Ventspace

this is a spot for us to vent, complain, bitch, and moan. this is a space for shadow work. body is in its 30's

[shadowneedsanap]

Is this really all there is?

Go to work, come home, eat dinner go to sleep, rinse and repeat ad infinitum? Until we die?

What's even the point

[remanence-of-love]

[angelbabymikaa]

you ever just feel the mental illness brewing in your brain like some kind of fucked up stew

[shadowneedsanap]

I keep writing a post and then immediately deleting it like no one wants to hear that.

[human-pet-they]

[divorce-enjoyer]

i didnt know you were allowed to do things for the sake of wanting to do things. i thought you were just supposed to keep that locked inside your ribcage and let it rot you inside out until youre limping around as the desiccated corpse of who you could have been

[not100bees]

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

[god-monsterr]

this reply deserves to be here.

[shadowneedsanap]

Ah, sudden revolvsion of my own kinks. We meet again

[shadowneedsanap]

Being a system while being trans is a whole fucking thing. Most days i'm like "fuck yeah i'm on testosterone" and then i stop feeling like taking T for several weeks in a row and I miss my tits and it just so happens one of my fem alters are around. It just so happens she's one manic episode away from shaving off our beard and ("excessive") body hair and "we're lucky we're in a down swing or the chest fur would get it."

On top of the slew of other such fun mental things that lie in wait until she's around to let us sit there and actually feel it rather than continue to repress it.

It's still difficult to cry, though. Which is weird to me honestly. We used to cry about anything but now it's a miracle if we could get a couple of tears out every once in a while. Not a fan, tbh. Crying is cathartic as fuck so our emotions feel like they're getting backed up in a clogged drain.

Idk if we're gonna stay on or off of testosterone. I do like our beard. I know going off of T wouldn't necessarily get rid of it but it's really nice now.

At the same time. We're just read as a guy. We're nonbinary. We have an unconvential relationship with both masculinity and feminity. Sure we can be hairy and fem whenever. Why not, right? But most clothes that aren't baggy suck when you're hairy and hypersensitive.

[shadowneedsanap]

Saw an A+ post about twink death and burying the twink in fat.

I need to think more like that guy. I need to murder the inner critic that wants me to starve myself until i'm 160 lbs again.

[cannibalchicken]

why would they haunt people if theres no profit incentive

[charl0ttan]

jerry was such a sly little mouse i bet he rolls a good joint unless youre a rascally cat. then its gonna be dynamites

[shadowneedsanap]

tom and jerry should smoke a blunt together. I think we would find peace

[apas-95]

bored af in ancient china and then they invent wine for the first time in history. feeling pretty swag. chilling there for like 7,800 years drinking wine and then the tang dynasty rolls around and they invent fireworks and playing cards. now my life can begin

[shadowneedsanap]

what happens when your guardian angel is too late? What happens when the shit started since the day you were born? Do they resent you? Do they hate themselves? Do they feel guilty? You may still be alive but not without scars and missing pieces. Do they resent themselves for the scars you bare or do they stand by you and try their best to bandage your wounds?

[shadowneedsanap]

how do i have depression when there are real problems out there in the world

[heavensickness]

[neenarchive]

me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten