#lost you forever

[adeliyaa]

[i-guess-it-rains]

not the type to walk into a dream

[r4gnarausviking]

You made me feel real again... Then... I lost you.

[backgroundcheddar]

but daddy i can fix him

Here's a couple of toxic and problematic cdrama characters who I would gladly keep and follow despite them being awful people because they are so pretty and they're fictional so it's okay so indulge me in my delusions.

Some spoilers ahead.

Lost You Forever - Xiang Liu (aka 9-headed snake demon aka Live action Sesshoumaru aka Silver Haired Snake Demon King of My Heart)

So this list isn't in a particular ranked order except that Xiang Liu is #1 because LOOK. AT. HIM. I could stare at him forever.

He's an emotionally constipated asshole who will resort to violence when he is displeased but I can work with that. There's a lot of pros that comes with him. First, he has 9 heads and it might have been implied had different personalities so you'll never be bored with him and maybe one of them is somewhat nice or more reasonable? Second, he lives and can travel via a giant clam. Enough said. Third, his blood can let you breathe under water. Fourth, despite his rough personality he is extremely loyal and will literally give up his life and do anything for you once you earned a place in his demon heart.

His cons are he's unable to express how he truly feels (but can travel via giant clam) and he is determined to die in the battlefield. Again, I can work with that and I think the dying in battle can be negotiated. I would convince him to first travel and explore the world together via his giant clam and his pudgy pet bird and then go to battle and die together. This works because my ultimate goal would be to explore the world. After that, if he dies and I don't then I would no longer be able to look at his beautiful face so what's the point in continuing to live? So that's why we go into battle. We both achieve our goals this way. It's a win-win situation.

Generation to Generation - Mu Qingyan (aka Chang Ning aka Scammer Extraordinaire aka Should've Died From Blood Loss 10 Episodes Ago)

Holy face card batman. I'm okay with him scamming me.

I don't really think he's that bad. I mean he's manipulative and you'll never really know if he's lying to you but his scams and schemes ultimately were to the benefit of the FL.

We can work on this. Just need to convince him to communicate and share his plans. A couple that scams together are happier together.

I think the biggest problem with him is his propensity for coughing blood out every 5 seconds. We'll just have to schedule regular check ups with the doctor.

The Rise of Ning - Lu Jia Xue (aka Your Unfriendly (At First) Hot Temporarily Blind Neighbor)

If my neighbor looked like him, I would try to be less of an awkward turtle and not avoid social interactions.

So I kind of felt bad for him because it wasn't his fault that he had a falling out (literally) with the FL. It was the crazy lady he was engaged with that pushed her. He did do some bad things for power. He also got creepy and stalker-y after finding the FL again. But again, he wasn't the one that pushed the FL off a cliff so that's a point for him. He also learned to make those wooden doll things because the FL mentioned liking them and he took up paper cutting because it was the FL's hobby so that's nice and shows he's talented and pays attention. So he’s not completely irredeemable?

Pursuit of Jade - Qi Min (aka The True Heir aka You Know What I'm Okay With This)

Another silver/gray/white haired king. What is up with all the white haired characters being super hot but also they're always sick?

Anyway, his obsessive and possessive treatment of Qianqian was straight up abusive but I understand why he is like that. He's been abused and neglected his whole life so when Qianqian actually treated him like his life mattered enough to be saved he latched on.

Not gonna lie his intensity and his obsession with Qianqian was kinda hot so I would probably stick around and not run away. Offer to help him get his throne back whilst convincing him to kill less? Also would have to take him to a lot of therapy.

And I think that's it for now. Who are some other problematic cdrama faves I missed?

Just for the record this whole thing is unserious and an excuse to post about some pretty people and discuss cdramas. I would never advocate to stick around in a toxic relationship because you think you can fix them no matter how pretty or hot they may be. No one gets a pass to treat someone else like garbage just because they experienced trauma and abuse themselves. So if anyone reading this is in a toxic relationship, it's not your job to fix the other person and I suggest you run the other way. Okay byyyyeeeee!

[hheartsdramas]

a year of watching cdramas: my top 10-ish favorites

i discovered cdramas a little over a year ago after several years of mostly watching modern kdramas. i remember viki pushing the double a lot when it aired, so i clicked on it. and at first i was like, "wtf is this?" i mean, talk about a campy introduction. but before i knew it i was sucked in, finishing the series, and looking for another one. i've barely watched anything but costume cdramas since.

so in honor of a year-plus of cdrama watching, i thought it would be fun to make myself pick my favorites! this list could change and re-order depending on the day and on how much i love the next drama i finish (because recency bias is a thing, though i don't see my top 3 getting unseated any time soon).

honorable mentions

story of kunning palace: a natural follow-up to the double, and the first cdrama i rewatched more than once. i got...embarrassingly attached to xie wei. jiang xuening is also the kind of snarky i enjoy, and watching her constantly trying and failing to get away from the palace life was just too addicting. it's the drama that made me realize i can excuse a lot of red flags if i'm having a good time.

night of love with you: still holds the distinction of being the only romance-focused modern that i've finished. it's a sort of transmigration mini in which a career villain character ends up playing the fl in a standard ceo romance drama...but she ends up falling for the villain. fun, smart, and a delight if you're into stuff with a bit of meta.

a journey to love: the found family to end all found families, not to mention the first cdrama fl i truly fell in love with. i would rank this higher if not for the ending, which i have...opinions about. so i mostly pretend like those last few episodes don't exist and i can love ajtl unbothered.

top 10

10. the legend of shen li

a demon general who gets stuck in chicken form after trying to escape a divinely-ordered marriage. a god of the universe roleplaying a sickly human for funsies. one of the ultimate "burn the world for them" couples i've encountered so far. leads that actually feel grown up, believable stakes, communication, and a happy ending. it's practically perfect in every way.

9. legend of zang hai

i don't think this is necessarily one of the best-executed dramas on my favorites list, although it's much better executed than the trolls would have you believe. i just love a revenge quest that cares more about the people than about the revenge itself, and lozh is exactly that. plus xiao zhan is honestly hotter than i expected him to be in this and i got a stabby slinky fl.

8. lost you forever

i'll be honest: this one makes it into my top ten mostly because of one character. it's not that i didn't enjoy the drama as a whole (minus that dream fiasco at the end), because i very much did, but let's be honest: imo this is xiang liu's show, xiao yao is second lead, and the rest of them are there for color. i mostly only rewatch his/their scenes. i don't actually ship them as end game (jing was the right choice imo), but i'm still a xiang liu simp. he's just too damn tragic. but it's visually beautiful and the ost/score are magic. sometimes i listen to 爱之哀叹 (which google translate tells me means "love's lament") and 梅林同焚 (which google translate tells me means "merlin burns together" ???) when i want to feel something.

7. a moment but forever

do you like stories about broken people that question the meaning of loyalty, power, healing, and love? than boy oh boy do i have a drama for you! liu xueyi is a tour de force as the extremely traumatized high priest of the worst clan you've ever heard of, who learns to love the world again thanks to the no-nonsense goddess of craftsmanship who just won't leave him tf alone. i analyzed and meta-d more scenes in this drama than any other, i think.

6. the ingenious one

remember how i said i love revenge dramas that are interested in the human impacts of seeking vengeance? well this is probably the best version of that i've seen so far. a brainiac with no fighting skills is on a quest to avenge the massacre of his family, and along the way he meets one of my favorite fls in dramaland (stabby! sassy! grounded! complex! gets to grow!), as well as a cast of entirely lovable secondary characters that also get to be layered and real. i think this is extremely underrated and more people should watch it and talk about it.

5. under the moonlight

who needs flashy cgi or big traffic stars when you have such a down-to-earth heroine to anchor your drama? a former courtesan becomes a constable and crime-solving savant, but it doesn't feel too glossy or girl bossy. no one in this drama escapes their circumstances entirely, but it's so gratifying to watch how everyone goes about building a life they are happy to live. the main ship is also so well done, in the sense that i went from wanting to scream at the ml to melting into a puddle of goo every time the leads were on screen together. way too underrated for how good it is.

4. love in between

MY BABIES!!!! lib came out of nowhere to absolutely clobber me with feelings. believed-dead marquis's son living as a doctor reunited with the girl who gave him the will to live again when they were kids. they each have an agenda, but one of them is more willing to give theirs up than the other. two more perfect ships round out this angsty, intelligent story that made me scream and cry for all the right reasons.

3. the blossoming love

i thought i was signing up for some candy-colored silly fun. what i got was one of the smartest and tightly plotted xianxia that might exist. i love a chaos agent paired with a starchy mcstarcherston, but i love a chaos/starchy/emo shoulda-been-a-polycule even more. this one has all the tropes but uses them intelligently to weave a story that can unironically ask its characters: who are you? what is destiny? and is that paperwork really so important?

2. the untamed

i don't know what they put in this show. it's crack. it's now one of my most re-watched shows in any language and i only saw it for the first time last autumn. it's massively popular for a reason and it's not just because those boys are pretty (though they are, ridiculously so). i don't have much else to say except that if you haven't seen it yet a) where have you been and b) you should fix that.

1. joy of life

i still can't believe that the first time i tried to watch jol i dropped it after three episodes. i am constantly wowed about how this drama takes what seems to be a basic palace drama with fun characters and manages to create one of the most layered, complex, and human stories i've seen in any language or type of media. there's not a single character that doesn't get dimensions, to the point that you find yourself seriously enjoying spending time with the most twisted villains you can imagine. it somehow balances really dark shit with humor and sweetness. it surprises at every turn. it is killing me to wait for season 3.

think you know a drama that could bump something out of my top 10? i'm always open to being influenced...

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

Novel!Xiahou Dan from How Dare You reminds me of a combination of Novel!Tushan Jing from Lost You Forever and Novel!Sima Jiao from Offering Salted Fish to Master. And that might be a weird combination but I shall explain

Like TSJ, XHD has extreme aversion to touch, a sexual assault baby (even if TSJ's is fake, he thinks it's real at first), finds the female lead after a very traumatic experience which was caused by his (or at least his body's) close family, and the decides to build his life around the female lead as his only chance at normalcy (everyone needs therapy but they aren't getting it so this works)

Like Sima Jiao, XHD is constantly in pain, doesn't see the people around him as fully human, and is technically in charge, but his power has been hollowed out by others and he's essentially a prisoner, at least at the beginning. As much as he's obsessed with his female lead, he's still full of his own schemes.

However, TSJ would be very polite but not be friends with either XHD or Sima Jiao, I think the latter two could get along like a house on fire. Liao Tingyan and Yu Wanuin would be best friends and compare their best recipes. I think Xiao Yao would get along with them, she enjoys being lazy too and she's fairly morally grey.

Honestly, I would love to see Liao Tingyan and Yu Wanuin having a BBQ and comparing notes

[letthefairyinyoufly]

LOST YOU FOREVER costume appreciation: ⤷ Xiang Liu's beige hanfu

[xishimonz]

I thrive in dramas with role reversal and whump ✨️.