$LAYYYTER
pixel skylines
ellievsbear
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
NASA
art blog(derogatory)
KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle
untitled
shark vs the universe
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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Fai_Ryy
Noah Kahan
EXPECTATIONS
Mike Driver
d e v o n
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
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@seekingthesolutions-blog
My Clarisonic Journey: Skin Vlog #1-- My Struggle with Dermatillomania
Very nervous about this video. Makeup-less and talking about skin-picking, after having just picked my skin. Visit my channel, subscribe, and give me some love.
my body: *exists*
me: gotta pick at it
Me, noticing an imperfection in the mirror: hoe don't do it
Me, 20 mins later (bleeding): oh my god
I think I might have sex avoidance disorder. I'll ask my OBGYN on Tuesday
I've been having an anxiety attack almost all day.
The OBGYN office called and it's time for my yearly checkup. Yearly torture session.
I would seriously rather die than let anyone touch me down there.
I made the mistake of telling my mom that I haven't had sex since July. She says that maybe the doctor will be able to help me so I can improve my relationship with my husband.
I don't want to go. I don't want to cry in front of strangers. I don't want them to stick their fingers there. I don't want the shooting pain.
Being a woman is awful.
Why doesn't sex hurt men like it hurts us?
I just want to die
I don't feel like a person today.
I feel so empty
[1920′s gangster voice] every single one’a you’s…… every single one’a you’s is valid…….
t’anks bossÂ
I wish I didn't exist
Depression: *starts to poke its head into 2018*
Me:
I don't know how to tell people that I am passivley suicidal.
It's 2:40 in the morning and the people in the apartment above of are having vigorous sex. So I'm feeling guilty and hating myself
I'm disgusting
January 20th 12:20am
Feeling wholly unimportant.
I just want people (family, mostly) to listen to my stories, or ask me about my day. Anything. Just some amount of effort.
I'll always be second best, the second thought.
I called my mom today to tell her I made the honor roll for last semester (the first time that's happened since high school) and she was like heres all about my day, Hang on, I have to pee! I'll call you back.
I wasn't expecting her to call me back, but she did. Then she got out to her car and it was snowing really badly so she said she had to go, and she would call me when she got home. I was stupid enough to believe her and I sat by my phone for an hour, waiting.
Got a voicemail a little later, saying she needed a nap and would talk to me later.
If I didn't initiate any of these calls, they wouldn't happen. I feel like I'm the one carrying almost all of my relationships, and it's exhausting. I've been begging my brother to go to lunch with me, but he's been busy. Understandable, but... some kind of effort and I get nothing. Then they wonder why I've stopped telling them things. Clearly, you don't care, so why should I put forth the effort in talking about my life? All I do is go to school and work and nap. Oh wait, that's what you do, mom.
My brother is the clear favorite. I don't want to be petty, but on Facebook, when he posts a cool video of him lifting or whatever (frequent), both of my parents share it to their own pages. They never share any of my accomplishments. Like, that I made the honor roll.
I'm not a person. I'm an idea, and the idea my family has of me is no where near to what I actually am. Because they don't ask.
And I'm very, very tired.
my advice for 2018
Rant
Here's a thing I never tell anyone-- I hate sex.
I don't want to hate it. Before I got married, I figured I'd be obsessed with it because I loved making out and cuddling. But when I got married, I found out sex is incredibly painful for me. Every time. No matter How "in the mood" I am, or how much I just want it. It's too painful.
I get horrible anxiety thinking about it. It hurts so badly that I end up in tears every time and just hang in there until my husband finishes. He feels terrible for hurting me, which is why we haven't done it for so long. There's no pleasure for me--just unbearable pain.
Also, since I'm married, there's the expectation that I'm going to have children. No one takes into consideration whether or not I want babies. When I tell them I don't, they say "oh, you're young! One day you'll change your mind and you'll be ready." Yeah, I doubt it. I haven't had actual sex since... July 2017? August, maybe? How can I have babies if I can't have sex, hmmm? But I can't explain that to people because I get the "well have you tried relaxing" like YES I HAVE. It doesn't help, or I'm not doing it right. Nothing helps.
Whenever I have a stomach ache at family functions, my cousins tease me with "Are you pregnant??" No. "Are you sure?" Unbelievably sure. It's been 7 months since I've had sex and if I was pregnant, everyone would know by now. But I can't just say that or people would be horrified. It makes me feel completely... not misunderstood.. just.. not compherended at all.
"Well, *husband* probably wants to have children so you can't say you won't ever have kids." WELL WHAT ABOUT ME and my wants? Don't I get a say? My body, my decision.
hey
guess what?
you’re so close to surviving 2017
you can make it
i’m so proud that you’re still here
keep going
i love you
hey there’s this new skincare trick called Not Ripping Your Face Open Every Time You See A Mirror guess who’s not gonna fucking try it it’s me
