam chuckled and shook his head. Lori growled softly as she got into her stance.
Bucky went for her again and took her with him to the closest corner, slamming her back into it. She groaned at the impact and tried to hit her way out but Bucky was keeping her at one of his arm lengths. Lori couldn’t reach him, instead she tried to kick but Bucky stepped out of the way. “Focus, or do you want me to go easy on you?” He asked Lori and raised his left eyebrow. He was challenging her.
Lori thrived on challenges and the corners of her mouth twitched at his words. She rolled her head before she took a different stance than her normal one. Bucky charged her once more but this time Lori was ready and she parried the attack by diving under his right side, away from his metal arm. Lori had managed to make Bucky loose his balance and she knew she would have to keep him down on his knees if she would have any chance.
The top of Lori´s left foot hit Buckys right hamstring. He grunted and got down on his right knee. Lori took her chances and aimed a kick to Buckys right obliques. He caught her leg and held it away from him. She knew she wouldn’t be able to just shake him off of her. She jumped up and drove her left foot into Buckys right shoulder. She landed on her back but the positive thing was that Bucky had let go of her leg as she hit his shoulder.
She knew better than to wait around. Bucky would be up sooner or later and seeing as Lori desperately wanted to win, mostly for herself. She went for his left arm this time knowing she would have trouble with it. Even if she had been primed in fighting other enhanced when Hydra had her. She grabbed a hold of the metal arm just above the hand of it. Her objective was to disable it without harming it. As had been her objective a long time ago as a backup asset.
That had been a different arm though and this one was unlike the one he had before and Lori couldn’t get to disabling it before Bucky grabbed her arms in his right hand and flung her across the mat. The attempt from Lori to disable his arm had unsettled him deeply and he was in it for real now.
He rolled his shoulder before he stalked to Lori and picked her up by her shirt before slamming her back into the mat. She had the nerve to laugh before she swung her legs up behind Bucky wrapping them around his neck pulling him towards the floor in a chokehold. He struggled, but only for a little bit before he did a kip-up and got on top of Lori holding her hands down by her head.
“That was a good… ow, what the hell?” Bucky stumbled on to his feet reaching up to feel his nose where Lori´s forhead had hit him. Lori didn’t stop there. She kicked at Bucky´s knees which drove him down towards Lori´s knees which hit him square in the chest. She scrambled to her feet and pulled Bucky into a triangle chokehold. She was a bit rusty but she had Bucky in good grip and unless he got up and slammed her down again in a powerbomb, she would have him choking sooner or later.
Sooner it was when Bucky tapped thrice on her thigh. Lori had to snap out of herself to rememeber it wasn’t a life or death situation. She let go of Bucky quickly and stood up looking over at Sam who was coming into the ring. He kept his hands up to show Lori he wasn’t a threat before he helped Bucky to his feet. “Good work Lori, maybe refrain from breaking his nose next time, okay? Why don’t you two head to the infirmary to get that checked and I´ll clear you for a gun trial tomorrow or overmorrow.” Sam assured as he looked at Lori who nodded.
She turned her back to the two men and walked to her bag pulling her bandages off tossing them into the bag before she rubbed them a bit. She would be sore tomorrow, but she was looking forward to it. No gain without pain, as someone had once told her. She closed her bag and sat down waiting for Bucky to get ready to go. She still had yet to say much to him, but at least now she knew she could take him down should she have to.
It would still be a different story if she had a weapon, but she figured Sam wouldn’t allow them to spar with more than knives, and knives were her stumbling block. She couldn’t seem to grasp the grace needed to handle a knife delicately. She had always dropped her knives in practice and had to resort to her regular fighting. Yet here she was, meaning she had never lost.
1972
Lori had been taken to a cold storage room. She had a metal frame with a sleeping mat as a bed. She had been in the room for, well she didn’t know how long she had been there, but she was starving. Her captors fed her once or maybe twice a day. Stale bread, bean stew with what seemed to be meat, and water had become her diet since she was taken. The food was horrendous, but she ate it regardless. She was hungry and she wasn’t sure when she would get fed next.
The room she was held in was undecorated, it wasn’t even painted. Stone or cement walls surrounded her. Hanging from the ceiling was a tiny lamp which lit the room in a dim light. She hadn´t seen the outside of the room and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. What she could see from when they opened the door to give her food was a sterile hallway, much alike to the room she was in. She couldn’t see other doors and during her time she hadn´t heard anything from around her room.
She had never felt more alone and more scared in her entire life. She was beginning to think this wasn’t a trafficking situation. She shivered in her corner. She had taken the sleeping mat and wrapped it around herself. It gave her some heat, although not a lot considering the cold seemed to seep in from every wall and the floor. Lori looked up as she heard the familiar clang of the door being opened. It was like she was a predator, waiting for a prey to pounce on, only this time, no food was given to her.
Three men grabbed her at once while a fourth but a bag over her head. Being four men for her was really overdoing it, one of them had easily been able to handle her on their own. But she was lucky she wasn’t tied up. Her shoulder hadn´t healed fully after the dislocation, but she didn’t dare to complain. Being alive was all she cared about.
The three men tossed her onto a table and tied her down with belts and whatever else was around. Lori panicked and began to scream and cry. “Stop please, Stop, I´ll do anything, just please stop!!!” She cried but she was gagged by a piece of fabric. A strange looking man walked over to the side of the table and looked down at Lori. He was short. Lori estimated him to be around 165 centimeters. Lori also noticed he had the scary kind of weird look to him. He looked like a mad scientist.
His apperance did nothing to calm her nerves. “Miss Y/L/N, I am doctor Arnim Zola. You have been chosen to be a part of the Scandinavian soldier program.” He exclaimed, not that any of it made any sense to Lori. She didn’t really pay attention to what he said, she was too shocked. She could hear the accent the doctor had, he wasn’t swedish, english or american, that was for sure.
Zola looked up to the other side of the table as, presumably another doctor, came by. They had a needle with something red in it and the second doctor injected her before she had time to think about it. It didn’t hurt, not a lot anyways. She could feel the liquid go up her arm and it burned. In her imagination she thought it was a sedative. She counted to ten in her head, but she was still awake.
She opened her eyes and stared right up at Zola. “Well, subject 14 seems to handle the blood better than the 13 prior to her. The next dose shall be injected in 10 minutes. And from that point once every hour for 24 hours.” Lori realized the doctor was talking into a recorder. Fuck, she was in an experiment, and she didn’t know what for.
2024
The infirmary was a sterile and cold environment, but very different from the cell Lori had been held in by Hydra. It was bright and airy and there was a clear sence of privacy between the different rooms, where treated where kept. Lori stayed quiet as she just followed Bucky around. He walked over to a woman and introduced her to Lori as Doctor Helen Cho.
Bucky was fine. Apart from a broken nose which Cho had fixed up in a jiffy. There was no reason to give him painkillers, they were out of the super-ones and the serum burned through regular pain-killers as if they were nothing. He would also be completely healed in a week or a week and a half.
Lori wanted to feel bad, or maybe not, but she couldn’t. She knew something was wrong with her, but she had been conditioned not to feel, and coming back to the world as quickly as she had was bound to mess her up a bit. Lori stayed with Bucky though but didn’t say a word, nothing she said would hold any meaning anyways.
During their sparring she had tried to go for Buckys vibranium arm. She was still a bit surprised her tactic hadnt worked. She had won, but her plan had failed. Bucky noticed that she was spacing out a bit and gently nudged her arm. “Is it the arm-thing?” He asked and frowned as he glanced down at his left arm.
He had just recently gotten used to it, and begun to see it as a part of himself. It had done a lot of harm in the past, harm Bucky couldn’t wipe from his concious. He had to keep reminding himself that the old arm was scrapped. His new arm had only been used to do good and fight evil.
A quiet hum of agreement came from his side and he looked up to see Lori nod. “We… I was… When I was Hydras pet, they made me practce on other similar arms. I don’t think you know, but I was suppsoed to be your backup, or the one to take you down. I was the first, and subsequently only Scandinavian Soldier.” Lori explained softly and looked up at Bucky.
“I´m sure you know all about the winter soldier program, I got the downgraded version.” She said with a soft chuckle. “At first they gave me your blood in hopes it would give me the serum, to some extent. When that didn’t work they remade the serum from your blood, its not like the pure thing, its not even like your serum. I was exposed to the Vita Radiation. Doctor Zola called me his perfect personal security.”
Lori let out a laugh and shook her head. “To make it easier to understand, I have a mixture of what you and Mr. Rogers have,” She explained as she looked at Bucky. “But the other winter soldiers? They were a mess, uncontrollable? What went wrong with them, since you clearly were a success?” Bucky asked, he was genuinely interested. He had no idea there were more supersoldiers than himself, Steve and the killer squad. He had never heard of more before.
Bucky noticed her sigh and nodded to himself. She probably didn’t know a whole lot more than he did. “Sorry, I´m trying to piece together what has happened during my years in Hydra,” Bucky explained and began to stand up. “Come on, I´ll show you back to the living room and you can go about your day from there,” He added and began to walk towards the door out from the infirmary.
Lori followed him once more and kept looking around. “I would very much like to see the memorial for Mr. Stark, if you could show that to me?” Lori asked and stopped in front of a portrait of Tony Stark himself. “I´ll have Peter show you when he comes around, he´s away currently on a school trip, but he should be back in a few days,” Bucky said trying his best to avoid the place of memory that had been raised for Tony.
He had yet to visit the memorial, but he couldn’t bring himself to go. He had talked to Pepper, quite a few times, but he didn’t feel right going there. Tonys death wasn’t on him, not entirely anyways. He had killed Tonys parents, he considered himself a reason to Tony being the way he was and also to Tony sacrificing himself for the survival of the others. He didn’t even have the chance to properly apologize. Lori was watching him. She considered putting her hand on his shoulder, but as she was standing on his left side she refrained from it.
She was in no need of a broken arm if Bucky disliked her touching his left shoulder. She knew what his skin looked like and she knew scars could be a touchy subject, and a very sensitive area for the holder. “Thank you, that would be good. How about you just show me to the living room and I´ll find my way to my room from there?” She asked and gave Bucky a small smile.
“That is unless you have a dance studio I could use?” She asked and bit her lip. Only one thing had come with her from the Hydra base, mostly because they had been the only untouched objects in the facility. “Friday, would you present Lori with a map of the compound please,” Bucky said out into nothing. It confused Lori but she jumped as a map was laid out in front of her. “Where would you like to go Miss Y/L/N?” A voice asked her. She looked around and frowned as Bucky chuckled at her behaviour.
She glared at him and he quickly put his hands up remembering she had given him a broken nose less than an hour ago. “Sorry, I was the same when I got here. Friday is an artificial intelligence. She was created by Tony before their fight with Ultron. She is everywhere and nowhere, a disembodied voice if you´d like. She can answer almost all of your questions, and she will help you,” He pointed out as he explained Fridays role in all of their lives.
Lori looked around again but nodded. She shouldn’t be surprised at all, technology had come such a long way since she went into the chamber. The map was very detailed and probably showed a miniature scale of the compound, and it was more than likely perfectly scaled. “Ehum, Miss Friday, Could you show me your dance studio, if you have one?” She asked quietly, afraid that she might have asked it in a weird way or that Friday wouldn’t understand her anyway.
Bucky hadn´t really noticed that she spoke in a perfect american accent until now. He knew she wasn’t from the states based on her file. She had been born in raised in Sweden, but she had american born parents. He had also read that she was supposedly fluent in not only english and swedish, but also russian, spanish and italian. While he had learnt a lot about her he didn’t know her. He knew nothing about her experience while under Hydras control, and he also had no idea why they had just left her. Her file from the mid-80´s and forward were vaugue to say the least.
He wanted to understand what she had gone through, but he knew she probably would only have fragments of memories like him, even if Shuri had said she didn’t have the same brain-damage as Bucky did. Maybe Hydra had found a different way to wipe her mind, maybe she had never been wiped at all. Friday zoomed in on a room before showing Lori the way to the studio. She looked up towards the direction of the studio.
“I´m certain you have more important things to do than to follow me to the studio. Friday showed me the easiest way. It was nice talking to you James,” Lori confessed and gave him a small smile. She walked off as he gave her a little nod before he went on with his day. Sam wanted to meet him in regards to a new mission and he wasn’t about to keep him waiting for much longer.
Lori walked for as long as she figured Bucky could see her. When she turned a corner she began to run. It felt nice to move properly, and alone. She had never really liked sparring to begin with and had always favoured training on her own. She arrived at the studio slightly out of breath. It was empty, much to Lori´s satisfaction. She walked inside and managed to connect her phone to one of the stereos. Once that was done she pulled her pants off in favor for some shorts. She had a black loose pair, they would annoy her but she could deal with it.
She looked in her bag and took out her point-shoes. She held them in her hands until she felt like she would drop them. They held pain, but it was her pain. It was her gain. She held her right ahnd with her left to stop her trembling. She was fine, she was safe, and she wasn’t in Hydras grip anymore. They couldn’t touch her, they were gone. It took a few deep breaths but within a few moments she was fine once more.
Her shoes were tied on tightly and neatly, she didn’t want to kill her routine to retie them. She sighed once she was done and stood up getting a feel for the shoes. They were stiff, but like she remembered them. A placard caught her eye. `For Natasha, always our family`, Natasha? The name sounded familiar. Lori would have to follow up on that later.
She walked over to her phone to see if she could find some music. Shuri had introduced her to the series Game of Thrones, saying it was one of the best of the century. As Lori didn’t have any experience of the show herself she took the young girls word for it. She had managed to add one of the songs to her playlist on spotify and she put the song called Mhysa on. It would serve well as a piece for her to dance to. Not that she had any specific coreography in mind.
She launched into her stretches by stretching her arms and shoulders and neck. They felt stiff. After little to no training the past few months and cryo before that, that wasn’t a big surprise. Next were her hips and legs. It all felt good considering her circumstances. Stiffness was something she could deal with for a few days. Cryo wasn’t new to her, but around thirty years had to do something to muscles and limbs.
Her stretching lasted through one whole play of the song Mhysa. She would definitely need more but she wanted to get on the floor and go through all her muscles. She walked over to her phone and put on a song called Ashes by Céline Dion. It was slow and would help her focus on each exercise.
Lori let her body move freely, from foot to point, into jumps, and pirouettes. She had to keep telling herself to not close her eyes. Closing your eyes meant feeling the music and dancing, and that wasn’t why she was here. Her teacher would have had her punished for her form, but she gave herself some slack. It had been so long since she got to stretch and dance.
Her legs moved at their own accord. She didn’t know how long she had been dancing for but she didn’t really care. The studio lacked windows so she couldn’t judge it by the sun either. A couple of songs had played already and she didn’t feel remotely done with herself. Her dancepractice used to be 8 hours a day, or until she had learned what she needed for the day, even if that took 10 or 12 hours. The pain she felt after those days was what she was chasing. The need to feel something.
Sam had walked by the dance studio a floor above, while the rooms walls were covered in mirrors, the roof was glass and see-through. It was quite late but he could see someone moving in the room and he realized it was Lori. He asked Friday to alert Bucky to meet him at the spot and Bucky arrived within 5 minutes thinking it was something urgent. “Is that normal Hydra things?” He asked and nodded towards the dance studio. Bucky followed his gace and sighed as his eyes landed on Lori.
“Fucking hell Sam. I should have realized sooner when she asked for a dance studio. No it isn´t normal Hydra things, that’s the red room in a person.”
1972
A week had passed while she laid on the table. She hadn´t been released for more than bathroom visits, she hadnt been fed. She was in pain, and a lot if it at that. The blood she had been injected with was doing its part, but Doctor Zola had realized they needed to do more. He had managed to extract some of the serum from Sergeant Barnes blood but he would need Radiation to finish it up.
The chamber they had prepared was more like a box. It was a reused Cryostasis chamber Barnes had punched a hole into once. It would do for what they needed. Zola didn’t have access to Starks notes, but he was a scientist, and a genius too. He had managed to come across the Vita radiation during his experiments and believed he could dose Lori with enough to get the serum to start its process. Lori would be a super-soldier in no time.
She was set free from the table. She couldn’t move on her own and was carried to the box. Her only thoughts being that she would be buried alive and that no one would ever know her fate. What of all her friends? Her family? Well if they had cared, you wouldn’t be here, she thought to herself. She would have been saved if they truly cared.
That thought alone made her give up and stop struggling. The box was tight, but not squeezing her. Doctor Zola attached IV´s to her arms. The lines were threaded through the lid of the box, safely of course. Lori wasn’t sure why she noticed that peculiar detail but it would be one that would haunt her for the rest of her life. Steeling herself she closed her eyes as they closed up the box around her. Luckily she didn’t suffer from claustrophobia or she would be frantic by now. She heard the whir of an engine and twitched uncomfortably as the chamber began to heat up.
Pain hit her next. Searing, unstoppable pain. It started in her arms and then moved to her chest. It felt like she was being torn open and put back together in a different way. Her bones cracked and seemed to realign themselves. This was her death. The box looked enough like a coffin, she thought. All they would have to do was toss it in a hole and that would be it. Lori would be done for. But the pain stopped. Not immediately, but after a few minutes.
Lori fell out of the box and onto her knees at is was opened. She didn’t have clothes anymore but they just picked her up and carried her back to her room. They tossed her in and threw some clothes at her which she gathered quickly and got dressed in. It was just some cargo pants and a shirt, but it was better than what she had before. Amidst everything she didn’t notice that she didn’t feel tired, hungry or cold anymore. She truly believed the worst had been done to her.
2024
She had been dancing for hours, and Bucky had been watching her for the past hour. He had noticed certain steps she redid when she couldn´t get them down the first time. She never stopped, even as the music stopped to switch to the next song she continued her dancing. He had noticed she was getting tired and sore. She messed up more and more steps and had to redo them until they were perfect. It was something he had seen before, things he had seen in the Red Room.
He entered the room quietly, she should notice him and she did, but she still didn’t stop dancing. Bucky realized he would have to turn the music off to get her out of there so that’s what he did. With her phone unplugged and the music cut off, she slowed down until she was standing still breathing hard. “Let´s get you to the livingroom and we can put on a movie,” Bucky said and sighed softly.
Lori nodded quickly believing it to be an order. She walked over to her bag, or more like limped over to her bag. She pulled her shoes off and hissed as her feet were bruised and bloody. Not very bloody, but enough to cause her pain as they were left free. Her point-shoes had been tight and the discomfort had kept her from feeling the pain.
She wrapped her feet up in clean paper towels, she could tend to them later. She then got her regular shoes on and packed up her bag. The bag was lifted in front of her once it was packed and Bucky walked to the door. “Don’t forget your phone,” He said and nodded to the stereo. Lori collected her phone before she followed Bucky out from the studio and to the living room.
Each team-members room had its own small kitchen and livingroom, but they also had a collective kitchen and livingroom. Sam had explained that they used it for movienights and pizzanights. Tonight was movie-night though and as a new team member Lori would get the option to pick a movie. She had picked out a movie that was released the year she was captured, The Godfather.
Twice had she seen it, once with her best friend and once on a date. Both times in the movies of course. The date had been… mediocre at best, and there was never a second date considering. She wondered what had happened to the guy. It didn’t matter, she wouldn’t have a shot at love anyways. She was a monster, a freak of nature. She hated what she had become, and who she had become while she was in Hydras grip.
Marlon Brando made a fine Corleone in the movie. Lori used to love movies, but sitting on the couch, her bag on the floor in front of her, she couldn’t enjoy the movie. It felt wrong, she shouldn’t be allowed to sit with the others. Her leg began to bounce a bit, she was restless, she felt like she was doing something wrong. Hydra would never have allowed her to do this, for all she knew she had still been Hydras little pet until two months ago.
Bucky noticed her restless leg and frowned a bit. “Hey you want to head to the kitchen to get some snacks?” He asked and looked at Lori. She was a little confused considering they had snacks already but she nodded. She got up and grabbed her bag to have with her. “Could you also show me to my room, I´d like to refresh a bit,” She mumbled and glanced at Bucky. He nodded and led her down a corridor.
“Your room is right besides mine. Sam thought it would be the best, considering we´re alike. You can always come to me if you need. I´ll give Friday instructions that you´re always welcome,” he explained and smiled as he stopped in front of an inconspicous door with Lori´s name on it. She had been here earlier in the day but she hadn´t known how to find it from the livingroom and she somewhat refused to talk to Friday. She didn’t trust the AI.
It was a person, but it wasn’t a person. That kind of technology scared Lori to bits and pieces. Friday had access to all kinds of information and she could be listening in or record whenever without Lori´s knowledge. It was a terrifying thought. In all honestly it reminded Lori of the book 1984 by George Orwell. A book she had read many times, both before she was taken and after.
The room was big, not huge, but there was a bed, dresser, desk with a computer, nightstands and a couch and some bookshelves. “They´re filled with some of the classics, if you want more books you can order through Friday or through the computer,” Bucky explained as he watched Lori look around. “Could you give me a moment, I´ll be out soon.” She said and closed the door in the face of Bucky.
Lori needed some time for herself. She dumped her bag on the bed and opened it. She grabbed her point-shoes and tossed them on the floor before she unpacked the few pieces of clothing she had, as well as some toiletres she had gotten from Shuri. She opened a door she expected to lead to her bathroom and got her things sorted in her bathroom. It was light but cold, and grey. It mostly cement, like someone just hadn´t cared to decorate it.
In some way it was comfortable to Lori, familiar in a way. She didn’t look herself in the mirror, she didn’t dare. She would more than likely find something to cover it up with later on. She hadn´t seen a mirror in the bedroom thankfully. She walked back out into it and looked around seeing another door. She tried it and found herself in a smaller kitchen area with a view towards the back of the compound.
When she had unpcaked her bag she decided to take a shower and get into some new clothes. She had already examined her dresser and had found clothes she liked. She got a towel from the bottom drawer of her dresser and walked into the bathroom. She dimmed the lights down to avoid seeing herself in the mirror but she kept enough light for her to see the shower.
Unscented shampoo and shower gel was something Shuri had given to her. It was a way to avoid old memories coming up and making Lori unstable. They wanted her to remember her life, but they wanted her to take it slow. Remembering had been very difficult for Bucky, and they didn’t want it to be as bad for Lori. She however didn’t care a whole lot about her memories and would rather start over.
Her family had abandoned her, Hydra had abandoned her in the bunker. She didn’t have anyone she knew she could go back to. If she didn’t stay with the new Avengers she wouldn’t have anywhere to go, anything to do. She was all alone. Lori slammed her hand into the shower wall and let out a shuddering breath. She was okay, or she would be eventually anyways. She had to remind herself that it was okay to not always be okay.
The water poured down on her back and she tilted her head up letting the water wash over her face. She held her breath until she felt like she might pass out. At that point she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself up in her fluffy blue towel. She walked into the bedroom and got herself some underwear and a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. It was all black, but it suited Lori just fine. She had never liked bright colours, at least not a lot. She pulled the clothes on and cherished the feeling of the soft material against her skin.
She put on a pair of fluffy socks, something Lori hadn´t had in decennias. Her hair was wet but she put it up in a tight bun nontheless. She knew better but she didn’t have the energy to actually brush it, or take care of it now. She opened her door to get back to the others. What she wasn’t expecting was Bucky to stand outside her door waiting for her. He was leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.
He had showered and changed as well. His face looked a whole lot better, apart from the bruising of course. She frowned a bit as she looked at it, she did feel a bit bad, not a lot, but he wasn’t looking to hot. “Want to go get some snacks and sit in the kitchen and talk shit?” He asked with a smirk. Lori didn’t feel like she could decline his offer, especially considering that had been part of her plan. She gave him a solid nod before she began to walk the same way they had arrived from.
They walked in silence until Sam joined them. He had fled from the living room when Wanda, Maria and Sharon had started talking about how handsome the actors were. Sure he could agree, but that wasn’t why he was watching the movie, and he really didn’t like being alone with the women, especially when Sharon was around. A few months after Steve had gone back in time and Bucky and Sharon had called whatever they had quits, Sam had taken the opportunity to ask Sharon out. In the end he had held stronger feelings than Sharon did and Sam ended up hurt.
Lori looked up at Sam and smiled softly allowing him to walk with them. She liked Sam, he didn’t treat her as if she was a ticking time bomb. He treated her like any other person, so far at least. But Lori had a good feeling that he wouldn’t ever treat her any differently, unless she messed up really bad. She was hoping she wouldn’t, of course. She was hoping this was her new chance, her second cahnce, to be a better person and do good.
The kitchen was large, and open to the livingroom. It was still separated by a kitchen island and some glass though, which kept the sounds from the livingroom away. Sam immediately got over to the fridge to get some drinks while Bucky pulled out the big guns with several bags of chips. Lori sat down on one of the barstools that surrounded the kitchen island and watched the two men work with each other to get what they needed. It was obvious they had become close friends over their time together.
It was really a beautiful thing to see. All Lori knew about Bucky was bad. She had been used as his backup, she was used when he was down and unable to work. She had been used to clean up his mess. She had seen the worst of the winter soldier, things no one else had seen. And he had never known she existed. She had been his hidden shadow. Not that she hadn´t been on her own missions. There was the odd death in northern Europe during the late 70´s, the 80´s and the early 90´s. Deaths no one had been able to solve or even had an explanation for. Lori may, or may not have been involved. It was a lot of classified, and unknown information.
Bucky snapped his fingers in front of her face. “Hey, come back, you´re spacing out. Do you want hot cheetos or regular ones?” He asked and held up the two different bags of Cheetos. She looked between the two bags and shrugged. “I´ve never eaten Cheetos.” She explained and pointed to the regular ones. “Those are better to try first, right?” She continued as Bucky placed the regular Cheetos down in front of her. Sam sat down besides her and handed her a glass of soda. She hadn´t really thought of them all as having days or nights where they had junk food galore and indulged on it.
She opened the bag carefully and took a handful of Cheetos. She ate them one by one. They weren´t horrible, they werent amazing either. “Can I try some of the spicy ones as well?” She asked and turned her head to look at Sam when he chuckled. “What birdboy, you don’t think I can handle some spice?” She asked and all but ripped the bag of spicy Cheetos from Buckys hand, much to his surprise. She took a handful of those and popped them in her mouth waiting for something to start burning, only it didn’t.
“Wait, you call these spicy? They aren´t worse than the regular ones,” She said once she had swallowed and took another handful. She got up and began to look around the kitchen for something that might spice the Cheetos up a bit. She found some hot sauce and got a plate where she could pour the sauce to dip the cheetos. She looked up and noticed both of the men staring at her. “What?” She asked and raised an eyebrow. “I used to love spicy food,” she explained and dipped some of the cheetos in the hot sauce.
This was the first time Sam and Bucky had seen Lori happy. She didn’t look like someone who had been frozen for 30 something years. She looked healthy and alive. Bucky couldn’t help but wonder what her life had become if she hadn´t been taken by Hydra. She would have a family, most likely. In Sweden, with a nice house, a cute dog and whatever she could ask for. No one in the compound could give her that. She had been doomed from the time she was taken. She had lost everything.
He excused himself from the small group and went to the hall where he almost punched a wall. How could he had neglected to find out she existed. Not that he could have done much in his state as the winter solider, but maybe she could have helped him and he could have helped her in turn. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he tried to relax a bit. His mind must have been in a terrible state because before he knew he felt a familiar hand on his arm and looked up to see Wanda standing besides him.
“She´s stirring things up in there, isn´t she?” Wanda asked and gave Bucky a small smile. Apart from Sam, Wanda was the only one who could touch Bucky without him flinching away. Well maybe Rocket could too as long as he stayed away from the vibranium arm. Bucky nodded, knowing there was no need to lie to Wanda. She had been in his head enough times to know him through and through. All through the day Wanda had noticed Bucky smiling a bit more, but also being a lot more in his own head, thinking about anything and everything. Bucky thinking wasn’t always a good thing, especially not if it brought up memories from his past.
Bucky looked at Wanda and tried to make her see his indecisiveness. “It´s good and bad. I look at her and I see all the pain she has gone through, but I also look at her with Sam and see how easily she adapts and I´m happy for her but also jealous. She will fit in so quickly and it took me years to fit in,” he explained and looked back to the kitchen, and towards his best friend and Lori. “I want her to feel safe and like she´s able to start over,” Bucky continued and shook his head. He was messed up by Hydra, that doesn’t mean everyone had to be that way.
“Does she bring up memories from the time? Or is it just a constant reminder of how Hydra treated you?” Wanda asked and frowned a bit. Bucky was her friend, she wanted him to be happy and in a good mental state. He deserved it after everything he had been through. Wanda had helped him with his sleep. With help of Shuri they had singled out the part of Buckys brain which produced his vivid nightmares and had put it in an indefinite sleep, it did hinder his artistic abilities a bit when he was awake, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make for good sleep.
Lori had decided not to let Wanda poke around in her head, for three reasons really. One, she didn’t want someone poking around in her head, it felt a little too intimate. She had gone through all the trials without fuss, but letting someone in was a game-changer. Two, she didn’t want Wanda to find things out. She wanted to be the one to tell her story, she wanted to be the one who opened up, she didn’t want it done for her. The third reason, was that Lori was terrified of what was in her own head. She had kept it away for so long and letting Wanda in would bring it out into the open and she would be asked about it.
The trials she had gone through was enough. She was mentally stable, and she was mentally ready to help the team in difficult situations. She was ready to be one of them. All that was left for her was an interview done by Sam, the team-leader, and a gun-trial. Lori was more nervous about the interview. She didn’t know Sam. When she worked for Hydra she had gotten to know her missions before she interrogated them or was interrogated by them. It had always given her the upper-hand, something she could play off of. Now she had nothing, and that terrified her. She didn’t know what Sam might want to know more than what was in her files.
Lori had looked after Bucky as he left the room, but Sam had stopped her from going after him.She trusted Sam, he knew Bucky better than she did. On another note Lori felt like she should egt to bed soon. She wanted to be up early to work out, and hopefully avoid people when she did. Bucky came back after a little while. Sam patted his shoulder and asked if he was okay while Lori just studied him. He didn’t need her support right now. He needed the support of people he knew and trusted.
She sighed softly to herself. “Thank you for this, Sam and James. I think I´ll head back to mine,” She said and smiled at the two. “Do you think you´re fine finding it on your own or do you want company?” Sam asked and looked at her with a smile. “I think I´m good, but thank you for the offer, I´ll see you two tomorrow,” She said and walked off in the direction off her own room. She found her way easily and got into her room making sure to look the door twice behind her. She trusted the team, just not enough yet. She didn’t want to wake up with one of them in her room.
The two windows in her room helped light it up a bit despite it being dark outside already. The serum had done a lot for her, including bettering her eyesight. She had always had good eyesight, but she could see things more sharply now and her nightvision was better. She walked to her bathroom to brush her teeth. She didn’t turn the light on there either but instead went by feeling. She counted to 120 in her head before she spit out the toothpaste and wiped her mouth on a towel. She got back to her bedroom and walked over to the bookshelf where she picked out a book at random to read. She sat down on the couch and looked up to the roof of her room. “Friday, can you get a reading light for me?” She asked without much hope of a positive answer.
Friday didn’t answer verbally but turned on a single light besides Lori so that she could read. She flinched as the light turned on, even if she should have expected it. She had expected a verbal cue first though. “Friday, please give me verbal cues in the future, thank you” She said out into nothing. She wasn’t even sure the AI listened. The whole idea of talking to an AI made her feel weird, and it felt weird to have her in the room. She shuddered and curled up in the corner of the deep red couch. It was an IKEA-couch, something Lori for sure remembered from her time in the 70´s. There was a blanket on the other side of the couch wich Lori picked up and wrapped around her legs. She wasn’t cold but it was a comfort, something holding her when she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She hadn´t slept since she arrived at the compound.
New impressions, a new area and fear of what was going on was the reason behind her lack of sleep. In all honesty, she whished she had been left in the cryo-chamber. Adjusting to a new century, new people, and a new order was hard. Harder than she would have ever imagined. It was terrifying and exhausting. How Bucky had done it was beyond her, and she envied him. He had managed to fit in, why did she feel like she couldn’t.
How to kill a mockingbird fell from her hands as she was curled up in the corner of her couch, her eyes closed, her breathing even. Overthinking and exhaustion from the day of new impressions had managed to make her fall asleep. She wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn´t anything new to her and Lori preferred it to a bed. It was a familiar type of uncomfortability.
