世界 • 長

[sekaichou-blog]

sakakuring:

Juzo had become sick of the hospital within minutes of waking for the first time, but as time dragged on, he grew more and more irritated and restless. The ticks of the clock on the wall, the stench of antiseptic, the clicks of nurses’ heels as they continued to ‘check in’ and remind him to not strain himself… It was all so boring.

Time was a complete blur, and Juzo only paid attention to small things in the meantime, like the amount of times Munakata came to visit, and how many buildings were still standing outside his window.

It had only felt like a few days had passed before the doctors removed his oxygen mask, but in reality it had been around two weeks. Still, progress was progress, and the boxer realized the difference almost immediately. With the mask gone, Juzo was able to really breathe; the world’s continuing improvement meant less toxicity in the air, which allowed him to suck in a full breath of air without lamenting his lungs’ eventual crumbling to ash due to the pollution.

He choked on the first few breaths, but it still felt refreshing - clean.

Munakata came to visit on the day the mask was removed, and it was ironic; hell, if Juzo was more of the sentimental type, he’d call it oddly poetic. Despite what had happened in the Killing Game, the fact remained that Munakata kept Juzo alive in more ways than one - and the man arriving the moment he could truly breathe again was more than Juzo felt he deserved, but still appreciated nonetheless.

The white-haired man had brought flowers, a gentle smile on his face. (Goddamnit, he loved that smile.) It was refreshing to see his friend more relaxed nowadays - as though a small weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

“Flowers? Really?” he scoffed, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. “Don’t tell me you’re goin’ soft on me.” Despite his words, Juzo’s lips were curled into an equally wide smile, a warmth reflecting in his gaze.

❝ I WANTED to bring some of your favorite foodsーbut given your condition, every suggestion I made had me reprimanded by the medical staff, so I had to settle for something SAFE. ❞

   His tone was positively LIGHT-HEARTED, just like in the old days. A conversation between two friends.

  The WORLD had gone to shit, but just for a little while Munakata wanted to pretend that things were going to be fine. His own sanity depended on it.

❝ They say certain plants can help you breathe easier. I wonder if that’s true. ❞

[sakakuring]

Juzo’s jaw hung open as he tried to form a response, tried to get the words out. I have something to tell you! - it would be so simple to say, six simple words, but his entire body grew rigid with instinctive fear all the same. The last time he’d tried to confess, Munakata had…

Even if the man hadn’t known what Juzo was going to say, he took it as a rejection all the same, but in a worse way than he could have imagined. The boxer had to take some deep breaths to quell his racing heart, ignoring the pricks of tears behind his eyes.

“Munakata - I… Okay.” Despite the pull of unconsciousness grabbing him tightly, Juzo fought to keep himself awake. “Thank you.” He had little else to say, and merely closed his eyes and fell into the darkness.

[sekaichou-blog]

Things NEVER really do change, in the end.

Once a PATTERN or HABIT is set, it is difficult to break without conscious effort. And so Munakata settled back into a pattern of his own: commanding complete authority over Future Foundation. 

Following the results of the Final Killing Game, there was a lot of MORBID work to be done: DEATH CERTIFICATES, MANAGEMENT, and a several page-long incident report ー describing the day-long torture they had all underwent in EXCRUCIATING detail. Munakata had to pause several dozen times while writing ー not only to catch a break, but to KEEP himself from breaking. 

Each time, without even meaning to, he found himself wandering back to Sakakura’s hospital room ー needing to assure that he was okay. His trauma over losing YUKIZOME was making him frantic. Sakakura was all he had left. As long as he was alive, he could manage all of the REGRET, DEPRESSION & PAIN he faced day-in and day-out. 

Everyone was going through it, after all. They could shoulder it together. 

It was because of those feelings that Munakata felt IMMEDIATE relief after hearing that Sakakura was well enough to be breathe without the aid of a respirator. That was proof enough he was already HEALING, that he was going to be FINE. 

It felt INVIGORATING. 

And within a fews hours, Munakata was at his hospital room again, armed with a WARM expression and a bouquet of flowers ー a SENTIMENT of well-wishes. 

[sakakuring]

Comfort was an understatement; Juzo felt positively ecstatic that Munakata wanted to give him more than the time of day, and they could still talk like friends despite everything. Though the boxer hadn’t forgotten what the other man had done, he wasn’t anything more than a little wary of him, if only from the physical memories of the stab. He still wanted to devote himself to this man, as his very presence brought color to Juzo’s otherwise monochromatic world.

(A cheesy sentiment, but very true.)

The boxer’s expression soured at the mention of what he’d done for Naegi, and he promptly scoffed and waved it off with his good hand. “The kid beat Enoshima. If anyone was going to kill him, it had to be you - not because of goddamn suicide. That’s the only reason–!” His voice trailed off as he broke into a fit of coughs, wheezes forced through his bloodied lungs.

Goddamnit. His chest burned as he heaved, the heart monitor beeping quicker. The drugs churning through his veins were dragging him down into sleep, but he refused to cut out just yet.

With a sigh, he fell back against the pillows again, dark exhaustion creeping into the edges of his vision. “…Who am I kidding? That wasn’t the only reason. I was… jealous of Naegi Makoto. He defeated Enoshima. and I had to lie to you to keep my… stupid fucking secret hidden.”

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ We can discuss this more AFTER you’ve rested. ❞

Munakata FLINCHED at every inclination of pain. Every grunt, groan, or cough ー driving him FURTHER & FURTHER into his own feelings of guilt. Who was he to ask him all of these idiotic questions when he needed rest? 

❝ I’ve changed my base of operations to here temporarily. There’s still plenty I need to sort out. But I’ll be HERE. ❞ That much was a promise. 

Juzo Sakakura’s inner feelings were as complex as always. While not completely following, he understand where some of his guilt may have manifested. 

Even so, it wasn’t something the man should dwell on now. Munakata was CONFIDENT in his own conclusion that Enoshima’s monstrous influence would have extended much farther than just one man. There were too many variables for the blame to be placed singularly on one person. 

He wasn’t to blame for this. AT ALL.

[sakakuring]

“Shitty of me to even ask you to stay, but… thanks.” He felt so utterly exhausted, but with Munakata in the room, he wanted to stay awake - almost out of a sense of duty that should’ve died along with him.

Juzo’s gaze swept the room, noting the objects that clearly belonged to the other man (paperwork, certain office items that were so typically Munakata that Juzo had to hold back a laugh). Curling his lips to a smirk, he shifted himself slightly again, trying to get comfortable. Damn hospital beds.

“I knew Naegi would,” he muttered, wondering what sort of karmic balance someone like that has to have to have such good luck. Juzo’s name meant goddamn number thirteen, so it was easy to tell what sort of life he’d have once given the name.

“Don’t really care much about the others, though. That Mitarai kid lasted longer than I thought, though.” To his credit, the kid looked like touching him would shatter him into pieces, so it was a bit of a feat to survive. 

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ I can’t IMAGINE how my being here brings you comfort, but as you say. ❞

Munakata shrugged, feeling a spiritual weight - HEAVY - on his shoulders. Part of him was ELATED to hear that nothing has changed between them, but the circumstances made it feel so WRONG.

 Was he trying to ignore what he had done? Was he so AFRAID of him that he was putting on an act? Was he out of his mind? 

❝ Of course you knew ー you SAVED his life, didn’t you? ❞

That wasn’t something Munakata ever expected from him ー not the Sakakura he knew. The one HE knew was a man who could hold grudges for insurmountable amounts of time. It was a devotion that was impressive in its own way. 

He almost wanted to joke that, perhaps the blood loss had changed his perspective, but couldn’t bring himself to muster up the enthusiasm. 

[sekaichou-blog]

Hiatus due to hurricane, maybe? 

I live in Florida and there’s supposed to be a Category 4 hurricane sweeping through so if I’m not around for a few days starting tomorrow that’s probably why. 

[sekaichou-blog]

The thing I absolutely cannot get over about Side: Hope’s ending is how Naegi being given the Headmaster position, despite that being Munalata’s ultimate dream and the thing he worked for years to achieve up until the Tragedy happened. 

I wouldn’t be mad if the gave the position to Naegi if Munakata hadn’t express interest in wanting to be Headmaster. If they didn’t make that part of Munakata’s character, then I would have no problem with Naegi getting the Headmaster position---

but the point is that very clearly was trying to become Headmaster through all of Side: Despair, so for that plot thread to lead absolutely nowhere (not to mention Munakata wasn’t present in the epilogue at all) is infuriating. 

[sakakuring]

Juzo didn’t want to be doted on, but he couldn’t deny the comfort he felt at Munakata’s touch - and the twinge of fear. There were unwanted memories in that touch, before he’d awakened, the last time Munakata made contact with Juzo was with his katana cutting through flesh. Though he forgave the man, though he didn’t think he’d harm him again knowing the truth now, he couldn’t help the physical reaction. His body remembered the pain, and his mind fixated on the betrayal. How unfair to Munakata, to hold something he did in the heat of a Killing Game against him.

“Okay. Don’t leave, though,” he finally muttered, laying back against the pillows. He felt incredibly weak and vulnerable, and needed Munakata here, much as it pained him to admit.

“Who made it out? Besides you and me.” Not that he cared, but conversation was growing scarce.

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ I’m not planning on it．．．❞

     MUNAKATA had essentially moved his office into Sakakura’s hospital room ー working off a RICKETY lap desk 

   He had been there for HOURS ー only leaving a handful of times to take a shower, or to get food. Even when the nurses tried to shoo him out of the room, he REFUSED.

  ‘I’ll take care of him. Leave it to me.’ 

❝ Naegi, Asahina, and Mitarai. All of them are fine, with no serious injuries. ❞

[sakakuring]

The smallest hint of a smile formed on Juzo’s lips, the relief of Munakata believing in him setting a lighter tone to their conversation. Not that he thought he deserved forgiveness - he’d helped run the world into ashes because of his stupid decision to protect his feelings over actual people - but it was nice to know that the man wasn’t angry with him. They were best friends even now, and Juzo was grateful he could still be beside Munakata, even after he’d assumed the man abandoned him.

“I’m glad you didn’t… leave,” he murmured, his chest tightening. “Even if my arm‘s gone and my stomach’s… half-gone, I still want to be useful to you, Munakata.” He pushed himself to a better sitting position, grunting as the pain shot through his abdomen.

Even if he was to blame for this whole mess, Juzo still selfishly wanted to stay by the man’s side.

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ Don’t．．．ーstrain yourself．．．❞

CONCERN flashed across his face, carrying into his voice. It was a slight JOLT in his tone ー perhaps out of fear.

He placed a hand on his upper arm, tentatively. All of his moments were COMPARATIVELY GENTLE to what they were. It wasn’t out of pity, of course, but Munakata was more conscious of himself now.

He didn’t want to give him any MORE of a reason to fear him.  

 ❝ Please rest. Please. ❞

[komaesa]

Danganronpa 3: Hope Arc

[This isn’t character hate against Kirigiri, by the way. I love her. But I also love the DR3 characters.] 

[sakakuring]

Juzo couldn’t help but sputter out a weak laugh, bitterness clearly laced in every sound. Munakata’s words seemed so certain, so sure - of course Juzo wouldn’t betray him for a good reason, right? He had to have been threatened by means that he couldn’t refuse to ignore, or perhaps the lives of his friends and family were put on the line. Why else would Juzo have betrayed Munakata, he had to wonder.

Oh, because of his fucking feelings.

Because he couldn’t handle anyone knowing he was in love with his best friend, the world went to ruins. Everyone fell to despair. Enoshima won.

“It wasn’t brainwashing like Yukizome…” he began, closing his eyes, “…she blackmailed me, but I would’ve never lied for her had I known this would happen.” If he would’ve known that Enoshima would do that much damage, he would’ve been fine with her revealing his secret. What was stupid schoolboy crushes compared to the lives of millions?

“…do you believe me?”

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ Of COURSE I do. ❞

He never wanted to doubt his friends. Though, he supposes that was his GREATEST fault. 

❝ I never wanted to stop believing in you. I’m SO SORRY I did. I should have confronted you instead of acting like I KNEW. ❞

His friend had to PAY THE PRICE for his mistake now. For that reason, Munakata didn’t DESERVE to be apologized to. 

❝ BLACKMAIL．．．huh?❞ Munakata had to curb his curiousity in the moment, counting for any number of possiblities. 

Not all secrets were meant to be shared. Sometimes you would rather DIE with them than share them with others ー even your closest friends. He had to respect that.

❝ I understand. ❞

[sakakuring]

Juzo stared towards Munakata, the quickening beeps betraying his passive expression. The man was right - as always - but the thought of saying those  words was agonizing. He didn’t want to blame Munakata - he didn’t think the man deserved that sort of blame.

If he could, Juzo would take everything painful from him, would bear the severity of his sins and mistakes like heavy weights on his shoulders. Juzo was strong, he could take anything thrown at him and Munakata, could take it away for the both of them - could endure and survive anything he fought against. Missiles, tasers, spears, heated blades, and even self-amputation - he’d spit back in the face of death and stand up, against everything, and suffer for him.

“I can’t,” he choked out, his throat tightening at the thought. “I - I can’t. Munakata, I can’t tell you that. I… I’m the one who lied first, who gave you a reason to mistrust me. I’m sorry.”

His eyes screwed shut as he turned away his head, the oxygen mask’s tube stretching. The medicine churning inside him must be making him more emotional, for his own eyes held back a film of tears, as well.

“I’m… so sorry.”

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ You．．．can’t honestly think that your LYING to me and my STABBING you is an EQUAL comparison.❞

Munakata spoke through his tears, keeping his voiced LEVELED to keep his friend at ease. He wasn’t upset with him. This was bigger than him.

❝ Considering what JUNKO ENOSHIMA did to Yukizome ー I can’t IMAGINE what she did to you. ❞

A man like Juzo Sakakura COULD NOT be intimidated. He COULD NOT be controlled. It was UNHEARD OF to Munakata．．．that is the type of monster they were dealing with.  

The man held him up SO HIGHLY, yet refused to give himself the same respect. How was that so? They were meant to be EQUALS. 

❝ I was wrong．．．it was my fault. NOTHING you did. ❞

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ Why the sudden interest in marriage? ❞

[sakakuring]

If this had been anyone else - any other soul in the goddamn world, even Yukizome - Juzo would have been pissed. He would have been so unbelievably angry with the person that hurt him, that left him in such a state, and never speak to them again, at the very least. Juzo was not a saint; he held grudges, wanted people that angered him dead, and didn’t hesitate to try to harm those in his (or Munakata’s) way.

But Munakata was a completely different story.

There was just so much love he held for the man, he wasn’t physically able to be furious with him. He could be angry, yes, as he was human - but not downright hateful, and he’d never wish harm on him. If this was any other person, he would’ve told the person to leave him, to go fuck off and never come around him again.

…but this was Munakata.

His heart sped up, the incessant beeping matching the rate. “It’s… not your fault,” he breathed, though they both knew otherwise. Juzo couldn’t blame the other man, not when he was deceived into thinking he was Despair - and part of him believed he deserved what happened, due to him letting Enoshima get away.

Even if, in a dark part of his heart, he wondered if Munakata saved him to soothe his own guilt, Juzo would never voice that out loud. Anything that Munakata felt, any guilt or pain - Juzo wanted to take that from him, to bear that himself. It was only fair.

“I deserved it.”

[sekaichou-blog]

He REFUSED to leave it at that. 

Before he could even speak, a lump had TIGHTENED in his throat, forcing him to push through and choke out his words. Before he could  even speak, he felt his eyes start WATERING. 

   Out of FRUSTRATION ー not at him, but in spite of him. 

Sakakura’s actions stood on a THIN LINE between self-sacrifice, and self-loathing. So much self-loathing that he was willing to REFUSE blaming the man responsible. So much self-sacrificing that he was willing to SHOULDER the blame, to make Munakata even feel the slightest bit better about his actions. 

He couldn’t let him do this to himself. Not his best friend. 

❝ Don’t you DARE．．．ー Juzo, don’t you dare do this to yourself.

This is MY fault ー If you never wanted to speak to me again, I’d understand ー I don’t DESERVE your kindness, and I don’t DESERVE you trying to make me feel better. ❞

Munakata had gotten much more emotional than he intended to, keeping his eyes directed at his lap now. ❝ PLEASE．．． SAY it’s my fault ー let ME shoulder the burden. You don’t need to feel my guilt. ❞

[sakakuring]

Kimura’s medicine - that made too much sense, really. Juzo should have guessed it; even in death, the girl was helping her coworkers out spectacularly. He’d always held a slight affection for her over the other branch leaders, due to her own loyalty to Munakata. Good on her, thinking ahead and giving the white-haired man medicine; he silently thanked her for helping to keep his best friend alive.

Munakata’s words half-reached Juzo, as he was too lost in his own thoughts and strong painkillers to focus too much. Still, he understood the gist of it, that the medicine and Munakata’s CPR had kept him alive long enough to get him into surgery.

And then Munakata apologized, and Juzo assumed it was more of a sympathetic remark (because why should the man feel sorry for anything, when Juzo had fucked things over first?). He grunted back in acknowledgement, muttering, “I was the one… to c-cut it off.”

Another quick glance to the stump. Nerves began to crawl around his stomach, bringing a tightening sensation with them; panicked, his eyes shot towards his abdomen, bringing his hand to feel the tube sticking through him. “What the hell… is this for?” he murmured, eyes going wider as the realization hit him.

Half of his stomach was gone.

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ I’m SORRY. ❞ Perhaps the older, colder version of himself would have explained Sakakura’s injuries for what they were ー completely DEADPAN and insensitive to his horrified reaction. But now that he was back to himself, the GRIEF & GUILT overwhelmed him.

❝ There was so much damage to your stomach, it was the ONLY thing that could be done. ❞

Apologies meant next to NOTHING now. Apologies couldn’t fix trauma ー couldn’t fix IRREVERSIBLE INJURY. He had to pay the price for his mistake.

❝ I begged them to take WHATEVER measures they could if it meant saving you. ❞

[sakakuring]

Munakata’s hand shifted from his leg to his chest, a gentle movement that provided almost too much comfort to Juzo. At the movement, his attention was  drawn to all the devices hovering around him, IVs poking through to his veins and tubes connecting to his stomach. His eyes finally locked on the stump that remained of his left hand, and his heart instantly sped up in fear and dread - clearly indicated by the quickening beeps heard beside him.

His remaining hand curled into a trembling fist, the reality of what he’d done coming back to haunt him. He’d cut off his own hand - his dominant hand, the one he relied on most when boxing - and for what, in the end? To see that there was no attacker, that he’d kept himself awake for little more than to snap Naegi Makoto, of all people, out of suicide?

How much more of a failure could he be? 

Juzo’s breath caught in his throat and he coughed, the taste of copper still in his mouth. Munakata’s promise to stay by his side did make him happy, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of disgust in himself. He’d failed this man so many times, and couldn’t even die for him in the end.  “What the hell happened after…” After he’d supposedly died, he wanted to say.

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ You went into SHOCK.❞

Munakata paused. Those words suddenly brought back thoughts from day’s before; a room, COVERED from floor-to-wall in his blood, the dread of the moment, thinking he was TOO LATE to save his best friend.  

It chilled him, though it hardly showed on his face. He cleared his throat and kept speaking: 

❝ ーーKimura had given me medicine for emergenciesー I had JUST ENOUGH left to keep you stable．．．BARELY ENOUGH. ❞

  Munakata hadn’t thought in the moment. At the FIRST sign of moment, he was frantic to do ANYTHING to save his friend. But his quick thinking was all that mattered in the end. 

❝ I gave you CPR until Naegi & the others found us, and by that time the rescue squad had arrived. ❞

Munakata had only realized until AFTER the fact ー after Naegi had told him, no less ー that Sakakura had sacrificed his own hand, which was perhaps the most devastating injury. Not due to severity, but because boxing was his LIVELIHOOD ー something he’d been working ALL his life to perfect.  

He let out a sort of SYMPATHETIC GRUNT, averting his eyes. ❝ I’m sorry.❞

[sakakuring]

“Dying… huh…?” Juzo echoed, his voice muffled behind the oxygen mask. Blinking a few times, the boxer moved his head to stare upwards again, contemplating what the hell had just happened. Munakata hailed him a hero - but he sure as hell didn’t feel like one. After all, it was his own damn fault the Tragedy was jumpstarted in the first place. Munakata knew he’d helped lie for Enoshima, and yet he still called him something like that?

He would ask about the others, about Naegi Makoto and maybe the other survivors, but it didn’t really matter to him. Munakata was here, he clearly survived, and that was all that mattered to Juzo. He risked it all to save that man, not anyone else.

“Not a hero. Just… wanted to get you out,” he ground out, breathing becoming difficult the longer he stayed awake. “Y-you needed to survive.” ‘For the world’s hope,’ he’d say, but it was a much more selfish reason than that.

[sekaichou-blog]

❝ I shouldn’t encourage you to talk so much right now, ❞ Munakata placed his hand on the other’s chest ー amid the BANDAGES & TUBES. 

  ❝ You NEED rest, but I wanted to be here for you when you woke up. ❞ After finally waking up from the anesthesia, the man’s next sleep would hopefully be MUCH more peaceful. 

❝ Thank you for believing in me. I WON’T let you down any longer. ❞ 

He was still ruminating on Naegi’s words from that day: “Sakakura STILL believes in you.” Even after ALL he’d done.    

  He chose his wording CAREFULLY, to avoid putting too much of his emotions out in the air. Now that we was clearer-headed, he was back to being CLOSED. 

    ーー But it was becoming progressively more difficult. 

❝ I’m here to help your recovery. I’m not going to ABANDON you. I’m sorry I ever did. ❞

[sakakuring]

Juzo’s eyes opened further as Munakata grew closer, the confirmation that he had done well - the realization that he’d saved his loved one - slamming into him all at once. Munakata was alive; he was here, at his bedside and speaking to him. Either this was some sort of afterlife and Juzo ended up being rewarded for some reason (like that would ever happen, after what he’d done), or the boxer had somehow survived his injuries and ended up in a hospital.

What the hell? His luck must surpass even that of Naegi fucking Makoto. Either that, or the universe was so motivated to punish him through means of living through the most painful wounds and drag him back from the depths of hell.

He couldn’t even begin to guess how he survived; all he could focus on was Munakata, and how upset the man looked. Juzo hated seeing that look; he wanted to give everything just to prevent that sadness. He’d gotten Munakata out of the game; what more did he want from Juzo?

The words the other man spoke to him weren’t registering very well; all he could understand was that he was safe, now. Safe.

“M’… gl…d… you survived,” he choked out, a smile crossing his lips. Above all else, above the agony of being alive, Juzo took comfort in the fact that Munakata was alive. Nothing else mattered at this point. 

[sekaichou-blog]

     ❝ ーー Even when you’re DYING, you think more about others than you do yourself．．．❞ Munakata’s tone was stern as always, but as he placed a hand on his friend’s leg his expression softened.  ❝ I’m only here THANKS TO YOU. ❞

Munakata wanted to embrace the man ー but with as FRAIL as his body was, this is the only physical comfort he could offer without potentially causing him pain.

There was so much we WANTED to say after sitting in his own silence for so long ー but he held his tongue and smiled, not wanting to overwhelm him immediately. ❝ ．．．You’re a HERO. ❞