Pure Untainted Thoughts

[shacklelessbreathes]

Sheesh

Haven't felt this alone or weak before. The isolation I'm creating is so harmful but instinctual at this point. Tryin to climb out but I'm like socially allergic which isn't good for my adult life. Hope I snap back soon. Need to be motivated for this self care but it's hard with the things I get frustrated with these days starting with the home environment. Need to move. Again. I legitimately need my own space. All I can think of is organization and maintenance and how mentally draining it is to not have that atm

[shacklelessbreathes]

I want to vent to you without feeling worthless in the process. Is that even possible?

[shacklelessbreathes]

Give me affection and I'll give you the best version of me you have yet to see.

[shacklelessbreathes]

Uncertainty makes me hesitant.

I don't like to gamble.

[shacklelessbreathes]

I'm scared to know the truth.

[shacklelessbreathes]

Can we please

Just cuddle.

Honestly. I just want to lay together and fall a fucking sleep. Its therapeutic for me. Like once a month or 2 or 3. Something..

[shacklelessbreathes]

Communicate or conquer

[shacklelessbreathes]

Genuine need or lack of maturity

[shacklelessbreathes]

Think im striving for something unattainable

[shacklelessbreathes]

My roomates a slob, im m advancing in a workspace i don't want to be in, my finances are shit, i feel like an insignificant, boring, aesthetically unpleasant boyfriend, i don't have half the skills i should at this age, i never have energy, time is moving too fast, i increasingly become more afraid of my future, i don't feel i belong anywhere because my immediate family is so broken. I feel weak, unintelligent and useless to about everyone that matters and i feel like im hust dragging my body through life while my soul suffers. I want more in life from every aspect of it and i feel so selfish and undeserving of it all. Had it not been for my girlfriend setting it up i would just cancel my birthday. Why should i be celebrated?

[shacklelessbreathes]

Like i want to better myself but put myself down so much i take the motivation as soon as it arrives

[shacklelessbreathes]

I'm either fucking angry or pathetically sad. I wanna beat the fuck outta shit but don't have the will to do it. Kind of trap is this? I think imma stay to myself for a while. My birthday will probably be mixed emotions aa always

[shacklelessbreathes]

Thoughts of Withdrawal

As my eyes close we begin a new conversation

Our lips speak love in unison

My palms read your body language like brail

Our hearts make rhythms of percussion

All while my mind is deafend to the world

Priorities become pleasure

Desire turns to loving tugs

Distance eradicated and involuntary beams of bliss expressed through breaks of smiles.

Curves are missed when i lay

Breathes not as deep as when are bodies are aligned

Days incomplete when we spend time apart

My Crush has grown into My Queen

My Love evolved into My Need

My Want personified into My Dream

[shacklelessbreathes]

I’d cancel everything if i could just sleep with her. I can’t remember the last time we layed together. I’d take that over any gift or event for my bday 💔

[shacklelessbreathes]

I legitimately wanna vent but i feel if it's not to her that its a form of betrayal

[shacklelessbreathes]

"Can't heal what you don't reveal"

[shacklelessbreathes]

Everyone says focus on me. Yet my needs and well being resides in others. Painful contradictions