Today was a weird day in my ftm journey. I've always loved femininity, but I spent so long trying to distance myself from it as much as possible, that it no longer feels like something for me, and that sucks. The clothes that were made for my body feel so foreign to me now. I've felt foreign to myself, and this has made me realize that I never truly wanted full, cis passing masculinization from my transition. I've struggled existing as the man I've become because it's not the way I want to exist, but the way I feel I'm expected to, for my safety.
I think I want to spend some time figuring out how I can be less harshly masculine, and reintroduce some femininity into my existence. I want to be softer, delicate and beautiful, like the dress was. I want to be able to wear dresses like that and feel sexy, curvy, and feminine. And I want to be less hairy.
I love being a trans man, and I also love the woman I was, the one who loved dresses that showed off my curves. She was me and will always be me, my love of femininity has never changed, so I don't know why I denied it to myself for so long.






