La Dispute perform my absolute favourite song of theirs "Why It Scares Me".
I've been waiting 12 long years for this moment..
Easily one of the best nights I've had in a very long time.
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La Dispute perform my absolute favourite song of theirs "Why It Scares Me".
I've been waiting 12 long years for this moment..
Easily one of the best nights I've had in a very long time.
— J. SULLIVAN
Saturn Returning - Angie McMahon
I just heard this beautifully modest mantra for self-love. It made me think deeply about my own life.
The time of Saturn returning allows the wisdom of our past to transform us into procurers of self-awareness, giving us the strength to be thankful every day. If we embrace the opportunity.
My first Saturn returning coincided with the period of conception and birth of my first born daughter. It was after a long period of enduring an abusive relationship and provided me with a legacy to be proud of. I gained the strength to move past my traumas, leave a bad relationship, and rediscover love in ways I never understood before. Thank you Cara.
This has been such a substantial and beautiful discovery for me. The universal forces of life always leads us to water, but it cannot make us drink. We must embrace every moment and trust our deepest feelings of intuition to guide us to a place where energy is in homeostasis, where we can finally stop yearning for more.
So yeah, I cried again today. Thanks Angie.
Thinking about death: High neural activity is linked to shorter lifespans
If there’s one thing that humans can’t stop thinking about, it’s death. But new research published in the journal Nature suggests that all that thinking might be the very thing that brings death on.
More precisely, researchers discovered that higher neural activity has a negative effect on longevity. Neural activity refers to the constant flow of electricity and signals throughout the brain, and excessive activity could be expressed in many ways; a sudden change in mood, a facial twitch, and so on.
“An exciting future area of research will be to determine how these findings relate to such higher-order human brain functions,” said professor of genetics and study co-author Bruce Yankner. While it’s probably not the case that thinking a thought reduces your lifespan in the same way smoking a cigarette does, the study didn’t determine whether actual thinking had an impact on lifespan — just neural activity in general.
THE ROLE OF REST:
To say this was an unexpected finding is an understatement. We expect that aging affects the brain, of course, but not that the brain affects aging. These results were so counterintuitive that the study took two additional years before it was published as the researchers gathered more data to convince their reviewers. Yankner was forbearing about the delay. “If you have a cat in your backyard, people believe you,” he said. “If you say you have a zebra, they want more evidence.”
Yankner and colleagues studied the nervous systems of a range of animals, including humans, mice, and Caenorhabditis elegans, or roundworm. What they found was that a protein called REST was the culprit behind high neural activity and faster aging.
First, they studied brain samples donated from deceased individuals aged between 60 and 100. Those that had lived longer — specifically individuals who were 85 and up — had unique gene expression profile in their brain cells. Genes related to neural excitation appeared to be underexpressed in these individuals. There was also significantly more REST protein in these cells, which made sense: REST’s job is to regulate the expression of various genes, and it’s also been shown to protect aging brains from diseases like dementia.
But in order to show that this wasn’t simply a coincidence, Yankner and colleagues amplified the REST gene in roundworm and mice. With more REST came quieter nervous systems, and with quieter nervous systems came longer lifespans in both animal models.
A PATH TO LONGEVITY?
Higher levels of REST proteins appeared to activate a chain reaction that ultimately led to these increases in longevity. Specifically, REST suppressed the expression of genes that control for a variety of neural features related to excitation, like neurotransmitter receptors and the structure of synapses. The lower levels of activity activated a group of proteins known as forkhead transcription factors, which play a role in regulating the flow of genetic information in our cells. These transcription factors, in turn, affect a “longevity pathway” connected to signaling by the hormones insulin and insulin-like growth factor 1 (IGF1).
This longevity pathway has been identified by researchers before, often in connection with possible benefits to lifespan from fasting. Additionally, the insulin/IGF1 hormones are critical for cell metabolism and growth, features which relate to longevity in obvious ways.
The most exciting aspect of this research is that it offers targets for future research on longevity, possibly even allowing for the development of a longevity drug. For instance, anticonvulsant drugs work by suppressing the excessive neural firing that occurs during seizures, and in studies conducted on roundworms, they’ve also been shown to increase lifespan. This recent study shows that this connection might not be coincidental. Similarly, antidepressants that block serotonin activity have also been shown to increase lifespan. Dietary restriction has long been implicated in promoting longer lifespans as well. Dietary restriction lowers insulin/IGF1 signaling, which this study showed affects the REST protein and neural activity. More research will be needed to confirm or reject any of these possibilities, but all represent exciting new avenues to explore, possibly resulting in the extension of our lifespans.
I cried three times today:
First was when I finally got to listen to the re-release of Taylor's song 'Snow on the Beach' with more Lana. It just hit me in a way I can't explain, and I in that moment longed for such a feeling of hope that the song exuberates. Also, hearing Lana's voice on the track in full clarity singing "my smile is like I won a contest, and to hide it would be so dishonest" just melted my heart. Ugh.
Second was when I picked up some compost bags from the council, and it reminded me of the early days of my first major breakup when I was finally able to organise my life in a way that gave me a sense of great comfort. It was a strangely empowering moment, and it just took me back.
Third was when I got to see a video of my daughter wishing me a good night, but then watching my reply video take ages to upload, realising that it would take too long and she wouldn't see it for the night just triggered me into a bit of a spiral and I couldn't take my mind away from my feelings of discontent.
I'm a mess. Ughhhhhhh
As someone who has to be extremely mindful as to where I expand my social energy as to not burn myself out, I sometimes wish there was a way to gently nudge my loved ones to let them know I'm thinking about them, but not actually start an entire conversation. Something like a virtual version of a light squeeze of their hand. I often don't need to have a fully-engaged conversation, nor can I feasibly handle that with all the people I think of every day, but having a way to let them know that they are appreciated, and on my mind, would be wonderful.
my kink is people telling me they feel comfortable around me
Pace through the morning, you fuel my mind. Can't seem to feel it, this time.
And I miss you so much, but you're not out of sight, 'cause I'm still breathing. In my secret life.
I've finally found my whole life. So I've been marching 'til the morning, marching through the night, moving across the borders of my secret life.
I see it clearer. You made yourself a lie. But I saw your realest part. That part was mine.
"No piece of art has ever emotionally affected me the way this robot arm piece has. It's programmed to try to contain the hydraulic fluid that’s constantly leaking out and required to keep itself running...if too much escapes, it will die so it's desperately trying to pull it back to continue to fight for another day. Saddest part is they gave the robot the ability to do these 'happy dances' to spectators. When the project was first launched it danced around spending most of its time interacting with the crowd since it could quickly pull back the small spillage. Many years later... (as you see it now in the video) it looks tired and hopeless as there isn't enough time to dance anymore.. It now only has enough time to try to keep itself alive as the amount of leaked hydraulic fluid became unmanageable as the spill grew over time. Living its last days in a never-ending cycle between sustaining life and simultaneously bleeding out... (Figuratively and literally as its hydraulic fluid was purposefully made to look like it's actual blood).
Extended interpretations: The hydraulic fluid in relation to how we kill ourselves both mentally and physically for money just in an attempt to sustain life, how the system is set up for us to fail on purpose to essentially enslave us and to steal the best years of our lives to play the game that the richest people of the world have designed. How this robs us of our happiness, passion and our inner peace. How we are slowly drowning with more responsibilities, with more expected of us, less rewarding pay-offs and less free time to enjoy ourselves with as the years go by. How there's really no escaping the system and that we were destined at birth to follow a pretty specific path that was already laid out before us. How we can give and give and give and how easily we can be forgotten after we've gone.. How we are loved and respected when we are valuable, then one day we aren't any longer and we become a burden...and how our young, free-caring spirit gets stolen from us as we get churned out of the broken system that we are trapped inside of. Can also be seen to represent the human life cycle and the fact that none of us make it out of this world alive. But also can act as a reminder to allow yourself to heal, rest and love with all of your heart. That the endless chase for 'more' isn't necessary in finding your own inner happiness.”
- James Kricked Parr
See more here: https://youtu.be/ZS4Bpr2BgnE
one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
take it a day at a time.
or if a day is too much, an hour.
if an hour is too much, a minute.
if a minute is too much, a breath.
inhale. exhale.
you are still alive. you are still here.
babe are you ok? you barely touched your tumblr
I'm looking at you, Cara. Don't hate me, just checking in.. 🤣
As inconvenient to you as it may currently seem, any love that develops within me is never fleeting.
Connections I form impact me for a lifetime.
I can accept the pain of relationships whilst still appreciating the glory that our love once brought fourth.
It is this what keeps me hungry, because these connections are special. They require a level of vulnerability that is rarely revealed, especially as we age and fawn off with increasing negative experience. They require deep understanding and admiration of a persons beliefs and values in life, which also needs to me reciprocated. They require a shared vision of the future.
Pain and trauma are inevitable as we go through life, but the glory of pure joy and legacy that only being open to love can provide is a tragedy to neglect.
I am frustratingly pure in emotion and my acceptance to the fact that I find happiness in faith to my idealism gives me the strength to wait forever.
The most unfortunate of facts is that my emotional capacity has limits and because I have invested so much into the realtionships gone by, it leaves me with little to be willing or able to offer any potential connections in the future.
I must come to accept a life forever filled with longing.