option 2 was gonna be angst no comfort _(:з」∠) but option 1 had more votes so ,,, u might get pwp ^_^..! fic coming out in 2 months probably (i hope not)
HEART.
I wanted to be somewhere
From iron to red drench
그 둘 사이 어딘가에
┆bttm m!reader x top m!oc(riku) ‧★
𐔌 warnings: one of my heavier work, not finished sadly, may cause dysphoria or discomfort please read on your own discretion, angst no comfort, internalized homophobia, cross dressing, a pinch of religious guilt, no prep (always prep your partners!!), blowjob (giving), reverse cowgirl (receiving),, not proof read
Riku was born into a family that strictly follows the bible.
the kind of family where love was a commandment, where sin was an unforgivable stain.
from a young age, his parents taught him two important things,
one, boys shouldnt cry.
two, two people of the same gender cant marry each other.
as he grew older, he stayed with these rules. he only dated girls, never cried even at his pets death, and was never really close to the “weird” boys in his class.
everything was going well for him, as long as he follows the rule, life will be normal,
right?
that was until you transferred to his school during the last year of high school, who even transfers school in their senior year? he asked his friends, laughing it off until he saw you.
the moment you walked into the room, it felt like the room became more vibrant, like how the male lead felt when he first saw the female lead in a shoujo manga.
when he saw you, the first thing he noticed was your presence, it was different from the others. something that made his chest tightens, his thoughts short circuit,
and his heart started to beat faster.
his friend nudged him from the side, muttering a short ‘youre staring.’, making him come back from his senses,
no.
this is wrong. his mind screamed. he can already imagine the disappointment from both his parents if they knew. you were a guy. hes a guy. it just wouldnt work.
he loathed you, he hated the way he made him feel.
but despite all that, he mustered the courage to go up to you during lunch break.
“hey, my name’s riku, youre the new kid who sat in front of me, right?”
he shouldnt have done that. shouldnt have introduced himself to you.
because the moment you looked up from your food and smiled at him— everything in him froze.
this is wrong. I shouldnt feel like this. he said to himself, again.
but the feelings didnt go away.
a few years had passed.
but sadly for riku, the doki doki feelings for you didnt.
he was fully convinced that once the two of you graduated high school, you’ll slowly drift apart and cut off all contact. then the feelings would disappear.
that is, until he saw you on orientation week at his university during his freshmen year.
you didnt expect to see him either, but here you were, standing face to face with riku again like the first time you two met.
since that day, the two of you have only grown closer.
it was casual at first, you’d walk to class together, wait for each other’s class to end so you can have dinner, just the two of you.
nothing too much. you two thought to yourself. its just being friendly.
but somehow, the feelings only deepened.
you began to look for him in a crowded hallway. you couldnt help but notice how his hand would brush against yours whenever you pass him a drink. when he waited for you outside of your lecture hall during one of your night classes.
you told yourself to not think much about it, he cant feel the same way towards you, he had multiple girlfriends throughout the year.
he wouldnt be interested in you like that.
but sometimes, you found yourself hoping that maybe, just maybe, he felt something too.
Now, the two of you were at the bar, graduation just a few weeks away.
riku didnt think much when you invited him to a bar you two usually goes to, telling him that you needed to tell him something.
you two talked while drinking, laughing at some lame joke riku made or complaining about a certain professor who kept giving you assignments as if you didnt have other classes.
a few drinks in, and riku was slowly getting tipsy. you noticed the way how he started to slur his words, how his hands are slightly shaking whenever he brings his cup to his lips.
“‘you good?” you asked him, voice slightly moving his hair away from his face when he started to lay his head onto the table.
he didnt respond at first, just stared at you unblinking. his gaze lingers longer than usual, the kind that made your chest tighten.
the silence between you two was almost too quiet if it werent for the booming music playing from the bars speaker.
you felt your heart racing, just nervously gripping onto your own drink as riku stared at you.
before you could say something to unease the tension, out of nowhere, riku blurted out something.
“i wish you were a girl.”
you didnt respond right away, just stared at him with your mouth agape. how the hell are you supposed to reply to something like that?
you stared at him, expecting him to say something but his gaze didnt falter. he looked at you, as if waiting for you to say something.
you shifted in your seat, gripping onto your glass a little too tight, like it was the only thing holding you back from.. doing something.
your mind raced, what the hell does this mean?
does he like you? he did tell you about his religious family, it doesnt make sense.
the silence between you stretched longer, the music from the bar— casual by chappel roan played loudly in the background but it felt muffled.
“I-” you started, your voice slightly trembling. “..youre drunk riku, you dont mean that.” you tried to tell yourself. maybe he said it as a joke. Maybe he meant something else.
his dark eyes flickered for a moment, but he didnt looked away from you. “..no.” he shaked his head, you expected him to apologize, to laugh it off- or just. say nothing.
“i do mean it.” he repeated himself, quieter this time. before looking away from you to take another sip of his drink.
taking a deep breath, you ordered another drink for yourself. downing it in one go before facing riku again, leaning closer to his face.
his breath hitched slightly, but he didnt pull away.
“cmon.” you whispered, sliding your arm around his waist, pulling him just enough to drape his arm around your shoulder. you could feel his weight leaning against yours, he was heavy, but you didnt mind. “lets get you home.”
he leaned onto you with a groan, nuzzling his face into your neck and for a moment, you nearly forgot what he said earlier.
the walk to his dorm didnt take long, you fumbled for his key card while trying to hold him at the same time. you soon unlocked the door. laying him down in a comfortable position on the couch.
you turned back to leave his dorm, his hand reached out to pull you slightly towards him. his touch was so gentle, as if he was testing the waters.
“stay,” he murmured, his eyes half lidded.
you hesitated for a second, pulling your hand back from his hold. you brushed a hair from his face, “get some rest.” you whispered, walking towards the door slowly. “ill see you tomorrow.”
with that, you turned and left, making sure that his door was locked before you did so. heart still pounding in your chest, tears threatening to spill out as you walked.
the next day came in a miserable blur.
thankfully it was the weekend, which meant no classes, an excuse to pretend things were normal.
riku woke up with a hammering hangover, groaning into his pillow for drinking too much last night.
he got up from his couch to go to the kitchen, chugging a cup of cold water and popping 2 painkillers.
he texted you once he found his phone on the coffee table, complaining about his hangover and thanking you for bringing him back to his dorm.
“thx for bring me back btw”
“i owe you one”
“my head is killing me”
he waited for your reply, sitting in front of his tv as he kept glancing at his phone every time a notification came in. expecting for your contact name to appear on the screen.
he stared at the ‘havent read’ on his screen for a second, before typing out a text again,
“i didnt say anything stupid, did i?”
he flipped through the channels mindlessly, not really watching whatever is on the tv.. just, waiting.
finally, after what felt like an eternity, he heard a buzz from his phone- a ringtone he used specially for you— no one noticed by the marias.
he scrambled for his phone, nearly stubbing his toe in the process, and unlocked his phone as if he won the lottery.
on top of his screen was glowing, “yn 𖹭.ᐟ hands slightly sweaty (from nervousness? or from the heat, he wasnt so sure himself.), he hastily clicked on the message,
“drink more water^^”
.. just that? no silly stickers that you usually send, no whining about how he better treat you for food as a thanks?
just a simple, distant text. like a nurse reminding him to take his medication.
nothing else.
he stared at the message, lips twitching into something like an irritated smile, “hah?” he scoffed.
before he could type in another message, he heard a knock from the door.
grumbling underneath his breath, he dragged himself to the door unwillingly, brain fogged with confusion, anger, regret?
he opened the door, ready to give whoever decided to knock on his door at this time a piece of his mind,
but then, he realizes it was you,
standing at his door in the dimly lit hall of his dorm, he glanced down at you, eyes widened at what youre wearing.
he stared at what you were wearing, a loose shirt and shorts but from his view, he could see the white strawberry patterned frilly bra, the strap just peeking through the neckline of the shirt.
youre wearing a cheap long wig, some mascara and a pink glossy lip gloss. he takes note of your eyes, red and slightly puffy- like you cried before coming here.
to top it all off, you wore an oversized brown coat, as if you were trying to hide the outfit on the way here.
at first, the two of you didnt say anything, just stared at each other.
riku wanted to throw up, what did he say for you to do this? did he do anything stupid? dared you to do this?
before he said anything, you smiled at him, “i tried,” you whispered,
“you said youd love me if i was a girl, right?”
he shouldve asked you to leave, yelled at you to never come back and closed the door in your face.
but pathetically enough, he didnt.
instead, he pulled you in by your wrist so tightly to the point it hurts. he slammed the door behind you with a loud bang!
“you look pathetic.” he hissed, his hands discarding your coat and throwing it to the side,
you only blinked at him, smiling even though your eyes looked nervous.
he grabbed your jaw, squeezing your cheeks and glaring down at you with something between disgusted and desperation.
“isnt this what you wanted?” you asked him, voice small, fake smiling.
riku couldnt breathe. his breath hitched when you brought up your hand to touch his face.
“touch me,” your voice sounded softer, “you can pretend.”
he almost backed away. almost.
but you looked up at him so sweetly, like he was your whole world. like you wanted him to ruin you.
he pulled you in for a kiss, it wasnt like those romantic kisses a couple would share in the movies. It was ugly, your teeth keep clashing with each other, tongue fighting for dominance.
riku’s hand slides under your shirt, tugging it down enough to see the bra.
“where the hell did you even get this?” he asked you, “dont tell me you got a matching set of panties too.”
at this comment, you looked at the side, as if youre guilty.
he raised his eyebrows at this, his holds on you tightened, just enough to make you squirm.
he didnt say anything, just dragged you to his room, making you kneel in front of him while he sat on his bed.
he looked down at you, as if expecting you to do something. “suck.” he says, pointing towards his crotch.
you didnt say no.
you fumbled at the waist of his pants, fingers trembling and nearly scratched your nails at his skin.
you stared awkwardly at his member, you never did this before— only watched it happen on low quality porn.
you leaned into him, lips brushing against the head of his dick, awkward and shaky.
the moment you took him into your mouth, he hissed before grabbing a fistful of your hair (wig?) and pulling you back,
“watch your teeth.” he grunted, then pushed your head lower to take him deeper.
you choked immediately, the foreign feeling of his dick deep in your throat.
drools dripped from the corner of your mouth, the salty mix with bitter taste filling your nose and tongue, making you feel like puking.
you gagged, eyes watering slightly.
yet he didnt care when you tried to pull back instinctively, he pushed you down again, your nose against his pubic hair.
you whimpered around him, desperate but humiliated. your knees burn from the carpet on the floor.
but you continued bobbing your head, tears stinging your eyes when riku started to move his hip forward shallowly.
you gagged again, spit and precum dripping down your chin yet you didnt pull away.
“‘m close,” riku hissed, attempting to pull out but you wrapped your arms around his waist, refusing to let him go.
his fingers tightened in your hair, tugging harshly enough to make you whine.
he cursed under his breath, then with a sharp gasp, he came inside your throat.
yet you didnt pull away, you stayed there, drinking up everything he had to give to you, letting him fill you up like you havent eaten for days.
he didnt look at you at first, just covered his eyes with his arm while catching his breath.
you looked up at him, pulling off his dick with a small pwah! just waiting for the man above you to say or do something.
you stayed kneeling there for a second, dazed and blinking up at him.
he soon snap out of it, suddenly finding your arms to yank you up from the cold floor.
you nearly stumbled, before you can fully find your footing, he dropped you onto the bed roughly, like you were nothing but a doll.
you werent sure what to do, you sat there, staring at him. his body sprawled out, his legs slightly spread, his cock twitching and half hard against his stomach.
you crawled up into his lap without thinking, riku stared down at you for a second — breathing heavy, face twisted into something between regret and lust — before his hands fell away, like even touching you was too much.
you straddled him awkwardly, knees digging into the mattress on either side of his hip, breath hitching when you felt his cock twitch underneath the thin layer of your shorts.
you started to grind onto him slowly, almost shyly, hips rocking against him like you were afraid he would run away, though, he didnt stop you. you let out a tiny whimper at the friction of his member rubbing against you.
he didnt move at first until he brought his hands up, not to hold you, just held onto the bed sheet tightly. his hand twitches every time you grind down onto him.
you kept moving your hips, your breath catching every time your own dick rubbed against his own.
after a while, he finally said something, “turn around.” he muttered, his voice low and tight in his throat.
you blinked at his command, head tilted slightly to the side as if you were confused, the wig somewhat sideway on your head— but you obeyed.
you shifted your position slugglisly, turning your back towards him while youre still in his lap. your thighs trembled, tired from kneeling for too long.
riku wasnt patient.
he grabbed your waist, his finger digging in. he lowered his hand towards the hem of your shorts, yanking it to the side roughly—
revealing a white frilly panties with the same strawberry pattern as the bra you were wearing.
he didnt say anything, just scoffed before shoving the panties to the side as well, exposing your hole to the cold air, the fabric snapping against your thigh.
“bite your shirt.” he tells you, his hand fondling with your ass, pinching the meat slightly, making you mewl out in pain (maybe even pleasure? ponders.)
you did what he tells you anyway, bringing the edge of your shirt on your own and biting it down.
you turned your shoulder slightly to the side, glancing at him. he noticed your gaze and grabbed your head to face the wall again.
“what are you waiting for?” he said, his voice cold, as if he was disgusted, impatient. “do it yourself.”
you flinched at the harsh tone of his voice, your hand fumbled as you reached down, guiding him to your entrance.
you whimpered when you sank down slowly, fingers unintentionally digging into riku’s thigh to keep yourself from falling, making him hiss in pain. the stretch burned, the mix of your spit and his cum from earlier made it bearable to take.
it doesnt make the pain go away, but enough for you to slide down until your ass meets his hips.
you could feel him in your gut, deep— too deep, like he was fucking up into your guts and trying to find something, (a womb, perhaps.)
yet, your walls still squeezed around him like you didnt want to let him go.
you stayed still, trying to catch your breath, teeth still biting onto the fabric of your shirt. he noticed this, he brought his hand up to grab your flat chest through the thin fabric of the bra.
he palmed your chest lazily, tugging at the frill of the bra, fingers slowly curly towards the inward,
his fingers barely came in contact with your nipple at first, fingers brushing lightly against your sensitive skin just circling, almost teasing.
you could barely hold back your whimper, you bit down harder on the fabric as your body jolted from the cold sensation of riku’s finger.
then without warning, his finger curled, pinching and tugging onto your perky nipple sharply.
you nearly cried out in pain, but all that came out was a muffled whine.
riku stilled for a second, his hand, once holding on you hardly, loosened just a little.
“you okay?” his voice came out low, quiet and rushed. like he regretted saying it once it had already passed his lips.
then, his jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed once again.
“who said you could stop moving?” he murmured, his voice still low- but not as cruel as before. he grabbed onto your hips and lifted you up slightly, slamming you back down.
you whined when you felt his dick hit your prostate dead-on, hips trembling from the sudden movement. you started moving again, slow and shaky, each bounce shallow and pathetic.
your movement grew desperate, trying to keep the rhythm even when your thigh burned.
riku watched, his jaw tight. his nails dug deeper into your skin, holding you in place.
he didnt move, didnt thrust, just sat there as you kept rolling your hips clumsily.
your knees screamed from the pressure and your hole throbbed hopelessly. each movement sent a sharp jolt up your spine, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes anytime soon.
if it werent for the shirt in your mouth muffling your whimpers, a security guard is probably called to rikus dorm at this point.
his hand rested on your hip, hes not clutching it, not controlling- just stayed there. like he wasnt trying to touch you, watching your grind down desperately.
“pathetic,” he grumbled, more to himself than to you. "cant even do this right.”
your hips stuttered, but you keep grinding, slower now.
a/n
ts is unfinished im so sorry guys (◞‸ ◟);; i have no other excuses other than procrastination, no motivs and i have a j*b now so ausghshs if i can i would finish but its been rotting for,, 2 months in my google docs now </3 i feel bad for not feeding you guys too,, please dont burn me at stake
might not be able to finish and post the yjh fic on time,, uni is starting soon and i really want to fix my sleeping schedule since i have 早八课 (⠀ ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾ hoping i can post it by valentine's day!!
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