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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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* IMPORTANT ! hi i’m literal garbage and i’m sorry if this is annoying, but i can’t handle or maintain multiple blogs. i love nathaniel sososo much and any / all threads or dynamics i still would very much love to continue, but over on my multi — which is where i’ll be moving nathaniel. if you do decide you want to continue something over there, feel free to @ me in the post !
* IMPORTANT ! hi i’m literal garbage and i’m sorry if this is annoying, but i can’t handle or maintain multiple blogs. i love nathaniel sososo much and any / all threads or dynamics i still would very much love to continue, but over on my multi — which is where i’ll be moving nathaniel. if you do decide you want to continue something over there, feel free to @ me in the post !
ID : MULDER , FOX • BELIEVERTRUE .
HE KNEW THESE STEPS THAT THEY WERE TAKING , knew the rough outline of them , anyway . get your focus to open up to you , talk to you … trust you . taking this next step further in his studies hadn’t been of any interest to him , as a younger fox mulder had been much more interested in putting his mind to use at the fbi and now , it’s why he was here . but why were they deviating ? ❛ –– yes i have , actually . hypnosis has significantly helped me throughout my career . ❜ me was the big keyword here . while samantha had been the original reason for his interest in the x files , many more stories sat in those heavy filing cabinets ; samantha’s was just one of the few stored with tapes of something personal . his time spent under hypnotic regression . ❛ have you used hypnosis in your work before , doctor fergus ? ❜
HE LISTENS, WATCHES INTENTLY. each movement of body, each chest rise and flicker of gaze from words that drip from the other. it has him scribbling down notes, ones that’ll be analysed and tucked away into the file of mulder, fox william. he’s gathered a lot already, made his own assumptions of what he deems to be the route to all the problems that sit heavy on the other mans shoulders. “ and what was that like for you, fox ? were there any particular moments when you felt a weight lifting from you, anything that stands out the most to you ? ” a brow quirks, tongue dipping out to moisten his lips. “ i have, yes. a few times. it’s not for everyone. but some of my patients, it has helped them immensely. ”
tag me in starters ghouls !
DAY TO DAY IS DISRUPTED, a young little boy — filled with innocence, so naive and ignorantly bliss. reminds him of himself, of his little sister. he can’t help but let the edges of his lips curl, a genuine smile forming, something of the rarity. it feels so foreign to him, but the light in the little boys eyes is comforting. “ it’s nice to see you again, jacob. where’s your mother ? ” voice soft, head lifting as brows raise and search for the strong willed woman who always has light radiating behind her. he spots her, the smile still planted across his face as he moves with the young boy towards her. “ run off without permission ? ” a pause, gaze drifting between mother and son. he wants to share, wants to speak of the times he himself left his mothers heart pounding beneath her ribs as he ran off and left her worried and concerned. voice yelling at him for leaving her so scared, arms gripping him so tight. ( OH, HOW HE MISSES HER SO MUCH. ) “ always gotta keep an eye on little rascals, they get away from you — it’s nice to see you again, maggie — correct ? ”
* @gritblood !
ID : SCULLY , DANA • LZIRUS .
HEAR HER FEARS , THE SOUND OF SHEETS HITTING ONE ANOTHER IN ONE UNEASY MOTION . hear her bones breaking ‘neath their weight , the ruins that crumble to dust , hitting ground with echoes louder than a minefield coming undone under the soles of her boots . what now ? what now . what is there left to do when the very ground on which you stand on breaks , falling into pieces that drags you along ? deeper down the abyss , losing grip . humans are like puzzles , dana , man - made constellations of pieces , breathing once united . ( BUT WHAT TO DO WHEN PIECES ARE MISSING ? you dig . no matter what , you dig . ) ❛ these are the files of the last five victims we have been investigating . i’m ready to bet that there are more in these cabinets . ❜ her lungs crack from the lack of oxygen . treacherous denial weaving its way in , further making its way in each time her name bounces on the wall of his apartment . ❛ why are these files in your apartment , nathaniel ? ❜
JAW TIGHTENS, gaze shifting to the petite redhead who’s porcelain digits grip various files. though his pulse skips a beat, chest feeling as though it may cave in — he’s been expecting this. how could he not ? each life he takes, he stores away in a file for all to see. tucked into his home office, stored in filing cabinets and shelves as though they’re mere momentous, like photos hanging from the wall, magnets and pictures stuck to the fridge. COULD HE REALLY BE, SUCH A HEARTLESS SICK BEAST ? to have no morals, to show such little mercy ? “ i brought them home, to work on them. ” a pause, voice too calm ( PREPARED — REHEARSED. ) he swallows the small lump in his throat, feet carrying him through the door way and over floorboards to where dana resides. “ i am consulting on the case, after all. ” he reaches out, pulse continuing to pound faster and faster as he swipes the files from her.
he, with a heart too big — overflowing to the point of combustion. walls splattered / painted with everything of his life : the mother he hears in his dreams, the little sister he sees in reflections, and the father he wish to know better; to understand why a human could be so heartless, so daunting. he had not forgotten who he was, hadn’t forgotten the way. but getting attached to the lives he takes meant the suffering inside only grew and grew.
* STARTER CALL !
* REGARDING NATHANIEL’S FACECLAIM : i was planning on using two fc’s on this blog since both david and ben give me so many nathaniel vibes. at first i couldn’t decide between the two, but the more i’ve dug into nathaniel and thought about him and his aesthetics, the more a young david seems to be fitting to him far more than ben does. i still want to use ben at times since he does give me nathaniel vibes, especially when it comes to his contract killing, so for the time being i’ll be using ben as an alt fc for nathaniel.
* RANDOM FACT ! if you want to know what a date with nathaniel would consist of. just picture a picnic out in the field; feeding one another strawberries, champagne a definite, most likely nathaniel reading / writing in his journal, dancing beneath the stars and some classical, folk, or piano music playing in the background. just very quiet and soft dates.
FILES TUCKED BENEATH ARM, head held high as he walks with a stride. tongue dips out to moisten the flesh, free hand coming up to loosen his tie; a feeling of suffocation threatening to succumb over him. fingers curl into the palm of his hand creating a fist, one that’s soon colliding with the door before him. a beat passes before he’s reaching for the knob and entering the office. “ ms. duval ? ” brows are arching behind the rimmed glasses sitting atop of his nose. “ i’m doctor nathaniel fergus, i’m here regarding your latest case. ” voice bounces off the walls, gaze shifting to try find the medical examiner.
* @daisyslain !
THE ATMOSPHERE CHANGES, body stands in the door frame of his apartment, gaze shifting around each section of his home, and soon to the open doors of his office. pulse skips a beat, soon beginning to thump against the cage of his ribs. “ dana ? ” voice soft as he calls out, it echoing; bouncing off each wall as he swallows the small lump in his throat. he closes the door behind him, pausing for a moment, blinking a few times as his jaw tightens. he collects himself, prepares himself. jacket is being shed, hanging it atop of the coat rack before moving along hardwood floors to where he knows she resides inside. “ dana. ” he calls out once more, much less of a question than before as he comes to a halt in the door way of his office. cheeks are warm, pulse continuing to thump harder and harder beneath his ribs. for someone who’s in a predicament one should fear, the consequences one that could end him where he fears most, he’s strangely calm. “ how did you get in here ? ” he glances around the office, brows pulling together to try find the petite, redheaded woman.
* @lzirus !
“ I’M NOT LOOKING TO DO ANY HARM. ” no, his days of taking the living for return of cash; for the return of some tranquility and closure to what he had lost was now forgotten, merely a peculiar dream. what was the point when the world had become such a way ? hands are lifted to the air, held up before him, his weapon residing in his back pocket, ready to pull when need be. “ i’m simply passing through, just looking for some shelter... trying to make it like everyone else. ”
* @nobodiesgovernor !
ID : LEE • TRUTHSEARCHED .
you find yourself staring ; the vast blue of the night reflecting stars in your emerald eyes . you’ve studied the constellations diligently , each holding their own place in the universe ( you aim to be similarly luminous ) . ❝ hey ! ❞ a shooting star flits across the night sky and you jump up , eyes wide in wonder . ❝ you saw that , right ? tell me you saw that ! ❞
HEAD IN A BOOK, OH, THAT’S NOTHING NEW ! head lifts, brows raising behind glasses sitting atop of his nose. “ hm ? ” gaze lands on the young woman, gaze shifting to where her gaze resides; the night sky. he glances up, lids almost squinting as the stars speckled across the darkened sky dazzle and shine, each standing out. “ saw what, exactly ? ”
“ i don’t want to fight anymore. ”
HANDS COME TO REST UPON HER SHOULDERS, the largeness of his palms almost swallowing small structured shoulders. he moves closer to her, brows pulling together, head titling to the side and down as he tries to find the others line of sight. she sounds exhausted — utterly defeated. there’s a panging in his chest at the sight before him, one that causes his jaw to tighten at what she’s having to endure, suffer through.
he should’ve stopped this sooner, he could have stopped it sooner. he’ll do it once he takes her home, lays her to rest. he’ll find himself for the first time feeling as if he’s making a difference with the life he’ll take from the world. it’ll matter, actually mean something this time, rather than all the rest he’s had to take.
“ you won’t have to. ” voice drips with such a softness, though only he knows the hidden undertones to his words. his head shakes in the slightest as his jaw loosens while pulling the petite woman to his chest. arms wrap around her, almost engulfing her. his palm slides up into soft, short red hairs, the edges of his fingers softly massaging her scalp as he bends down to place a kiss atop of her head. “ you won’t have to. ” he repeats under his breath, chin resting atop of her head as he holds her close.
* SENTENCE STARTERS . ACCEPTING !
* BUT I AM TRAPPED HERE , inside this night like splinters stuck under the skin, this night like the mouth of an angel in exile. this night like an overturned bowl of blood. this night which stretches on landslide - heavy and unending !
IND & PRIV ORIGINAL CHARACTER. THERAPIST + CONTRACT KILLER. HEAVY THEMES AHEAD.
* ONE ! nathaniel was mute for seven years. this was a result of the murder of his mother and little sister. it traumatized him, forcing him to close himself off and never utter a word. it took him quite awhile to learn to vocalize his thoughts, rather than write them down. for years he’d only ever write his thoughts out in a journal after his therapist suggested it. he’s an observer / listener, and at times he does get stuck in his own mind, finding it hard to gather the right words to form proper, functioning sentences that make sense. it was hard and stressful having to break the habit and his comfort. but he knew to become a therapist, he’d have to begin speaking. so when he got accepted to college, this was the first time he began to speak since he was ten years old. just because he never spoke, doesn’t mean he isn’t smart. he has a very high iq, he’s always reading, as well as watching / listening and just observing those that are around him. he was home - schooled, but he excelled well, and had he gone to a public / private school, he would’ve definitely been at the top of his class, made honours and even been valedictorian. he’s a very bright person.
* TWO ! after being mute for several years, he did develop speech impediments. such as, stuttering, a lisp, as well as cluttering. he couldn’t quite grasp words or get them out as clearly as he’d liked. struggling to speak slowly and calm at times. he worked hard for many years to get to a point where his impediments are pretty much non-existent. they only ever surface during stressful times, ie; the anniversary of his mother and little sisters death, his birthday, anytime he receives letters / phone calls from his father.
* THREE ! it takes take him awhile to form sentences, there’s usually lots of long pauses when having conversations with nathaniel. he’s always carrying around his journal, and at times when he finds himself getting frustrated, he’ll write it down first before vocalizing it. though it’s a rarity he does this in front of people. and if he does find himself having trouble vocalizing / conversing, he’ll do what he does when with patients — he’ll direct the conversation towards the other person. it’s something he’s very good at.
* FOUR ! nathaniel doesn’t open up easily, in fact, not at all. he’s one of those people that everyone knows, but in fact, nobody knows a single detail about him. the only thing they’ll know is his name, that’s about it. he doesn’t share anything with anyone, not his hatred for his birthday, his taste of music or love for wine and the outdoors / open fields. he’s always changing the subject or turning it around to be about the other person. it’s hard for him to open up about what he tries so desperately to keep a secret. he won’t talk about his mother and little sister, or his father. he won’t talk about being mute for seven years, and he most certainly won’t talk about the fact he’s a contract killer and murders people for a living on the side of being a therapist. he won’t allow himself to open up in fear of growing attached to somebody, and then losing them.
