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tastefullyoffensive

I feel you, Phil. (via rockchalkred)

thenatsdorf

tastefullyoffensive

When Monday hits you. [full video]

theonion

Study: Depression Up Among Teenage Girls Able To Perceive Any Part Of World Around Them

WALTHAM, MA—Calling it nothing short of a mental health crisis for the group, a study published Monday in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that depression was up sharply among teenage girls able to perceive any part of the world around them. “Our research has shown a significant increase in anxiety and depression among 13- to 19-year-old girls who are capable of taking in stimuli from their surroundings and processing them into an understanding of the outside world,” said study author Natalie Ogilvy, adding that an ability to observe day-to-day existence, comprehend media, or register any of their own personal experiences were among some of the strongest predictors of emotional difficulties for teenage girls. “In addition, we noticed even more pronounced depressive symptoms among female adolescents who not only can perceive their environment, but who also have the capacity to retain memories of what they have witnessed. Teenage girls who are able to imagine themselves even seconds into their future circumstances were the most vulnerable of them all.” While depression peaked among teenage girls able to perceive the world around them, the researchers also found that it manifested itself in early childhood or even infancy, particularly among newborn girls able to open their eyes.

theonion

Coworker Loudly Typing Away Like 1930s Cub Reporter Chasing Hot Lead

Unable to ignore the incessant clatter arising from the man’s cubicle, several Westerbrook Financial employees confirmed Friday that their coworker Eric Ford was noisily typing away at his desk like a 1930s cub reporter chasing a hot lead. According to colleagues, the 31-year-old analyst was furiously writing up an investment evaluation as though he were a fedora-clad young hotshot in a smoke-filled bullpen, quickly transcribing notes for a big scoop that would blow the lid off a major scandal. For a period of at least 30 minutes, Ford was said to have hammered relentlessly on the keyboard of his laptop—and not a Smith Corona typewriter, as those listening in might have assumed—completing the risk analysis and valuation sections of his report with the enthusiasm of a young, inexperienced reporter frantically trying to beat the print deadline of the evening edition in an effort to make a name for himself in local journalism circles and get his grizzled managing editor off his case.

More.

theonion

flightless-wings

if a guy is hitting on u and he is clearly the alpha in his group of guys.. go for the third in command and undermine their whole power structure

humansofnewyork

“The other team’s snow fort is higher than ours, so we’re trying to build some walls. It’s going to be a tough battle, because all they have to do is stand up and they can throw snowballs right into our fort. But I think we have the most friendship so that will be an advantage. We’ve known each other since we were three and we’re on the same soccer team. So if one person gets hit in the face with a snowball, everyone else will help to recover them.”

inkskinned

when i was 12 i babysat this girl for a few years and she would come to me and show me her art, drag me by my wrists and point at the pieces she’d made during the week. and she’d be like “do the voice” and i’d put on a sports-announcer olympics-style voice and be like “such form! this level of coloring! why i haven’t seen such perfection in crayola in a long time. and what is this? why jeff, now this is a true risk… it seems she’s made … a monochrome pink canvas…. i haven’t seen this attempted since winter 1932… and i gotta say, jeff, it’s absolutely splendid” and she’d fall back giggling. at the end of every night she’d check with me: “did you really like it?” and i’d say yes and talk about something i noticed and tucked her in.

she was just accepted into 3 major art schools. she wrote me a letter. inside was a picture from when she was younger. monochrome pink.

“thank you,” it said, “to somebody who saw the best in me.”