pjm @serendipitypromise - Tumblr Blog

#broken #relationship #heartbreak #hurting #pain #love

i just want everything to be okay again

I miss the version of us that stayed up talking about nothing and everything. When your name on my screen felt like home

you will never truly understand the severity of pain you gave me

the lies, the cheating, the manipulation.. everything you did to me while i was only trying to show you real love

you say what we had was real, and you know you will never find someone better suited for you, someone who would love you as wholly and deeply as i did, someone who stood by you throughout everything

you let me believe we were forever, we lived together, we were talking about a marriage and a family

all for you to tear it all down

why did you do this to me? what did i do to ever deserve this?

this pain is unbearable and i feel like it will end me

all i wanted was to love you and be loved by you for the rest of our lives

and i will never understand how someone can do this to another person

so you live happily, because we both know you will never be happier than you were with me

#him #relationship #i love him #heartbreak #pain #hurting #breakup #boyfriend #ex boyfriend #broken #cheating #cheating boyfriend #toxic

bbyxdarlinnnn-deactivated202602

can i just skip this whole part and be with the loml already? like this isn’t fun

officially started antidepressants

got my first therapy session this morning

let’s see where this road takes us

#depression #tw depression #sertraline #therapy

why the fuck have you done this to me

3 fucking times now

why am i not good enough

why am i NEVER good enough

#him #heartbreak #tw #depression #cheating boyfriend #cheater

I have once again sliced my skin into ribbons..

i fucking hate this life

#heartbreak #tw #self harm #tw self harm #depression #why have you done this to me

almost 3 years ago my (then) boyfriend and i had a pregnancy scare after the first time we slept together. it wasn’t either of our very first times, but it was ours together. i knew when i met him this was truly going to be my husband until i die, or my biggest heartbreak.

unfortunately, right now.. he is my biggest heartbreak. today is mother’s day and i can’t stop thinking about that alternate universe that we are happily together with our 2 year old child. that alternate universe in which the most amazing incredible loving man i have ever met never cheated, never sought attention in other people.

he loved every inch of me, my body, my soul, he made me feel like i could conquer the world. he helped me understand that the world needs me, that i can accomplish anything i dream of. yet, i am here living in the apartment we got together, without him. i am here with the memories of our laughter and tears, alone. with the ideations of how life could have been.

and i hope and wish and pray every single second that he returns to me. he says he doesn’t understand why he did what he did, and is distraught at what he has had to walk away from.

maybe it’s good that the pregnancy test was negative. because i don’t want to explain to my baby that their dad lied to their mother every day while he was seeking approval in everyone that wasn’t her.

and yet, i still wish he would come back to me. it’s fucked up. i am fucked up.