i'm very high in potassium. @sentientdatabase-blog - Tumblr Blog

RESIDENT : ELEANOR SHELLSTROP :

“Wow, uh – looks like you’re finally gettin’ to all the good stuff now, huh, Janet? …QUICK QUESTION, though: if that’s a lie, then what’s the actual sitch?”

❛ not sure. but based on michael’s behaviour, and based on my system telling me that shawn’s here : shawn’s here ! ❜

#livesuntold

‘ we’ve been through this thousands of times. i mean, can you… just chill out? is that possible? ’

❛ nope ! my internal temperature runs at an average of 97.8 trillion degrees. you’d have to shut me down ! ❜

#prinsessemelodi

‘ yeah, dude. i’m not a monster… anymore. ’

❛ don’t be silly, eleanor. you’re not a monster, and you never have been ! there’s only two places you can find monsters, and that’s in the other Bad Place, and in those quasi science documentaries about Bigfoot that you used to watch on YouTube while hungover.

you were just a human being who scored a lot of negative points during your lifetime. totally different, and way better ! ❜

#forkingshirt #what a Pep talk janet

littlelovelymemes

✰ — — — THE GOOD PLACE SENTENCE STARTERS

‘ hi, guys! i’m broken. ’ ‘ send nude pics of your heart to me. ’ ‘ man, repressing your feelings is great. ’ ‘ i just want to sit and stare at nothing and silently scream for the rest of time. ’ ‘ birth is a curse and existence is a prison. ’ ‘ it’s ancient history? it was happening until twenty seconds ago. ’ ‘ one of the perks of living alone is that i get to just walk around naked. ’ ‘ i’ll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper. ’ ‘ you were already at almost-maximum hotness, but now you look like a sexy, tan rapunzel. ugh, the dream. ’ ‘ well, hooking up with someone with the exact same name, it is kind of a fun, narcissistic fantasy… i could be into it. ’ ‘ so far, i’m the best student. i’m gonna be the velociraptor. ’ ‘ i feel like ‘friends’ in season eight, out of ideas and forcing joey and rachel together, even though it made no sense. ’ ‘ i once got lost on an escalator, so i’m not exactly christopher columbus. ’ ‘ we’ve been through this thousands of times. i mean, can you… just chill out? is that possible? ’ ‘ you deserve to be happy because you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person… not to mention, you have a rockin’ bod. ’ ‘ any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. that’s how we got beyonce. ’ ‘ because of reasons. there are reasons! they exist and i don’t want to explain them right now. ’ ‘ i’m a canyon… full of poo-poo. ’ ‘ they are a couple and i am a third part of that couple. ’ ‘ it’s suddenly very important that i get drunk. ’ ‘ you got dreams in life? that’s lit. ’ ‘ be nicer to yourself. ’ ‘ how can i say no? …can i say no? ’ ‘ i don’t have a house. i live in a boundless void. ’ ‘ i have no idea what’s going on, but everyone is talking and i should too. ’ ‘ be nicer to yourself. ’ ‘ i’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kid’s menu. what a stupid age i am! ’ ‘ is this a game? i go first. i call blue! ’ ‘ aw, man. i wanted to push that button. not cool, dude. ’ ‘ we know everything. i don’t understand much of it, but you know, i know it. ’ ‘ that was my first time as a fashion ‘don’t’ and i did not care for it. ’ ‘ i’m just a girl, towering over a boy, asking him to admit he loves me. ’ ‘ hey there hot stuff, can i get you a cup of coffee? ’ ‘ do you have any feelings like that for me again now? ’ ‘ no, no, no, dude, dude, dude, you don’t have to explain yourself. we are on the same page. ’ ‘ i am revved up to learn, man. my brain is horny! ’ ‘ i used to think about how it’s weird they don’t make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs. ’ ‘ i felt bad about what i did. it was a weird feeling. not used to it. didn’t love it. ’ ‘ yeah, i love you. ugh, that’s embarrassing. i feel so itchy. ’ ‘ go fork yourself, you mean giraffe. ’ ‘ who needs a soulmate anyway? my soulmate will be… books. ’ ‘ what do we do? panic? freak? i usually panic, but i am happy to freak! ’ ‘ we’re gonna have assignments and quizzes and papers… it’s gonna be so much fun! ’ ‘ i’m in a perfect utopia and i have a stomachache. ’ ‘ i need to step outside for some air. and… i will not be back. for many days. ’ ‘ the point is, you’re cool, dope, fresh, and smart-brained. ’ ‘ yeah, dude. i’m not a monster… anymore. ’ ‘ i’m good. just hang out with her and name constellations after each other or whatever it is nerds do. i’m fine on my own. ’ ‘ i’m in this. we’re a team. ’ ‘ she makes the bass drop… in my heart. ’ ‘ is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? because it’s only kind of working. ’ ‘ ugh, of course your hugs are amazing. ’ ‘ okay, that’s really specific and that makes me think that you definitely did do that. ’ ‘ yeah, mm-hmm, everything is fine, it’s okay, yeah. i’m fine. so, it’s all fine. ’ ‘ look away! everybody look away. i’m going to keep watching, but you guys look away. ’ ‘ ugh, talking about your feelings is the worst. ’ ‘ i’ve been keeping a secret from you… about you. the thing is, it’s not even harming you and if i tell you i feel like it might harm you. so, uh, ethically speaking, i don’t think i have to tell you. ’ ‘ has anyone ever told you what a drag you are? ’ ‘ ‘bearer of bad news’? uh, i think you mean ‘bad news bear’. ’ ‘ honestly, the best move is to get another dude and just go to town. rebound guy. ’ ‘ but i am happy for them! i am! i am! am i? i am! i am not. i am not. i am not that. i am not happy for them. ’ ‘ i totally get it. i mean, he’s a ding dong, but also a straight hottie. ’ ‘ you want to hear his side? oh, no, no, no. that’ll only slow things down. ’ ‘ no! right? no, it felt like a no when i was doing it. ’ ‘ here’s the thing, i’m nice to you and you’re mean to me. there’s something wrong about that, but i can’t put my finger on it. ’ ‘ how am i doing? oh, well, you know… stomach’s in knots, i’m stress-grinding my teeth, and it feels like i’m being suffocated. ’ ‘ just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun. ’ ‘ just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun… just like i do when someone starts talking about their kids. ’ ‘ how do i put this delicately… it’s all stupid garbage! ’ ‘ i’m sorry i dragged you into this. ’ ‘ i’m sorry that i never did laundry… and that i waited until you were about to do yours and secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it. ’ ‘ that’s a very, very bad idea. don’t be yourself! ’ ‘ great. yet again, it’s everyone against me because everyone except me is an idiot. why am i the only person who clearly sees what’s going on here? ’

#B)

anyone wanna stream tgp ????

RESIDENT : ELEANOR SHELLSTROP :

@sentientdatabase

❛ AH, SHIRT ——— janet !! ❜

❛ hiya eleanor ! look ! i’ve activated a slang use and comprehension program for more natural and authentic to your style conversation with you and jason ! what’s crackalackin’ ? ❜

#forkingshirt #ASDFGHJ

RESIDENT : SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS :

you may want to re-evaluate your decision to tell spongebob one of these. the laughter that follows his processing such a joke has been used as an INSTRUMENT OF TORTURE before. proceed with caution.

❛ a KNOCK-KNOCK joke?! i’m ALWAYS ready for a good one of those! ❜

❛ knock - knock. ❜ which is a funny joke in its own right. janet’s a corporeal vessel of absolute knowledge ! janet doesn’t knock ! janet just appears when summoned by an audio cue !

#spongenextdoor #me: aggressively googling bad knock knock jokes

RESIDENT : ELEANOR SHELLSTROP :

@sentientdatabase hit the ❤︎ !

“Hey, uh… J…amila? Ja…nine? Jay… Z? - – Oh! JANET!”

❛ hi there ! what can i do for you ? ❜

#livesuntold #yes in fact janet Is jay z

IM YELLING MY POLI THEORY PROF IS TALKING ABOUT THE GOOD PLACE

❛ hi eleanor ! fun development ! i can lie now. check this out : everything is fine. michael told me to say that. and it’s a lie ! ❜

&. @livesuntold

#livesuntold #I AM SO READY

sentientdatabase-blog

WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT TURNING ME INTO A MARBLE FOREVER?

#love me

hafael-archive

sentientdatabase-blog

Janet, we’ve been through this hundreds of times. I mean, can you just chill out? Is that possible Janet? Can you just chill out a little? Nope! It’s gonna be the same every time! Yeah. Yeah I know.

#tbt.#I LOVE