Learning to Live

(Even when I dont want to)

[notsofine]

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[positivelypresent]

Some self-care ideas to add to your May to-do list! ☺️💕

[notsofine]

“It’s up to the adults to keep the kids safe not the kids to keep themselves safe.”

- therapy 9/5/24

*mindblown*

How have I never realised this before?

[notsofine]

When I first bled, I thought it was my period.

I didn’t get my period till I was 14

[notsofine]

I feel

Like I’ve been split in half

And I’m trying to grab hold

Of my other half and stop

Myself from floating away

Do I still exist?

How do you tell

How do you know what is

Real

[notsofine]

Everything went wrong and we were late this morning. Kiddo didn’t want to get dressed, didn’t want to have breakfast, didn’t want to go to daycare.

I couldn’t get to the gym in time.

So I went for a run and I thought you know what, I’m going to just keep going. And I did. I looped my first 10k in 3.5 years. In hindsight I feel I could have little bit harder and made it to 12 but I’ll take my 10.

Just giving myself a mental pat on the back because i did something instead of giving up today.

[notsofine]

I’m not sure how I feel about all this.

On one hand, my fears are recognised and validated, I haven’t been imagining it, I haven’t made it up or pushed my own views onto her blindly.

I know deep down that doesn’t make her any less, like it doesn’t make me any less. Just different and different is okay.

But my whole life I have been nothing but different and I don’t want the for her.

But if our application gets rejected I will feel stupid that I pursued this, that actually I just an over anxious mom, seeing things and imagining things and ugh I don’t know which is worse

[recomvery]

You deserve to feel safe. To feel taken care of. It's ok to depend on people, be attached to people, need people. It doesn't mean you're not strong. It's human. Attachment isn't always bad. It's not a weakness.

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Brain zaps

I am at or beyond capacity and it is making me very angry I am not liking the person I am

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15/2/24

Ive hit a wall.

I am not coping. T is concerned about my ability to continue to work and juggle increasing responsibilities. I am the point where I am avoiding all calls and messages, even to schedule help bc the thought of having to talk to anyone is just too hard

[notsofine]

I looked up my OT report from 2 years ago and I really should not have

[notsofine]

I miss my baby

[notsofine]

Not feeling that great today