Self Harm Help @selfharmxhelp - Tumblr Blog

Hi there. So I relapsed today after around a month and a half of being clean. I didn’t cut, I just scratched, but I still feel extremely guilty. I barely even had a reason to do it, the urge just came over me all of the sudden. I think I maybe just needed to feel a little bit of release? I don’t know but I still feel really guilty. I’ve been told that it’s okay to relapse, but is it really? I’m losing the battle after fighting hard for so long, and how is that supposed to be okay?

Hello!

At first I would like to say that over a month of being clean is amazing and I am very proud of you. It’s a huge achievement, I hope that you are aware of it :)

The urge without any reason is a symptom of withdrawal - you got addicted to self harm which makes you feel the need to hurt yourself even if there is no reason for it. It’s just to provide your body and mind with the feeling of release of endorphynes and view of blood which they got used to. But you cannot give in to it. You know that there’s no reason at all for you to hurt yourself and even if something makes you feel bad, don’t give up, stay strong and don’t self harm. You said yourself that you wanted a bit of release but instead you are stuck with guilt. That’s exactly what self harm is like. It won’t give you relief or happiness, it will bring you down and make you feel ashamed and guilty. You have always been aware of it but now that you can see it more clearly, please, never forget about it. Self harm won’t help you with anything and won’t give you relief - only fake feeling which disappears after a few seconds and then carries on making you feel worse and worse.

The fact that you relapsed does not make you weak. You have been and you are fighting and one relapse doesn’t erase the achievement of that month and a half of being clean. Relapse is a part of recovery and it happens almost always but it doesn’t mean we should stop trying. You have only scratched yourself, you haven’t cut and it’s good as you didn’t allow yourself to fully relapse which means that you are fighting and not giving up at all.

Let me use historical example to prove my point as I believe we can all learn from history and draw conclusions, even metaphorically.

In September 1939, Battle of Wizna took place between Nazi Germans and Polish soldiers. To this day it’s called Polish Thermopylae because 720 Polish troops stood against 42 thousands (!) Nazis. They were fighting hard and not giving ground but the numbers were against them and they were defeated. Those were brave, amazing, commited and unbreakable people but the battle was not won by them. You may say that fighting this hard was useless because they ended up murdered but it was helpful. It showed other Poles that if that unit was able to hold Nazis for 3 days while outnumbered by 40, then with equal chances it could have succeeded, won. They felt hope again and admired those soldiers’ spirit, they had motivation and courage to fight. We don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t fought that way but it is believed that Battle of Wizna was what kept Polish troops fighting so bitterly for the rest of the war. Also, the Defence of Wizna, where German army was stuck for 3 days, allowed Poles to created a new army unit as well as transfer other forces. Maybe it was only one battle, battle lost, but maybe but for it I would not be able to proudly say I’m Polish.

History lesson? Sure but not only that. We all fight battles and, yes, we fail. We don’t always win but thing is to learn from our battles and use it to prepare ourselves for winning a war. Every action we take to fight is significant and teaches us something about us, allows us to grow stronger. You may say that relapse is just losing and you need to start everything from scratch but it’s not true. After having fought for those almost two months you have something which you didn’t have before - you have evidence of your strenght and consciousness that you can do it. You have been fighting and you have been on a winning side for so long. You had urges but you didn’t give up and you lived without self harm, you faced every new day without fresh cuts or scratches. Don’t underestimate yourself. Don’t look at the relapse and see yourself losing a battle only. There is more to it! But for those one and a half month you wouldn’t know you are able to do without self harm and now, even if you relapsed a tiny bit, you know it for sure.And even the word relapse - it would not be a relapse if you had been self harming without break. Relapse means you did something again for the first time from some piece of time, that you got back to something but to go back to a certain habit you have to leave it first, get rid of it. And you did it and you did it well. Look at the past and be hopeful. You did it once and you can do it once more and grow even stronger knowing that you have already achieved it so it is possible! Believe in yourself. You can do more than you think you can and you are stronger than you presume.

If you feel the urge, please, use some self harm substitutes which can be found on my site. Just don’t hurt yourself. You can do without it and there is no issue that could ever be solved with self injury.

Please, come off anon. Message me privately and I won’t publish anything. I just suppose it’s easier to talk this way and I would really like to support you and try my best to help you.

Don’t give up and don’t lose hope. Learn from your mistakes and learn from your achievements. You are strong, amazing and unstoppable. Believe in yourself like I believe in you.

Take care <3

Any advice for helping people through self harm?

1. Remember that it’s a serious addiction and you should quit it as soon as you can2. Get rid of all the sharp objects or other things that you could use for self harm3. Use substitutes of self harm or ways to deal with withdrawal which can be found on my site under “Want to self harm?” tag4. Talk to somebody about it, don’t bottle your emotions up5. Try to solve the problem that made you hurt yourself in the first place6. Believe in yourself and don’t give up7. Check out my blog, you may find some response of mine useful and images inspiring

And, please, message me, either anonymously or privately but let me support you and help you, don’t stay on your own with self harm. Remember that you are important and you need to fight for yourself!

Take care <3

Is it bad that I.. self harmed for attention? I mean, it started out as me wanting attention, but then it evolved into an actual problem with other underlying causes. Am I still a bad person?

Who am I to define if you are bad or not? I believe you were never bad in the first place - you never hurt anybody, only yourself and you didn’t do it because you are evil. You may have been lost, you may have been unreasonable, not being aware of the danger but you are not bad. After all, so many people try drugs, alcohol or cigarettes just to feel appreciated by their colleagues or to gain recognition or attention and it’s not much different from your case. So, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

You say that your problem evolved so I understand you don’t cut for attention but out of addiction. I think you should not focus so much on whether you are a bad person or not but the issue you have now and how to solve it. You mentioned some other underlying causes of your self harm which proved that your first cut wasn’t entirely made due to attention seeking but something else pushed you to it. I believe you wouldn’t hurt yourself if it wasn’t for those reasons.

I think that now you should no longer feel bad about your past. You are not a bad person but you are in trouble, now that you feel self harm taking over your life. Please, remember that it’s a serious addiction and what made you hurt or makes you hurt yourself is important and must be dealt with so that you could feel good about your life and yourself.

Feel free to message me anytime and, please, come off anon. It’s easier to talk and I never publish any private messages. You can also use chat if you want. I do want to support you on this and maybe I could provide you with some piece of advice which you would find helpful?

You are not alone and you should not blame yourself - leave the past in the past and live the present day. You may be a kind, loving person or you may be a sadistic murdered but as for cutting for attention, that does not make you a bad person. Please, don’t be too hard on yourself, stay strong and keep on fighting!

Take care <3

can I send u a message?

You already have but feel free to send another one or even more, they are always welcome :)Take care xx

Hey :) I have a question. I had a relapse last night and now after i wake up my arm hurts really bad. My cuts are burning and around one cut it gets blue or purple. I am really scared now and i have no idea what to do. I hope you can help me.

Hi :)There are two things which make it really hard for me to give you a valid piece of advice on it: I’m not a doctor and I cannot see your cuts so I’m left to my imagination which is a poor source of knowledge when it comes to medicine.The only thing I can say that may be of help now but mostly for the future if you ever struggle again (but I do hope you won’t). Use antiseptics, have something at your fingertips and always wash your cuts. Use badages if you need to but if there’s a possibility of not wearing them, don’t. Let your cuts breathe, it helps with healing.If there’s some infection in your wound, put a bandage on it when you go out so that no germs would be involved. BUT don’t put the bandage directly on the cut, use leno or gauze bandage, the best if it was soaked with hydrogen peroxide or some antiseptic or an ointment which disinfects the wound. BUT don’t use any ointments which should be put on healed skin - they may contaminate it. If it’s swollen use ice cubes but not directly on the wound but next to it. You will have to spend some amount of money in a pharmacy, that’s for sure, but yur wounds need to be taken care of properly to avoid such situations.And if it’s bad - go to the doctor. It doesn’t matter if nobody around you knows abou it- just go. There may be some serious infection going on so it’s better to be safe than sorry, am I right or am I right? And never do it again. Don’t put your health in danger. Draw conclusions from your experiences. You are important and you shouldn’t ever do anything that may cause you pain. Take care about yourself, you deserve it.I hope that it was a temporary infection and you are healing well. Stay strong xx

I’m 26 and still lose the battle against self harming. Especially in the last year and life has had it out for me, big time. I did today (light burns and cuts) and I’m going to be honest with my boyfriend for the first time in months. I’m scared though. How did you work through this? I’ve been fighting an uphill battle for 13 years

You said you lose the battle but I think you're not right at all. You are still fighting, you want to tell your boyfriend about it, you want to stop. This is not losing, you're not letting it win. Self harm is a horrible problem and an addiction but you are a strong opponent so never perceive yourself as a loser in this battle.I do hope that right now your life is better than it was last year. Also, it's really good that you want to tell your boyfriend about it. It's important that you're not alone in this and somebody, especially somebody you hold dear, is there to support you. And don't be afraid. What you're doing is reasonable and good for you. And it's your boyfriend, he should try to understand. He may not accept it because there is no way we can accept our loved one being in pain they cause themselves but I believe he will try his best to support you.Like I always say: self harm is a reaction to the problem first. Then it generates other issues like every addiction but it is an outcome of something. I realized that one day and it turned out to be crucial to recover. I started self harming because of bullying, depression, problems at home etc., not just because I wanted to. So I tried to solve all the problems which made me self harm before I decided to quit. Once I did it, it was way easier. Then my issues were dealt with and the only thing I was fighting against was the addiction. I didn't have to worry about bullying or fear about my mum dying anymore; I was just focused on quitting self harm because I was clearly doing it out of addiction- source problems were gone and it was so clear that I didn't need it and that it was self harm which made everything worse.I also tried some methods which help with stopping -you can find them on my blog in a tab “Want to self harm?”. Maybe some of them you would find helpful. You have a boyfriend who you love and you are scared to tell him because you care about him an don’t want to lose him. Print a photo of him, one which was taken in some happy moment, a trip together or just fooling around. There must be some place where you keep yur self harm stash - blade, lighter, pin, whatever it is. Stick it onto it, if it’s in a box, or put it nearby. Put it in a place which catches your eye whenever you want to hurt yourself. Then turn the istuation around - how would you feel if he was the one self harming? You would be worried, you would be sad, you would be in pain though it would be him hurting. He cares about you, he sees in you what you can’t see- that you are strong, beautiful, intelligent and independent. Remember about it and think that if he cares so much, you should care about yourself too. Love can build you so let it do it for you. Show yourself that you are not alone and that there is something in your life worth fighting for - it’s love but most importantly, it’s you.There are quite many things you can do but you have to remember that you can try each and every of them and they won't work unless you are persistent and goal-oriented. You need to really know, be sure that you want to stop, you need to have it always in your head as a main goal - to stop. And you need to repeat it to yourself when you feel like self harming but not only then. Keep it in your mind all the time. You're worth more than this. You don't need to you hurt yourself. You can do this. You look at your past and see 13 years of struggle but I see something else too. I see a fighter who has been fighting for this long and never let it win. You are stronger than you think and once you realize that you will feel the power to overcome it once and for all.If you want to talk to me, I’m here. I’d appreciate if you came off anon as it’s way easier to talk and I’d really like to support you and help you. I never publish anything private so don’t worry about being exposed. If you want to talk or find my words any helpful, please, don’t hesitate to contact me.Never give up on yourself. You can do this, you can win. You are strong and amazing, don’t undersetimate yourself. I believe in you.Take care xx

I'm sad

“When you're sad, you're not sad. You are merely oblivious to the good things in your life. There is always a crack of light in the darkness. Find it.” - Dianna Agron

I tried to self harm once with a sharp nail file and I tried to carve into my skin but I never drew blood (only once when I scratched) and I've thought about doing it with a pencil sharpener but when I tried it was too full and I haven't tried again and I feel like a faker whenever I think to myself that I self harm saying that it wasn't even that bad and you can't even see the scars and I feel like I'm not that bad and that I'm just faking it

You felt bad and you damaged your body causing yourself pain. It is self harm. There is this strange conviction in our society that self harm is only when you cut your skin with blade and so bad that you end up covered with blood and, eventually, visible scars. It's not true at all. I used to scratch my skin as well, some of my scratches turned to hardly visible scars, some of them disappeared forever unless seen under microscope but I never bled. I used to hit the walls and pull my hear but there was never any blood. I used to burn my skin, put out cigarettes and matches on my body. That left scars but blood never showed. Does that mean I didn't self harm? That I only started self harming when I cut my skin so deep blood poured?Every action we take that is caused by overwhelming emotions such as sadness, stress, anger or numbness, and which we take out on ourselves is considered self harm. Some people say piercings or tattoos are too but I'd have to disagree - I consider them as art and literally nothing to do with mental issues. However everything we do by ourselves to cause us pain is self harm - self injury - self abuse - self mutilation; there are several names to it but none of them includes the word "blood". I'm not going to look for a dictionary-wise definition of the term itself but you hurt yourself on purpose and that makes it bad enough, that makes it a true thing and not a fake action which you need to re-do to be able to call yourself a self harmer. If you felt bad and decided to "solve" it by harming yourself then it's serious and the problem of nomenclature is the least important right now. You have only just started doing it, accomplished step 1 into self harm so, as soon as you can, go to step 2 which is: stop it right now. You said your scratches didn't really leave any mark and you should really consider it luck. Self harming won't do you any good, it won't solve your problems, it won't make you feel good and make you and your life full of happiness. It's a serious addiction, having impact on your physicality and mentality both. It will give you nothing but a fake feeling of relief which disappears after a minute and leaves you in a worse state than you were before. Self harm is a method of reacting to what happens on the inside but it's not a solution. It's just like cigarettes, drugs or alcohol - a way to forget about your problems temporarily without any permanent action to make the problem disappear. Now you have scratches, next you will have cuts and you will be able to call yourself a self harmer with no doubt behind it. Then you will soon be covered with cuts- they won't scar because you won't let them. And then you will make even deeper cuts which will make you panic or even put your life in danger. And you will look back at this moment and wish you had stopped back then. Self harm has a huge impact on the issues you are going through - it will make them worse. It will add the problem of addiction itself, fighting the urge, feeling pain when you do it but also, when you don't do it as your body will need it. You will fall into depression, you will withdraw from society, you will push away people you like and love, just so they wouldn't know. You will spend quite a lot of money in a pharmacy, buying band aids and antiseptics to heal your wounds. You will feel shame and weakness, even though you shouldn't. Nothing good has ever come from self harm. It's just a way of hurting yourself more and more and it soon takes over your life even if it started from scratches.What made you self harm in the first place? What was the source of your behavior? The reason for your action is the problem that needs to be solved, dealt with and not with self harm. Please, feel free to message me privately. It's way easier to talk that way and I'm more capable of helping you out and supporting you. I never publish private messages so you don't need to worry, you will remain anonymous. Also, you can use chat which cannot be published at all. I'm really eager to help you and I will try my best to find some solution to the problem of yours. I'm here, remember. You are strong and you are great. Don't give up on yourself and instead of hurting yourself, fight for a better tomorrow for yourself and don't let your problems take over your life. You can fight and you can win. Believe in yourself because I believe in you. Stay strong and never give up.Take care xx