The Secret Heart Society

a.k.a : the secret hurt blog post. Where I post something I feel, something that feels hurt, something that feels good or something in between.

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I have no recollection of buying that many pregnancy test. But what I have in mind every time I pee on a stick that says “+ pregnant and - not pregnant”, it is the latter that I always remember!

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It is hard ....

It is hard to understand myself. One minute I think of good, positive notes to lift up everyone and the next moment goes like, “What’s wrong with this person”?

I always think that good things comes out in a good, convenient, calm and cool conversation but it often follows with “ahh, he should know better than trying to upset me”.

Why our thoughts are this way? The good and the bad. Isn’t it odd? Often we think that it’s the other person. But come to think of it, it’s always us. It always start with the word “me”. Our reaction shapes the result of the conversation. Communication plays the vital role of the conversation. Handling it in a right way is the high road to take but challenging no less.

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Tell, do tell ...

To the world that :

1. the universe is conspiring a secret bullet to your own happiness.

2. the more you think of good things despite of the bad, life is not bad after all.

3. that when life is shared by two - it’s something to look forward to for the next conversation, the next movie title to watch and next meal to share.

#life #thetruth #reality

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Why do we get scared when ...

When our love ones get sick? I had a helluva scary moment today. When my toddler broke out an allergy for the first time, I did not know what to do. What in the world was it?

As a mom, you keep praying that everything will be okay. Health wise, yes. Security wise, yes! Fun wise, yes! Socially wise, of course. But when it come to healthy issues - your toes and knees buckled and surrendered to prayer that everything is going to be alright.

It was heartbreaking seeing my toddler in pain.

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The thing you do for your love ones...

Having to carry your young ones in your arms for long night just for comfort. To let them feel that you are there for them. Sacrifices you make just to relieve them from any sickness.

Things you do for love. You don’t mind losing sleep just for your love ones to feel love.

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Oh why bother?

Life is like a mist.

I’m here now

I will be gone tomorrow

What good is it to care?

Oh well...

I do care about some things

Like how to raise my toddler

How to love my spouse

And how to make things better.

At times though

I feel like a bad one

Hoping to crash the good ones.

Am I that evil?

Am I that worst?

Oh well...

I’m just being honest

Hoping no one read this post

To be honest, I feel like I should be an assassin. I will assassinate my hurt feelings. Yeah, that should be me. Hurt assassinator (is there such a word?)

Oh bother...

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My jealousy is eating me alive. I am going to crash it and live according to what I have given today.

Mysecrethurtheartclub

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I am not going to say if I could turn back time. It’s kind of depressing telling myself that if I could do it differently, it would never happen. This is the kind of thinking I don’t want to think of. It’s sort of waste of time or maybe not. Come to think of it... if I indulge on the power of this line, “If I could turn back time, and do thing differently?” What would it do to me now?

It’s kind of pathetic. Is it not?

Maybe, I’m wrong. But at times like this I am logical to no reasons.

You see, losing my pregnancy was kind of tough. I really was so happy. I am happy now but part of me will always think that I have found love, joy and contentment. Then, circumstances took that piece of joy away.

I have people in my life. Husband, a toddler who’s making my cloudy days to sunshine, family and friends. It’s just that - somehow that incident give me a piece of sadness.

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When almost everyone you know are posting their baby bump and you just lost yours .... and you feel like —😢😢😢😢😢☹️