Of Losses and Discovery
A 6-year-old me once told the same 6-year-old me that a 20-year-old me would NEVER FORGET this innocent feeling of a child, and that with age this naivety and innocence would just blossom and grow together side by side with something called maturity. I must say that was very optimistic of me -- confident that I won't be struck down by lightning and live to see 20 (here I am...no lightnings so far..)
Fortunately (or unfortunately) 6-year-old me forgot that with time, one grows and tends to forget the promises made to themselves. And with that time, one learns to forgive these forgetfulness; crafting excuses after excuses until there is nothing left of that innocence or naivety to savour. Until I’ve lost some materialistic world stuff for realisation to dawn that the naivety and innocence is lost forever.
Do I miss the naivety?
Yes. In honesty I always thought that growing up would just give me an opportunity to ‘get by’ life sailing and achieving things like it’s as easy as plucking flowers from an overgrown bush. You know the naiveness of believing that things will work out one way or another. And if it doesn’t work out well....I won’t fret because naive-me was there to convince myself that IT WILL work out (see why I miss it..)
Surprise! So no one told you life was going to be that way (cue the 90s Friends reference) and you’re stuck here writing out your woes just to get a grip of yourself (talk about being dramatic).
That was how life greeted me -- in classic 90s sitcom style minus the fame and audience. It’s been a pretty vague sailing of life so far because I’m neither an adult nor do I have that innocence of a child. Like you’re here but neither there and you're there but neither here.
Perhaps not at a total loss, just mildly confused, because what used to be your guide to stay on track; GPS seems outdated hence you're unsure as to how to proceed on. But one cannot stop to ask for help because the GPS is tailored differently for each other.
This then makes every little thing bamboozling. Ironically this feeling of discovery is as if you’re a child learning the ways of life again! Only this time it’s the REAL way -- minus the glitz and glamour.
And the crux of this realisation was through the loss of naivety, as one grows and (tries to) attain maturity. Because no matter how much lemonade you make, life will continue to supply you with AMPLE amount of lemons. I’ve drunk my fair share of lemonade,thinking it CANNOT get any worse (but it does)
This may seem like another teenage ramble about self discovery upon losing something, well DING DING DING it exactly is that.
I’ve lost my sense of naivety upon losing something literally..
