Slams face into my enclosure glass
Have you cried about Amir Beckett today? No?
Would you like to :)
Amir Beckett grew up in the United States of Libertatia on the west coast [Amberstone, Furnace Flats] – His father owned a restaurant he'd often hang out at, tinkering in the back. His relationship with his mother is .. not Great. He is an only child. (we also know of an Aunt Betty and a Cousin Layla)
He also has ADHD, and was medicated at some point! But those never had consistent results for him, sadly
Amir worked as an Intern of Information Security at Höllvania's Reactor. Someone behind the screens/behind the scenes. — He took that job when it was offered to him, which was sold to him as a Internship-to-Hire program, to "see the world!" and a damn good pay. — Which was soooo perfect! There was this girl he really liked and he wanted to impress her, what better way! :)
[This action will have consequences]
Now that we got that out the way, lets delve into Amir and fucking Sol above this dude did not catch a SINGULAR break
(Spoilers for.. literally everything 1999)
He was an Intern. In a city unknown to him, with no family and no friends. Just himself. — This, for many obvious reasons, cannot have been easy on him.
Amir didn't have a support system at all. And jumping overseas to a city he knows jackshit about in a very stressful job that was still relatively new at the time, someone needs a support system for that.
Then. Slowly, Höllvania starts crumbling. Testudo Syndrome, later named "Techrot" by one Eleanor Nightingale. — Note; He had to move into the city so he had to have been there before it got so bad they quarantined the entirety of Höllvania.
He did not know about the virus. [KIM Chat: hahaha "come work for exposure!" riiiiight / I didn't realize they were being SUPER FREAKING LITERAL]
So not only is he completely alone, he is now stuck in Höllvania.
But it can't be all that bad! He was usually left to his own devices, no one really bothering him or messing around in the databases–
Oh, what's this message? What is this giant eyeball on his screen?
Amir gets a message, one near-on threatening him for the codes to Höllvania's Reactor from a mysterious Dr. E. — And, what I imagine is a stressed guy fresh out of college with zero support overseas from his home in a job he didn't even want to do and wasn't really being paid for, is obviously scared.
He shouldn't even have these messages right? How is it possible? What's he going to do..
Life or death, this message says. Don't you want to save lives? Don't you want to help people? Save everyone, everywhere.
He gives the codes.
His higher-ups find out. They send the Scaldra on him. Label him a threat to national security.
Another mysterious message finds him through his oager this time, as he is on the run, tells him a "safe place".
He meets Doctor E himself, given a serum to use as a last resort.
NOW: We get to the meat of why I wanted to make this post. Welcome to "Amir Went Through It."
First lets talk about Albrecht in 1999. — When he went to xx99, he was there for 3 years.
A lot of chats talk about the Techrot being a real mess in 1998 but mostly hinted to starting out in 1997
What does this have to do with Amir? I believe Albrecht was stalking him (and all the 1999 protos for that matter) to an extent. — One, knowing how and when to message Amir, specifically him. Two, Amir has no idea who ratted him out to the O.R.O, and to be immediately chased after by Scaldra (who we know Albrecht was also working with. Though we also know the O.R.O did have ties to the Scaldra.)
Amir had nobody in Höllvania. It was literally a leap of faith on how it would go with this job and it was one he didn't even want!
Now he's an enemy to national security and on the run and he risked it all and he can't call anyone or go anywhere, and all he has is this serum.
Scared, being chased, with zero other options besides death. He injects the serum.
And it is hell. It is blinding pain and there is no going back. Ever.
This is the first contact he gets with The Hex. With Arthur.
He can smell the burning flesh of the Scaldra hunting him as he electrocutes everything around him and himself in the process.
Then he gets punched in the face, told to focus, there's someone there for him. They're there. They can withstand it.
Only when all the pain settles and everything hurts and his body changed, he finds someone like him, and he finds that he's viciously wounded him.
That's the first time Arthur meets him.
The rest of the Hex meet him after, when Arthur comes back half-blind, covered in scars, and with someone they've never met before.
Now let's use some context clues and various chats to gather some stuff, along with other thoughts I've had.
I wanna talk about The Hex Animation we got before the update dropped and how it is canon! Eleanor has a chat that confirms it (Rank 5, Convo 6)
Why is this important?
"[...], Amir was getting Quincy's nerves so much I was starting to fear for his life, [...]"
Amir is often, and not only by Quincy, referred to as someone who doesn't belong. Even among others suffering the same transformation as him, he is an outcast.
We know the Hex aren't quick to trust, especially when they knew each other prior to the events of The Hex.
Amir was new and he wasn't a soldier, he wasn't taking the situation seriously. Lettie calls him childish, Aoi eventually grew to trust and admire him but even she must have been wary, Eleanor knew what was going on his head but she was still driving herself away, Arthur essentially sacrificed himself for him but still thinks he is too playful in the face of what's happening, Quincy knew he wasn't supposed to be there with them and hated how foolish he was being.
Now how does this tie to the Chat and Animation? Well let's think back to the first Mall Relay from Tennocon, the first sights we got to the Hex and 1999.
The Hex didn't trust him. Accepted him, sure, but trust? That's hard to come by after what a certain Doktor Entrati did to them.
Amir is playful, normal in the face of what's happening, embracing his new abilities.
And we already know how much unease that brings the others. Specifically Lettie and Quincy.
Quincy holds a deep distrust, especially during that time during the events of 1999 and prior to Drifter coming around.
Can you imagine how deep that distrust is towards Amir?
Amir who, in that animation, rockets his own atomicycle into a horde of techrot Arthur is actively charging into, and laughs?
(Hey remember when everyone thought Amir was ex-Scaldra? Eleanor: "Don't expect me to tell you what I've seen inside Amir's head. He's not a beautiful, broken marionette, and he's nobody's project. He's one of us.")
Amir who plays with toys and rambles about games instead of the carnage happening within and around them all?
We know eventually it comes from a place of care as The Hex steadily learn why Amir is trying so hard to "ignore" the disaster around thrm, bringing a sense of normalcy to the horror, trying to cope with his fears
But it's hard to ignore that he was very outcasted and disrespected
This post is gonna be so long..
Let's talk Drifter and the later effects with Amir and the other Hex!
First I need to make one thing clear
Amir is suuuuuuuch a little shit.
He's sarcastic, playful, and when it comes to certain convos (Cephalons), he will outright shut down Drifter entirely and carry on with what he thinks
He teases and jokes and laughs, sometimes at the expense of Drifter
Many like to paint him as the sweetest of the Hex, but like.. he is just as much of a sarcastic asshole (/lovingly)
Generally Amir's KIM Chats are very quick paced, but one thing I did notice is that he is pretty direct! If he wants to know something, he'll ask
But another thing is that he isn't a pushover.
If Drifter is mean to him, he'll laugh and make fun of them before ending the conversation, if they're mean about his intrests, it is much the same
Amir is also, ultimately, afraid. All his deflection and playful demeanor is fear he is trying to stomp out before it consumes him.
Eventually, with enough trust, he begins opening up about his nightmares. About his guilt.
But it isn't the only time we hear about it.
Once again we bring the other Hex, Eleanor who knows what goes on in his head and tries to help him, who Amir trusts enough for mental hugs.
And Quincy. His brother figure, who he tries so hard to be close to and comes short out of Quincy's reluctance to leave Amir so.. weak. Out of his fear of what will become of him when all the pressure and carnage inevitably breaks him.
Quincy who hears him screaming from his nightmares.
Quincy who talks to Amir with Drifter's insistence, understands that Amir is afraid of it himself, learns that being the "tough love" type towards him doesn't work, learns that maybe, just maybe, he kinda likes the guy. But don't tell Amir that
Arthur who, upon Drifter's advice for Amir to tell him about his nightmares of scarring Arthur that day, cries and hugs Amir. Apologizes for letting him bear that weight alone, feels immense guilt that he felt like that in the first place.
Aoi who saw his genuine want to help and his kindness in hearing her out
Lettie who inevitably learns that be tries to do these "pranks" to give life to the dreary, to bring others to laugh
Eleanor who knows what he's afraid of and embraces the way he doesn't fear her like the others do, embraces that he wants to look past the endless dread
And Drifter. Who listens to him. Who heard all his fears and shares their own, who despite being a force of nature, shares those same fears. Who become each other's support.
Who feels dread at hearing why Amir got so interested in Cephalons, who tells him why they hate that idea, why they feel the way they do, the cost of changing yourself.
Drifter who heard about his "silly" projects like F&F nights and the game he's making and helped him. Doing whatever was necessary to get the other Hex, helping him with ideas, even just being there to hear him out
And of course. Let's talk about his Romance.
Amir's romance really gets me, obviosuly, but for various other reasons
When Drifter first get the chance to start flirting with him, he thinks they're joking, maybe mistaking 1999 lingo!
But what I didn't know until reading through all his KIM chats, is that his demeanor kinda changes between being "serious" and "casual"
Firstly, Casual
He's okay with that! Playful! Testing the waters! Just don't treat him like he's just someone to toy with. He doesn't like that.
But he's also still.. nervous. Shy about not being "cool" and "super casual" because this is totally casual right haha..
Still deflecting. Still playful. Because it's nothing more? Right?
But if Drifter is seriously flirting? That nervous factor is much more prominent. Even questioning Drifter's intentions because him? Out of all their choices? He laughs it off, he tries to pretend it's just a joke. Because if it's him, that's all it can be, right?
Amir will often confront Drifter outright, asking if they are serious. If its still too early to get that "Will Date" check, Amir will ask to have some time to think, acknowledges their feelings and keeps them in mind
If he is at the right checks, he'll ask them straight up if they're serious. If they truly like him. Him of all people. Have they seen him? But they have.
He gets.. sad. Almost. Shocked that it could be happening, that someone truly likes him, cares for him. Someone like Drifter!
But now comes my favorite moments of his Romance.
Amir unmasking.
He gets to be himself around Drifter. He gets to just.. be. No silly jokes and playful demeanor. He is just a guy and he's still so scared. But they're there now, and he can just be Amir.
It's first noticeable when he moves into the Backrooms, when he gets to chatting and he kind of loses that high tone of speaking. He gets low, quiet, he isn't so afraid of messing up.
Drifter is where he can.. safe.
He talks about how he feels loved, how he loves them, about how he doesn't think he'll ever deserve it, but by the stars he's so happy. Genuinely Happy.
Speaking of unmasking and Amir's deep struggles with his ADHD and how the serum also affected that
He doesn't feel the need to hide that from Drifter, talks openly about his intrests without the previous way he'd get nervous talking about them, he plans out dates where he gets so excited to show them what he loves
Another notable moment is the Text Adventure chats he has, but specifically how it starts
Yes we all, me included, love to point out that "I already "hung out" with myself. Three times." Line all the time
But I wanna talk about how it is STILL him trying to deal with his ADHD, trying to seek that sweet dopamine hit, anything to stimulate his brain
And he's open about this to Drifter, he tells them how much it hurts. To think about his Task, to try and do that Task, to feel the dread surrounding the Task.
And shrugging it off when does do said Task in five minutes.
With Drifter he doesn't feel the need to hide, he appreciates the way they go along with his games, the way they still check him while checking on him
Okay. That's it.. for now.. I think..
Trust and believe I can go on forever but my brain is blanking, I'll dive further into various Amir Romance things at some other point this post is fucking huge..
