恋の勝利

when i told you i loved you, it was past tense." 「affiliated with amaranth」

[selfrighteousness]

“Stupid Tenga-kun...” Way to not be around when a formal event was so close.

[hawkeene]

There is no such thing as a perfect heart.

[musclehead-blog1]

❂

“You don’t need—” She cuts him off so quickly he is just rendered speechless after that. His distressed expression changed into something tamer and concerned. 

Perhaps he’s still little rough around the edges when it comes to this relationship, but he tries. He has never been ill-natured, but he only desires to keep her worries to a minimum level. He dislikes seeing her upset for his sake, he can’t just bear it.

But.

That’s how it is when you have someone else that desires to protect you. It’s just like him at the end. He just can’t understand that so easily. It’s really hard for something like him.

“Ow.” A single huff of protest as she keeps cleaning his wound. “…Sorry, I just…” He leaves the silence to envelop the room for a bit as she tenders him. 

He’s really grateful, it’s just weird to express it in words. Sometimes, his actions speak what he’s unable to.

“–I don’t wanna see you like that for me. But it’s because I’m dumb.”

[selfrighteousness]

恋する準備はいい？

[musclehead-blog1]

How very embarrassing. “Y-yeah.” This is not something he deals with on a constant basis. A rather new, yet warming thing to make his days brighter. His nervousness becomes more luke-warm, more comfortable.

They’ve made mistakes, hell, everyone does. He isn’t proud of his past behavior, but he can’t help but keep striding towards the shiny future. It’s unknown, but only time will tell what’s going to happen next. He can’t be worried about things he doesn’t know, so he has to live his days brilliantly as ever. Especially now that he’s with Chidori Takashiro.

Her voice resounds inside her head, making his heart clutch. It’s all in a good way, but he needs to get accustomed to this. By the looks of it, it won’t take much time.

“Wahaha. I guess I’ll shut up about it. No need to make things more embarrassing, right? Right?” A teasing nature that was missed for a while is now back. Tenga starts ruffling her hair affectionately, not letting go just yet.

But… with the lips pressing, he has come back to his embarrassing facade once again. He gets red-hot. Akin to Chidori’s hair, even if it’s just a moment. “Hehehehe…,” And damn it is so awkward, but he goes for another on his own. Quick and firm.

“D-don’t say more embarrassing things now, jeez… Alright. Let’s do something else! Like… Dunno, sleep or something?”  

[selfrighteousness]

One kiss after another, this time by his own initiative. She’s taken aback, reacting slowly even though the presence of his warmth upon her lips lingers sweetly. There’s a silly smile on her face despite the red of her cheeks, she doesn’t bother hiding it. “I doubt this can become less embarrassing.” It will take a while to get used, though she is certain it won’t be a drastic change. 

She’s comfortable with Tenga and their personalities somehow always meshed.

“Sleep? After this!? B-but...” She assumes in their respective rooms and right now, being away of him isn’t quite tempting. Clingy as it can appear, could anyone blame her? Proving again their little experience and knowledge in dating -- she ends laughing, endeared by his demeanour. It’s fantastic, having a chance of learning together how to become a decent couple. 

“Oh, you mean... together?” Her expression somewhat innocent once gathering her ideas, impure thoughts left aside. Tenga could be quite the pervert but she won’t accuse him of it -- just yet. 

[selfrighteousness]

恋する準備はいい？

[musclehead-blog1]

Mentally, he’s crossing his fingers. He didn’t want to ruin this moment with his usual idiocy. He trusts his speech, but he isn’t sure it reached out to Chidori the way he wanted to. Inwardly, he was a mess — drown in an ocean of mixed feelings he has never had the guts to sense before. His chest tightening, feeling every heartbeat with vigorous attention. His stomach exploding with eagerness, and he is only waiting for Chidori’s sweet voice to reach him, so anyone can imagine how he’d feel when she starts speaking.

If she’s selfish for feeling like that, then he is, too. It’s complex and certainly he has never tried to give it much tought because he’s afraid of getting hurt. He didn’t want to get hurt and he certainly wanted to hurt Katsuhira, or Chidori. Perhaps it is selfish, but ultimately the best outcome for him is something he thought correct. 

Unfortunately, the way he expressed his feelings back then was wrong, and he needs to live with that for the rest of his life. That haunted Tenga, and still does. Though, right now, he feels blessed. The negative thoughts dispel and are casted away from his mind when she repeated herself. 

“Chidori…”

“I—” One arm holds her frame as the other rubs his cheek, embarrassed by her words. A faint, almost visible blush paints his face with deep tonalities of crimson. “I like you, Chidori.” Tenga repeats her words to show his care. He’d give it his own spin, but it would be dumb so he tossed the idea away.

“…I ain’t! It’s just… embarrassing?” Tenga is honest, but he means no harm with those words. “I wanna be your boyfriend!” There, said it. Nailed it, hopefully.

“…You’re the warm one, stop it.” Once again, he holds her with the both of his strong arms, really close.

[selfrighteousness]

“I could get used to this.” Being in his arms, hugging him close to her and her cheek buried on the fabric of his shirt. Nowhere safer than close to him.

Past events taught them plenty, albeit in a bitter way. Learning and forgiving is the key, one she hopes denoting with every word and action -- fingertips brushed his back, a soft caress. She won’t deny the embarrassing side, her heart about to burst with every romantic expression of his part. It’s a joyful sentiment, seeing herself and loved and capable of loving in return. Maybe difficult to process, so sweet that digesting is no simple task and it’ll take time to understand. 

But they will be together from now and on, hopefully as long as possible. 

“I get it! I get it! We like each other!” And she is tempted to repeat it over and over, till her voice turns dry. Se won’t, she can’t muster the strength but what she does is stand at the tip of her toes, trying to hug him by the shoulders. Pulling him close, the excitement numbs doubts for a second -- Chidori kissed him on the lips, fast as possible in a way to celebrate. 

“Thank you, Tenga-kun.. I promise to be always by your side.”

send one for my muse’s reaction to your muse ---

alternatively send ‘ + ‘ after the symbol for the roles to be reversed where possible !

✘ = hugging them . Δ = playing with their hair .  ❤ = kissing them .  ₪ =  asking them out for dinner . ☀ = giving them a gift of ___ ( asker’s choice ) . ♘ = stabbing them . ♕ = bowing down before them . ♒ = lying to them .   ✿ = buying them flowers . ☾ = being found shirtless . ♢ = reading them a story . ☂ = giving them their jumper to keep warm . ✎ = speaking in a different language . ✏ = teaching them a different language . ▄ = telling them a joke . ♬ = singing to them . ☹ = insulting a loved one . ஐ = slapping them . ✂ = threatening them . ❃ = dancing with them . ▤ = falling asleep on them . ☮ = waking them up after a nightmare .  ♣ = discovering them crying .  回 = patching a wound .  ✮ = stargazing . ▓ = caught stealing their belongings . ☽ = wandering alone at night . ♡ = complimenting them . ≡ = offering a place to stay overnight . ☢ = falling over . ✦ = being well-dressed . ❂ = wiping blood off their face . ◎ = taking care of them while ill . ☁ = being caught in the middle a storm with them . ⇕ = holding their hand . ↱ = being lost with them . ☠ = pushing them against a wall .

[t0ukas]

[tiimetracer-deactivated20170915]

“I was just thinking about some things to know people around here better but…It doesn’t matter, I need to actually make friends first before I think about what I was going to do.”

[selfrighteousness]

“Making friends isn’t really easy, huh?” It’s an unfortunate firsthand experience. 

“We can start somewhere, though. I’m Takashiro Chidori and I hope you can consider me a friend.”

[tiimetracer-deactivated20170915]

“Wah!– Oh. Good morning! I was just thinking about some things, that’s all. Hahaha!”

[selfrighteousness]

“Uh, okay?”

“You shouldn’t stress yourself, though. If I can help, you can tell me.”

[tiimetracer-deactivated20170915]

‘Maybe if I had a couple more friends, I would. But…I don’t right now. Ah well, no big deal. Always some other time!’ 

[selfrighteousness]

“Are you okay...?”

[selfrighteousness]

恋する準備はいい？

[musclehead-blog1]

Very far away from their city, universe or whatever — it is just like they’re only the both of us now. There’s no way he doesn’t feel selfish for having her for himself as well, especially when others can’t just … know that. He understood her feelings to an extent no one did before, but that doesn’t mean he still grasps how important his presence and essence were to Chidori. 

Right now, his desire to defend her is undebatable. His attraction, albeit confusing, is still genuine. He can’t fully defend himself because he knows he’s dumb, he knows he’s stupid, but that won’t change any of his feelings. He may have acted like a jealous toddler in the past, and he isn’t going to excuse that. But he is focused in the greater, broader future that awaits them.

He is afraid, and not because he thinks he’s just her last resort, but because he doesn’t think he’d be enough for her. “Yeah, I’m the dumbest…” A faint laugh resonates the room, in unison with hers. 

Feeling her warm face on his chest is new, unexpected. A surprised face comes first before getting accustomed to the feeling. He musters the guts to wrap her thin frame with his arms before saying something stupid. Maybe that way he can get some points.

He simply is not good with this, but he tries his best. “O-oy.” He chokes, too. It’s dumb yet satisfying, how they struggle with words. Tenga knows he needs to take the next step, he just needs a little bit more of … time to recollect his thoughts.

Spending time in silence like this is not so bad after all. “I wanna be your boyf… Will you be my girlfff?” He tries to make it funny, for her sake. Hopefully, it will work. 

“—Please? Pretty please?”

[selfrighteousness]

He makes her breathe run short. His features, his expressions and way of speech -- what’s so charming about them? She wonders and wonders, having no proper response to things that make no sense whatsoever. Leaving it aside, what words can do? She’s always stuck, wanting to unleash all her emotions at once. It’s troubling and she can never find the proper words, the proper time. It’s always a bad time with her. Bravery never lacks, it’s merely how most she does ends with one-sided effort. The selfish Chidori can only cling on his frame, her fingertips pressed firmly against the yellow fabric of his shirt. As if fearing he will leave.

I hate you because you are always close to me.

It makes no sense, what he sees on her. She’s heavy and has no place, fearing she may sink his heart along her own. But risks must be taken, that’s what she has learned of him and embrace pain, like many of their peers. 

“Of course I do. I like you. I’ll say it a thousand times...!”

“I like you, Hajime Tenga.”

She feigns irritation, eyebrows furrowed and although weak, her stare pierced through. It’s brief, looking at him as if in search of an answer -- one he already must be aware of and she has yet to find the courage of mustering. 

Lips parted gently and a smile blossoms at the corners once saying, “Don’t make fun of my stuttering, it’s natural I get nervous.” And it’s then, she leans against his chest once more, eyelids shutting tight. The bittersweet taste of rejection long forgotten, now all she awaited for are brighter days -- he’s not a second choice, he’s the first to ever see her. First to make her realize, love isn’t something to be ashamed of. 

“You’re warm.”

[selfrighteousness]

[amentiis-deactivated20210310]

Crimson pooled onto the sidewalk, brutally dyeing threads of ash and chestnut. Soaking in the thick liquid, his hair clumped beneath his head and provided a warm & somewhat pleasant little cushion. The rest of him was sprawled out on the sidewalk as well, scratches and bruises apparent on what skin was exposed. He, himself, did not understand his own current condition and let himself lie there, focused only on the wet warmth beneath his head. Eyelids closed and mouth pulled into a thin line, as if he were waiting for something.

[selfrighteousness]

A gruesome sight -- a place she assumed vaguely peaceful now offered a visage accredited to nightmares alone. Fear crept quick, she did not want to believe it part of their new reality. Rushing to his side comes as fast as possible, groceries being dropped to the side. Running near Katsuhira, Chidori didn’t hesitate grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him over her lap. “KACCHON!” 

Her erratic heartbeat only soothed once noticing he was at best, out of the loop and not in a more concerning shape. 

“Kacchon! Kacchon! Answer me! You’re bleeding! What happened!? Can you hear me!?” 

[selfrighteousness]

KACCHON.

[selfrighteousness]

hey, so i made an indie blog since i follow a plenty of indies, if you got a follow from @katateochi it’s moi.

[nite-wing-deactivated20220418]

I wanted to apologize to you, Tenga-kun. I was only thinking about myself…even though you said that to me without any fear of being hurt.

[nagihto]

» kiznaiver ending song english translation

↳「The Speed of A Beginning.」