5 Important Lessons I Learned in 2015
By Claire TrainorāAs 2016 rapidly approaches, Iāve taken time to reflect on things Iāve learned in the last twelve months. Of the dozens of newfound realizations that come to the surface, there are five that truly stick out to me.
Itās important to learn how to be on your own. Sometimes, we stay in relationships or do things simply because weāre afraid of what our lives would be without a certain person, activity or thing. We become complacent or unhappy, and fear prevents us from moving forward. This year, Iāve realized how important it is for me to learn how to support myself, take care of myself and be on my own, without relying on other people for happiness. Of course, Iām not saying we shouldnāt have friends and family who are supportive, encouraging and there to help in moments of desperation. But at the end of the day, you are your own greatest enemy or ally, and I want to be the latter.
You deserve to forgive yourself for the things youāve done wrong. I hang on to guilt for far longer than I should. Yes, I have done things in the past year that have hurt those around me, often those I love the most. But months after, Iām the only one still hurting. I realized that I cling to guilt as a form of self-punishment for the things I feel Iāve done wrong, and Iāve realized just how important it is to let go of that nasty habit and forgive myself, just as I would forgive others.
You donāt need to have all the right answers right now. I am usually stressed because of my preoccupation with the future of my education and relationships. Where will I go when I graduate from college? Will the friendships I have now last if I move away? How will I be able to get a job? What is my life going to look like ten years from now? Although these questions often fuel change or prompt research into opportunities, they also take away from enjoying this moment. The permanence of my life right now has very little bearing on being able to enjoy itāliving in the moment is what matters.
Itās okay to do nothing. In fact, itās probably a good thing. When I was little, my mom had a sign hanging in her bedroom that read, āDonāt just do something, sit there.ā This year, I fully understood that message. I pile so much on my plate that at the end of the day, the week, the month and the year, Iām exhausted. And when I have nothing to do, I create things for myself, small ways of forcing productivity. In order to do all I want to do, though, Iāve realized that I need to build in time to do nothing, to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix or snuggle up with a good book. My energy is not unlimitedāI need to recharge my batteries to be able to do all I want to do.
There are an infinite number of ways to be happy. The one that matters most is the one that works for you. For some people, happiness comes from a hot cup of tea in their favorite coffee shop. For some, it comes from a fresh manicure or getting their hair colored in a new way. For others, happiness comes from lying in sweatpants all day or getting dressed up and spending a night out on the town. My happiness comes from being in the mountains with my family and my dogs, it comes from exploring hidden corners of Chicago with my roommates, it comes from getting a good grade on a paper I worked my butt of on, it comes from being awake before the rest of the world, and it comes from going out for a nice dinner with my boyfriend. My happiness rarely comes from going out to parties, spending hours upon hours with people or staying up past my bedtime. But thatās okay. The things that make me happy donāt have to make everyone happy, just like the things that make others happy donāt have to be fun for me. What matters is that you find what makes you happy.Ā
