With a heavy heart I report the latest goings on in a life that is never without dramatics. I hardly even know how to feel about it, but something has happened, something serious.
A little back story is mandatory for this one. Daniel suffers from a severe addiction that has held him hostage for most of his teenage and 20something life. I'm talking about serious drugs, heroin and oxycontin, most times administered intravenously. And with most addictions of this severity, he's been plagued with a life spent behind bars when the rest of us are enjoying being young. I met Daniel four years ago when he was in between jail sentences, and fell in love with him as soon as the first few words tumbled out of his lovely mouth. Always having been the type to see the beauty in all human beings, I made it my life's number one objective to show him love, and life, and essentially fix him. We fell in love, but for him, it wasn't enough. Tragedy struck him again, with the sudden death of his mother, and his addiction spiraled out of control, to the point of which it even terrified the likes of me.
Next came the prison sentence, but I wasn't giving up. This person, was special, not just another state-issued blue uniform with a number attached. For a year, I faithfully wrote to him, and visited him, and supported him. And when his name got called, I was there to pick him up. I brought him to my beach, and introduced him to all my friends. I bought him clothes, a cell phone, found him a job, and it all felt so worth it. He was clean, and we were in love.
Even in the end, I took inventory of our romance, start to finish, and decided that at least it wasn't for nothing. At least his father not only now speaks to him, but is actually proud...for the first time...ever. So I told myself, even with a shattered heart, it was still worth it...
Yesterday, the first indication that something had happened was a Facebook message from his lover, glaring at me from my inbox mid-day. What the hell does she want now? I decided I didn't want to know, clicked delete, and went about my day. Later, a mutual friend that works at the same restaurant that Daniel recently got fired from, posted this on Facebook:
"How do you work somewhere, get fired and break into someones place that you worked with? IDIOT!"
My intuition told me that this was no coincidence. I checked the county jail's website, and there he was staring back at me.
BURGLARY-DWELLING UNOCCUPIED
BOND AMOUNT DUE: $10,000.00
The words screamed at me from my computer screen. I stared, dumbfounded for a full 20 minutes. This cannot be happening. Everything in his world seemed to be going so perfectly. New girl, new beach bachelor pad, I could literally map out his happiness based on Facebook check-ins alone.
I reach for the phone and find myself dialing his girl's telephone number. She answers, and "What the hell happened, Heather?" comes out of my mouth, a little harsher than I had intended. The girl described to me her version of the days events, and I realize he has played her for a fool. I hang up and call Chris, the person behind the Facebook post, and now I have the real story. Daniel broke into his next door neighbor, and former co-workers house, and was caught red-handed stealing cash by her boyfriend who had happened to come back home to retrieve a forgotten sandwich.
This misadventure has Daniel's addiction written all over it. How could he throw it all away? First our love, and now his freedom? Considering his impressive rap sheet, and the fact that no one that can afford an attorney is going to retain one, my best guess is that we won't be seeing him for at least a year if he's very very lucky. The girl called me this morning again, I'm not sure exactly what she wants from me. She told me that she doesn't want to abandon him, but that she 'cannot deal with this.' I started to write him a letter, but I crumpled it up and threw it away.
As friends are finding out, my phone has been ringing all day. I feel pinned to the ground, numbly listening to their cheerful voices talking about 'karma' and that he's getting what he deserves.
But that is my beautiful boy in there. How is it that I'm still not angry? After everything, the girl just walks away. So I wonder, could I do it all over again? Get older and older waiting for Daniel? And then what? What if he gets five years this time? Won't there be another young girl for him to leave me for again, how smart would I feel then? What a fool I am for even considering it!
Plain logic says "Forget Him. They're right. He hurt you, and now he's going to suffer because of it." That idea seems so vicious, and not in keeping with my convictions whatsoever.
I really need to do some serious thinking. My next move can define my entire life.
