Do You Bite Your Thumb At Me, Sir?

[shakespeare-that-shit]

Bad Shakespeare Adaptations of Posts HQ

I take regular posts and write them like they were a scene in a Shakespearean play! That's it. That's the whole blog :)

Some Rules:

People are free to tag me in posts, but I may not get to all of them

I am NOT doing Iambic Pentameter; I don't have time or energy for that

I am working off of one Shakespeare class, being in one play, and an obsession with Shakespearean plays. This gives me a good basis for accurate Shakespearean language, but I can't promise I will be perfect at it. Please no one smarter than me come after me...

[cryptotheism]

Cartoon bully with a black skull t shirt transitions into a woman. New shirt. Skull over each breast.

[theterribletenno]

So is she still a bully or did she figure out the source of her insecurities and fix it?

[cryptotheism]

She is a bad person who hurts people for fun.

[shakespeare-that-shit]

[CRYPTOTHEISM onstage. ENTER TENNO]

CRYPTOTHEISM: Consider, if you will, a comical bully Once a man, now a woman, clad In a black skull tunic. Skull atop each fair breast.

TENNO: Pray tell, my good Crypto, is she still a bully? Or has her change cured her of her insecurities Which hath caused her to behave so ill-temp'redly?

CRYPTOTHEISM: Nah, she doth be a knave and to hurt Fills her soul with untold joy.

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

this is really resonating with the subjects

[qin-shi-huang-di]

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

I’m an emperor actually @chasingtheskyline

[qin-shi-huang-di]

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

[qin-shi-huang-di]

I AM NOT OWNED! I AM NOT OWNED!!!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN EARN THE LOVE OF MY CITIZENS!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN ADEQUATELY PREPARE MY SUCCESSOR!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN ESTABLISH A STABLE DYNASTY!

[bat-incooking-school]

[shakespeare-that-shit]

[Enter EMPEROR OF HAN and SKYLINE, the servant]

EMPEROR OF HAN: I say, these false maidens who attendeth My every act fill me with a deep dread. And I, a man with many conc'bines, speak thusly!

[Enter QIN SHI and BAT, the servant]

QIN SHI: Thou ungrateful cut-sleeve! I shall court these maidens!

SKYLINE: Marqius, he doth speak truth. Thou art a homosexual As the good Lord Qin Shi surely implies.

EMPEROR OF HAN: Fie! I am your emperor, ungrateful knave!

QIN SHI: The good Marquis doth desire of the very gods That he might have a fraction of mine imperial glory!

EMPEROR OF HAN: Glory? A grand jest! Thou sayest this, But I am one of the noblest emperors in China While thou hast need to put "shut up about the mercury" In thine bio! Speak not to me about glory!

QIN SHI: Fie! Thou knave! I am possessed by no man! I say, I am possessed by no man! I, the glorious emperor, can earn the love of my citizens Adequately prepare my successor Establish a stable dynasty!

BAT: My good Skyline, the emperors are fighting...