My best friend Sheenaâs stepbrother Montrell had been my biggest crush since we were like thirteen. By the time we were juniors in high school, Iâd developed all kinds of feelings for him even though he basically treated me like a brother. Everything about him from his hair to his smile to his size twelve feet was just perfect to me. I was always over him and Sheenaâs house hanging out with Sheena, so I saw him all the time outside of school. Weâd kid around and stuff, but sometimes I got the feeling that he knew I was feeling him. I wasnât exactly sure but I had my suspicions.
      Since his dad bought him a Jeep the summer before junior year, Sheena and I rode to and from school with him most of the time; that is until Sheena started dating Isaiah Tompkins and riding to school with him. Now I either rode the bus or caught a ride with Montrell and whatever girl he had riding with him, which was pretty much all the time since girls were usually all over him. I kept telling myself that one day Iâd face my fear and tell Montrell that I liked him, but I wasnât sure that day would ever come.
      âI canât stand Mrs. Gordonâs mean ass,â Sheena said to me and our friend Wes as we walked out of Mrs. Gordonâs advanced calculus class, our last class of the day. âI do all of my work and she still wants to bitch all the time about me whispering to people. Itâs not like I talk out loud.â
      âYou know that woman can hear anything,â I said with a laugh. âWhat did yâall get on your tests? I got an A.â
      âI got an A+,â said Sheena.
      âB+,â Wes told us. âI messed up on the hyperbola graphing. I got everything else right on the test though.â
      âI messed up a little on mine, too, but she wrote on the side that it was a simple mistake. As long as I passed.â We made it to our lockers and when I opened mine, I noticed a note sitting on top of my books. I quickly grabbed it and stuffed it into my pocket before Sheena or Wes could see.
      âHey boo,â Isaiah said as he walked up to Sheena at her locker. âYou ready to go?â
      âYeah,â she said back happily. She grabbed some books from her locker and then closed it before asking me and Wes, âYâall need a ride home?â
      âIâm staying here,â Wes told her. âI got a group project for physics to do in one of the science labs downstairs.â
      âIâll probably take the bus home,â I said.
      âAlright, see yâall tomorrow.â She grabbed Isaiahâs hand and walked off with him.
      âLater, Jesse,â Wes said to me before walking towards the library.
      Instead of heading towards the stairwell to go to the back of the school where the buses were, I walked into the nearest boysâ restroom to read the note Iâd gotten. Hoping that it was from Montrell, I opened that note as fast as I could. All it said was, âMeet me backstage in the auditorium after school.â It didnât say who it was from, but I just knew it was from Montrell. With a smile on my face and my cheeks red from blushing, I left the restroom and headed to the school auditorium.
                       Me (Jesse Mills)
      My heart was beating a million times per second as I entered the auditorium. No one was sitting in any of the seats, so I knew Iâd be in there alone with him. I hurried up onto the stage and rushed to the back to seeâŠSarah Gunderson waiting there. She was this white girl from my AP psychology class. My face immediately went from happy to sad. She smiled and asked, âYou forgot I needed notes from yesterdayâs class, didnât you?â
      âI did but I have them with me,â I told her. I reached around and pulled my psychology binder from my backpack. I took out the four pages of notes I took from Mr. Rossâs lecture the day before and handed them to her.
      âThank you so much, Jesse. Everybody else from class was being so shitty to me when I asked if I could borrow their notes. I canât help that I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Iâll copy the notes and get them back to you tomorrow morning.â
      We both left the auditorium and then exited the school in opposite directions. Iâd missed the school bus to go home, so I figured Iâd just walk to the nearest city bus stop and wait for the next one to arrive. There was a bus stop not far from my house that I could walk from once the bus dropped me off there. So, there I was on my way off school grounds when I noticed Montrellâs black Jeep Cherokee was still parked in the student parking lot. I began walking towards it and thatâs when I noticed he was standing on the other side of it talking to some of his friends.
      Nervously, I stepped up to them and shyly asked, âMontrell, do you think you can give me a ride home?â
      His friends looked at each other and two of them started laughing. Montrell gave them a serious look and told them, âYo, chill the fuck out. This my sisterâs friend.â He turned back to me and offered, âIâm sorry, Jesse; donât pay these fools no mind. You know Iâll give you a ride.â He smiled at me and then unlocked the doors so that I could climb inside.
      I climbed in and told him, âThank you.â
      After talking to his friends a little while longer, he said bye to them and then climbed into the Jeep. He started the Jeep up and immediately, loud rap music blasted from the speakers. He quickly turned it down and said, âI forgot I had it on that loud this morning. Sorry, man.â
      âItâs cool.â I put my seatbelt on just before he put the Jeep in gear and pulled out of the parking space.
      As usual, I tried not to look at him too much because I didnât want him to notice it and get creeped out. However, it was so damn hard not to look at him. Montrell was one of the finest boys at our school. He was also very popular, mainly because he worked in the Foot Locker at the mall and always had on a fresh pair of shoes. I knew he messed around with a lot of girls but he never considered any of them as his girlfriend. It was kind of sad because girls would fight over him and heâd be so unbothered by it while moving on to the next girl.
                      Montrell Jackson
      âYou hungry?â he asked me after about six minutes of silence between us.
      âKind of,â I told him. âI skipped lunch to get in some last-minute studying for my anatomy test. Iâll probably just make a sandwich when I get home.â
      âNah, I got you. Letâs go to McDonaldâs.â
      âI donât get my weekly allowance until tomorrow. I donât have any money.â
      âJesse, I said I got you.â He laughed and asked, âWhy are you acting so shy today? It ainât because of how my boys were acting, is it?â
      âThen why are you so quiet today? Youâre usually talking and laughing with Sheena andâŠâ He paused and looked over at me as he stopped at a red light. âOh, itâs because Sheena and your other friend Wes ainât here, ainât it?â
      âWell, yeah. Usually, Iâm in here with them and you or with you and some girl from school. It feels different since itâs just us.â
      He smiled again and said, âNot to me. Youâre like part of the family, Jesse. Youâve been coming to the house since we were kids. Just like youâre my sisterâs friend, youâre my friend, too. We may not hang out like you and Sheena do, but that donât mean weâre not friends. Right?â
      I smiled and agreed, âRight.â
      The light jumped to green and he began driving again. He drove us to McDonaldâs and I thought he was going to go to the window, but he parked and turned the Jeep off. Once again, weâd never hung out by ourselves before so I was so nervous. The things I normally didnât worry about, like the way I ate or how much I ate, were now on my mind as he and I entered the restaurant. Since I wasnât paying, I figured I wouldnât get much.
      âLet me get two Big Macs,â he told the girl at the counter, âa large fry, a large drink and four chocolate chip cookies.â He then looked at me and asked, âWhat you want, Jesse?â
      âUhâŠa double cheeseburger,â I said.
      âThatâs it?â
      He turned back to the cashier and told her, âGive him a quarter pounder with cheese no pickle, a medium fry and a medium strawberry shake.â
      âWill that be for here or to go?â she asked.
      âFor here.â
      My mouth dropped because I had no idea how he knew that was what I really wanted. True, itâs what I usually ordered whenever me, him and other people ate there but I didnât know he noticed. He paid for the food and then I followed him over to where the drink fountains were. He filled his cup with Sprite before grabbing some napkins and going to an empty table. We sat down and waited silently as our food was being made. When they called our order number, he stood up and went back to the front to get it.
      When he returned, I asked, âHow did you know I always order the quarter pounder with no pickle and a strawberry shake?â
      âI donât know. I just know.â He opened one of his Big Mac boxes and started eating.
      âDang, you must really be hungry. Two Big Macs?â
      âYou have no idea,â he said with a mouthful of food. He finished chewing and explained, âI only ate my vegetables at lunch because I hate sloppy joes. And I have a gym class after lunch and we played basketball today, so that burned up whatever I ate.â He got a text message and began texting somebody for a little while.
      âWho is that, your latest girlfriend?â I couldnât believe Iâd asked that so boldly. What the hell got into me?
      He chuckled a little and replied, âNah, that was a co-worker asking if I was working tomorrow. And I donât have a girlfriend.â
      âYeah, sure.â
      âWhat makes you think I have a girlfriend?â
      âOne of the girls in the pics with you on your Instagram has to be your girlfriend.â
      âThose are justâŠgirls. Just because theyâre in my pics donât mean Iâm with them. If you donât see me claiming them, then they ainât my girlfriend. Simple as that.â
      Finally, I gained control over my mind and didnât push him any further. It was then that I began to think about exactly what heâd said. To my recollection, heâd never claimed a girl as his. Does that mean heâd never really had a girlfriend? Was he just getting sex from them and moving on? If so, then that would be messed up. I didnât want my crush on him to be effected so I stopped thinking about it as we ate our food.
      âCan you believe weâre gonna be seniors next year?â he asked me.
      âI know, itâs a trip,â I replied. âIâm ready for it though. I actually canât wait to go off to college. My parents are so annoying.â
      âYour parents?â He laughed and said, âMy dad and Sheenaâs mama are way more annoying than your parents. Do you know how many times my dad makes me do stuff around the house? And my stepmom is always asking me to pull my pants up and bugging me about cleaning my room.â
      âWell, your room is usually messy. It smells like corn chips in there sometimes.â
      âExcuse you?â He laughed and tossed a balled-up napkin at me. âMy room ainât that bad.â
      âThatâs what you think. Youâre used to it.â
      âAnyway, your parents are way more laidback than mine. Your dad always cuts your grass. Your mama probably cleans your room.â
      âNo, I clean my own room.â
      âSo, why do you keep your room clean? You be having dudes over?â
      âWow, so because Iâm gay that means Iâm constantly sneaking boys into my room?â
      He got serious and said, âNah, I ainât mean it like that. I was justâŠâ
      I started laughing and told him, âIâm just kidding. I know what you meant. To answer your question, I just like to have a clean room. And the only boys from school I have over are either friends or classmates I got paired up for projects with.â
      âI heard you and Ryan were talking.â
      âRyan Stephens?â
      âYeah, the gay white boy in a bunch of your classes.â
      âHe likes me but I donât like him like that.â
      âWhy not?â
      âBecause heâs a know-it-all. Heâs cute butâŠâ
      âYou think heâs cute?â
      âYeah. I like tall boys.â I quickly covered my mouth and said, âWhoa, I did not mean to say that. Sorry if that creeps you out.â
      âJesse, itâs cool. I can handle you talking about other dudes.â
      âHow did you hear that Ryan liked me anyway?â
      âPeople talk about everything. They donât know everything though. Thereâs some stuff people just canât know about unless they know you personally.â
      There was something about the way he said that that made me feel something that I canât describe. After finishing our food, we left McDonaldâs and headed to my house. On the way there, I thought about his possible reactions to me telling him I had a crush on him. The worst he could do was get mad and tell me never to talk to him again. He could also spread it around school in an attempt to distance himself from me and to get people to make fun of me. The best reaction I could ask forâother than him telling me he liked me backâwould be for him to say heâs not interested but that we could still be friends.
      âCan I come inside?â he asked as his legs were shaking. âThose three cups of Sprite ran through me. I gotta take a serious leak.â
      I laughed and told him, âYeah, come on.â
      We climbed out of the Jeep and went into my house. He ran past me and up the stairs to go to the bathroom, and I slowly walked upstairs to go to my bedroom. Once inside my room, I took my backpack off and dropped it on my bed. I walked over to my computer desk and turned on my MacBook Pro. As it was booting, I took my shoes off. When I turned back to the door, I was a little surprised to see Montrell just standing there.
      âYou about to do homework or something?â he asked.
      âMore like put on some music to listen to while I read my comics,â I told him.
      âYou still like comic books?â
      He shook his head and laughed as he said, âYou ainât changed a bit, Jesse.â He sat down on my bed.
      âOkay, I didnât say you could sit on my bed.â I folded my arms and stared at him.
      He stood back up and asked, âMay I sit on your bed?â
      âYeah.â I turned back to my computer to type in my password so I could access iTunes. When I turned back towards my bed, I saw heâd kicked his shoes off and was lying on my bed with his hands behind his head. I laughed and asked, âBoy, what are you doing?â
      âYour bed feels comfortable as fuck. Damn. I wish my bed was this big.â
      âIâm sure you have somewhere else to be soâŠâ
      âNah, not really. I donât gotta work today and my boys all got stuff going on. What time do your parents get home from work?â
      âTheyâre usually here after six. Why?â
      âBecause I wanna chill out here for a minute.â
      âAlright, go ahead. Just donât fall asleep on my bed. I donât want your slobber on my pillow.â
      I put some Frank Ocean music on and grabbed my Spiderman comic book to read. I sat down on the other side of my bed and just as I was about to start reading my comic, Montrell asked, âHow many girls do you think Iâve been with?â
      I donât know why he was asking me that out of the blue, but the shock didnât stop me from answering, âA bunch.â
      âDo you have a specific number?â
      âTwelve.â
      âDamn, you think Iâve had sex with twelve different girls? So, you think Iâm a player?â
      âI didnât say that.â
      âWell, how many boyfriends have you had?â
      âZero. Iâm not ashamed to say Iâm a virgin that has never even been kissed before. Now, how many girls have youâŠâ
      âZero. Iâm a virgin, too, Jesse. Just because I kick it with some girls doesnât mean Iâm having sex with them.â
      âIâm sorry. I didnât mean to offend you.â
      âItâs cool.â
      I finally found the courage and told him, âNo, itâs not cool. Montrell, I need to be real with you. Iâve had a crush on you for a while now and I know youâre not gay or even bi, but I feel like I need to get this off my shoulders. I like you. I really, really like you. Iâm attracted to everything about you and I think about you in class and at night before I go to bed.â I stopped and took a deep breath before saying, âNow, if you want to hit me or flip out, go ahead and get it over with.â
      He sat there looking at me for a minute and then he sat up and told me, âYou donât know what I am. Does my Facebook or Twitter or anything say Iâm only interested in girls?â
      âWell, noâŠâ
      âThen what makes you think Iâm straight? Am I kissing the girls in the pics on my page or just posing with them in selfies? Jesse, Iâm gonna be real with you; Iâve gone to first and second base with girls and dudes. Those girls that done fought over me have never heard me refer to them as my girlfriend and Iâve never had sex with them. They just assumed they meant something to me because I might have made out with them. Iâve also made out with Chris Jamison but you donât see him going around telling the school about it.â
      I was so shocked that I felt like I was going to faint. I did suspect that he might have known I had a crush on him, but I didnât think he was a virgin or that heâd kissed both girls and boys before. My mind was so blown after hearing all of that. After seconds of silence, I asked him, âSo, why have you kept this all a secret?â
      âBecause itâs not like I make out with somebody and theyâre automatically my girlfriend or boyfriend. What usually fucks it all up is they want sex and Iâm not ready for that yet. When I have sex for the first time, I want it to be with somebody I actually care about. After I kissed Chris in my Jeep two weeks ago, he started asking me if I was a top or bottom and all that, and all I wanted to do was kiss him and maybe touch him a little. It seems like everybody just wants to fuck nowadays and move on.â
      âI can definitely agree with you on that. Iâve been told on many occasions that I have DSLs.â
      âWhat is that?â
      I rolled my eyes and told him, âDick sucking lips.â
      He laughed and said, âWow, people be wildinâ for real. I wouldnât say that about you though. I think you have cute lips. Hell, everything about you is cute. I had no idea you liked me like that though until today when you started asking me if I had a girlfriend.â
      âI gave myself away?â
      âYep. I knew the moment you started up with that girlfriend stuff that you were feeling me. Thatâs why I hit back with the whole you and Ryan Stephens thing.â He moved closer to me on the bed and asked, âWhat are we gonna do about you having a crush on me?â
      I smiled and replied, âI donât know. I guess itâs up to you.â
      âIâm cool with anything youâre cool with. Just remember that your best friend is my stepsister. If it goes wrong, then weâre gonna have to see each other all the time.â
      âThen we have to make sure it doesnât go wrong. That means taking it slow. Are you willing to do that?â
      âI can do that. But to seal the dealâŠâ He leaned in and kissed my lips. After a few seconds, he pulled back and told me, âNow you can say that you have been kissed before.â
      I started blushing like crazy and so did he. He looked so damn cute. We kissed for a little while longer and then I started reading my comic book while he relaxed on my bed and listened to the music playing on my computer. I never in a million years would have thought that it would turn out this way. Now it was time for the hard part, taking advantage of our opportunity and not rushing into anything that would ruin the friendship. I looked forward to seeing what could develop between us. The biggest lesson I learned from the whole ordeal was to never judge a book by its cover. Sometimes, that outer layer has nothing to do with whatâs inside.
[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
