This is only my opinion! This was in my head for almost a week so I decided I had to share it.
I don't think the apology dance is good communication and here is why :
It is never said why Crowley has to apologise or what for. In this video (go watch it, it’s a really interesting analysis of the scene and the person doing it has a totally different opinion than mine) it’s stated that Crowley is apologising for saying “You’re on your own”. I really like that idea, I won't linger on it, watch the video if you want more details. But even if we know, they (Aziraphale and Crowley) never say it. Maybe it was obvious? I don’t think so. And even if it was, good communication is about saying things that are obvious to be sure everyone is on the same page (we saw how not saying things worked in the last 15).
The apology is not genuine.
- Crowley only wants Aziraphale to let him be there to protect him, but he doesn’t truly believe Aziraphale’s solution of keeping Gabriel/Jim is better than his. He doesn’t believe Aziraphale is right. But he knows that if he doesn't at least say something Aziraphale will make it very hard for him to do anything.
- When Crowley comes back he asks if he should apologise (not ‘how’, ‘if’, “Can we take that as said?”). He doesn’t want to do it and you can see it. And it’s not because it’s hard for him to say. For Crowley, hard is saying what he wants (I can do a whole other post about that).
Crowley says no with his head. With beings like those two silly who don’t have a clue about proper communication you have to pay attention to non-verbal communication, and this is not even subtle (sorry I don’t know how to make a gif, it’s 0:37 on this). It’s a perfect example of saying one thing (“You were right”) but thinking the opposite.
Aziraphale’s arguments for Crowley to do the dance is not “What you said really hurt me, I think I deserve for you to do it”, it’s “I did it before, so I want you to do it too”. It's funny and gives us context for the dance, but it is not good communication.
Crowley doesn’t really apologise. He never says “I’m sorry” and isn’t that the whole point of apologising? Saying “I’m sorry, I know I hurt you, but I love you and I feel horrible about how you might have felt because of me”. It’s not supposed to matter who is right. What matters is what the other is feeling.
The dance is scripted. It’s not something Crowley made on the spot or put thoughts into, it’s something they agreed to do when one of them fucked up. It probably has lost its meaning over time.
It’s not something they really want to do. It’s even something they don’t want to do, and it’s made that way. They created the dance, they chose the choreography and the “lyrics”, so they chose to make it humiliating. How is it humiliating? Well first, bowing isn’t really flattering. And before Crowley began, Aziraphale stood up, placing himself in a power position. I can talk a bit more about the “lyrics”. “You were right” three times, “I was wrong” only once. It’s known that “I was wrong” is something very hard to say. But saying “You were right” is way more satisfying for the person on the receiving end of the apology (here it’s Aziraphale). It’s easy to say. How many arguments ended on “Yeah, yeah, you’re right” even if the person doesn’t mean it? This dance isn’t about the person apologising, it’s about the person receiving the apology. Everything's centred around them.
They immediately move on. They don’t talk about it afterward. Crowley asks “Okay?” and Aziraphale answers “very nice” and then it’s over. That’s not how apologies work. You don’t just say “sorry” and then everyone forget about it. No, you talk about what was done, what exactly was hurtful, what everyone can do to not let it happen again. But here they don’t do that. Aziraphale assumes that from now, Crowley is ok to keep Gabriel/Jim, but we see multiple times throughout the season how he is not (“If any harm comes to Aziraphale because of this, I will…” ep3, “I spent last night worrying if he’s going to wake up” ep5).
But despite all that, I don’t deny the fact that Crowley doing a silly little dance to apologise is very fun to watch.
It's my first ever post here, please be kind. English is not my first language, sorry if there are any mistakes.
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