*waves* hi, i love your writing! for the prompt thing — buckytony “I’m fully capable of kicking your ass.” don’t forget you’re amazing! bye
Don’t forget I love you! okay bye 💙
“I’m fully capable of kicking your ass.”
Tony doesn’t get drunk often. He cites reason after reason - he’s a messy drunk, the paparazzi would love to get photos of him drinking, his 40th birthday party. The truth isn’t any of those. The truth is that Tony, when he’s being Tony and not putting on one of his personas, is an adorable drunk.
“One time, he bleped,” Rhodey tells them one night. “You know, that thing that cats do with their tongues? He did that and then didn’t notice for an hour.”
“He cried over a pomeranian,” Pepper informs them on a different occasion.
“He adopted all the cats out of an overfull shelter,” Happy says flatly. “There were a hundred and eighteen of them. He named them after the elements on the periodic table. They all live on a ranch down in Texas.”
Bucky, however, doesn’t have any occasion to see Tony drunk - at least not real Tony - until Nat and Clint’s wedding. It’s a private wedding with a bunch of ex-SHIELD agents to make for it stays private so Tony apparently feels no shame in getting drunk off of the expensive champagne he’d provided for the reception. He listens to all of the speeches while sobbing into his hands, proceeds to inform everyone that he’s so sad his friends are leaving him even though they were only changing floors in the tower, and then gets distracted by something fluffy and purring that Thor apparently brought just for him (Bucky’s pretty sure it’s an actual Tribble and that has him a little concerned but Thor isn’t worried at all so he decides it isn’t his concern).
At some point, Tony disappears and when Bucky eventually manages to track him down, he’s drunkenly threatening one of SHIELD’s mechanics, a burly guy named Mack who might actually be bigger than Bucky.
“I’m fully capable of kicking your ass,” Tony slurs, pointing a waving finger at Mack. Fortunately, Mack just looks amused.
“Okay, sweet thing,” Bucky says. He picks Tony up, slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Sorry about that,” he tells Mack.
“It’s fine,” Mack says, waving him off. “If this is the worst trouble he gets into all night, he’ll probably consider it a good one.”
“It better be the worst trouble. We’re going back upstairs to bed.”
“No,” Tony pouts, somehow managing to cross his arms even when he’s upside down. “Don’t wanna.”
“Yep, we’re going. Come on, we need to go say bye to Nat and Clint.”
“Don’t wanna talk to them. They’re abandoning me.”
Bucky’s really glad Tony can’t see his grin. “They’re not abandoning-”
Tony suddenly realizes that they’re walking away from his new enemy and exclaims, “Wait! Take me back! I hafta tell him I can take him.”
“I think he knows, sweet thing,” Bucky says. He glances over his shoulder. Mack is waving at them, not even bothering to hide his laughter.
He decides that saying bye to Nat and Clint is too much work when Tony suddenly attempts to squirm out of his arms and slither down his back so he can go right back to where he was. “Nope,” Bucky says and shifts Tony so that he’s being bridal carried instead. “You’re staying right here.”
Tony blinks owlishly at him before snuggling into his chest. “This is good too,” he informs him. He yawns, closes his eyes, and promptly starts snoring.
Bucky doesn’t sigh but it’s a close thing. “Alright, baby doll,” he mutters. “Let’s get you upstairs.”
He catches sight of Nat and Clint dancing together and waves at them to catch their attention. They see him and then see Tony. Nat is nice enough to hide her laughter behind her hand but Clint doesn’t even try. He mouths back a sarcastic, “Yeah, yeah,” and motions at the elevators. Nat nods and makes a little shooing motion.
As they stand in the elevator, he solemnly tells Tony, “When we get married, you’re not going anywhere near the champagne.”
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