This post is partially inspired by comments made by me and @arizona-trash-bag in a @dangermousie post about Cheng Yi. brief recap: I said Cheng Yi needs to be in a danmei, Arizona said Luo Yunxi is a refined beauty whereas Cheng Yi is sensual. I then compared LYX to the beautiful, elegant, perfect main wife who’s kind of frigid and CY to the sexy and seductive concubine who’s meant to fulfill all of the husband’s carnal desires. Mousie said anyone who has both in their harem is never leaving the house.
And thus, spawned the idea of a danmei where Luo Yunxi is the virtuous, beautiful, and perfect empress and Cheng Yi is the seductive calamitous beauty who is the emperor’s favorite noble consort who was placed by his side by scheming ministers to keep him from doing any real work. LYX and CY duke it out in the harem to gain the emperor’s attention - LYX, to get the emperor back to being a good ruler, CY, to hold power and have a good time in bed with the hot (because they always have to be hot in danmeis) emperor with a huge pillar (also a prerequisite for being a top in a danmei)
Now the most important thing is, who should play said emperor/top in this hypothetical story? I’m gonna give Chen Feiyu a break and not typecast him as every tall, hot headed and hot blooded, top of every BL story ever (although he would be perfect).
Well at first I was thinking of Song Weilong as the young and impressionable emperor who is not bad at heart but easily swayed/seduced by love and CY. He’s taller than both LYX and CY at 6’1 (another typical requirement of being the top in a BL) and he’s got the perfect vibe for a lovelorn emperor who doesn’t care about anything else except for his otp.
CY gives him the affection and attention that he’s always wanted from LYX who has always been an idealized goddess (god?) to him. But with every worshipped idol, there’s also a sense that they’re out of reach/untouchable. Does not help that LYX has been raised to be the perfect virtuous Empress since birth, aka, he can’t show any emotions and must put the good of the nation above everything else, including his own feelings/desires, so he treats the emperor with a certain level of reserve and distance. To put it simply, LYX is an icy queen who does not know how to show affection to the emperor and is constantly expecting him to live up to the ideals of a perfect ruler. That’s a lot of pressure and loneliness for a young king like SWL who was initially overjoyed when he learned he was going to marry his god, only to be splashed with cold water. So into CY’s warm arms and other body regions he goes!
But then, I started thinking, what if the emperor is an older type. The kind that you can believe does nothing but have tons of sex with his favorite concubine and also inspires no other thought but sex…someone like…
Mark Chao! Ok, if we go with him, this takes the story into a slightly different direction. In this version, CY does the seducing, but then ends up being the one seduced as well. LYX the repressed prudish empress also gets seduced because that’s a foregone conclusion with someone like Mark Chao as the emperor. It ends with them joining hands and other parts to defeat the corrupt court and they rule the empire peacefully. I mean…
they didn’t stand a chance.
Ok, but now my brain is spinning even more and what if, the emperor is a ruthless, calculating type? You don’t get to the top by being nice. Then, if we’re going to ignore the BL rule of the top always having to be taller, Chen Kun would be perfect.
But with him as emperor, the story takes another direction again. In this version, Chen Kun and LYX have a very loveless albeit respectful political marriage. LYX was chosen as his empress because he comes from a strong military family and Chen Kun wanted to consolidate power. It’s a lonely marriage for LYX but because Chen Kun does not disrespect him and treats his family fairly, he’s ok with his lot in life. That is until CY comes into the picture. For some reason, CY gets under Chen Kun’s skin and he can’t treat him indifferently like everyone else. What he doesn’t know is, CY entered the palace to get revenge on Chen Kun, who, during his quest for the throne when he was still just a prince, eliminated CY’s entire family a long time ago because they were from an opposing faction and tried to kill him. In a rare moment of mercy, or foolishness depending on who you ask, Chen Kun decided to spare CY’s life when he raided their mansion and massacred everyone in sight because he was only a child at that time and Chen Kun had not yet become completely jaded to bloodshed at that point in time. So CY was exiled and spent his life plotting revenge and learning all sorts of skills of seduction and assassination for said revenge. Will CY fall for Chen Kun for real or succeed in his revenge? And how will LYX react when he learns that it’s not that Chen Kun is incapable of love, it’s just that he didn’t love LYX?
Ok, since this is already the length of a short story, how about we add another iteration and make the emperor a rugged daddy type? Say…
Zhou Yi Wei as a powerful general from humble origins who overthrow the former dynasty and usurps the throne? LYX is the royal blue blood who’s a bit snobby who begrudgingly married ZYW because it was either that or risk elimination of the clan. ZYW tries his best to get along with LYX and be a fair husband but LYX is not having any of it because 1. ZYW overthrew his royal family and 2. ZYW was a commoner and LYX grew up in the palace. On the other hand, there’s CY, the younger brother of one of ZYW’s closest generals who’s followed CY since he was young and been secretly in love with him. When CY’s brother died, he asked ZYW to take CY as a concubine and take care of him. Brother has always known how much CY loved ZYW and wanted to ensure there was someone to protect him after he was gone because even though CY has followed them to war all his life, he’s a delicate flower and always attracting unwanted attention. ZYW spends time with CY who is like a familiar home for him in the foreign and cold palace with all its formalities and rules. LYX initially married ZYW for survival and looked at him with disdain but slowly he finds himself drawn to him because HELLO ZYW, and he, who has been cooped up in the grand palace his whole life, becomes curious about the wild and free life ZYW lived before he became emperor. So now ZYW is stuck between the proud and regal LYX who does not want to share his husband when he becomes emotionally invested and CY who has been his comfort and whom he feels a duty to. Oh and please enrich your life with this gif of ZYW doing what he does best
aka set my pants on fire.
Finally, what if we make this a really tragic story. Who better to play the emperor than masochist king Qin Jun Jie?
He plays an emperor who is being poisoned by either his empress or noble consort, you guys decide. Because this is LYX, CY, and QJJ, each one of them gets whipped and/or chained up at least once in the story and it’s a competition to see who spits up blood the most number of times. The palace maids who have to do the laundry obviously are not very pleased.
Anyway, if you’ve made it all the way to the end, wow, congratulations and thank you for reading the delusions of this fangirl. Now someone talented in writing please write one or all of these danmei scenarios!