I haven’t written any poetry in a while. I’m not sure why...the thoughts echo in my head and it call comes together during those emotional moments, but that’s usually when I’m not able to write. So, when I sit down and try to write some poetry, it feels more like a homework assignment than an outlet, and I end up not doing it. Hopefully, this Writer’s Block clears up soon.
I saw you today, with him. I wasn’t that far away, but I was heading to get some coffee and when I looked up while walking, you guys were there, holding hands and stopping for kisses. I guess I could describe what I felt as shock (I hadn’t seen you in months), nostalgic pain (by that, I mean that I remember moments like that we would have together, like the ones at the steps, coupled with the fact that it’s never happening again), and relief (I was so anxious about running into you on campus, especially if you were with him, but seeing you there realized it’s not as bad as it seems). After that assortment of feelings, I smiled. I smiled because I know what you’ve been going through, and I’m so glad that amidst all that anguish, you still have moments like the one I saw. Maybe it’s too soon to say, but I think you will have your happy ending after all. Stay strong.
I’m addicted. No, not to drugs or alcohol or anything substance related. I’m addicted to thrill. This should be a good thing, right? I’m in my early twenties, I have a semester left before I graduate into the real world, and this is my chance to fulfill my bucket list. Maybe it is a good thing, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Lately, I’ve been so caught up in the excitement of going to different places, having wild nights, and being as spontaneous as possible that I might have lost my sense of stability. There’s nothing really to hold me down. There’s no single goal or purpose that keeps me centered, and it is kind of scary. Because, if I even take one wrong step, I could be hurling down into some deep, dark abyss. An abyss that exists within me, filled with darkness that I can feel creeping up from time to time. Hopefully, I find my bearings soon enough.
I’m also cursed with seeking out something new all the time. My hunger for new places or new people or new experiences just seems insatiable. And don’t get me wrong, the people in my life, for the most part, are amazing people. The place I’m at right now is awesome. There’s no dearth of excitement in my life. But my soul is always telling me to feed it “new”. It’s scary because in my quest for new, I risk losing what I already have, such as great friends who think I don’t value them because I don’t think they’re enough. Little do they know they are more than enough. It’s me who is the problem. This hunger is what’s leading me to move all the way across the fucking country. Sometimes the guilt is too much, but luckily I’ve been distracted from letting it consume me. One day, the right place or time or person will come along who will satisfy this hunger. One day.
theartofmadeline
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pixelskylines
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