[7:15pm]
Soonyoung’s alone and sad on Valentine's Day.
And it’s all his fault.
It’s all his fault and he knows it.
You’re not alone and sad, though. You’re spending Valentine’s Day with someone else when you should be spending it with him. But again, it’s his fault.
“So…” Your voice is small and hesitant already. You’re not sure how you’re gonna do this.
Soonyoung looks away from the movie to stare at you, eyes as majestic as ever, and a small smile across his lips. His black hair is slightly damp and droplets of sweat are trailing down his torso. His body can never really hide what the two of you do.
When you say nothing, he asks, “Yes?”
You just have to say it. Plain and simple. You’ve known him long enough. You’ve been doing this long enough. It’s time.
Breathe in, breathe out.
“Valentine’s Day is coming up.” This has to be enough, you can’t bring yourself to continue. You just can’t do it. Soonyoung has to figure out the rest on his own.
The thing is, he isn’t any good with unspoken words.
“Oh, yeah.” His eyes are facing front again, “I have a couple’s class to teach until 8:30 that day.”
You nod.
You want him to tell you he can still see you after classes. You want him to tell you he wants to spend that day with you. You want him to own up to his feelings, even if he’s not ready to actually call you anything more than a friend.
Because you know you are. You are more. You feel it in the way he kisses you. In the way he smiles at you. In the way he holds your waist when you’re dancing. In the way he says you’re the best he’s ever had.
But now you want him to say it with actual words. You want them to roll out of his lips the same way moans were doing not long ago.
“Do you have plans?” Soonyoung suddenly asks and you’re caught off guard.
“Not really.”
Silence.
Do it. Do it now. Ask her to spend Valentine’s Day with you. You want it and she wants it too. That’s probably why she’s bringing this up. Just say it. They’re just words. It’s not like you haven’t been showing her in other ways you want that.
But Soonyoung just can’t do it.
It’s like he’s paralyzed. By fear, by insecurities, by the weird voice in his head - he’s not even sure what it is. He just can’t do it.
When Soonyoung doesn’t say what you wanna hear, you do your best to hide, but there’s a clear shift in your posture. And it’s so evident that even someone like Soonyoung can pick up on it. And before he realizes it, he’s vomiting words. And they’re all the wrong ones.
“You can do something if you want to. Don’t let me hold you back.” He’s still not looking at you, but he can feel your eyes on him. “I mean, it’s not like we’re officially dating anyway.”
“What?” You can’t say anything more than that. Your head is spinning and your mouth feels dry.
No, Soonyoung. No. Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up.
But again, he just can’t do it.
“Well, we always said this was casual.”
There was absolutely nothing casual about the two of you. Not anymore. Soonyoung’s in it, and deep. But that’s not the arrangement. That’s not what you both said this thing was gonna be when you first kissed months ago. That’s not what you both said when you kept having sex week after week. He was not supposed to like you this much. He’s not supposed to almost love you like that.
But he does and he somehow thinks he’s not allowed. Soonyoung thinks he shouldn’t. Not because of you. God, never because of you. But because of him. Because he’s clueless.
And he thinks you deserve more than that. He’s known you for ages and you’re his favorite person. You don’t deserve clueless. You deserve intentional. Regardless of how much he likes you.
So maybe that’s why Soonyoung is doing this now. He’s not sure.
Clueless.
This did not go as you planned. Awful result. Just awful. You’re at a loss for words so all you do is hum in acknowledgment.
Soonyoung tries to think for a second, and he can feel in his heart he’s absolutely ruining everything.
But he just can’t help it. Maybe it’s for the best.
Clueless.
“Yeah, so you’re free to do whatever. Maybe even go on a date.” You look at your hands and his words feel like a thousand knives being pressed against your skin. “You shouldn’t be alone on Valentine’s Day.”
And so you aren’t alone on Valentine’s Day. But Soonyoung is.
And all he thinks about is you.
Soonyoung is alone and sad and he’s about to teach a couple’s class without the best dance partner he’s ever had.
And it’s all his fault.
a/n: omg hiiiiii! i haven't written anything in ages. i was in fact complaining yesterday to a friend about it lol and then today i woke up and BAILE INoLVIDABLE was stuck in my head and had an epiphany that it's very much a soonyoung song. so then i wrote this. i kinda wanted to write more and give it the happy ending it deserves but i the inspiration is gone (and so is my free time). so maybe some other time. but yes here you have it, angsty soonyoung for vday!!! enjoy!!! mwah!!!
