darcy

[sh1n1ng-moonlight]

☆I am back so I'll post a new intro☆

Hi everyone! I am Darcy

☆About me☆

I am 19 years old and I an diagnosed with bpd, depression, cyclothymia and acute polymorphic physotic disorder. I am in recovery from sh and I am currently being hospitalised in the psych ward

I love

• animals (especially cats)

• reading (fav author: Stephen King)

• listening to music (Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift)

• poems (I write poetry too)

• diamond paintings

What you'll see on this account:

• poems

• vents and rants

• my thoughts

• teacher attachment content

☆So if you like my intro, let's be moots ifb☆

[sh1n1ng-moonlight]

Another psych ward update

Got moved rooms because the nurses were loud at night

My roommate is the living definition of depression

Unedible peas

Rivotril = good sleep after years

A patient fell

Talking for hours with one girl

Sharing everything

Gave the nurse biscuits, she was so happy

Staff had to watch me a shower

Crying at yoga

Someone farted during relaxation and we burst out laughing

4 toilets got clogged

Dark hallways

Headache + rude nurse

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“hospital mug vs my dignity (my mom stole my real one)”

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You are like sunlight on the darkest days

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life lately: tea, waiting, and tired eyes

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I am in the psych ward I get the paper of which therapies and group activities I have to go to. Okay nice, let me see. CHAIR EXCERCISE okay cool that should be easy. I walk in, bunch of 80 year olds, I am 19. I take a seat so confidently and we begin. "Raise your left arm now" and there's me raising my right arm.

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A stormy day in the psych ward

It was icy rain, we were looking out the window from the smoking room with a few patients, rain fell into the room. My soul was icy and stormy too. I was crying in my room with thoughts of hurting myself and then the nurse came to check on me and asked if I'll be able to sleep, I said I don't think so while crying. I told her I was having urges to hurt myself and she called the doctor, I got an injection and they told me if I don't sleep in half an hour they'll put me down tobthe closed ward and that scared me so much I was shaking and crying but somehow managed to fall asleep.

[sh1n1ng-moonlight]

Life in the psych ward

I woke up 6 times in 1 night:

1. Nurses talking

2. For no reason

3. Thunder

4. A nurse checked on me

5. Cleaning staff wanted to clean

6. Morning meds

My pillow got bloody, nurse said to just turn it over

Nurse cleaned my sh on 1 arm and forgot the other one???

I'm in a room far from everyone so staff always forgets to give me food or meds

Charger can't be plugged in until attempt 1000

Talked to my favorite nurse, who opened up to me about her struggles and smiles at me and ask if I am okay

One patient went to the same school as me and we gossiped about our teachers

Got cocoa brioche from one patient after a horrible lunch

Bestie came to visit, we've been told to be quieter

One patient started clapping and accusing a nurse of not giving us food

Smoking area conversations that last hours

Unlimited jokes about sex

Laughing uncontrollably

RAISINS IN BRIOCHE

"Can your mom bring me BANANAS?"

Ward rounds with doctors who used to be rude but now actually nice???

Meds increase

[sh1n1ng-moonlight]

Update!!!

So on Wednesday I got hospitalised because of sh, they cleaned my cuts and gave me an empty room in the psych ward. I feel okay in here!! They are increasing my meds and I finally could talk to my favorite nurse and she was super sweet and supportive!!

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Current status:

🕛 Ward rounds: survived

💊 Med increase: whatever

🚬 Vape break: achieved

🍽️ Lunch: PLEASE HURRY

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I tried drawing my baby (it didn't go well)

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Update!!

I am back and I wish I could say that I'm doing better but that's not the truth. I am still trying, I had a sh relapse after a month of being clean. I agreed with my therapist that inpatient would be the best option for me because I am not safe on my own and my depression is getting worse. I tried to get admitted to a higher security ward but I was rejected because they didn't have any empty beds. I was dissapointed and scared but I managed to stay safe so far. Another option is inpatient in my local hospital but tbh that wouldn't help me much because they don't search through my stuff and when I was there I still sh-d and no one cared but maybe I'll ask them to keep a close eye on me. First I want to talk to my therapist about it.

In the meantime I finsihed 12th grade and graduated!!

I spend my days doing arts, drawing, painting etc. If you want to see my art lmk (I am a beginner tho)

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This cutie at the cat cafe chose me🥰

[sh1n1ng-moonlight]

How I spend my first day at home

So first I watched some netflix at 1AM, binge watched all episodes of the principles of pleasure

Then I went to sleep and woke up around 6AM

I just packed and stared at the wall until 8AM when we had breakfast

I said goodbye to everyone and at 9AM I got my discharge papers

My mom came to get me, a 5 minute car ride later I was home

I took a shower, washed my hair and chilled a bit while watching netflix

I cooked myself buldak ramen and then I washed the dishes

I relaxed a little by reading the dark one book

I took the bus to go to the kindergarden where my mom works and we went to see a stray cat and buy a coloring book and a monster

That's it for today, Probably just gonna chill and color this night

Thank you sm if you read this <3

[sh1n1ng-moonlight]

I got discharged from the hospital today. I spent 3 weeks there and I was discharged and then 2 days later at night I had to go back sadly because of the negative thoughts. I spent another 3 weeks there and I was discharged. Now I have to be strong and I can't go back. I need to go back for yoga and relaxation as much as I can. Even tho I loved yoga I feel very unmotivated but I'll try my hardest to go almost every week or even multiple times per week.

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After six weeks in the hospital, I might get discharged this week!!

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I have weekend leave!! I had to buy a vodka to celebrate that I am more than a month clean from cutting myself and ofc cigarettes