I Present; Mimi Imfurst vs Everyone by William Shakespeare
Alexis: Troth, my bar in its entirety had no use for my service since the valiant Mimi hath conquered it. By my troth, I do love the lady, as it was, to my knowledge, no fault of thine. However, I do feel quite betrayed.
Alexis: In my own division, by my own heart, I am truly sorry, but each lady I do see before me, is of fairer face than thou.
Mimi: But pause, but pause, here is…if thy tongue hath a quarrel with thy head which doth possess, in faith, nothing heartier than thoughts of myself, I say do! Let us quarrel in the arena of these secretest of desires which I know you to have many: When a Lord does approach thee, or thee! Or thee! With talk of employment; wouldst thou not be a fool as to refuse him? I swear it, I caught no wind of news that the Lord of the bar had relieved thee of thy employment. And if thou hast a February face for it; do talk with me before such clouds overtake you, lady.
Mimi: Nay, nay, nay! I hath given over mine ear most graciously: Henceforth, you shall lend me thine for the briefest of moments, in which you will feel hellfire upon it.
Alexis: The fool struts, lady. The fool struts.
Mimi: We do live upon this earth, where man, woman and child, gaze daggers upon us like unskilled jesters in the king's court. Or such lowly creatures which serve only to their pleasure, but sour in the mouths of favour.
Tammie: O! O! I am a player.
Mimi: For what reason, are we gentlewomen, seated in this hour, to fleet and jeer at one another? I’ faith, tis’ vile.
Manila: Vile? Tis’ not vile! We ladies talk freely to one another now, as cousins do to cousins.
Chad: Fie! All you, stop thy mouths!
Mimi: Lowly jests and gossip like humour. I did not come to be whipped.
Manila: And what did you think to happen, trow? Thy mind and body are weary of such repetition!
Tammie: O! Advance Teletubbie! Bring us henceforth to a land redder than earth!
Manila: What means the knave?
Manila: Dost the dog speak in earnest?
Mimi: I did not think to… nay.
Tammie: Switch thy attires Mimi!
Switch thy attires, switch them around!
Chad: I did think the lady Mimi to have taken up new lodgings in a whiter heart. However I hath been much deceived. And do look upon the lady I do know as, the former Mimi.
Mimi: I must speak my mind; Tis’ odd to speak of any matter which did not see thy face, nor the walls of any room you may have here.
Raven: Then you must shield thy ear, Mimi. Because we ladies have spoken such.
Raven: Thy! The Lady Mimi Imfurst hath surpassed the spaces reserved for the fifth and the fourth? I did not dare trust my true judgement!
Mimi: Mock not my friends, stale!
Raven: Of the crowd I have seen, thou dost not possess so many to call it such. Meaning, of all fifty good and true ladies that hath set foot in this place, how didst thou surpass them?
Yara: Ay! Because the Lord Rupaul is in the need for a premier fool!
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