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Help

Normally I am the one responding to people asking for advice but right now I kind of need it. I just said goodbye to my boyfriend because I am going on a three week trip to Europe and I accidentally ran over his mailbox on my way down the driveway. Should I tell him I did it or just play dumb until farther down the road when I know he will laugh? This is funny but I also feel bad.

(2/2) But it sounds weird, I'm confused and it just feels difficult to write. So I just wanted to talk to an expert to help me write the scene better. (Also from what I've seen your blog is amazing and you have such good tips and advice so... yeah. You're amazing! Thanks so much!)

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my posts. I probably wouldn’t use the word “ride” just because I can’t visualize that the girl giving would hold her fingers against her body. If you still want to use the cowgirl idea, I think it might be more natural for them to be kissing with the girl receiving on top. Then it’s an easy transition for her to sit up and grind her body in rhythm with the other girls hand. You can still use the word ride but it has a more aggressive and penetrative connotation which I wouldn’t normally associate with being fingered. But that’s just me! I hope this helped and I would love to read the scene once you finish it.

About how long does it take for someone to get comfortable with penetration? Is there something I can do to make it more comfortable?

There is no average number because of so many factors in people’s lives. But for me personally, I would say penetrative sex didn’t start feeling good until the 4th or 5th time. My best tips for speeding that along is stimulating your clit and using lube if you need to. When you are more turned on, your vagina actually relaxes and widens, making it easier for penetration with girth ;) But lube also helps for obvious reasons and I feel like my answer to everything is masturbation. If you practice on your own, it will be more pleasure than pain when you have a partner.

Hi! Really happy to have found this blog I have a question I can’t really ask friends lol I have a ton of sex toys but whenever I try penetration it’s first really hard to get in so I try not to force it, but when I’m able to get it in it doesn’t feel good or bad just slightly uncomfortable so I give up and stop. Is there something wrong with me? Thanks!

First, without knowing anything about you I can tell you nothing is wrong with you. Some women do have mild medical conditions that make it slightly painful or uncomfortable to have penetrative sex. But for most women, penetrative sex is an adjustment for everyone. It definitely hurt the first few times I did it and took a ton of getting used to before it started to feel pleasurable at all. There are some tips I have to make the adjustment easier tho:1. Make sure you are wet enough for any object. Even sex toys need lubrication to work well. So either use lube or get those juices flowing with whatever turns you on.2. Start with more gentle and controllable item to insert. I would reccomend fingers because they can bend and adjust to your vagina’s shape (unlike rigid dildos or vibes).3. Start small and gradually get bigger. Use the smallest toy you have first and work up to the big guy. You can’t try to fit a 3” wide dildo into your vagina if you have never had anything like it before.4. Try doing clit stimulation while inserting toys. This way your brain will automatically associate the penetration with the pleasure from the clit. This loosens all of the muscles up that can make toys uncomfortable.

So I’ve been experimenting with anal play on my own and would like to get to a point where I can try anal sex with my well endowed partner. I’d like to try anal training to get myself used to the stretch before including him. Are there any training/dilation kits you’d recommend?

When it comes to which kit you decide to buy, most of them will give you the same result. It’s just a question of what quality. I would recommend using plugs in varying widths or at least a dildo with a flared base. The base on plugs makes for easier control and prevention of a...loss issue. I also would suggest trying glass plugs as they are super slippery with lube and feel a lot better than silicone or plastic (in my opinion). Adam and Eve offers a few good kits that have plugs which have curves and bumps specifically for training. This website also has some pretty good training kits. https://www.bondagefetishstore.com/c/anal-training-kits.html?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=SubCats&utm_term=anal%252520trainer%252520kit&utm_content=Anal%252520Training%252520Kits

For the people asking about vaginismus, I had suffered with it after a traumatic experience with my ex. It had a been about a year and I wasn’t able to have sex, but I found vagi wave online (this is not an ad or sponsored) and after a few months of using their product every night with deep breathing, I one day found my boyfriend was able to finger me and then have sex, and he is so big but it felt like nothing. It was a life changer, so I guess you could start there? Hope it helps

Thanks!

Hey it seems like what a couple people have asked about looks to me like vaginismus. What do you know about this condition and what suggestions do you have for people who struggle with it?

Just to preface: I have stated that I am not by any means a medical professional, nor will I ever be. I specialize in sex therapy and relationship counseling so these medical conditions do appear in the people I work with and talk to, but my knowledge is definitely not complete.

Generally I know that vaginismus is an involuntary flexing of the PC muscles and other surrounding muscles when penetrated with anything. It is important to be diagnosed by a doctor, and not self-diagnose, because there are many varying degrees of vaginismus. And each degree can be treated or improved with different techniques. For anyone that struggles with symptoms of vaginismus, my best advice is to go to a doctor and receive a diagnosis. The doctor will know the best course of action to take.

As for the sex life of a woman who struggles with vaginismus, there are a few things you can do to make sexual experiences less stressful. Obviously lube is not the answer, because vaginismus does not affect the vagina’s ability to self-lubricate. However, a woman experiencing pain or anxiety will not be able to produce as much lubrication. So having some extra help will speed along the process of reassurance. Reassurance is the non-scientific term for letting your vagina know that the thing penetrating it is not a threat. This can be psychological or physical, but taking it slow and being gentle can help alleviate some of the pain.

For some women though, reassurance still doesn’t help the pain or contraction of the muscles. In this case, there are some medical treatments and practices that doctors can help with. Most importantly, communicating with sexual and romantic partners is the best advice I can give. They don’t want you to be in pain just as much as you don’t want to be in pain.

Thanks for answering me, I am going to try and ask her about it when we go back to university in May - I just hope she doesn't get too upset, this wouldn't be worth risking our relationship on. Wish me luck!

If she gets upset, she is trying to be defensive about something. Honesty and trust is important in any relationship, and if she won’t be honest, that is on her. But good luck!

(part 3) I also need to mention that shortly before I know was when she lost one of her parents, and I know from stuff Lisa has said that the girlfriend may have been made up as a coping mechanism, but really I have no idea. I want to respect Lisa's privacy, especially as it was before we even met and from a really hard time after she had lost a parent - but I also can't help feeling really off that she might have lied to me. I don't know if I should ask her about it or not??

There are definitely some inconsistencies in communication between you guys (seems like more on her part), but I don’t know the whole situation. Firstly, don’t feel as though you breeched her privacy, because she posted those things on a public platform for the world to see.

Really the only thing you can do is have a face-to-face conversation with her and ask her what happened. It is her personal information, but you are her girlfriend and she should be open with you about her past if it relates to you, and ESPECIALLY if she hasn’t been honest. She might have been going through something or coping, but you have to give her the chance to explain. Otherwise you will just drive yourself crazy thinking about the possibilities and jumping to conclusions (speaking from experience). Hope this helps and feel free to message me if you want to talk one-on-one!

hi, I really need advice. im 16 and have to change in the locker rooms for p.e. today, my friend texted me today telling me that she found my body the most sexually appealing when my clothes are off out of all of the ones in that class and idk should it make me feel as weird as it does or am I just blowing it out of proportion?

This is super late and I’m sorry, but I hope this advice is still relevant. No matter who it is that commenting on your body (girl, guy, friend, stranger), they made you feel uncomfortable and that is not ok. You are completely entitled to feel weird and if you don’t like their comment or how it made you feel, you can either talk to them about it and politely ask them to stop, or you can decide to cut her off (for lack of a better phrase). Maybe she is going through her own sexual journey and just overstepped a boundary, in which case the friendship isn’t lost. But if she was making sexual advances on you despite your discomfort, she is not a friend worth keeping. Tough situation, but you got this.

I think my partner has been just really stressed out lately because he lost a lot of money and is getting rid of his apt in another state and moving where he is now permanently.. anyways I feel like we haven’t been sexual lately like we had sex three days ago but it felt so pre planned. What should I do ? I send him Snapchats of me I’m cute lingerie and stuff but idk why he’s not getting it

First of all, you’re feelings are totally valid and it can be super stressful when you and your partner are not on the same sexual wavelength. But you can’t completely blame him or yourself for the issues you guys have been having lately.

Sex drive and the feeling of WANTING sex is totally dependent on context.For instance, if you are in a playful mood, someone tickling you would make you laugh and giggle, and you would probably enjoy it. But if you had a stressful day and were in a bad mood, someone tickling you would just make you more mad and frustrated. It’s almost the EXACT same with sex. Something that is fun and pleasurable when you are happy, can make you have an opposite reaction if you are stressed and upset.

The best thing you can do is be supportive and be ready for when he is feeling his sex drive more. Those snapchats and pictures and sexy treats may be helping him to feel better though, so keep up what you are doing--even though it might not visibly well received right now.

(also I have been in your situation and I know it suuuuuucks. My sex drive is crazy and it’s even worse when I know sex isn’t available, but just hang in there girl)

What tips would you give a person who is quite timid but wants to be sexually liberated?

Sexual liberation is such a long-term journey, and it comes naturally to some and for others it takes a little more effort. For me personally, I started exploring my sexuality pretty young, but I still remember the feeling of nervousness and discomfort with my own body. But at the root of sexual liberation is confidence and love for your own body. Here are the best tips I can think of for kickstarting that self-exploration.

-Obviously get to know your body. Take a mirror down there and honestly just stare at it. Learn what all the parts really look like and feel like and locate all the important “fun” stuff.

-Try masturbating and go at the pace you are comfortable with. I started out only being able to do it through my underwear, because I was really afraid of touching myself, (which is kinda funny now) but totally rational.

-Learn what feels good to you, what you like, what fetishes you might have, what turns you on, what DOESN’T turn you on, etc. The better you know yourself, the better sexual experiences you will have.

Once you are more comfortable with your body and pretty aware of your sexuality and sexual preferences, you will naturally start to open up to liberating experiences. Finding satisfying partners (or just hookups if you prefer) will be so much easier if you can give them direction in a constructive way. Hope this helps! Feel free to message me if you have follow up questions, because this process is not at all linear or simple.

Liberation

In my time in college and planning my career track, a lot of people have asked me why I want to work in the sex education and therapy field: my family, friends, teachers, classmates. I have a lot of reasons, but the driving force in my passion for healthy and safe sex education is that I was raped at 15. Before I could even fully discover or develop my sexuality, it was exploited. Regardless of such an inhibiting event, I have reached sexual liberation in my own life. So now my passion and career choices are aimed toward reaching the goal of being able to help others achieve their own sexual liberation--to take control of their bodies, pleasure and enjoy their sexuality on their own terms.

#sexpositive #healthy #advice

Good Vibes- Part 2.

I recently received a remote control vibrator from LoveHoney and my experience has been.....complicated to say the least.

A remote control vibrator is a sex toy essential, I would say. For many people, it is such a sexy concept to be able for their partner to have complete control over their vibrator and when they have an orgasm. So obviously, I was super excited to get one and try it out on an upcoming road trip with my man.

However, I quickly learned that this specific vibrator has a lot of issues.

-The remote has no screen or lights, so it is hard to tell what setting the vibrator is on, or if it is even working

-The bullet itself is very sensitive to movement, and it will turn itself off it the batteries shift even the slightest

-The bullet is inconsistent with how it turns on (it takes me about 2 minutes each use to actually get it fully on and functional)

-The remote and bullet only work within about a 5 meter radius

-The bullet requires 3 LR44 batteries and the remote requires 1 CR2032 battery (not the most common or easy to find)

Despite all of these issues though, the reason I can’t return it is because when it does work.....the vibrations are the best I have ever experienced. There are 10 different vibration patterns and speeds, and unlike many other bullets, the vibrations don’t slow down after being used for a while. It’s also a matte black color which is ~aesthetically~ pleasing. Overall, I would give it a 2/5, because it is so frustrating to get to work, but the 2 points come from the amazing vibration patterns.

#review #sextoy #sexpositive

Hi! Just randomly came across your blog and I wanted to let you know your advice helped me out so much. But I have my own personal questions: 1.) how do I start to feel better about the natural appearance of my vulva? It’s a lot darker than the rest of my body, and it makes me feel awkward and 2.) how do I deal with body hair/tasting better if you know what I mean 👅😂

I’m so glad! Thats my goal!

1. This might not make you feel much better but EVERY person’s vulva is darker because it is a completely different type of skin. In porn, girls bleach and treat it to look lighter. Also whoever is seeing it isn’t thinking about what shade your vagina is; mostly likely they just wanna get all up in it. You are your biggest critic and I’m sure your vulva is beautiful.

2. Your pubic hair doesn’t have a taste, so whatever smell or taste it has is just discharge or sweat from your vagina (totally normal). First, keep it neat (whether you trim or shave or leave a bush) and just make sure you shower once a day. Alsooooo I’m gonna make a full post about this because it changed my damn LIFE, but Summers Eve is a brand that has pH balancing wipes and body wash. It is made for vaginas and at first your vag will smell like roses, but then it completely neutralizes and has NO ODOR OR TASTE. It’s amazing and I never have sex without giving myself a good wipe. A full box of them is $3.78 at walmart and the body wash is $2.98. I recommend the floral scented wipes because you can bring them anywhere discretely. They have changed my sex life. Hope this helps girl

Hi so I’m a 19 yo female and virgin. Ive been talking to a guy from tinder and he wants to meet up sometime and mess around.(fwb) I’m not completely freaked out about the idea bc we know some mutual people from hs and he said he would make sure I’m comfortable but I’ve never fingered myself and whenever I try it’s too tight.. like I can’t even use tampons :/ so I’m kinda nervous about him doing so..even though I want him to. any advice? (Sorry if this is all over the place)

Totally normal. Because you are a virgin you just haven’t used those muscles yet and it will be super tight. I would say the best thing to do before you try to have sex is to start by fingering yourself. Make sure you are super wet so it doesn’t hurt but the only way to loosen it up a little is by inserting fingers or tampons. But it will hurt a lot less if you don’t go straight to sex. Have fun and be safe!

Hey! So, I'm a female, and I don't THINK I've ever orgasmed. My partner is very kind and attentive, but it's just never happened my whole life. The thing is, though, after a lot of clitoral stimulation, I can't stop my leg from shaking and it begins to 'sting'. When I described this to him, he says it's overstimulation, but I'm worried it's just a shitty orgasm. It feels good, there's just no... 'climax'. He's more experienced than me, but with only one other. What do you think? Any suggestions?

The stinging is usually attributed to overstimulation, but this can happen before you even have an orgasm. Sometimes you feel overstimulated and you just need a break before you can orgasm and that is totally normal. I would say try masturbating and doing it yourself so you can really focus on how your body feels. For some women, orgasm is a much more subtle sensation and if you are distracted by your partner or pressure or anxiety, you might not be feeling it as much as you want. So just try to do it yourself first where you can really relax and focus on your body.

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