Not Your High School's Sex Ed

This is a sex-positive blog for the purpose of education, and answering questions anyone has concerning sex, gender, sex education, sexuality, bodies, and anything else in your education and experience, or lack thereof, that has left you wondering.

[transsexual-experiences]

reading progressive sex ed caricatures with accurate and detailed and realistic diagrams of sexual organs + shows their variation, but all i can think about is how there is no discussion of what srs is besides the fact that it exists

[transsexual-experiences]

how may people know the before and afters of vaginoplasty? phalloplasty? meta? how it works at all?

[transsexual-experiences]

this one has been passed around recently from the mayo clinic and that actually makes me so happy because how many of transfeminine people are aware of what their options even look like?

there’s a diagram for phallo and meta from springer link(i believe) and. honestly i’d never seen these before and i dont think i’ve ever seen any diagrams. i know vaguely because of reading papers or listening to people talk about their experience but i’ve never seen it, yk? it makes me more confident in my choice to get meta when i’m older

[yooleebird]

There’s a website called Transbucket that has a whole archive of before and after photos, surgery costs, surgeon names and locations, and general feedback on complications, sensation, everything. It’s been around for at least a decade, and there are photos of some folks five or eight years down the line. It’s organized by procedure, and it’s very comprehensive. It’s NSFW of course but it’s an amazing resource!!!

Are you considering or have had transition care? | Transbucket.com

[catboybiologist]

Demystify transition! Break irrational medical fear!

[transsexual-experiences]

reading progressive sex ed caricatures with accurate and detailed and realistic diagrams of sexual organs + shows their variation, but all i can think about is how there is no discussion of what srs is besides the fact that it exists

[transsexual-experiences]

how may people know the before and afters of vaginoplasty? phalloplasty? meta? how it works at all?

[transsexual-experiences]

this one has been passed around recently from the mayo clinic and that actually makes me so happy because how many of transfeminine people are aware of what their options even look like?

there’s a diagram for phallo and meta from springer link(i believe) and. honestly i’d never seen these before and i dont think i’ve ever seen any diagrams. i know vaguely because of reading papers or listening to people talk about their experience but i’ve never seen it, yk? it makes me more confident in my choice to get meta when i’m older

[yooleebird]

There’s a website called Transbucket that has a whole archive of before and after photos, surgery costs, surgeon names and locations, and general feedback on complications, sensation, everything. It’s been around for at least a decade, and there are photos of some folks five or eight years down the line. It’s organized by procedure, and it’s very comprehensive. It’s NSFW of course but it’s an amazing resource!!!

Are you considering or have had transition care? | Transbucket.com

[catboybiologist]

Demystify transition! Break irrational medical fear!

[marta-bee]

The Abortion Absolutist

Warren Hern has been performing late abortions for half a century. After Roe, he is as busy with patients as ever.

This was an interesting read. Surprisingly nonpreachy given the subject; and well worth the time.

[the-truth-within-the-lie]

This is oaywalled but it made me weep with relief to see an honest recounting for once, so I’ve saved some good bits:

[the-truth-within-the-lie]

[parttimepunner]

Pour one out for a real one.

[theforesteldritch]

Reading up on him, he was a pretty cool guy. He was one of the first people to stand up to John Money about his theories of gender development and position that intersex infants should receive surgery and never be told about it using his abuse of David Reimer as ‘proof’, asserting that Money didn’t have the evidence and standing his ground even when Money straight up started screaming at him. And then later he was proven right when he got into contact with David Reimer, not only discovering proof that Money was wrong but also how abusive and horrific Money had been. He then went on to write advocating for intersex and trans rights and to avoid unnecessary procedures on intersex people without full informed consent and that intersex people are part of natural human variation and that we deserve acceptance and not to be treated like a disorder.

[theforesteldritch]

A quote I really like from him: ‘Nature loves diversity, society hates it’

[whatmountains]

TRANS WOMEN: HERE'S SOME SHIT YOUR DOCTOR WONT TELL YOU ABOUT HRT

1. Progesterone: not for everyone, but for many people it may increase sex drive and WILL make your boobs bigger. Also effects mood in ways that many find positive (but some find negative). Most doctors won’t prescribe this to you unless you ask. Most trans girls I know swear by it.

2. Injectible estrogen: is more effective than pill or patch form. Get on it if you can bear needles bc you will see more effects more quickly.

3. Estradiol Cypionate: There is currently a shortage of injectible estradiol valerate. There is no shortage of estradiol cypionate. Functionally they do the same shit.

4. Bicalutamide: This is an anti-androgen that has almost none of the side-effects of spironolactone or finasteride. The girls I know who are on it are evangelical about it.

[naidje-deactivated]

@euryale-dreams

[joyeuse-noelle]

Are there HRT medications that don’t increase blood clot risk? I’m already at risk because of my blood pressure, and my doctor won’t prescribe HRT that increases clot risk while I’m on the medication - and I may never not be on the medication.

[euryale-dreams-deactivated20201]

Absolutely.

The concerns surrounding venous thromboembolic events as a side-effect of hormone replacement therapy can mostly be traced back to one particular study known as the Women’s Health Initiative. This study was an enormous undertaking which, unfortunately, demonstrated significant adverse effects of the hormone therapies studied. As a result of this the use of hormone replacement therapy in postmenopausal cis women was dramatically reduced as the medical community began to question whether or not the therapy caused more harm than good.

Naturally, trans women have been suffering from this fall-out ever since.

What physicians seem to fail to recognize is that the study examined a very specific hormone regimen which was, arguably, outmoded at the time the study was conducted: It examined the use of conjugated equine estrogen (Premarin) with or without the use of medroxyprogesterone acetate. Neither of these drugs is regularly used for the treatment of transgender women.

The estrogen most commonly used to treat transgender women nowadays is 17β-estradiol either in pill form or in the form of a sticky patch that you apply to your skin. Esters of estrogen (e.g. estradiol valerate) are also sometimes used either in a pill form or as an intramuscular injection.

Transdermal estradiol patches are the gold standard when it comes to treating women who are at high risk of a venous thromboembolic event. It simply does not increase the risk of developing a venous thromboembolism. The only thing you should keep in mind is that patches are not always well tolerated because of the lifestyle changes required to keep them from falling off and the fact that they tend to irritate the skin.

Fortunately, oral 17β-estradiol appears to be safe, regardless of the increased risk. At least one large study has shown that the use of oral estradiol in trans women is not associated with venous thromboembolic events. An individual woman’s risk would need to be substantial in order to contraindicate the use of oral estradiol.

For those who have significant risk of venous thromboembolism because they have had a previous thromboembolic event, because they are paralyzed, or because of some other factor it is good to know the relative risk between oral and transdermal estrogen. The latest research indicates that the use of transdermal estrogen lowers your risk of a thromboembolism to 80% of what your risk would be using oral estrogens.

It’s difficult to find hard numbers regarding the relative risk of venous thromboembolic events with regards to hypertension. The best I could find after an hour or so of searching was this study regarding VTE in lung cancer patients. Hypertension increased the risk by a factor of 1.8.

However, to put that into perspective being of African descent increases your relative risk for deep vein thrombosis by a factor of 1.3 when compared to Europeans. Europeans are, themselves, at increased risk when compared to Asians and Pacific Islanders by a considerable margin: a four-fold increase.

I should point out that being ‘male’ is also a risk factor for developing a thromboembolism and hormones are likely to be a contributing factor. Also, menopause is another serious risk factor. Given this information it is likely that the use of transdermal estradiol will lower your risk of thromboembolic events significantly.

As far as the anti-androgen is concerned: The primary use for spironolactone for cisgender people is as an antihypertensive.

Even if the risk of thromboembolism was truly significant with modern hormone replacement therapy it wouldn’t justify what your doctor is doing to you. The fact is that mortality in the transgender community from suicide–caused in part due to the lack of access to hormone therapy–is substantial. The quality of life lost when a trans woman is denied hormone therapy is substantial. The fact that your doctor does not appear to be taking this into consideration when they weigh the risk of thromboembolism against not receiving necessary medical care is deeply concerning.

I strongly recommend that you seek a doctor who is more sensitive to your medical needs as a transgender woman.

Edit: Fixed a minor, but embarrassing, error.

[whatmountains]

oh wow this is so helpful & good info

[blackthorn-and-iron-deactivated]

Everyone who cares about transfem people please reblog this

[thetolerantleft-deactivated2017]

this was really fucking helpful

[blkwlw]

I know a lot of trans women dont have acess to information like this and its very helpful.

[sexedquestions]

Can being on puberty blockers and/or Prozac impact your ability to orgasm?

Yes to both! SSRIs (a class of antidepressants, including Prozac) can reduce libido, make it difficult for people to become aroused, and make it difficult for some people to achieve orgasm. Puberty blockers inhibit the swell in hormones at the instruction of the pituitary gland that trigger puberty, but those are the same hormones that are associated with brining your sex drive "online"/triggering the common increase in sex drive that comes along with puberty.

[sexedquestions]

Is there by any chance, a way to prove that you are trans. Im a cis man right now but ive been thinking about what it would be like to be a woman. Ive seen posts that say things like "the average amount of time people spend dreaming about being the other gender is zero." I wanna know if that has any weight behind it.

The best thing and the hardest thing are the same--you're the only one who can decide that for yourself, but also you can do whatever you want. Truly, there aren't rules. If you want to experiment with gender to see how you feel in order to find out if there's some deeper, innate sense of your own gender that already exists within you that you're confirming, you can. If you just decide that something would simply be cool or less miserable or sexy or fun or more interesting with your gender than what you've been doing, you can do that. Some cis people question their gender and come to the conclusion they're living as they would like to. Some cis people question their gender and walk away feeling ambiguous but don't identify as trans. Some trans people feel they're fulfilling something they've been destined to be. Some trans people would just prefer to be trans and decide to pursue what would make them happier regardless of the predominant "born this way" narrative.

What I can say to you for sure is that I spent a lot of time torturing myself with that question, and thinking on that same phrase I'd heard--that people who are truly cis don't think about whether or not they're cis all the time (I don't think that's true for 100% of people, but I don't think it has no merit to the sentiment behind it either. If you're thinking about something a lot, it's probably significant to you.). And that things got a lot easier once I stopped asking what was the objective truth and scrutinizing myself, and started asking what I wanted on a very simple level and what would be nice or what I was curious about or what might bring me joy. And when I said "well let's try (insert trans thing here*)" it ended up being sick as hell and very full of joy in a way I couldn't have foreseen by thinking it to death before pulling the ripcord.

*coincidentally, this is what it says above my [ORIFICE REDACTED]

[sexedquestions]

[ms-demeanor]

Plan B is shelf stable for up to 4 years. Afterpill is shelf stable for about 18 months.

Plan B is currently available over the counter, and you can find coupons for it online for various retailers; some of those coupons require a prescription so check the coupon details carefully. Both of these medications can be ordered online.

Plan B and Afterpill in the 1.5mg tablets are less effective for people over 176 pounds, however it is safe to double the dose, so if you are heavier order two doses. Ella is also effective for heavier people, but requires a prescription.

Emergency contraception is effective for a short period after sex. You need to take Plan B or Afterpill within 72 hours of unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy.

IUDs and birth control implants are effective long-term birth control that does not require your partner to participate in using the birth control or even be aware of it. IUDs are 99% effective and are effective for 3-12 years depending on type. Planned Parenthood can place an IUD for you, and so can many gynecologist's offices, and IUDs are covered under most health insurance plans. Talk to your doctor or gynecologist about how to get an IUD. Birth control implants are 99% effective and are effective for up to 5 years. Like IUDs, you can talk to your doctor or gynecologist, or visit Planned Parenthood, to get an IUD.

The birth control methods listed here are not effective for preventing STIs, they are for pregnancy prevention only.

If you can become pregnant but do not want to be pregnant, now is a good time to consider a long-term birth control option like an IUD or a birth control implant, and to purchase emergency contraception like Plan B or Afterpill to have it onhand in an emergency.

[ms-demeanor]

Lots of people in this country don't get a good education about birth control or their bodies. Here is Scarleteen's comprehensive, accessible guide to birth control and how it works.

Scarleteen also has a guide to self-managed medical abortions.

Here is a guide on how to get Mifepristone online.

Here's a guide on how to get Misoprostol online.

[headspace-hotel]

while I’m at it, i may as well post my “how kinky people look at sex reveals how autistic people experience the world better than anything else I have seen” post.

[headspace-hotel]

A majority of people in the world appear to view sensation like this: there are some feelings that are Good, and some that are Bad. Pain, of course, is Bad, fundamentally Worse than other sensations, like pressure or touch.

Some people are autistic. They spend their entire lives comparing being touched in ways they hate to being in pain, because people refuse to understand any other way. The world is hard to live in for them, because the feelings that hurt them are not categorized as Bad, and therefore what is torturous is not understood as torture.

Kink really unnerves a lot of people because it upends a lot of assumptions about how brains feel things. How can you want to experience something in the Bad category?

But I think kink better understands and allows for the actual complexity and reality of how brains feel things.

It’s actually more like this: There are very few, if any, actually inherently Bad stimuli. Instead, everything has a threshold at which it is unpleasant, even unbearable, and a threshold at which it is neutral or even good. Those are not necessarily opposite ends of the spectrum and can in fact overlap in weird ways. The intensity of a stimulus, or how much it pushes the limits of your processing, is not necessarily the same as “how much” stimulus, either.

Everyone is different in where their thresholds lie. There is a ton of diversity. This is…okay.

Furthermore, your thresholds are not fixed. You can adjust them a lot based on circumstances, such as how predictable the stimulus is, how much control you have over it, how much control you have over the rest of your environment, the amount of things you’re simultaneously processing, and so on.

In other words, if you experience something in an environment that is controlled, planned, and has low levels of unpredictability and extraneous stimuli, in a way that is curated to your ability to process it, that can cause a dramatic shift in whether you experience that thing as pleasurable or horrible.

Sometimes, people engage in otherwise unpleasant things in a controlled and agreed-to manner so those unpleasant things can become…good. Autistic people try to make their worlds as predictable, controlled and planned as possible so they can process “everyday” things with less pain. (And sometimes they do the first thing too.)

[headspace-hotel]

Honestly? I think what has convinced me most of this idea is seeing things people who are “anti-kink” say.

I see posts written by people who believe that doing a thing categorized as Bad in a sexual context is inherently going to cause harm, regardless of consent. The implication, though, in singling out “kink,” is that there is a “normal, natural” form of sex that is not “inherently harmful,” that lacks the characteristics that make pain, for example, harmful.

These people are regarding “normal” sexual activities, certain forms of touch or stimulation, to be inherently “safer” and less hurtful.

But to an autistic person, a touch may feel much worse than pain, no matter how gentle it appears to be. To an autistic person, many “vanilla” and innocuous acts might feel unbearable. But they don’t get treated with suspicion, because the people for whom they are Bad are not Normal.

When you are autistic, agency over your own perception is one of the biggest things you have to fight for in order to heal and be healthy. “This hurts me because *i* say it hurts me” is…basic. Because people don’t believe you when your hurts are non-normative.

“This feels good because *I* say it feels good” seems like it’s just the other side of the coin.

[gayknight]

“””””trans-inclusive””””” sex ed info is not inclusive to trans people if its just recycling the same cis sex ed thats built on cissexist language and ideas, and treats us as 1-for-1 stand-ins for our birth assignment. it means actually doing the hard work to include us in research or at least find out whether something is even relevant to us (for example: “vagina-havers” is completely useless as a grouping if the same thing holds true for trans men who have had vaginectomies, or doesn’t hold true for trans women with vaginoplasties, or if it is actually related to something else like a uterus, or if it varies in accuracy depending if the person is pre-t or 20+ years on t). expecting us to translate “universal” narratives to fit our own experiences, when those narratives are overwhelmingly cis, puts the onus of education and advocacy solely on trans people’s shoulders. especially when our inclusion comes with awkwardness, reluctance, or is treated like we’re being humored for even being mentioned. just about every trans person i’ve talked to has had to do a ton of their own research to figure out transgender sex ed or even basic health care info. many trans people have had to educate their own doctors. we have specific needs and our own questions, and it is not only negligent, but dangerous, to not offer meaningful inclusion for us. 

tl;dr trans-inclusive sex ed means more than changing pronouns or certain words; it means deconstructing how you think about things. please do better.

[nitrosplicer]

So I just heard about “Primed: The Back Pocket Guide for Trans Men and the Men Who Dig Them.” It’s the first sexual health resource written by and for gay, bi and queer trans men/ transmasculine people, put out by Rainbow Health Ontario, and it’s a very frank guide that answers basically any questions you might have about safer sex. They’ve released it for free download here.

[damnitmiles]

A similar guide geared towards trans women/ transfeminine people (though not really sexual orientation specific) is “BRAZEN: Trans Women’s Safer Sex Guide.”

[nitrosplicer]

^^^

[valueyourwahls-deactivated20190]

Fixed link for BRAZEN

[gaywrites]

October is LGBTQ History Month.

Because of generations of activists who came before us, we have made incredible strides toward justice.

Because of unconscionable hate in the White House and beyond, we have so much farther to go.

Because of brilliant, dedicated people fighting all over the world for what’s right, we will get there.

[gaywrites]

BREAKING: Germany legalizes marriage equality

Same-sex couples get full marital and adoption rights - but Angela Merkel votes against the change.

On the last day of Pride Month, politicians in Germany voted to legalize same-sex marriage, despite Chancellor Angela Merkel’s opposition. 

Merkel had been vocal about opposing marriage equality for “children’s welfare,” but said that despite her personal beliefs, she would allow the measure to be brought to a vote. Equality won 393-226, with four abstentions.

The German legal code will now read: “Marriage is entered into for life by two people of different or the same sex,” AFP news agency reported.

Following Friday’s vote, Mrs Merkel said that for her marriage was between a man and a woman. But she said she hoped the passing of the bill would lead to more “social cohesion and peace.”

And this from the New York Times:

“If the Constitution guarantees one thing, it is that anyone in this country can live as they wish,” Thomas Oppermann, the parliamentary leader of the Social Democrats, said in opening the floor debate. “If gay marriage is decided, then many will receive something, but nobody will have something taken away.” […]

Christine Lüders, the director of the German government’s anti-discrimination agency, said that the law was “not about special rights for anyone, but about equal rights.”

Ms. Lüders said the law would play a significant role in combating discrimination, by helping make same-sex relationships a social norm in Germany, as they have become in many countries across Europe. Last week, the German Parliament voted to void the convictions of 50,000 men punished under an anti-gay law repealed in 1994.

“I am certain that just a few years from now, as a society, we will look back on this decision on marriage equality and ask ourselves, ‘Why on earth did it take us so long?’” Ms. Lüders said.

A Pride to remember for years to come. Congratulations, Germany! 

[buzzfeed]

Gay Russians Are Trying To Flee Kidnapping And Torture. The US Has Denied Them Visas.

Around 40 survivors of the crackdown in Chechnya are in hiding in other parts of Russia, but can't find a safe country to take them in.

The United States has declined visas to gay Chechens fleeing a wave of kidnappings, torture, and disappearances in the semi-autonomous Russian region, according to the organization Russia LGBT Network.

A group of around 40 Chechens are now in hiding in other parts of Russia, Russia LGBT Network spokesperson Svetlana Zakharova told BuzzFeed News, and are having difficulty securing visas that would allow them to flee the country.

[projectqueer]

More LGBTQ Activists Want to Keep Cops Away from Pride

LGBTQ organizations are clashing with activists over a balance between safety and intersectionality.

[sovietshopaholic]

GOOD

[sexedquestions]

A girl in my human sexuality class recommended I ask at this blog so - I am a heterosexual guy and my girlfriend really wants to try pegging. I know it doesn't make me gay, but every time I try to stimulate that area when I'm masturbating, it just hurts. I don't want to disappoint my girlfriend, but I really don't want to. Am I doing something wrong?

Well it’s first and foremost important that you want to try pegging as well. Wanting to do it because your girlfriend wants to do it is one thing, but if the idea is something you know you have no interest in, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it. Pressure won’t lead to healthy sex.

But if you want to pursue this out of mutual curiosity, my best advice is to take it very slow. Exploring on your own is a great start, and I would recommend doing that and working up to using a small dildo (like these, which are body-safe and made specifically for making anal penetration easier!) and then gradually larger ones, if you like. At any stage, whether it’s a pinky finger or a large dildo, make sure you’re using plenty of lube. You may try one formulated for anal use such as this one. Make sure you’re not using silicone-based lube with silicone sex toys, though!

Here is a great video by Dr. Lindsay Doe on how to work up to anal penetration: