#SexEdWithPG

This isn't the Sex Ed you learned as a kid.

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#BLACKPORNMATTERS MISSION (IG @GAIAGRAPHY LIVE)

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Like I might push you away with this message, but i think it is important to tell guys, because there is such a double standard. Like a mans G spot is located in his anus. So depending on how much you are influenced or fearful of being looked at as gay... it kinda determines the level of sexual gratification you will reach in life.

Me...Right Now

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Sexual Roles in the Kink/Fetish World

DOMINANT: like to be in charge. Some like to have their partner obey them without questioning, others like some resistance while taking it their way. Some are dominant only in the bedroom, others are dominant through out their daily lives as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the top roles (giving pain/bondage/degradation), being dominant is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that come with it) than about the content of what happens. Dominants typically pair up with submissives. 

MISTRESS/MASTER: receive complete control over the life of their slave(S), and all responsibilities that come with it. They go a step further than dominants in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Their primary focus is to create a stable and safe environment for their slave(s), to allow optimal servitude. Mistresses/Masters typically pair up with slaves.

RIGGER: (bondage givers) like to tie up and restrain their partner(s), using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, spreaders...). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art, or just for fun, they enjoy having their partners completely at their mercy. Bondage givers typically pair up with rope bunnies.

OWNER: own and takes responsibility over a pet, on a 24/7 basis,. Sexuality is not necessarily involved. Often provides in animal role play attributes (e.g. puts pet in cage) but not necessarily. Owners typically pair up with pets. 

DEGRADER: (degradation givers) like to degrade and humiliate their play partner(s), either by acting upon them in a degrading way, or by forcing them to do things they consider degrading,. Contest hereby is always assumed. Degradation givers typically pair up with degradees.

VOYEUR: Voyeurs enjoy watching the nakedness or sexual activity of other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being watched should be aware of this, or not. Voyeurs typically pair up with exhibitionists. 

SADIST: enjoy inflicting (certain types of) pain on their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Consent hereby is always assumed. Sadists typically pair up with masochists.

PRIMAL (HUNTER): are mainly focused on the natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primal play is that the participants show their raw, emotional, sexual feelings during play. All o the labels, roles, and protocols go out of the window, and the prey can become a snarling, growling, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from it’s predator. Hunters typically pair up with primal preys. 

BRAT TAMER: are, in essence, dominants who enjoy handling bratty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness from the side of the submissive, rather than a form of rudeness. They will take no offence to it, but will still teach the sub a well deserved lesson (because, of course, that is why the bratty sub shows such behavior in the first place.) Brat Tamers typically pair up with brats. 

DADDY/MOMMY: take on a caretaker role in the relationship, being a guide as much as a dominant. Daddies/Mommies dominate their little treasure submissives with an iron fist in a velvet glove; much more cuddly and affectionate on the outside, while being as sturdy and hard on the inside as other dominants. Using subtle psychological mechanisms rather than brute power, they nurture their littles into obedience. Daddies/Mommies typically pair up with girls/boys. 

EXPERIMENTALIST: want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out. Experimentalists typically pair up with other experimentalists. 

AGE PLAYER: they like to play with age as part of their kink. They typically take on a much younger or older age than they actually are, or prefer playing with a partner that does so. Attributes and behavior changes (such as pacifiers, coloring books, speaking in more child like language...) are commonly paired with theirs, to enrich the context and make it more appropriate for the played age. Age Players typically pair up with other age players. 

EXHIBITIONIST: they enjoy showing their naked body or a sexual activity to other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being shown this, should be looking for such encounter or not. Exhibitionists typically pair up with voyeurs. 

NON-MONOGAMIST: they do not see sexuality as necessarily a 1 on 1 thing. Whether this means they will have several relationships or just see other people outside their relationship (or have even more exquisite constructions) depends entirely on the person and the situation, but they all have one thing in common: their sexuality is more than just between them and one fixed partner. Non-monogamists typically pair up with (several) other non-monogamists. 

SWITCH: switches like to.... well, switch. Always taking a dominant or top position is not for them, neither is always taking a submissive or bottom position. Some prefer to switch with the same partner or partners, others have a dominant play partner and a submissive play partner, but in either case they do not fit on one end point of play partner, but in either case they do not fit on one end point of the spectrum. Switches typically pair up with other switches. 

VANILLA: these are the people who enjoy regular, standard sex and relationship models. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re having fun! Vanillas typically pair up with other vanillas. 

GIRL/BOY: Littles (girls/boys) are submissive spirits that mix childlike innocence with naughty sexual curiosity. They long for a nurturing loving dominant who plays a guiding, almost parental role in their lives. While they require a softer approach to be dominated than most other submissives, their submission can go a lot deeper and sometimes rivals those of slaves. 

BRAT: brats are, in essence, naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness rather than letting their dominant down, and require a compatible dominant who will only teach them a lesson, but also accept that any number of lessons might still not necessarily change this  behavior. 

MASOCHIST: Masochists enjoy receiving (certain types of) pain from their partner(s), usually in a sexual context, Masochism is independent of pain tolerance: it is purely about the ability to enjoy certain levels of pain. 

ROPE BUNNY: (bondage receivers) like to be tied up and restrained, using rope and/or other attributes (chains,cuffs, spreaders) , whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy being totally at the mercy of their partner(s). 

PET: properties are, well, property of their owner in daily life. Sexuality is not necessarily involved. Often combined with some sort of animal role play (puppy. kitten, etc) but not necessarily. 

PRIMAL (PREY):  are mainly focused on the natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primal play is that the participants show their raw, emotional, sexual feelings during play. All o the labels, roles, and protocols go out of the window, and the prey can become a snarling, growling, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from it’s predator. 

SUBMISSIVE: Some like to follow. Some like to give their control away to their partner(s), some like to have it forcibly taken from them. Some are submissive only in the bedroom, others are submissive throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the bottom roles (receiving pain/ bondage/ degradation), being submissive is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens. 

DEGRADEE: (degradation receivers) like to be degraded and humiliated by their play partner(s), either by being acted upon in a degrading way; or by being forced to do things they consider degrading. 

SLAVE: slaves completely hand over the control and responsibilities over their life to their masters/mistress. They go a step further than submissives in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Serving their master/mistress is their primary focus in life and they rarely have limits for them. 

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Insatiable Sexual Appetite

An insatiable sexual desire, is incredibly important to anyone that loves sex. But along side that I want to mention that it’s easier to obtain a healthier sex life, if you have a healthier lifestyle.  But I want to stress being body positive. Because when I was heavier I was so hard on myself…. emotionally and sexually. I do not believe we are all meant to have one body type. I do believe being active and keeping your blood flowing and pumping is worth mentioning and practicing. I say that from experience. It gives you more energy that you can use on having sex, and the body confidence needed to truly enjoy sex (and to bask in all of those orgasms you have waiting deep in you). Being more active helps you have the stamina and endurance to enjoy sex your entire life. Like, what more could body ask for?

The Role of Diet and Exercise in the Sexual  Life

Not only does regular, vigorous exercise improve your sex life and increase the likelihood of orgasm, but research has also shown that orgasms are beneficial to your health. Unfortunately, many women are not benefiting from this activity. A large study conducted in 1999, called the National Health and Social Life Survey, disclosed that “sexual problems” affected 43 percent of U.S. women. The top three problems were: lack of desire, difficulty in becoming aroused, and inability to reach orgasm. 

Thankfully, such findings often spur additional research, and a later stat conducted at the University of Texas in Austin found women with low sexual arousal who did twenty minutes of aerobic exercise a day, such as fast walking or riding a stationary bike, increased their level of arousal and desire.

Regular exercise is just as important in maintaining his lusty life as it is for hers. In fact, as men age past forty, they need to maintain their body to sustain their erection. Excessive drinking and smoking, being overweight, and having high blood pressure can put “weights” on the end of the penis—in other words, bring it down. Viagra and Cialis can help, but they leave a telltale flush on your face—and nothing beats a natural high, anyway.

The Indispensable Exercise: Kegels!!!!!

You cannot have a great sex life with a flaccid pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. It’s just not possible. You won’t be able to grasp his dick as tightly as you’d like when he’s inside you. You won’t have the ability to make your orgasm come on faster, longer, and stronger. Without exercising this critical muscle after childbirth, you will never regain sexual tone. (And do you think so many women would need adult diapers if they had a stronger PC?)

Don’t skip this section. Do your Kegels. They are critical to your sex life and just not that hard to do. Standing in line, driving, working out, reading a book, watching TV- Kegel time, anytime. And yes, he needs that strong PC muscle to sustain intercourse longer and have some control over his ejaculation. 

Here’s how: The PC muscle is a hammock like muscle that stretches from the pubic bone to the coccyx (tailbone) in both sexes. It forms the floor of your pelvic cavity. Locate your PC muscle by starting and stopping the flow of urine (but don’t do this more than twice, as it can lead to other problems. Instead practice this move when you’re not on the toilet.) After you’ve located the PC muscle, start with a short Kegel sequence, and then add a long Kegel sequence. 

Short Kegel Sequence

Contract the muscle twenty times at approximately one squeeze per second. Exhale gently as you tighten only the muscles around your genitals (including the anus) but not the muscles in your buttocks. Don’t bear down when you release. Simply let go. Do two sets of twenty twice a day. Gradually build up to two sets of seventy five per day.

Long Kegel Sequence

Hold the muscle contractions for a count of three. Relax between contractions. Work up to holding for ten seconds, then relaxing for ten seconds. Again start with two sets of twenty and build up to two sets of seventy five. Once you are doing sets of three hundred a day of the combined short and long sequences, you will be ready to add the push-out.

The Push-Out

After releasing the contraction, push down and out gently, as if you were having a bowel movement with your PC muscle. I said gently. It’s a slow release of that muscle, with some light pressure exerted while pushing out.

Once you’ve mastered the push-out, create Kegel sequences that combine long and short repetitions with push-outs. After six weeks of daily sets of three hundred, you should have a well-developed PC muscle and can keep it that way by doing a sets of one hundred fifty several times a week.“

For My Ladies:

Lets focus on boosting your sexual energy and enhance your orgasms as you’re toning and trimming. Try doing workouts that aims to develop flexibility in the pelvic area and increase sexual confidence, energy, and libido while improving general fitness. 

STEP #1: Increase Pelvic Flexibility and Heighten Erotic Awareness

Warm-up: Start with your favorite aerobic activity, for example dancing, cycling or the treadmill, and do it for 10 minutes. While you’re exercising, practice creative visualization. Think wet pussy. Fantasize an erotic encounter or simply concentrate on focusing sexual energy to your genitals.

STEP #2: Intensify and Add Pelvic Techniques

Kick into erotic/aerobic higher gear by adding the following:

The Good Ol’ Hip Roll: After your brief warm-up, stand with your feet about 2 feet apart, your knees slightly bent, and your lower tummy slightly protruding. Put your hands on your waist. Imagine a cone of erotic fire with the tip at your navel spreading throughout your pelvic region. Swivel/roll your hips to the right, front, left, and back in a counterclockwise direction.

Work those hips! Break em! Inhale and contract your PC muscles as you move your hips forward. Exhale and release as you move them backward. Move in a dozen smooth, continuous circles. Then reverse direction and do a dozen clockwise swivels.

STEP #3: Increase Sexual Confidence

This exercise will make you feel sexually alive and more aware of your body, if you commit to it. It’s ok if you feel silly, and it’s fine to get out of your comfort zone. This is for the greater good of your pussy pocket! The feeling will carry on long after the workout. Like other yoga exercises, the Hungry Lioness releases energy in a way that reduces tension. This one specifically combines tension reduction with PC muscle work.

The Hungry Lioness: Get down on all fours. Lean forward with your chest near but not on the floor and your ass in the air. Start a vigorous back-and-forth rocking motion with your pelvis (like air fucking) as you keep your chest and back relaxed. The rocking takes place in your pelvis only! Do this for 1 to 3 minutes.

Relax the pelvic muscles and thrust your body forward, with your weight on your arms, like a hungry lioness sensing the presence of her mate. As you lean forward, inhale and gently squeeze your cheeks together (don’t be afraid to grind your thighs together while in this lean…. yeah feel the heat). Now push your body back, reapportioning your weight more on your knees than on your arms.

As you exhale, relax your pelvis and butt. Repeat the movements for another minute or two.

STEP #4: Increase Your Sexual Energy and Libido

Move back into an aerobic routine, like dancing, for 10 or 15 minutes two or three times a week, increases your interest in sex while giving you a good cardio workout.

Dancing: Dance to the music and in the style of your choice (I like music that makes me feel sexy), but add kicks and leg lifts, as high and as often as you can kick and lift. If you’re new to dance, start with modest kicks and build up slowly to avoid injury. Do this for at least 5 minutes, building up to 15 minutes on days you have time for a longer workout.

Hey…. remember that you are sexy as fuck! Keep that in mind the whole time you are exploring and pushing yourself to new limitations. 

STEP #5: Relax with Tantra

Use your “winding down” time—and all that released sexual energy—to learn a new sexual technique, such as spreading or “expanding” your orgasm.

Expanding orgasm: Masturbate using a vibrator or your hand. As soon as you become highly aroused, use your other hand to massage the area of your vulva, inner thighs, and groin with light, shallow strokes. Tell yourself that you are spreading arousal throughout your genitals and entire pelvic region. Continuing massaging during your orgasm, imagining that you are spreading the orgasm through your whole body.

After orgasm, continue playing with that pretty pussy. You will feel the orgasm continue to spread, and you will probably have another or several orgasms, perhaps smaller ones that feel like aftershocks. Some women report actually feeling the orgasm from the top of their heads to the soles of their feet.

STEP #6: Meditate

That’s sexual meditation, of course. Yes, I have mentioned this in a previous blog. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply and slowly. As you breathe, focus your mind on the sexual experience you’ve just had. Now put your partner into the picture. Imagine yourself practicing this new technique with them tonight. Now just let those thoughts consume you in your silence. Enjoy yourself.

For Both of You: Kundalini Yoga

Kundalini is an area of sexual energy within your body. It is often symbolized by a serpent coiled into a half circle with its tail in its mouth. It’s been said that the seat of Kundalini is the navel chakra, a place beginning 2 to 3 inches below the belly button and ending above the genitals.

As any true Yogi master would say: Experience it for yourself. Whether you feel it sitting in your back or your belly, focus on unfurling and spreading that energy into your genitals. Your Kundalini and your PC muscle will take you places you didn’t think you could go. Trust me… I am working on mastering this now, and what I have accomplished so far has changed my game for life!

Unlike other forms of yoga, Kundalini does not require that you assume defined poses. Start in a simple yoga pose, standing with your feet apart, knees slightly bent, and eyes down, or sitting with your legs crossed and eyes closed.

Freeing the Kundalini Energy: Exhale deeply… like seriously, just try it. Make sure you are in silence. Imagine yourself collapsing more deeply into your Kundalini seat with each exhalation. Close your eyes. As you inhale slowly, raise you head, and feel the Kundalini energy rising. It will eventually begin to feel like a snake as your chest rises and falls. Let your hands float at your sides in an infinite relaxed state. Now, exhale, letting your head come down again. As you continue breathing, let your body move any way it wants to move. Feel the energy and flow with it. Do the Freeing the Kundalini Energy exercise side by side or facing one another.

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Touch Me Here (Game 5)

The Sexy Setup

This game can be played alone or as a couple, but either way it will help heighten  the romance and sensuality in your relationship. text your lover and tell him you’ve got a touchy feely game that’s sure to pique his interest.

Rules and Tools

This game is about investigating the tools that you and your partner find sexy and stimulating. As you discover what you both like, you’ll build a set of props and tools to use over and over in your love play. Whenever you are in your carnal knowledge, start by setting a seductive scene, lighting a few candles, and maybe popping open a bottle of wine or champagne. Take notes if you need to, and pull together different types of fabric if available. 

Playing the Game

Sweet and Safe: Ponder the word “sensual” and what it means to both of you. What do you find sexy or stimulating? A cashmere throw? A certain scent? Ask your partner what they find sensual… Sexy lingerie? You wearing their shirts(and nothing else)? Them brushing or washing your hair? Create a private lists for your eyes only. (Over time the list may grow, change, or evolve.) Take turns practicing (and perfecting) your favorite sensual activities, then set up a weekly or monthly “meeting” to review your lists, prioritize your favorite, and experiment with new things. 

Hot and Spicy: For this version of the game, explore what the word sensual is in a tactical way. Play with the fabrics you find the most sensual on bare skin. Pull out your softest cashmere (if you got it like that) sweater of wrap, silk scarves or gloves, faux fur accessories, a feather, any other clothing or fabric, then use them to touch and caress each others bodies. Slowly sweep the silk across their throat, tease their nipple with a caress of velvet, tickle their lower back with a feather, or stroke their penis, pussy with a cashmere-covered hand. As you play, don’t forget to brush your nipples across their lips, run a finger across their genitals, or lightly kiss their lower back or cheeks. Eventually your travels can lead you to massaging each other with velvet, fur, or cashmere- covered hands, stimulating the clitoris with the silk scarfs, or tickling each others lips, throat or nipples with a feather, Remember the better the fabric or object feels on bare skin, the higher the “sizzle” factor (Take mental notes on what fabric brings out the loudest moan or the most goosebumps.)

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The Art of Seduction (Game 4)

The Sexy Setup

Who says the seduction is a lost art? The art of drawn out flirtation, or sensual interplay between two lovers, can awaken all five senses. 

Rules and Tools

All you need are a few techniques and someone- your lover or a complete stranger - to practice on. Use your eyes, fingers, and body language to draw you intended victim closer (or create deep intimacy with a known lover.) This game is best played in an everyday setting. If you set up a sexy scene before hand, he or she will get wind of what’s coming. Instead, make this game a surprise- and the prize is a deep sensual kiss, maybe sizzling foreplay, or extended orgasms that might follow!

Playing the Game

Sweet and Safe: Flirting- the foreplay of full blown seduction- starts with the eyes.Gaze at your love while they are reading, watching television, or otherwise engaged. Think the nasty thoughts about them, that you use to…. before the sex was expected and practical. Think those thoughts until they glance up. As you catch their eyes, mischievous thoughts with your eyes… then wink quickly (if you can wink) and give a brief smile. (Think subtle) Don’t talk unless you have to, and keep your movements and thoughts very simple and sensual. If they glance away, then glance back, Play with your hair seductively, let it sway over your eye … twirl a curl or stretch your texture. Bite your lip. Dip your chin slightly but keep your eyes up… you know this look. It’s the one Nala gives Simba after he pins her when they are grown….. yeahhhhh you know exactly what I am talking about! While giving him that look mentally undress him with the penetrating stare. Your eyes will widen slightly at this erotic thought and should, in turn, clue them in to what you’re thinking. If they don’t get the message, move on to the following technique. 

Hot and Spicy: Use those cliche flirting moves, such as tossing your hair or crossing and uncrossing your legs, to continue sending subliminal messages to your lover. Tussle your hair (as if you just got done fucking) as you gaze into their eyes, Or slowly run your finger from your throat to your cleavage, mentally transmitting your dirty little thoughts. Eat finger foods and slowly licking your fingers or lean forward to expose a quick glimpse of your cleavage. If you stand up to go to the bathroom, turn around and wink at them, that add that swing in your hips as you glide away. If you’re sitting next to them, lean close and let your breast touch their upper arm, Use the non verbal clues to tease them into submission- or just draw out the flirtation as long as it keeps you aroused.

It may seem silly, but be empowered by it. If you feel sexy...chances are you look it too. But as I said before, being corny is sexy in its own right. Don't doubt your flyness, or your sex appeal.

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Crisscross Applesauce (aka Now You’ve Got the Shivers!) (Game 3)

The Sexy Setup

Remember the children’s game Crisscross Applesauce? Then you know the goal of this game: to bring out the shivers in your lovers/fuck buddy's body.

Rules and Tools

All you need is a fingernail, feather, or other small, gentle scratching device for creating the shivers. Set up a sensual spot for exploration and keep some paper and a pen near by for note taking.... If you're a perfectionist like myself. You may learn something new. Get undressed together, in whatever way you desire.

Playing the Game

Sweet and Safe: Have your lover lay flat on their stomach. Straddle their ass if you are a fan of dry humping like I am, other wise the lower back will suffice. Whisper these rhymes as you make the movement that are in parentheses:

Crisscross (draw an X on his back lightly with your fingernail).           

Applesauce (rub their back lightly in a circular motion with several fingernails). 

Spiders crawling up your back (walk your fingernails up their back) 

Spiders here (tickle gently under their left arm) 

Spiders there (now under their right arm)

Spiders even in your hair ( lightly tickle their head, hairline, and neck)

Cool breeze (blow softly on their neckline) 

Tight squeeze (squeeze their neck and shoulders) 

Now you’ve got the shivers (run your fingernails up and down their back, waist, or any place they maybe ticklish) 

Hot and Spicy: As you draw the X on their back, gently sweep your clitoris and labia across their butt. Tease them with your wetness. Brush your breasts across his lower back as you walk your fingers up their lower back. As you blow softly on their neckline, run a finger down their spine, around his ass, and back up the crevice, press your breasts against their back. In this version use your body to entice the situation more. 

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The Young Hot Ebony Being Stereotyped in Porn and why That Fucking Sucks

Porn is appealing for many different reasons. Along with the colorful performing, the titles of the films can get pretty colorful, too. We all have our favorite categories, our favorite performers, our favorite sites. It’s wonderfully disgusting, beautifully grotesque, deliciously gross and taboo. All factors that contribute to why we love it so much, right? Satiating our voyeuristic needs with watching porn is probably the easiest way that we can, and we make sure to take full advantage.

When I say colorful titles, I mean almost disturbingly so. As a black woman, naturally, I identify with black women in the adult film industry. In porn, “Ebony” is a category in which the female performers are black, and the Ebony tab has some of the most…colorful titles I’ve ever seen. But I still watch. Millions of viewers enjoy this tab everyday, regardless of anything blatantly stereotypical. This makes me think, is the industry so successful because it mirrors already existing stereotypes? Or….does it help create them? Before you say, “It’s just porn,” think about how long you’ve been watching it, how your ideas of what sex should be like were influenced, how you’ve probably been a bit desensitized to certain matters when it comes to sex.

Humanity of black women is stripped away in porn. Black women are often characterized as animalistic, cheap, and are used as literal props for the scene. Remember the colorful titles I mentioned earlier? Ghetto Black Teen, Apple Booty Ghetto Hoe Sucking, Afro Phat Booty Black Hoe Fucked….what color comes to mind? :) 

“Black women were seen as exotic and sexually different. Their bodies were scrutinized by white imperialists who marveled at their large asses and dark skin. You had exhibitions were black women would stand naked on podiums while white people would pay to see these strange ‘Hottentot Venuses’. Black women were animalized and hypersexualized in order to justify rape. Over the years, this view of black women developed and evolved to the point where they are getting their butts slapped in Miley Cyrus videos and are “Nappy-headed Hoes” in porn films. The representation of black women in porn is dangerous because it is perpetrating the same myths that were being spread during slavery. These myths are given mainstream validation, as directors such as Gregory Dark have gone on to direct pop videos for artists…which normalizes and sexualizes these extremely racist stereotypes.”

Gregory Dark: who is he and why was he singled out? Why does he matter?

Gregory Dark is a white man who directed a porn film in which the subject was a black woman being…well, you know. By Ku Klux Klan members. In one of the scenes, a Klansmen says to the other, “Let’s fuck the shit out of this darkie!” And for obvious historical context reasons, this whole aesthetic was appalling. It was released to the public in 1985, and received a considerable amount of attention. Dark was asked about that comment, and he responded with a charming “I had these Ku Klux Klan members riding on top of black girls like they’re horses. That scene made me happy.” He is one of the few adult film directors who were able to successfully transition into the mainstream world, and he directed music videos for artists like Snoop, Xzibit (remember him? Pimp My Ride?), Busta Rhymes, and Britney Spears. His music videos were so popular, BET and MTV awarded him. Several times. This man was making the music videos that we’re watching! Someone actually let him in the pop culture world! Wow! Fantastic. 

This goes to show that the stereotype that is attached to the black woman from day one of her life is not only evident in porn, but also in mainstream media. The stereotype that says that the black woman is a black woman because she’s ghetto. The black woman is a black woman because she’s a ghetto hoe. The black woman is a black woman because she’s a ghetto hoe with a “phat” “booty”.

Scenes with black women are usually low budget with little dialogue. The environment is more often than not, filthy. Rarely is there ever a hair and makeup crew on set, and the subject a lot of the time looks tired, sweaty, and in need of a touch up. The lighting in the scenes is usually subpar, too. You could say I’m grossly generalizing, or you could visit the Ebony tab and see for yourself. I’m looking at all this and thinking the director is telling me and every other viewer that he needed to find someone who he could give a quick $200 for the day.

Along with many things wrong with that picture, most kids discover porn between the ages of 8 and 12. The image of the black woman that they have in their minds is being molded (with the idea of what sex should be like). So while they are thinking that their sex partners should be able to perform sexual acrobatics in heels, they are being conditioned to think that the black woman is cheaper, is dirtier, is substandard. At the ages of 8-12 children are still learning about themselves and their relationships with others. Is anyone else seeing why this is a fucking problem? White males in America make up the majority of the population, so American porn is marketed to white males, which (I could be totally wrong here but just try to follow my reasoning) means that white males in America watch the most porn, and the videos are created for the consumer, so all these white men are looking at all these black women from as young as 8-12 and thinking of her as a simple object used to satisfy his desires because that’s how she is shown on screen for them.

“Black women are human beings that enjoy sex? They want to have orgasms? Hmm, no. Black women are things with high sex drives that are here to please me.” Is the fucking narrative being sold and accepted by way too many. 

I think this is also a part of the white male’s inherent desire to conquer the black woman sexually, as he already has socially and economically. And on the topic of economics, black women are not compensated for their work the same way their white counterparts are. While an in demand white woman is offered $800-$1500 for a scene, black women are usually offered $500 for those same scenes, and capped at $800. For doing the same. Fucking. Things. On the topic of social conquering, a black woman saying that she will not film with white men is career suicide. The directors pass it on to other directors and talent agents and she is hardly ever booked.

Black women are usually relegated to gonzo, which is a genre of porn that has no plot, glamour, security, or status. In gonzo, terms like “slut/whore/cumdumpster” are common and usually suffice for a nice, colorful title. When a black woman is the subject of these scenes, this “Black Ghetto Ho” (and things along those lines) needs to be taught a lesson (of course, by a white male).

Ghetto Gaggers, a site that has pictures of an adult film actress named Vixen covered in, well, you know, has accompanying text that reads: “Vixen is a sassy ghetto fabulous beyatch with more attitude than Harlem has crack. She needed a learnin’ by some white cocks…” Besides the caption being ridiculously corny, with sites and captions like those, the black woman’s status as a woman (which already, in porn, makes her “lesser”), plus her being a POC blends together and her personhood is destroyed and replaced with a subordination that is doubled, and this is ideal for gonzo directors since gonzo porn is a platform on which women are dehumanized/degraded/brutalized. I think this is reinforcing ideas in a way similar to propaganda, as the information is presented as truth (since we enjoy porn that we most identify with, this is our “truth”), and it flies under our radar for red flags.

Racism and sexism are two systems of oppression that the porn industry thrives on. And it sucks. Although this may be inescapable for varying reasons, I think there is a way to compete with this, and I think it’s by creating a new normal. By creating a new normal, I mean black women and black men in the industry starting their own production companies and doing away with this gross stigma that was created centuries ago by the white male, and is still today spread as truth by white males.

[sexedwithpg]

Anatomy Test (Game 2)

The Sexy Setup

It’s time for a little hands-on anatomy lesson, and his-and-her-hot-spot quiz to follow - if you can make it that far. 

Rules and Tools

Set up a cozy spot for exploration, such as a soft rug or a freshly made up bed. Alternatively undress each other slowly with your eyes closed and sit together, completely naked. In a previous post I have listed hot spots (separate posts for him and her), make sure to go over them together, take notes, make jokes, or come up with personal sexy names for the various hot spots so you can remember them later. You can still add the blindfold and silk ties… maybe even edible paint to still keep you comfortable and keep it fun. 

Playing the Game

Sweet and Safe: Blindfold your lover and tell him to locate all of your various hot spots using only one of the following: his hands, his tongue, his lips, or his fingers. Alternatively, have him blindfold you before he tests his hot spots knowledge; this allows you to focus completely on your arousal visualization image (My Orgasm Loop posts goes in to detail about this practice.) and enjoy every sensation. Switch places. 

Hot and Spicy: Before you play the game, use edible body paint to mark your body with numbers, letters, or other personal symbols, selecting one “marking” per hot spot. Use the order of the markings to indicate which spots are hottest for you, such as #1 for clitoris, #2 for nipples, and so on. Don’t forget the less obvious hot spots, such as your lower back, the inside of your wrists, or the base of your throat. Let him blindfold and/or gently restrain you, then call out the numbers or markings to him as he explores your body. For variation, blindfold him and instruct him to visit each mark using his tongue, his finger, or his lips only. Switch places and let him use the paint while you do the exploring. 

Again... This exercise is more for you to be self aware. Find out what makes you tick. Let your body be a journey and the orgasm be the final destination. But enjoy the travel.... Discover new shit along the way.

[sexedwithpg]

Tap into Two Senses (Game 1)

The Sexy Setup

Text you lover and tell them you need help discovering your special spots while you practice your arousal visualization techniques (My Orgasm Loop posts goes in to detail about this practice) .  

Rules and Tools

Select your visual arousal image, such as a red rose, purple orchid, or sunset on a beach. Select a favorite perfume (I personally use essential oils because they do not leave a bitter taste, but if given enough time, perfume will work just fine if that is what you use.) to match your image, or just use a familiar scent. (Try not to try something new. Use a scent that’s already known to your lover.) Bring a blindfold or silk ties for gentle bondage if desired. 

Playing the Game

Sweet and Safe: Before you greet your lover, undress and spray your perfume on any area that you consider a hot spot. Blindfold him and lead him to your bed or a soft rug. Lay down, completely naked, and close your eyes. Practice visualizing your arousal image, but tell him to use only his nose to seek out your hot spots. 

Hot and Spicy: Pick a favorite beverage or food that smells and tastes good, such as a dab of dessert wine or after-dinner drink or a smear of chocolate or honey. Blindfold your partner and lead them to your bed or a soft rug. Get them comfy. Prepare your body by dabbing the wine, alcohol, chocolate, or honey on your hot spots, then instruct your lover to lightly tie your hands above your head. Ask him to lick, smell, nuzzle, and kiss his way around your body while you practice your arousal visualization technique. Reward him with tastes of the actual food or sips of your favorite beverages. If he comes up hungry for more, reapply and replay as you desire.  The point of this is to get you comfortable with being turned on without instant penetration. There is no rush to being fucked. Women tend to get off more on the mental stimulation, and that normally requires build up. Tease yourself. You will get wetter. You will cum harder.

[sexedwithpg]

I am a strong supporter of making women aware that they are in charge of their own sexual gratification. You are the owner of your body. And if you don't put your needs first, no one else will. Yes, fuck for fun. But make it on your terms. Make it for the sake of your own Orgasms.

Professor GAIA

[sexedwithpg]

I believe that sex is suppose to be fun. And not just in the nasty, wild way. But also in the way that makes you feel vulnerable. In the way that makes you nervous and laugh together.

Professor GAIA

[professorgaia]

Early Morning Confessions- STORY TIME: The 1st time BBC made me CUM

 I am solely making an observation out loud to anyone that wants to reflect on my subconscious sexual decision making process with me. This is a thought that is expanding, so I am writing, freely. Feel free to coast with me. 

I lost my virginity at 16, in Detroit. I had a terrible cherry popping excursion with the boy next door. You know, the one you think is so fly because you literally know nothing about dick and you don’t really recognize game because your mom hasn’t let you out the house enough to practice. I don’t even think I had my first minute phone yet. But I was definitely had minutes to connect to my lust for o’ boy.  He was the charismatic kid  that hooped in the middle of the street, and smiled at you in between shots. Yup, that guy. Demetrius was dark chocolate with a smile that made you question your morals. He would say sly things and then smile at the end of the comment, in await to see if your facial expression differed. It always did. So pretty shortly after I couldn’t deny the curiosity any longer. (Everyone around me was sexually active. The only other virgin I knew was Tracey, my play cousin/ best friend, who randomly lost her virginity the same day.) So, I put my morals in the drawer and smuggled him up to my bed room one night when mostly no one was around or home. Unfortunately, he was one of those “I think I got that stroke, so I am gunna fuck you like you’re a pro. You gunna take this dick” type of ninjas. Mmmmm, hello! He must of forgotten the whole virginity part. Or maybe he didn’t believe me. He asked me once if I was OK, but I was already in my head wondering why I was still taking his death strokes. It’s almost not significant enough to go into detail about. But it is, because everyday a young woman loses her virginity to uneducated boys like this. There was no 4 play or easing into it, like how they make it seem in the movies. No romance or sweet nothings to be whispered in my ear. Just young black dick… and somehow, I stayed incredibly wet. Maybe it was all the excitement. Long story short, it was terrible. I had more fun dry humping. He was the first to penetrate me, but I didn’t cum for the next 2 years of sexual activity. (Some of the boys in between time have had ever lasting impressions on me. But for time sake, I will get into detail more about them at a later date or at the readers requests.) Well that is not necessarily true. I am a habitual masturbater, and I have been since very early on in my life (another story for another date). Oh and there was that time when I let my girl eat my pussy until I released all of me in her mouth. However, that’s not today’s story either. STAY FOCUSED. The width of a dick wouldn’t make me cum for another 2 years and 5 partners later. My sex drive was on 1000 by then. Sex was a constant on my mind. I was in need of a passionate mutual session. Porn seemed to be the only thing that got me off… but for the most part I was never in a comfortable enough position to rub my clit while being penetrated. (Young black boys are very similar to Olympic champions… all divisions.) I needed to know what cumming on something so full and think would feel like, and what it would do to me… for me, but young boys know not what they do. However, I understood the significance of a man keeping his ego in a world where he is often chopped down, so I did a lot of faking it to either preserve their pride or speed up the process, depending on how irritated I was or how charitable I was feeling. I wonder now if I made the wrong decision by not calling out their illegitimate understanding on “How to please a woman”. I probably allowed boys to think they had the know how to pleasure a woman as aware as myself. So my apologies to the universe and myself, for caring too much about how they felt, in return depriving my essential needs. I think women in HIStory have made that unfair sacrifice quit often.

Moving along… When I was 18, I met a 26 year old Rob. I met him through Tracey, he was related to her neighbors from the block over, making him almost family to her, they were all so tight. And as soon as he saw me strolling down the street with her… I was his new game. And the hunt began. However, I have never been a huge athlete, nor did I ever have the time or luxury to play games. So the chase turned into me asking him his intentions. And him simply responding… “To make you mine.” And that made me smile, in my misguided youth and ignorance. He was the type to buy me flowers, and bring me food to work. He called me often, just to say he was thinking of me. He seemed to be the first functioning adult I had ever been with. He was also the first relationship I had outside of high school. And he did things to my body that  made me question if I knew not what I do. And I didn’t. (The most I knew was some hip rolling and light weight, throw it back rotations.) I don’t remember making him wait long. I never felt rushed though.  One night we were in his room and then he got on his knees, and I damn near fainted. I knew what was coming next. (Rob had a goofy personality. He laughed a lot. But he also was very serious about business. Think Damon Dash. Laughing one minute, and going off on everyone as soon as he spot someone slipping. With me, he was very warm and nurturing.) He was tall, like 6 ft. I am just 5′4.5. On his knees, his face was right under my tits. He wasted no time…. I don;t remember him taking anything off. Wet kisses led a trail to my freshly shaved mound of coconut scent. (He was also a deep blended shade of coffee, no cream…. not yet. Broad shoulders. His teeth were a bit more over bite than I would have liked. But overall, I wasn’t strict on physical looks. Never was. I really have always been an energy explorer. He dressed very fresh. New kicks, fresh cut, and clean tee, if not a button down. Oh and his Detroit Al Wissam leather jacket. He drove a two toned coupe deville. I believe it was a 78′, I could be incorrect. Cream on Red. I am not a car person at all. But I remember his car because it was so sparkly and he was the first guy I was ever with that had a car. And it was a Cadillac. We were in the motor city… and man did he love that car. Anyway back to the story.) He kissed my lips like they were his salvation. Slow. Wet. Sensual. Yet, still a bit aggressive. It was perfect. I was already timid. I felt in my heart that I was out of my league. But while I was stuck in between my thoughts and the persuasion of the dark warm colors of pleasure splashing in my mind, he managed to maneuver me from a standing position to a riding his face position. My knees magically settling on the bed, in a matter of 2 swift moves. At this point I felt very much afraid of heights. And then I suffered a case of stage freight, as I looked down and seen that he was watching my every reaction.  He was invested in seeing my body sway with every slither of his tongue. And here is the best part… he stopped. Mmmmmhmmmm. Ahhhhhh, but only to express to me the significance of letting go. He said “Ride my face like you mean it. Ride it until you cum in my mouth.” Ladies…. you know what that does to your spine the first time you hear it!?! Shit! It still gets me weak in the knees. My nerves were everywhere, but then it was like a flick of the light switch. My sexy turned on, just like that, for the first time. I phased into the comfort of satisfaction. And he saw it. I knew he did because I could feel him smiling as his mouth was pressed against me. That only enticed me more. I immediately felt cloaked in his need for me. I remember the rise I began to feel, and the the pressure of his hand on my thighs pulling me even closer to his face. Mmmmmmmm and then he changed the rotation and added a harder more focused suction of my clitoris…… it happened in flashes… hot, uncontrollable flashes. I pulled the back of his neck in. My hip movements were much more harsh. I took a deep, deep breath, and by the time I phased back in, he was over me. Smiling in my face. I understood the whole heaven metaphor at that point. All of me was floating…… 

Oh but wait, this story is called The 1st time BBC made me CUM. Yeah, so you guessed it. He spent time making sure I was still coherent, and then he kissed my face as if to prep me. My face moved into his lips and he and his thick dick pushed into my lips. I was soaking wet and still highly sensitive, so It was all pleasure. Every millimeter of him gliding into me. I felt the heat of his blood rushing. And then I heard his breathe leave him. I was so snapped into that trance. I was so into him. He pushed all the way into me. And I sighed pretty loud.  It started very slow. Now that I am older and well seasoned, I am well aware of how tight that fit was. I gave him a few out of sync pumps before I started to follow his hips with mine. And then his moans started to tumble out. Soft moans. I wanted more though. So towards the very end of every stroke I would tighten my muscles and thrust harder, but it was very controlled. As if our body was rolling in a perpendicular rhythm. He laughed very loudly and then wanted to change positions. That instantly gave me power. So clearly, to avoid that early nut, our ‘geography’ had to change. He placed me on top of him. (Did I mention this is the position I feel most comfortable in? Well it is!) It only took a few deep hip lifts from him. He was smiling the whole time. I felt my bottom lip begin to slide from under my teeth where it had been held captive for… I am not sure how long. I felt it lower then slide into a pout. My breathing got shorter, and I felt the skin under me collect a puddle. His face became more serious, as the bounce of my breasts became more consistent and controlled. Maybe it was the constant brushing of my clit against his pelvis but suddenly all of my body lifted, but he simultaneously lifted with me to dig deeper…. I felt myself burst. My body felt like it shattered, and every individual atom was free.  It was an instant call to collapse into his chest. I felt his broad chest under me rise with chuckles. At that age I was very prideful, so that laughter would have offended me. But at that moment in that place of bliss, it didn’t even phase me. I too laughed in that moment. It was 2 years of 4 play. If I would have had to wait any longer my body may have possibly spontaneously combusted. OK, massive exaggeration…. but I felt like it would have. I enjoyed it there on his damp skin, as he shifted to peer at my face. I rested until the hypersensitivity dissipated.  And then I began to kegel intensely upon his still fully erect extension. (For those of you who may be possibly uninformed, Kegel is a  form of exercise that a woman uses to tighten her pelvic floor muscles. A regular practice of  this internal work out, and most women can snap that pussy back into almost new. A lack of kegels gets you the looser fitting pussy.) So I got his attention. I captured my attention. Experiencing such girth in me woke me up. I clinched harder. His legs twitched. There in that action I felt dominance. Like a cat I pounced and slowly lifted my hips, waiting for the next time to strike. Continuing the tightening and releasing of his dick, I began to lift and drop my hips, and rock and rotate until I was rewarded with his body glitches. I fell back into that danger zone of build up. The fog began to shift in and my hesitation began to shift out. There was a yearning for the feel of him. I hugged him tightly internally. He deserved it. My full uninterrupted concentration. I, while still squeezing him from within, began to add a hip rise and drop. Something like a gallop. His body began to tense up. Recognizing how much control I had, my stature even stretched up, and I looked him in his eyes and watched him rise and then fall under me with a loud grunt. I didn’t necessarily want to stop. So I kept that speed for another 5 or 6 thrusts. And as his body continued to spasm, I felt victory fall over me. Strategically I began to span my movement out, until he came to a full rest and my mind reached a new level of arousal. It’s unfathomable… when what you have been imaging does little justice in comparison to what you actually receive. At that moment I knew that sex was what I wanted to master. And never again did I want to give someone other than myself the sexual domain of my pleasure. I realized that I was in command of my satisfaction and orgasmic allowance. And never again did I let fear hold me back. 

[professorgaia]

The Orgasm Loop

The Orgasm loop is a revolutionary mind- body technique for reaching orgasm every time, any time. The orgasm loop taps your arousal potential and teaches you how to use your body to your own best orgasm advantage.

Getting Started

The first few times you use the Orgasm Loop, you’ll have to think about what you’re doing. You will need to focus more on achieving arousal and getting your own pleasure rather than on your partner. (He won’t mind. The results will be worth it for both of you—because a man’s number-one desire is (or should be) to “give” his partner an orgasm, and from my experience, women share the same desire if she is confident in her actions.) After that, the technique comes naturally—as will your orgasms during intercourse, masturbation, or other kinds of sex play.

What Is the Orgasm Loop?

The Orgasm Loop (or O Loop), is a revolutionary mind—body technique, in response to that question we hear from thousands of women over the past two decades: “How can I have an orgasm during intercourse?” This is the number-one sex concern among women. Everyone who deals with female sexuality for a living hears the question. And we all know the simple answer: Touch yourself during intercourse.

Perhaps a better question is, “Why don’t women feel comfortable touching themselves during intercourse?” This is a more complex issue.

Here are the facts: Women of varying ages and levels of sexual expertise have difficulty reaching orgasm with their partners, and sometimes alone. At least a third of women are reluctant to masturbate, or they do masturbate without touching themselves. (Straddling towels is surprisingly common. Yet no one writes about the problem of chafing.)

While vibrators are increasingly popular sex toys, many women don’t know how to get the most out of them. And they complain that they either have trouble becoming aroused or sustaining arousal during lovemaking, typically citing distractions like worrying about work or domestic chores when they want to be abandoning themselves to pleasure. That arousal problem compounds their orgasm difficulties.

Here’s the bottom line: The Orgasm Loop taps into a woman’s arousal potential and teaches her how to use her body to her own best orgasmic advantage. Here’s how to do it.

STEP #1: Visualize Arousal Before You Begin Lovemaking

For women, sex definitely does begin in the mind. Like most women, you may not even know your body is aroused when it is because you won’t allow yourself the time to think about sex. Give yourself that time before the foreplay begins. Slip into the bathroom, if necessary. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and visualize arousal as an image, perhaps a color like red or a flower like an orchid or a scene such as the beach at sunset. Better yet, tap into whatever fetish you have hidden deeply inside of your mind. You know what I am talking about… the fantasy that makes your pussy leak at the mere thought of its reality. The one that satisfies the desires you are afraid to admit our loud. The secret lies in keeping the image simple, clean, and constant, so that every time you see it in your mind, you think: I am aroused, I am horny. The more you use the image, the more you - condition yourself to be aroused and horny.

And by the way, a mental image of your husband, partner, or lover won’t work: You need to tap into arousal as a pure force of its own volition—a force inside you—not a complicated emotion dependent on your feelings at the moment for your partner. Love is complex.

Arousal is simple. You must get inside your own sexual moment before you can be a good partner to him (or her).

An important note: If you are using this step (visualizing arousal) during foreplay with your partner rather than alone, keep your eyes closed as s/he kisses, caresses, and strokes you, and focus on your mental arousal image. Making love with your eyes open is great—once you are fully aroused. But in this beginning state, you need to focus on your own arousal, not your intense, intimate connection with your partner.

STEP #2: Focus Energy During Foreplay

Imagine that all the energy in your body is focused in two places: one, a spot slightly below your navel, called the “inner chi” by devotees of Eastern erotic arts because of its proximity to the genitals, and two, the spot at the base of your spine, considered the site of sexual energy by practitioners of Kundalini yoga.

Imagine you are holding energy in those two places until they feel alive with sexual desire. Visualize the energy there. (Just as you can hold your leg or arm out from your body by willing those muscles to perform, you can hold your energy in place.) When you focus on the energy, you feel your body growing hotter and more desirous.

STEP #3: Move Your Body During Intercourse

Flex your PC muscles in time with your fire breathing (a breathing exercise practiced in Kundalini yoga, I will talk about this more in the future as well). (Not sure what your PC muscles are? I will explain that at the end.) During intercourse, position yourself to make the hot—spot connection (between your clitoris and/or G—spot and the head of his penis), and use your hand for extra stimulation, if necessary. As in rub your clit with wet fingers while being penetrated. That hot-spot connection triggers orgasm, so use whatever position or leverage you need to get it. Because you have been concentrating so intensely on arousal and sexual energy, you will be more sensitive to erotic touch now than you usually are.

You will reach orgasm quickly.

…and Don’t Stop

That’s right if you want another orgasm, don’t stop. Just don’t let yourself relax into the post orgasmic state. Stay in the Orgasm Loop by closing your eyes and going back to visualizing arousal, followed by energy focusing and fire breathing. The next orgasm—and the one after that—will follow.

How TO LOCATE (AND FLEX!) YOUR PC MUSCLES

The PC muscle, also known as the pubococcygeal muscle, runs from the pubic bone to the tailbone. The PC is located on the pelvic floor and are involved in the contractions experienced during orgasm. Strengthening PC and gaining voluntary control over the muscle can dramatically improve your sex life.

Identify the PC muscle by stopping and starting the flow of urine. Knowing how to use it to your advantage- can help you orgasm more easily and enjoy stronger orgasms.

Another way to locate your PC muscle, ask your partner to insert a lubricated finger inside your vagina then squeeze as if you were going to stop the flow of urine. Your lover will feel a tightening around his finger while you squeeze Exercise the PC muscle by doing Kegel. I have mentioned Kegel exercise in previous posts and will talk more of them in the future.

[professorgaia]

Women's Hot Spots

We are already aware that the female orgasm doesn’t usually happen via intercourse alone. Most women are not built to get all of the stimulation they need to reach an orgasm through the friction of intercourse alone. The friction works great for him but it will only produce an orgasm for her if she is one of approximately 25% of women that can achieve an orgasm through intercourse.

Tips to turn women on:

The H-Spot Hot spots are those “magic button"  places on your body. We all have them. But just because we know where they are doesn’t mean we know how to use them in the most effective way possible. If the hot spot play is more connected during foreplay and intercourse,  orgasm is more likely to happen and become more intense. You can practice this during masturbation,  and then apply that knowledge on your next encounter or explore together. 

The C-Spot Nearly all women know that their clitoris or C spot is that little pink glance (or head) inside the hood at the top, where the labia (vaginal lips) come together. It is sometimes compared to the penis because of its shaft like shape. For majority of women, the clitoris and the surrounding tissue is the most sexually sensitive part of the body.

The G-Spot The G - Spot is the spongy mass of rough tissue located in the front wall of the vagina, halfway between the public bone and the cervix and below the urethra.  (Because you feel it through the vagina, the G - spot has been erroneously defined as being inside it.)  It was named after the German physician Ernst Granfenberg, who “discovered” it in the 1940s, though this spot was unfamiliar territory to the Indian author of the Kama Sutra five thousand years earlier. Can’t find it? Place your hand, palm up, at the entrance of your vagina. Insert two fingers and make the “come hither” gesture. Nothing?  Try squatting. Some women find it easier to locate their G spot in that position. Nothing yet? Use a vibrator, either a G spot vibe or an attachment to one you have.

The AFE Zone Near the G spot is the AFE zone, a small, sensitive patch of textured, but not rough, skin at the top of the vagina closer to the cervix. Stroking the AFE zone makes almost any woman lubricate immediately. Explore the front wall of the vagina with one finger. When you feel moisture forming beneath your finger, you hit the AFE zone. AFE zone stands for anterior fornix Erotic zone. A sexologist in Kuala Lumpur,  Malaysia,  rediscovered this area and named it in 1994. But again, the Kama Sutra got there first.

The U- Spot We typically don’t think of the urethra ad a sexy place. But the tiny area of tissue above the opening of the urethra (and right below the clitoris) is a separate pleasure point. Many women stimulate their U spots during masturbation without being aware they are doing so. Men typically discover it by accident while looking for the clitoris.  If you ever thought, “That’s not the place but wait a minute, it feels good,” he’s hit your U spot with his finger or tongue. And it’s a good place for him to shift his attention between orgasms if your clitoris is too sensitive to touch for a few moments.  Try that after your first orgasm while masturbating.

Individual hot spots Some women have very sensitive breats, particularly the nipples. Other potential hot spots include the inner thighs, behind the knees, the hollow of the throat, and the back of the neck. After an orgasm, run your fingers along these places and see what makes you shiver.

[professorgaia]

Sex Without Seduction

Some people say they don’t like to play games. They want to go straight to “the sex” or fucking and expect the person of their desires to hurry along with them. And they think that makes them somehow more “sincere” or “honest” than the rest of us!

“I just want to be me, no games” actually translates into “I don’t want to put any effort into getting in between your legs.” The artless approach works sometimes- especially when you and your partner know each other well and are both in need of a quick fuck. But in the beginning, and frequently thereafter, seducing your partner is a pleasure in itself and certainly makes “the sex” a richer and more satisfying experience. Furthermore, you may not get to the bedroom at all- or as often as you would like- if you don’t appreciate the power and art of seduction.

It has been said that seduction is a lost art, gone with civilized conversation and being an apparent parent, a casualty of a society that values frankness, speed, and function over form. Sexual, not sensual, imagery permeates our culture. And seduction celebrates sensuality, bringing couples to their senses- all five or them.

[professorgaia]

Meditation and Masturbation

We gushed about how much we love it, how it has helped and changed us and why we don’t tell other people we meditate.

It was that last idea that stuck and it occurred to me that, in many ways, meditation is a lot like masturbation.

1. Your friends may have been doing it for years but they’re not talking about it.

Meditation has been building in popularity but, to many people, it’s still considered “out there”. Next time you find yourself dancing around it, go ahead and confess. Your friends may surprise you by asking questions, being curious or even revealing their own practice!

2. Once you discover it, you’ll want to do it every day.

When you’ve built up a practice, you’ll find yourself feeling so good and looking forward to it so muchthere’s no way you’ll skip your daily sit. In fact…

3. You may find yourself wanting to do it several times a day.

Meditation can not only make you feel great—it’s good for you and it doesn’t take much time. And, since there aren’t any harmful side effects, feel free to schedule in a repeat performance.

4. People can get uncomfortable when you talk about it.

This can happen whenever you talk about self-improvement. It usually has more to do with your friends and their issues than you and yours. Don’t worry, you still love your friends even though they don’t meditate, right? Odds are, they’ll still love you when they find out you do.

5. It doesn’t take very long to do and you’ll feel amazing afterwards.

Meditating only takes a few minutes and it leaves you feeling relaxed and ready for the day. It’s the perfect boost when you need some “get up and go”.

6. You don’t need anything fancy to get the job done—

just you and your body.

Meditation is fairly simple and can be completely free! You just need you, your body and a few minutes when no one will bother you.

7. But toys are a fun way to change it up.

Meditating is a pretty straightforward exercise. You really can do it with just your mind. But there’re some fun meditation toys out there that can make your practice easier, more fun or more structured. Whatever you’re looking for, there’s an app for that!

8. You may find doing it with your partner isn’t just fun, it can bring you closer together.

Partner meditation is a whole new ballgame from a solo experience. Seeing (and being seen) in such a vulnerable, honest way can build your connection like nothing else.

9. You can get tips from others but you’ll enjoy it most if you figure out works for you.

Many meditation experts have outlined a “How to” step-by-step guide and you should certainly use one if you’re new or need a jumping off point. But, after awhile, you’ll figure out what you like and there’s no shame in doing what works best for you and your body.

10. Once you start, you’ll wish you’d discovered it sooner.

Meditation can change your life in so many ways, it’s easy to think that you wasted time before trying it out. But we each discover it when our bodies are ready. Whether you’re new to meditation or you’ve been doing it for years, take heart in knowing you’re not alone.

original link: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/09/10-ways-meditation-is-just-like-masturbation-what-teenagers-monks-all-know-becky-l-duncan/