Honestly, how can anyone be a fan of men's hockey right now because "locker room" talk is belittling for the women who are athletes. I'm disappointed...
Thoughts??
i have a lot to say, so it will be under a read more. this is my opinion and mine alone. just needed to get it on paper. read or don’t read, but it’s there.
i want to preface this with: i’m not an athlete. i participated in recreation sports in my school district, playing both soccer and softball through middle school. i chose to dedicate my time to the arts in high school, doing both marching band and theater. “locker room” talk is certainly not the same in the arts as it is in athletics. i am not an expert on the topic, but you asked for my thoughts, and i’m here to answer.
i ALSO want to preface that i have my bachelor’s degree in psychology. i work in behavior analysis, and reading body language is what i’m trained to do. when i talk about that, i want you to know i have some knowledge in the subject.
firstly, it is incredibly disappointing to see men we WANT to be the guiding light of inclusion and equity just…. not. it sucks. it truly does. i made a post here with my initial thoughts about the whole situation. i was angry and bitter when i wrote that. i still feel that way. however, i have sat and reflected more, and i hopefully have more articulated thoughts now that i’ve had time for my thoughts to settle.
i think “locker room” talk, right now, is inevitable. hold your pitchforks! let me finish. i think “locker room” talk is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be. conformity is a powerful thing. no one, especially in a room FULL of people who aren’t “safe,” is going to be the odd one out. it would be social suicide among their peers and colleagues to go against the grain. that’s SCARY, regardless of who you are. all of these men have social power, and unfortunately, it’s being used in the wrong direction. while they would GAIN the support of so many more fans, they would LOSE the support of their colleagues, and that is the problem.
k*sh p*tel should NOT have been in the room. even if the team wanted to celebrate with that man, it wouldn’t have been hard to say, “the room is closed off. we’ll catch up with you later.” this was avoidable. the men’s team is under ZERO obligation to let him in and party like a frat boy. it’s disappointing that none of them stood up to say that the locker room was off limits. that being said, the hive mind mentality is truly a powerful force. if EVERYONE in the room is okay with it, you become okay with it too, even if you don’t agree with it. being complicit in this is NOT the clean look they think it is. but again, conformity and hive mind are HARD to get out of. mix in drugs (not claiming the players were on/using at the time, so i’m just using it as an example), alcohol, and adrenaline, and you’re doing and going along with things because someone told you to. again, being complicit, certainly, isn’t the answer here. that phone call was disgusting. point blank period.
i watched the video. i listened to the phone call. i saw my favorite players front and center, laughing away. calling out “hey don,” like he’s their bestie is deplorable behavior. regardless of the hive mind mentality and conformity, like i’ve been saying, it’s at the very least incredibly tone deaf. i’m not expecting these players to be up to date on EVERYTHING in the political world, but i AM expecting some basic knowledge. they know what’s happening in the united states, and they’re actively choosing to ignore, ESPECIALLY in minnesota. their neighbors are being terrorized and murdered in the streets, and they are pretending like it’s not happening. i find it hard to believe that they don’t know.
that being said, i sat and stewed on it. i let my initial reactions simmer and calm down. then, i rewatched the video and really looked at it. i am in NO WAY condoning the behavior when i say this, and i want to make it very clear that i am UPSET and FRUSTRATED that this is happening. i CONDEMN this. i want that to be clear. i believe the hughes boys were uncomfortable. as i stated at the beginning, it’s my job to read body language. jack is seen sorting and organizing the empty beer containers on the table. he’s fidgeting, nervous. now, i can’t say that it’s from being uncomfortable or just the shakes from being on the phone with the president, but that’s that. being on the phone with the president, what are you supposed to do? the first mistake was letting k*sh p*tel into the room. the second was taking that phone call. but again, what are you supposed to do? you smile and nod. they should’ve stood up and said something or exited the room. however, in a biiiiiiiig room full of maggots, what are you supposed to do? jack and quinn aren’t seen laughing at the statement. it wasn’t a joke, so i’m not calling it that. when tr*mp makes the impeachment comment, jack actually looks down and avoids eye contact with everyone other than quinn. quinn reaches across the table to offer a fist bump to jack and brock, both of which appear to be uncomfortable with the comment. jack’s face falters, even if just for a second, when he remembers he has to laugh along to save face. brock was side eyeing and glancing around the room the whole time, as well. that’s not to say they are “better than thy,” because they’re not. they were there, even if it was meant to save their position in their social circle. and again, i’m NOT condoning the behavior. i would LIKE to think that they wouldn’t have chosen to be in that room if they were sober and thinking clearly.
it is quite possible that quinn and jack are just following along because m*tthew and br*dy tk*chuk are older than them. it’s not a secret where the tk*chuk brothers stand politically. it’s also not a secret how close the hugheses are to the tk*chuk family. we all saw that article about growing up with the tk*chuks. m*tthew and br*dy are essentially big brothers to quinn and jack, and by proxy, luke. it’s not much a stretch to think that their views are tainted by THAT. how many people followed the footsteps of their parents because “that’s how it is”? it happens. and it’s not necessarily their fault. now, it IS their fault that they aren’t educated on the world as they SHOULD be. however, they’re hockey players. it’s not their job to be politically correct. it’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth.
i’m also not ignorant of the fact that the players accepted the invite. they went to the white house and shook hands with the president. it’s important to note that they would’ve done to the white house, regardless of who was greeting them. it’s hard to defend them for that. there were a few players who did not go. the reasonings for why they did not attend is unknown, but it shows that it was a choice. it’s nuanced, and two things can be true at the same time. we don’t know these people. we don’t know their actual thought process. it feels like, in general, the internet is putting a lot of words in mouths here. i’m not defending them because they didn’t HAVE to. i’m just saying that we don’t know why they were there. they could simply be proud of winning the gold and milking every ounce of the glory. it’s unfortunate that glory means shaking hands with THIS president, but again, they would’ve gone no matter who the president was.
as a woman, i am appalled that women are CONTINUOUSLY the butt of the joke. the women’s team is more decorated than the men’s. they’ve medaled in every olympics since women have been able to compete in the sport. they’ve won gold three times. they did that in a QUARTER of the time that it took the men’s team. their accomplishments shouldn’t be brushed aside as a snide comment. 8 of usa’s gold medals were brought home by women. women are HIGHLY decorated in this country, and i long for the day our accomplishments are held with the same merit as men’s accomplishments.
as far as my thoughts on how people are still a fan of men’s hockey: i have been a hockey fan my entire life. i grew up around the rink. i had a favorite player from the ahl in the early/mid 2000s that i met multiple times. he knew me by name, nickname even. i have his autograph at least 5 times. i have a collection of hockey pucks, all given to me by him. i went to a college that was a BIG name in division i hockey. i attended every game every weekend and even travelled to watch my team play in away games. it was common to hear about the hockey house. *side note that my college didn’t participate in traditional greek life, and social circles/parties were hosted by the sports teams (hockey, football, swim, etc.)* as a freshman, it was drilled into my head to NEVER go to the hockey house parties. why? rape culture. that was the standard. my school was very aware of it, but did NOTHING because it would “ruin the careers of their athletes.” it was a massive issue, and i knew so many girls that fell victim to the hockey house that felt forced to stay silent because no one in positions of power cared or wanted to be the one to break the silence. it was a KNOWN thing on campus, yet every game was sold out, and the crowd was loud and proud.
how can they be fans of the men’s hockey team when it’s widely known that the players are horrible people?
and the answer is: i don’t know.
i think people are choosing to live in ignorance. it doesn’t directly affect them, so it’s fine, right? but, it’s not. it’s not fine. but, cancel culture is exactly that. it’ll blow over in a week, and things will go “back to normal.” that’s how the internet works. the next viral thing will happen, and it’ll be a thing of the past. patterns are important, and this will just follow another pattern. it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. just like the players can be the change in the room, so can we.
you don’t have to remain a fan. all the reactions of anger, betrayal, and hurt are valid. it’s okay to leave the sport. i think it’s also okay to find new players to support. we all have to do what we can to protect our peace. if that means leaving the fandom, so be it, and i wish you well. i don’t think you’re a bad person if you don’t leave the sport. i think this is exactly what the sport wants. they want women to leave. that much is so clear. i think the biggest fuck you is to stay anyway. they will not get rid of us, no matter how much they try. we’re not going anywhere, and we can be the loudest in the room. we can be the shift. i think it IS possible to shift the hockey culture to ACTUALLY be inclusive to all. it will be slow, unfortunately. but, we can make progress. hell, players did it when they went against the pride ban. it is possible. i HAVE to have hope that it will change. i’ll go crazy if i don’t.
No excuses. But I've been in the culture. I know what I'm a fan of. I've been a fan for longer than most of the current boys have been alive. I have to believe that things will change if we keep fighting.
We have changed some things since I became a fan. I can watch women's hockey now. I went from watching just men's hockey at the Olympics to seeing men's and women's hockey. Change in this case is slow. And it may be another lifetime before we have more change. But abandoning the sport all together is not going to help. We have to stay to fight.
I don’t know how to say this eloquently enough for it to make sense, but there comes a point in every hockey fan’s life where you have to make peace with the majority of players in the sport and on your team being conservative. If they’re American, they’re likely Trump supporters. If they’re Canadian, they would likely vote for him if they could (just ask Gretzky). Even the PWHL isn’t immune from terfs and MAGAs.
There also comes a point in every hockey fan’s life where you decide that loving the sport, even if it doesn’t love you back, means wanting to make sure that hockey really is for everyone. It’s not letting the conservatives force you out of your fandom just so that a right-leaning space becomes even more of an echo chamber. It means doing your part in growing the game and making it a safe place for all.
And yeah, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. The reality is nothing like the fics we read and write on here (which are fictional for a reason … because the fiction is meant to be enjoyable), but that doesn’t mean hockey isn’t for you! It doesn’t mean you have to stop cheering. It does however mean that you quickly come to understand that you can’t place players on a pedestal.
That’s the reality of being a hockey fan.
So believe me, I know. I’ve lived it for twenty years. And it’s not pretty. But it is getting better, and I like to believe that one day hockey really will be for everyone.
Diagram I made to explain the importance of me having a hyperfixation at all times
Many people seem to have the misunderstanding that if one doesn’t have a hyperfixation, they will have more time to think normal thoughts. This however, is incorrect. The amount of normal thoughts thunk by the average neurodivergent stays relatively the same, it’s the amount of bad thoughts thunk that changes depending on the intensity of ones’ hyperfixation. Yes I am a neuroscientist trust me
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