YOU'RE WELCOME HERE

love is love and that's really all that matters to me (mostly wlw content, i like to write, read and share)

[sensualcandies]

i just found this wlw blog again

left tumblr bisexual

back a lesbian oh well

[sensualcandies]

asked someone at a festival if they minded if I smoked. she said yes. said k. she said why. she thought i said do you have facebook. lotta noise out here. i said oh. can i kiss you. we did. i don’t have facebook. never saw her again. lesbians, keep being dumb and talking nonsense, might not end up married but it’s lotta fun

[sensualcandies]

so it’s summer again and pride month coming but who’s closeted ass is going to pride when tv cameras might make MY closeted ass a show on my family’s screens...?

[sensualcandies]

yo

[sensualcandies]

hung up on the first therapist i’ve called in years, feel like nothing

[sensualcandies]

do you sometimes feel like you’re part of a loving family and then remember what you’re hiding inside

this sadness

it doesn’t go away

[sensualcandies]

cousins out there having girlfriends, boyfriends and babies, while all i have is rage and this obviously traumatazing not-sure-if-if-really-experimented-this-rather-not-ask memory in my head. oh hi auntie.

[sensualcandies]

christmas but i love women

there’s no joke here just a coming out

[sensualcandies]

not comfortable feeling anything like this for someone like you

[sensualcandies]

still being lesbian after that much years trying to cancel myself has to be the same disappointment children feel when parents find them despite closing their own eyes

[sensualcandies]

“don’t do later what you could do right n-”

i will do it later. i trust my will. there’s nothing i can’t do. i’ve never procrastinated in my life and i’m not starting now.

- philosophical reflexion about how doing something later doesn’t equal denial and living the lie

[sensualcandies]

and it’s all starting again

[sensualcandies]

lesbian aunt energy except i have no siblings but insistingly insist i do during family dinners, talking non sense about my “business” without anyone knowing where i am getting that money from, checking my phone going ‘uh, the ministry will soon fall’ and fluently speaking rare languages while commanding in foreign countries

[sensualcandies]

a weird part of growing up wlw is identifying as both the man and the woman in a straight cinematographic relationship, isn’t it? Or maybe I am bi after all, etc, etc

[sensualcandies]

I love myself. I love that person who loves women.

Those simple sentences help against the gnawing fear of never being able to have a normal life because of something I could not choose.

I love that person who as a child didn’t know they were going to fall in love with girls. I love them before, during and after this acknowledgement.

Self love should not be a narcissistic cult. But it is the healing against the self hate that was set to default mode coming to my orientation.

[sensualcandies]

You were not made like this, you were made for this.

Nobody is broken.

Telling myself this made me feel so much better about who I am, I needed to share.

[sensualcandies]

having everyone explain to my little niece how i’m not a man despite my short hair while i’m a comfortably closeted lesbian w/ gender confusion has to be one of the most dissociating experiences i’ve had this far