Searching for Something More

Just a nerd turned philosopher who is searching after truth and meaning.

[searchfororthodoxy]

Oh, chastity, where have you gone?

[scarletheroisback-deactivated20]

thevoiceisinmyhead said: 

Did I somehow miss that you were at a monastery? Do you have a post about it that I can read? I have a daughter who is wanting to be a nun.

I don’t remember if I ever wrote a specific post about living at a hermitage but since about 6 months I sometimes say a word or two about how things are developing here. Half a year ago I finally confessed that I am at a monastery.

And I sometimes report about the building of the church (* * * *) and the feasts *.

I got asked what the best and the hardest part is about living at a monastery.

I wrote about how to behave at a monastery.

And about the “internet restrictions” etc..

It is wonderful that your daughter wants to become a nun. I can still recommend “The scent of holiness” by Constantina R. Palmer about this topic and maybe she can also peek into my “monasticism” page which constist of quotes, articles and documentaries.

Visiting a monastery, if she did not already, is also very important. Though there are different monastery-types and one might not find the one that fits one right away. (There are monasteries where most of the nuns work while just a few will attend the services but also, like it is here, where the church services are the most important and everyone shall join them. Convents with 100 nuns, some with 10 and some with just 2 or 3. Some in the cities, some in small villages and some far away from people…)

I rarely write articles because I feel like that I am just now knowledgeable enough about most topics and I am not sure if someone wants to read what I have to say at all. (Also I do not want to influence people in a bad way, so I mostly post quotes and articles other people wrote.)

Monasticism is, in my eyes, the hardest of all ways. Self-denial, fighting with yourself, obedience, dealing with the people you live with, etc. But I belive that it is worth it in the end.

[searchfororthodoxy]

My priest once told me this story:

"An Abbess was once visiting our parish as a guest lecturer. I thanked her for her prayers and said that she had chosen the harder life. She immediately stopped me and said, "No, you married folks have the harder life. We get to pray and be concerned only with our own salvation. You, however, have to be constantly distracted by the world and find salvation through family life.""

I don't want to discount how hard the monastic life is, but I think it might have varying gradations to its difficulty depending on the individual. I feel called to the married life, but I have often considered monasticism because I don't want to screw someone else's life up, especially my children's lives. If I were ever to join a monastery for that reason, I think that monasticism would be very difficult for me.

But for those who actually love God and desire to escape the world? I imagine that monasticism would be a great way to ascend the heights of virtue. I've met monks whose faces shone with joy; through God's grace, I hope I can find that in the married life.

Thoughts?

[wild-freedom-ajskdlf-deactivate]

I started discerning for religious life but then I realized no community would ever want me.

I’m too bad and too much of a freak

[emeraldboreas-deactivated201809]

Satan has really fed you a whopper. It’s discouraged you from pursuing a life that’s 100% dedicated to Christ.

So ask yourself: why do you believe Satan, the father of lies, and not the God who made you in His image, died for you, and may have personally placed the desire for a vocation in your heart?

[m1serere-n0bis]

OP, I would highly recommend that you read No Turning Back by Fr. Donald Calloway as you continue to discern the religious life. Trust me, literally NOTHING will stop the will of God if He intends for you to enter the religious life.

[wild-freedom-ajskdlf-deactivate]

Several reasons have been placed in my head to where I’m too bad.  I’ve got several tattoos, used to be a part of that LBQT scene (thought I was one of that lot until the light of Christ showed me the Truth and freed me from that delusion), had a week stay in a psych ward because I tried to end myself, and I have no skills to give other than cleaning toilets and making tacos.

I’m rambling now.  I don’t want to cross a line into self-pity.

I still have a longing for it.  Especially during prayer.  If I could that’s how I would spend all my moments.  I just can’t see why He would want me.

But I shall read that book, @m1serere-n0bis . Thank you for it.  Already in my Amazon cart

[m1serere-n0bis]

Please don’t give up hope, my friend! God placed that desire in your heart for a reason. I don’t want to spoil anything about Fr. Calloway’s story, so please let me know what you think after you read it. Will keep your journey in my prayers! :)

[alwaysabeautifullife]

wild-freedom-ajskdlf, I have tattoos, and am a bit of a wierd one myself (my sins are really gross and bad, I’m telling you love that I AM A SINNER). I feel very unworthy of my vocation, and even more unworthy doing the work God calls me too. A vocation is a call to love, there are no special “skills” required. We are all born to love, within your vocation, you are simply doing as you were born to do. The feeling of unworthiness, know that wherever God calls you, He will also give you the graces if you abandon yourself to Him. So, this uneasy feeling you have about yourself, is the opportunity to abandon your will to God.

[wildflovvers]

Noah was a drunk! (Genesis 9:21) Abraham thought he was too old! (Genesis 17:17) Isaac was a liar, just like his Dad! (Genesis 26:7, 20:2) Jacob was a liar & a schemer! (Genesis 27:19 and many more!) Moses had a speach impediment! (Exodus 4:10) Gideon was afraid! (Judges 6:27) Samson was a womanizer! (14:2, 16:1) Rahab was a prostitute! (Joshua 2:1, 6:17) Jeremiah and Timothy were too young! (Jeremiah 1:6, 1 Timothy 4:12) David was an adulterer and a murderer! (2 Samuel 12:9) Elijah was suicidal! (1 Kings 19:4) Isaiah preached naked! (Isaiah 20:2-3) Jonah ran from God! (Jonah 1:3) Naomi was a bitter widow! (Ruth 1:20) Job went bankrupt! (Job 1:13-19) Peter denied Christ! (Matthew 26:69-74) The Disciples fell asleep while praying! (Matthew 26:40)

God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

[searchfororthodoxy]

I think, as if that matters at all, that you should read the life of Saint Moses the Black and be at peace if you are called to the contemplative life.  St. Moses live a violent life (far worse than yours, I imagine) and turned into one of the great Saints.

http://orthodoxwiki.org/Moses_the_Black

[searchfororthodoxy]

My priest’s instruction on forgiveness

In my last confession, I confessed that I didn’t truly know how to forgive; that I was constantly bringing old hurts to the forefront of my mind.  I confessed that it seemed that I didn’t actually ever forgive anyone, but, rather, just forgot that I was injured and remembered the old hurt again when I was hurt once more.

My priest said the easiest way to learn to forgive someone is this: 

“When the devil brings to mind hurts from the past, use this as an opportunity to turn the hurt on it’s head. You were hurt, but now you can bless.  Pray for the person that the devil has brought to mind. Say this simple prayer, “Lord have mercy upon [person] and bless them.” Then say this prayer for yourself, “Lord have mercy upon me a sinner.”  This is the easiest way to learn true forgiveness.”

I think my priest is quite wise.

[thewatchfulmind-deactivated2015]

Children have a marvelous way of revealing things. Some time back, a young child in my parish clearly developed an attachment to me. It is never quite clear what such attachments mean—though at her age it generally means a fascination with God and even a confusion between who the priest is and who God is. On one Sunday, illness kept me away from the Sunday liturgy. My second priest took charge of the service. Throughout the service (we learned later) the child kept looking for me. As this door and that door would open, she would strain to see me. When, at the end of the service, it was clear that I was not there, she burst into tears. “Where is Father Stephen?”

Some weeks later, after a less stressful Sunday liturgy, this same child came to me and pointed into the altar: “That is where you live,” she said. My first reaction was to want to say, “No. I live in a house down the street.” But a very deep part of me could not bring myself to say that I do not live in the altar. It is certainly wrong to say I merely work in the altar. My relationship with this child and her childlike perceptions forced me to rethink where I live.

My child friend was correct in saying, “You live in the altar,” though she said far more than she knew. The material world is declared by the life of the Church to be a holy place, a place whose true character is revealed only in reference to God. “The whole earth is full of His glory,” is the testimony sung before God by the angels (Isaiah 6:3). We do not live in a world of mere matter. We live in a world filled with holy matter. We live in an altar.

Excerpt From: Fr Stephen Freeman. “Everywhere Present.”

[death-to-the-world]

Question: “In our workplace, should we just be obedient when they tell us to do something in fashion with the times, or should we try to change the world by resisting these things?”

#FrJosiahTrenham: “F I G H T : T O : T H E : D E A T H!!!”

#trueorthodoxy #fighttothedeath #Symposia2014 #OrthodoxPriest #truth #deathtotheworld #dttw

[searchfororthodoxy]

This is my priest. I found this picture of him floating around on tumblr. He’s semi-famous in American Orthodoxy.

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Please tell me about your Easter!

I hope it was beautiful!

[puerile-totalitarian]

Pascha isn’t until next week, nerd. Thanks for the sentiment though.

[alwaysabeautifullife]

I’m actually excited because this is the first time I have been called nerd on this website.

[searchfororthodoxy]

My only response to my Catholic and Protestant friends has been this when they asked that question: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsZXcj3ihho

[simplyorthodox]

Are you a sinner?

Are you a sinner? Do not become discouraged, and come to Church to put forward repentance. Have you sinned? Then tell God, ‘I have sinned.’ What manner of toil is this, what prescribed course of life, what affliction? What manner of difficulty is it to make one statement, ‘I have sinned’? Perhaps if you do not call yourself a sinner, you do not have the devil as an accuser? Anticipate this and snatch the honor away from him, because it is his purpose to accuse. Therefore, why do you not prevent him, and why do you not tell your sin and wipe it out, since you know that you have such an accuser who cannot remain silent? Have you sinned? Come to Church. Tell God, ‘I have sinned.’ I do not demand anything else of you than this. 

- St. John Chrysostom

[searchfororthodoxy]

I needed this.

[searchfororthodoxy]

Driver’s License

Last year I received two tickets for speeding. I was unable to pay for them because I lost my job. Needless to say, the State of Ca did not take kindly to my not paying the tickets off and therefore revoked my license. At the beginning of 2015, I started looking for work again. I've been nominally offered two jobs, but had them revoked because I do not have my license. I called the DMV asking for a work release and here’s is what they said “If you had a DUI, we could help you, but other than that, we cannot remove the hold on the license.” So get this:  if I had run your grandma over in the streets and was drunk while doing, I could get my license suspension lifted because I need to go to work. However, because I owe the state 2k, they will not remove the suspension until I pay the debt. I cannot pay the debt because I cannot find work because I do not have my license.

[simplyorthodox]

Day 01 — Your favorite Saint Day 02 — Your favorite Feast Day Day 03 — Your favorite Bible Verse Day 04 — Your favorite Jesus icon  Day 05 — Your favorite Theotokos icon Day 06 — How often do you say the Jesus Prayer with your prayer rope? Day 07 — Your favourite pilgrimage destination  Day 08 — Your favourite Orthodox monastery Day 09 — A photo of your favourite Church  Day 10 — How many prayer ropes do you have? Day 11 — Your favourite chant Day 12 — Your favourite day of the Holy Week  Day 13 — Your favourite Saint quote Day 14 — Your favourite Orthodox elder/eldress Day 15 — Your favourite Orthodox celebrity Day 16 — How often do you receive the Holy Communion? Day 17 — Your favourite Priest/Metropolitan Day 18 — Your favourite Archangel Day 19 — Ever considered ordination/entering monachism? Day 20 — Your favourite Father of the Church Day 21 — The Last Orthodox book/study you read Day 22 — What does Orthodox Christianity mean to you? Day 23 — Describe your relationship with God Day 24 — Describe your relationship with the Most Holy Theotokos Day 25 — Your favourite tumblr Orthodox bloggers Day 26 — Your stance on Ecumenism Day 27 — Your favourite Martyr/s Day 28 — Your favourite Orthodox radio station/internet radio station Day 29 — Share any funny Orthodox moments you noticed at Church  Day 30 — How many icons you own?

[searchfororthodoxy]

Day 5:

[simplyorthodox]

Day 01 — Your favorite Saint Day 02 — Your favorite Feast Day Day 03 — Your favorite Bible Verse Day 04 — Your favorite Jesus icon  Day 05 — Your favorite Theotokos icon Day 06 — How often do you say the Jesus Prayer with your prayer rope? Day 07 — Your favourite pilgrimage destination  Day 08 — Your favourite Orthodox monastery Day 09 — A photo of your favourite Church  Day 10 — How many prayer ropes do you have? Day 11 — Your favourite chant Day 12 — Your favourite day of the Holy Week  Day 13 — Your favourite Saint quote Day 14 — Your favourite Orthodox elder/eldress Day 15 — Your favourite Orthodox celebrity Day 16 — How often do you receive the Holy Communion? Day 17 — Your favourite Priest/Metropolitan Day 18 — Your favourite Archangel Day 19 — Ever considered ordination/entering monachism? Day 20 — Your favourite Father of the Church Day 21 — The Last Orthodox book/study you read Day 22 — What does Orthodox Christianity mean to you? Day 23 — Describe your relationship with God Day 24 — Describe your relationship with the Most Holy Theotokos Day 25 — Your favourite tumblr Orthodox bloggers Day 26 — Your stance on Ecumenism Day 27 — Your favourite Martyr/s Day 28 — Your favourite Orthodox radio station/internet radio station Day 29 — Share any funny Orthodox moments you noticed at Church  Day 30 — How many icons you own?

[scarletheroisback-deactivated20]

Simply Orthodox ☦: 30 day Orthodox challenge!

[searchfororthodoxy]

Day 4: 

Pantocrator Sinai

[simplyorthodox]

30 day Orthodox challenge!

Day 01 — Your favorite Saint Day 02 — Your favorite Feast Day Day 03 — Your favorite Bible Verse Day 04 — Your favorite Jesus icon Day 05 — Your favorite Theotokos icon Day 06 — How often do you say the Jesus Prayer with your prayer rope? Day 07 — Your favourite pilgrimage destination Day 08 — Your favourite Orthodox monastery Day 09 — A photo of your favourite Church Day 10 — How many prayer ropes do you have? Day 11 — Your favourite chant Day 12 — Your favourite day of the Holy Week Day 13 — Your favourite Saint quote Day 14 — Your favourite Orthodox elder/eldress Day 15 — Your favourite Orthodox celebrity Day 16 — How often do you receive the Holy Communion? Day 17 — Your favourite Priest/Metropolitan Day 18 — Your favourite Archangel Day 19 — Ever considered ordination/entering monachism? Day 20 — Your favourite Father of the Church Day 21 — The Last Orthodox book/study you read Day 22 — What does Orthodox Christianity mean to you? Day 23 — Describe your relationship with God Day 24 — Describe your relationship with the Most Holy Theotokos Day 25 — Your favourite tumblr Orthodox bloggers Day 26 — Your stance on Ecumenism Day 27 — Your favourite Martyr/s Day 28 — Your favourite Orthodox radio station/internet radio station Day 29 — Share any funny Orthodox moments you noticed at Church Day 30 — How many icons you own?

[searchfororthodoxy]

Day 03: "Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called children of God."

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Penance makes good glue.

[pegobry]

This is heresy. Christians are saved by grace. Penance is wonderful, but it is an expression of gratitude for forgiveness, which is freely granted.

[searchfororthodoxy]

alwaysabeautifullife:

I don’t think photo is talking about Jesus not forgiving us. I just found this photo that someone had posted, and it made me think about the reason for penance. Not really sure how that is heresy, but okay.

Might I humbly offer the conversation I had a while ago with a friend:

[searchfororthodoxy]

Tumblr keeps on resizing my images

Ugh, tumblr, why do you do this to me?

[searchfororthodoxy]

A girl.

Can I just say that it's quite a relief to have  a rule, a canona, in regards to relationships?  I like a girl, but I am desperately trying to not fuck things up this time around.  It's so weird that just a few years ago I balked at what I saw as overly conservative protections my priest wanted to put in place in regards to my relationships with women, especially the girl I was dating at the time.  Now I am running to these rules to protect my heart.

No girls (well, just this one girl really) in the house if we're alone. And she has to be out by midnight. Yup, I just kicked her out and sent her packing.

Please pray for my chasity.

[simplyorthodox]

30 day Orthodox challenge!

Day 01 — Your favorite Saint Day 02 — Your favorite Feast Day Day 03 — Your favorite Bible Verse Day 04 — Your favorite Jesus icon Day 05 — Your favorite Theotokos icon Day 06 — How often do you say the Jesus Prayer with your prayer rope? Day 07 — Your favourite pilgrimage destination Day 08 — Your favourite Orthodox monastery Day 09 — A photo of your favourite Church Day 10 — How many prayer ropes do you have? Day 11 — Your favourite chant Day 12 — Your favourite day of the Holy Week Day 13 — Your favourite Saint quote Day 14 — Your favourite Orthodox elder/eldress Day 15 — Your favourite Orthodox celebrity Day 16 — How often do you receive the Holy Communion? Day 17 — Your favourite Priest/Metropolitan Day 18 — Your favourite Archangel Day 19 — Ever considered ordination/entering monachism? Day 20 — Your favourite Father of the Church Day 21 — The Last Orthodox book/study you read Day 22 — What does Orthodox Christianity mean to you? Day 23 — Describe your relationship with God Day 24 — Describe your relationship with the Most Holy Theotokos Day 25 — Your favourite tumblr Orthodox bloggers Day 26 — Your stance on Ecumenism Day 27 — Your favourite Martyr/s Day 28 — Your favourite Orthodox radio station/internet radio station Day 29 — Share any funny Orthodox moments you noticed at Church Day 30 — How many icons you own?

[searchfororthodoxy]

Day 02: Pascha, Obviously 

[simplyorthodox]

Day 01 — Your favorite Saint Day 02 — Your favorite Feast Day Day 03 — Your favorite Bible Verse Day 04 — Your favorite Jesus icon  Day 05 — Your favorite Theotokos icon Day 06 — How often do you say the Jesus Prayer with your prayer rope? Day 07 — Your favourite pilgrimage destination  Day 08 — Your favourite Orthodox monastery Day 09 — A photo of your favourite Church  Day 10 — How many prayer ropes do you have? Day 11 — Your favourite chant Day 12 — Your favourite day of the Holy Week  Day 13 — Your favourite Saint quote Day 14 — Your favourite Orthodox elder/eldress Day 15 — Your favourite Orthodox celebrity Day 16 — How often do you receive the Holy Communion? Day 17 — Your favourite Priest/Metropolitan Day 18 — Your favourite Archangel Day 19 — Ever considered ordination/entering monachism? Day 20 — Your favourite Father of the Church Day 21 — The Last Orthodox book/study you read Day 22 — What does Orthodox Christianity mean to you? Day 23 — Describe your relationship with God Day 24 — Describe your relationship with the Most Holy Theotokos Day 25 — Your favourite tumblr Orthodox bloggers Day 26 — Your stance on Ecumenism Day 27 — Your favourite Martyr/s Day 28 — Your favourite Orthodox radio station/internet radio station Day 29 — Share any funny Orthodox moments you noticed at Church  Day 30 — How many icons you own?

[scarletheroisback-deactivated20]

Simply Orthodox ☦: 30 day Orthodox challenge!

[searchfororthodoxy]

Day 1: The Theotokos, obviously.