Evelyn

She/Her

[beardedmrbean]

[animentality]

[sanitymakesposts]

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

[sanitymakesposts]

Mods, make him busy during a friends planned trip so he misses out on the new inside joke.

[sanitymakesposts]

Mods… change the smell of his parents house.

[evilscientist3]

look boss, our quarterly "subjection to the brutalities of the Absurd" budget is almost blown already. can we not just shoot this one twice in the back of the head and call it a day?

[markovchaingang]

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm

a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force

daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed

always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't

you do not talk about my daughter

[abalidoth]

6. If x and y are my daughters, then there exists a set that has x and y as elements.

7. You can fold my daughter through any two points.

8. I have exactly one daughter parallel to a given line passing through a given point.

[inthefallofasparrow]

9. If my daughter is hung on the wall in the first act, then in the following one she must be fired. Otherwise don't put her there.

10. When two or more daughters are offered for a phenomenon, the simplest daughter is preferable.

11. Any sufficiently advanced daughter is indistinguishable from magic.

12. Without a clear indicator of intent, it is utterly impossible to parody my daughter without someone mistaking it for the genuine article.

13. My daughter is nine-tenths of the law.

[homunculus-argument]

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

[homunculus-argument]

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

[catgirlwheels]

...how does it taste?

[homunculus-argument]

bad

[writingtoolofdubiousintegrity]

the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO₂ and H₂O over time. And carbonic acid is – as an acid – sour.

By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great™.

[homunculus-argument]

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

[adhd-merlin]

I think arthur and gwaine being "I would die for him but god he's annoying" about each other is quite funny actually

[adhd-merlin]

"it's rotten work. especially for me. especially if it's you. I'll fucking do it but christ alive"

[contemptible-scoundrel]

my cursed sword doesn't even tell me to kill people anymore it keeps begging me to put on a skirt and tights

[contemptible-scoundrel]

I already know I'm a girl dickhead I just like wearing pants

[moghedien]

I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area they’ve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record I’m fine with

But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy

[moghedien]

Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy

[dragon-in-a-fez]

captain afab is honestly a very relatable character because whomst among us does not have some great beast that has eluded us all our lives. mine, for instance, is a decent night's sleep.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

Ahab. I meant fucking. captain Ahab.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

y'all are gonna make this a whole thing aren't you

[dragon-in-a-fez]

top 5 things people have said in the tags on this so far:

moby girldick

I mean, he is chasing dick

the real white whale was testosterone

assigned whaler at birth

captain afab and his trusty crewman cismale

[beemovieerotica]

[meerschweinchen-archive]

your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways

[ravenclaw-timelord]

Taylor Tomlinson: Prodigal Daughter (2026)

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

hey wait! i know you! we used to be chained next to each other in the cave! wow, so good to see you, how are ya? man. remember how we used to talk about the shadows on the wall together. gosh that was a long time ago. but hey. sure is one heck of a sun out here, right? it's good to see you.

[hippy-craic]

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

i wrote this post with happy tears in my eyes sitting in a parking lot after getting coffee for 3 hours with someone i did youth shakespeare with when we were teenagers and hadn't seen in 15 years, in which time we both transitioned, got into nerd shit, found a job that feels good, found people to spend our gay little lives with, and coincidentally moved to the same city. this is exactly how it felt. never ever ever kill yourself

[homunculus-argument]

Libraries are sneaky, because once you go in, it's soo easy to get a library card, and once you have one, you can pretty much grab one of everything of all the stuff they have there with no consequence, and take it home. But then once you're home and you've read all the stuff you'll have to go back to the library to return the stuff, and once you're at the library again, you're at the library again, so might as well pop in to see what they got, and then you're hauling half their shit home again, and then you'll need to return to the library to return them, so you're at the library again

And the next thing you know you've read 3000 books, your crops are clear and your skin is watered, an angel descents from the heaven to suck your dick twice a week, and also you've got some books to return so you've got a perfectly valid reason to go pop in to the library. Just a little bit.

[official-library-posts]

official library post

[najsigt]

I've been in a bit of an art funk lately, so I decided to do a little redraw of this piece from 2021.

[llama-sidekick]

did you predict the bloody mary ship

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[grenadineghost]

you want to be mommy’s adjective noun, don’t you, pet name? you want to verb and verb for mommy like a good gender

[alhyastarain]

you want to be mommy's weird potato, don't you, Brian? you want to skip and somersault like a good jester