BENAIAH

Picture tales of believers | Life-changing adventures of broken pieces made whole by God’s love!

[sewaowoeye]

“ ‘So, why are you not angry?’ I asked.

‘Huh?’ He replied, trying to figure out what I meant.

‘I said, why are you not angry at what just happened? Don’t you get angry? Isn’t that the usual thing?’ I asked again.

This time, elaborately. I was wide-eyed, staring at him and hoping he'd finally say something—perhaps, some words my past could relate with. He stared at me for a while, and then suddenly, we started laughing so hard. He asked why I expected him to have been angry, which led to me sharing some experiences so he’d know where I was coming from.

But that day, I realised that, sometimes, because you’ve been used to turbulence and the hard life, you find peace too boring and unusual. Many times, I’ve had to pause and ask myself, ‘So, if life can be this easy and God isn’t a tyrant, why did I have to go through the hard way?’ But I later figured that God is watching our lives in replay and He knows all that would happen to us before they did.

Regardless of the mess we put ourselves in, He’s more than willing to clean us up and help us become whole again. Indeed, He’s able to pull you out of where you’ve sank, heal you of your past and re-align you to His will. His love is the kind that teaches us to be grateful for rescue; one that wipes away our tears of toil.”

Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“My mum was going to follow me to school the next day. There is no better way to say how curious she was and how red her face turned after saying all that I said that day. It was the bursar. He said he would willingly pay my fees for the 3 high school terms and sent me home to have my mum’s consent.

Earlier that day, I was sent away for defaulting in paying my school fee. I cried bitterly as it was the first time that would ever happen to me. I was just in JSS3 and my fees for the 3 terms had to be paid at once. Since there was no other place to turn, I gently carried my bags and headed home from the bursar’s office, dragging my feet and having myriads of thoughts about “if onlys”, “what ifs” and “what nexts”.

It was not a little joy that filled my heart as I rushed home to show my mum the evidence of payment the next day. We both couldn’t understand the depth of where the tears rolled out of. Many more memories filled my childhood experiences. And even in a very long time, I won’t forget how they made me feel: loved and cared for, beyond any other thing.

This singular experience is one out of many that made me understand the reality of being the thought that fills Abba’s mind each passing minute. How pleasant it is to know that He is always thinking of His children—a delight to know that I’m completely covered by Him! It’s a love you can find only with good good Father.”

Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“Clearly, I had pushed myself too hard and there’s this ‘coconut head’ I carried on my neck at that time. I just kept worrying and trying to figure out on my own how things would eventually play out. So, an old friend of mine reached out and when he was done, he asked, ‘Sewa, why not just rest in God?’ Although that wasn’t the first time I’d hear that, it sounded so different I had to open up.

It was a long-standing issue. I started well, trusting God for everything, but just somewhere in the middle, I lost my gaze. I became full of doubts because I felt God stopped talking. Or maybe, He stopped saying what my mind wanted to hear and how I wanted Him to say it. So, frustration took me over. Ever been in a phase where you were just on your own, but Abba came to you with His plan and onboarded you, and then, in the middle, you asked Him what’s next, and all He said was to keep resting in Him?

Exactly! I felt God ‘aired’ me. Simple as it may seem, I was broken by it because I put myself under unnecessary pressure. In fact, I wore myself out until I found my way back to Him, asking Him to teach me how to rest in Him. But even through all these, I saw Abba healing me of what I never knew I had. Then, I realised that when Abba starts working in and through us, it is wisdom on our parts to let Him finish, without letting our anxieties interrupt the process. And it’s okay not to know how to rest in Him; just ask Him to teach you.”

Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“That evening was bitter. Well, I was going to rebuild those walls again. So, I told him off. Well, not just him; I had shut myself in and built this shell no one would crack easily. I was okay that way: a world I didn’t have to stress to ‘love’ anymore.

You can tell I was broken. I didn’t even know what love truly is. I had thought it’s a phase in my life that was long gone—a period I lost myself trying to find and please a special one, having no rest of mind whatsoever and always still making my way to the receiving end. It was only by mercy I found myself again.

So, when I saw the glimpse of a genuine concern shining through from someone later on, I fought so hard and rejected every bit of it. I felt threatened because I thought it was a past phase of life trying to come back. But I was wrong. Abba wanted to heal me; I just didn’t know how. He wanted to reset my mind.

I admitted; all I ever knew is what love isn’t. I had walled myself in and hardened every bit of it. I set overly ‘extra’ boundaries out of hurt and would never give a chance to ‘loving’ again. But I realised that, many times, our healing starts from the redefinition of what love truly is — just when we allow God to fix our broken pieces by breaking the walls we’ve shelled ourselves in out of fear.”

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Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“Today, I choose not to be forgetful. So, would I share with you some of my past suicidal moments? Yes, I will. I’ll also tell you how, that evening, I spent time picturing suicide scenes in my mind as I writhed in pain and agony. Most importantly, I’ll tell you how I got out of it.

‘No, don’t do that...no one will understand what you’re going through...none really cares about you, you know?...maybe you’re just a burden to others, leave them for good, give in now and let them be.’

Many more thoughts raged my mind. But while I struggled with talking to someone, I eventually phoned a friend. At the end of the conversation, it was clear that I had completely forgotten all God did for me. I couldn’t even figure how it all started.

That evening, she spoke some sense into me and began to open my eyes to what could have happened to me if some things I cried for were actually realised. So, I started to call myself to order. I felt so sorry to Abba, for even thinking He didn’t love me!

I began to write down all the goodness of God that I could remember and raised altars of gratitude for days. Thoughts of suicide faded off. It was so much fun putting on my garment of praise. Today and ever, my soul remembers all He’s done, never to forget them again. What a great time to be alive!

.

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Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“I only got to know how terrible my past moments were when they became long gone behind me. And I can tell, that was never a place to be. I told myself I was done searching for love in all the wrong places. I just wanted peace. Rest was all I asked.

Emotional trauma broke me. Absolutely, I was pained that I had to go through it many times. Too pained! I just got tired of basically everything. So, rather than searching for love, I wanted to be searched for. Instead of apologizing and putting up with “not being good enough”, I just wanted to be appreciated. And rather than “chasing”, I wanted to be chased. Then, it became so real to me that it matters who said “I love you” first.

And all along while I sulked, little did I know that Abba was waiting. He took me as far back as when He started loving me—a time when I didn’t even know He existed. He rubbed it on my face that He was the first to say “I love you”. The first to chase me. The first to come for me. The first to search for me. He loved me so proactively! And that was I needed: to live in the reality that He’s the One who gave everything for me, and He did it first. I found my healing.”

Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“When did you start locking your room?”, he asked.

I rolled my eyes in indifference, thinking, “And what’s your problem with that?”

That was a family friend. I collected my parcel, went back to my room and locked myself up again.I was going to move on and try to put behind things that brought me down. But it seemed like every step I took kept widening a vacuum in my heart. I just never understood why every move I made seemed to drag me many steps back.

I felt like I’ve lost it all — relationships, plans and pursuits. I ran from one mess to another as pictures of the past won’t stop flashing through my mind. Slowly, I began to withdraw from people, thinking no one would understand. My mind was messed up and suicide became an option.

That evening, after being in what I call the “lowest-of-lows”, I set up a panel with Abba. I mean, where on earth did He say His love was? I just wanted to move on from my triggers and pain. Was that too much to ask? The more I did this, the more I realised I’ve set my priorities wrongly.

I wanted to move on.

But Abba wanted to heal me.

With tears welled up in my eyes, I admitted, “No other option ever sounded better.”

That moment, I knew I was ready for His love.

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Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

📸: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“I didn’t find it funny when I heard about it. And from that moment, I already knew it wouldn’t be funny any longer. How could this happen and then, what I thought is long gone into the past is being dug for the world to see? I faced my sister with tears in my eyes and asked, “So, how would they look at me now? Just how?” I cried passionately.

She muttered some words I didn’t understand. It felt like she said, “So, what’s that? It’s long gone and stop looking at yourself through other people’s eyes”. Well, that’s what I heard. Need I tell you that that phase of my life humbled me so well. It really did and then, it opened to me another facet in my walk with God.

I began to learn how to deal with life happenings, how to forgive, let go and live in the reality of who God has called me to be. But most of all, I started to know the reality of when Abba said, “He’s the One who blotted out my transgressions and can’t remember them anymore”. Indeed, it’s amazing to know that we are even the ones who remind Him of the wrongs we ever did. He keeps no record of them. And just like that, He forgets them and gives you a fresh new slate!”

Narration&muse: @sewaowoeye

Photo: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“I can’t exactly tell how, but Paul’s words became one of my favorite verses in Romans 8:35. I looked again—now, more closely. Then, I discovered that preceding those words is a verse that puts to rest the subject of condemnation.

For a moment, I couldn’t comprehend. I mean, really, there’s so much to think of, and a thousand and one ways to remind yourself of how unworthy of love you are. Sure, I recall vividly the mistakes I’ve made, and the mess I’ve sometimes created. But there’s this assurance that freed me: I’m in Christ, loved and treasured above any condemnation.

Did I learn from some of my mistakes? Yes, I did. But see, the power never to get entangled in them again does not lie in condemnation, or accusation. The strength I sought only came for me when I became totally aware of the absoluteness of God’s love.

Indeed, it’s amazing how God makes perfect sense of our lives, irrespective of the mistakes we've made or the struggle we have. It’s great to know that the way we get freed from guilt is by accepting His love and reciprocating the same.”

Narration&Muse: @CT_Olukanni

Photo Credit: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“Trust me, I just couldn’t laugh some more. I was simply...smitten? Yes, smitten. My eyes widened at the sight of what I just saw. I mean, where exactly on earth does it happen where you don’t hurt anybody? Like, where do you even get to draw the line between taking a decision to protect your sanity and being sure that’s the “right” decision for you at that time?

Confused? Yes. Frustrated. Sure, you can tell. I had to ask questions. I needed to know what He meant with the word, “Love never hurts anybody”. I looked within and I sensed trouble. What kind of love never hurts anybody? Vividly, I remembered how much hurt I had suffered in my relationships with people. And my memory didn’t fail to realise how I escaped some of those relationships with bruises, even as I fled to protect my well being. But then, what happens when Abba tells you to go back and say sorry for what you never did wrong?

Definitely, my first question would be, “why?”. I mean, I can tell I’d look like a fool. But then, that’s what love is. It goes beyond you being aware of the hurt done to you to seeing the hurt the other party is going through. Love will have you follow peace with all men so that you’re free of bitterness. And if there’s just one thing I learnt from the experience that day, it is that I must seek to walk in love, even as much as I wish to protect my peace of mind in toxic relationships. That’s what Abba did for me, and that’s what His love would have me do. How amazing.”

Narration&Muse: @sewaowoeye

Photo Credit: @sewaowoeye

[sewaowoeye]

“I know times could have been harder. In fact, there were times they really were. But still, I think it’ll be so unfair to think that it’s been hard all the time. Truth is, I’ve enjoyed many graces from Abba. I can’t lie.

And I’ve weathered through very stormy times. I can’t lie on this too. Trust me, I’ve had times I had no clue of what would get me out of whatever mess I pulled myself into–money, relationships, mental health, and so many things. And at that time, it was about the job I needed so badly. However, what that process made of me is that God always have “more than a clue” —I just never figured out how He’s always gone several steps ahead of me.

Look. Till today, I have no idea how I get the jobs I get, even when there seems to be no employment opportunities for so many people. On that very day, my case went as far as getting my papers signed by those I never knew and getting the job I didn’t labour for. Was it grace all those times? I think so. And have I been so perfect in my walk with God? Not at all. But more importantly, I have come to learn that His love doesn’t cease to make me wonder how consistent He’s been while looking out for me and my career.”

Narration&Muse: @ibukunshines

#morethanaclue #lagosNG @sewaowoeye #christiancreative #picturetalesofbelievers💫

[sewaowoeye]

“I’ve been like this a lot of times. One minute, I think, “God, there’s no me without You”. And the next, I start to think, “No, I’m not a fool. I was hurt. I can’t ever forget how I was treated this way. God, You know I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You know!”.

Well, maybe not exactly like that. But then, it felt as though there was a power I had to myself when I remember every evil thing someone did to me. I’d looked inward and say to myself, “Hmm...I’ve forgiven, but I can’t just let it go...I’m not stupid...” Deep down within me, I know that was deception—I never really did forgive. In fact, I hardly forgave myself.

Then, I realised I never get healed or find peace until I consciously tell my Father how it all made me feel, and how I hurt so badly. And that, He should help me forgive because it’s so hard to let go. That’s when I break free. That’s where I find the strength to do what He says—even it means serving the person who did the hurt.

Truthfully, strength, peace, healing and true power doesn’t come from holding on to the hurt someone else did to us. It doesn’t come from not letting go because we think it’ll make us look like a fool. It comes from forgiving ourselves and the one who hurt us. That’s the way of love.”

Narration&Muse: @sewaowoeye

#breakfree #lagosNG @sewaowoeye #christiancreative #picturetalesofbelievers💫

[sewaowoeye]

“I know, we didn’t have much. We didn’t even have the many things we desired. However, I only got to realise this when I grew some more. True – mum did a whole lot raising us, which was the right thing to do. But beyond this, one thing stood out: a force that is way stronger than our wills to do whatever is right.

It is as though there is this guiding force that’s eternally committed to making sure our lives go right. I remember crying many times, asking God to prove if He truly was my Father. I would ask for seemingly impossible things. And to my surprise, they get sealed and done that very day.

I don’t know why or how. But many more years later, I found my answer. God is way beyond our hurt or whatever we’ve lost on the way. Even through the times I felt I had ruined it all, I realised there was never a day He was frightened and said, “she’s spoilt my plans!” His love goes way ahead of us all, lighting the way and how beaming on our paths. We should constantly remember this.”

Narration&Muse: @mumandnieces

#sealed #lagosNG @sewaowoeye #christiancreative #picturetalesofbelievers💫

[sewaowoeye]

“After the 5-year-old incidence, I saw every other person moved on except me. I know I had to heal, and when I thought I was ready to, there was no one to hold on to. No doubt: the vacuum was there and I sincerely longed for this affection that would fill it up. So, when I didn’t get it, I simply concluded – I wasn’t loved, nor did I own a family that does. And just in one day, I hurt on all my siblings and mum because I thought they never cared about how I felt and my struggles to heal after Dad passed on.

But in that same day, I realised how I’ve been so blinded by “me”. I began to see how they all went out of their ways to take the shots for me where it mattered. I thought I wasn’t loved the way it occurred in my head; I thought they never gave me enough, but that was all they had.

Whenever I remember that incident, I can’t help but think of the many times we thought God never did enough and it turned out that we’re the ones so ignorant of all He has done. And the times when we thought we’re unloved because of our circumstances. If only we knew the truth that no life or death can undo His kind of love, we would begin to live in better ways.”

Narration & Muse: @sewaowoeye #alltheyhad #christiancreative #lagosNG @sewaowoeye #picturetalesofbelievers💫

[sewaowoeye]

“It wasn’t rain that fell that day. It was actually my tears. After spending over two hours on my knees trying to explain to my father why my report sheet was brightly coloured in red, I wanted to say, “Dad, red is my favourite colour”, but the look on his face held my tongue in sobriety.

Dad began to pour out his heart about sad it is that he would have to work day and night, and pay hugely over again for schooling me in a boarding house. I wept bitterly knowing how disappointed my school performance made him feel. So, I began to study so hard for the next school terms, but it was to no avail. I became so tired as I couldn’t get a hold of what was possibly wrong with me. Why would I keep being unable to achieve what my fellow students achieved seamlessly? I lost motivation.

My frustration pushed me to start looking for something greater than my will. I just knew there was something more as I’ve tried every possible thing. Knowing that Someone once died and had the power to rise again greatly intrigued me. Indeed, it was one power that would help me too, and it did!

Twas such a love so patient enough to hear me speak of my academic woes; so interested in all that concerns me; so powerful to turn my weaknesses around and renew my strengths. His love brought me peace – such peace that founded the kind of epic results that delighted my Dad.”

Narration&Muse: @racheal.omolola #peace @sewaowoeye #lagosNG #picturetalesofbelievers💫

[sewaowoeye]

“I know it is far from being a moment I always want to remember. I looked again in the mirror and I just didn’t want to think about what happened a while ago. Earlier that day, the past came haunting. A close friend of mine and I just had an argument which ensued in some “not-so-good” statements. Although I acknowledged what I did wrong and apologized, the heat of the argument kept brewing. And boom! The call went dead silent from the other end. I burst into tears as the words spoken to me kept echoing in my head. I thought, “Why on earth do I feel so useless? Like, am I really that unneeded?” So, other thoughts began to creep in as I sulked in the sadness of other things I’ve lost while growing up. Then, I concluded, “Maybe he’s right; I’m not good enough after all”.

Since I was thrown off balance, I called another friend to pour out my heart. These were his words, “Look, you are worthy; worthy of all the good things of life; worthy of God; worthy of your fellow believers”. Tears streamed down my face as those words sank deep inside of me. Then, I asked myself, “So, ‘Sewa, exactly what were you thinking, and how did you get here?”

That day, I realised that sometimes - many times - what we need to know is who we are. More importantly, I uncovered that many of our greatest troubles so far, emerged right from when we began to think less of who God has called us to be, and we start to think His love is subject to diminishing returns. Now, regardless of whatever we think of ourselves, one truth remains - His love made us worthy of life. And how good it is to know that nothing else matters!”

#worthy #lagosNG @sewaowoeye #picturetalesofbelievers💫

[sewaowoeye]

“Sometimes, I wish to think of my life and gladden at the fact that it is spot on - no mistakes, no scars or blemishes that have refused to go away. But truthfully, I seem to hurt at the remembrance of some things that have occurred to me. Many times, I close my eyes only to see the past, which quickly jolts me back to the reality of life outside my imagination. Then, I would mutter under my breath, “God, please, can you forgive me for what I have done? I know I messed up. But please, I’m sorry”. After a while, I took this to another level and I began to feel woeful at the wish that my life could have just been “perfect”. But why did it take me so long to realise that, many times, we just don’t have it all?

We have made mistakes, burnt our hands, and we drag our feet along, wishing some things never happened. Why do we keep running from the reality that they did happen? We are the ones wallowing in guilt, beating ourselves up over something we never can control and thinking God would immediately withdraw His blessings when He looks at us and remembers what we have done or how we have, sometimes, deviated from His will. We are the ones who think God would treat us badly because of what we have done. We are the ones who think we are not worthy of love, and we never forgave ourselves. Not Him.

Most importantly, we are the ones who should know that He loves us way before we ever got to know about Him. He is the One who wiped away our sins and gave us a new chapter to begin with. He is the One whose love is so beyond whatever we have done in error - whose arms are constantly wide open, waiting to receive us back in His manifold care.”

#nothim #lagosNG @sewaowoeye #picturetalesofbelievers💫